delilah07:
I am married, but we lie about everything to people. Including how we met because we have HIV. It really is hard for me to lie and keep it straight. I feel guilty. It’s also like my husband is ashamed of my past. Which in turn I have felt shame, humiliation, and embarrassed. In my past I posed for photos. I wasn’t paid, I did it for fun. So I thought nothing of it. But my husband wants me to have a squeaky clean image. I woke up today wishing to be free of shame, etc … So I am not planning on telling people all this. I just plan to lose weight and think more on what I want. Besides … my daughter is 23. I have so much time to myself. I don’t want to blame my husband for affecting my mental health. I just don’t want to lie or care what others think any more. I am bipolar. I take my medication, but I shouldn’t feel shame on a daily basis. It’s stressful and holds me back.