Potential partner has HIV

[baggerlizard]

Hello. I had protected sex with a female friend yesterday and she was menstruating. At a point I noticed the sex felt very good, but I didn't think the condom broke and i continued till I ejaculated (inside her). I guess I must have been inside her unprotected for about 3 to 4 minutes. After the sex, she told me she was HIV negative, and she last tested in September without any unprotected sexual actvity between. She even told me she will test on Monday just to ease my mind, but I am still so scared. She even wanted to test with me yesterday night, but i didnt hold enough money. I cannot function again..I am in Nigeria with somewhat high HIV rates. Please advise me..it is eating me up. Am I at huge risk? Many people have said that the chances are very low for the insertive partner, but considering that I was inside her unprotected for that long does it really increase my risk? Also what do you guys mean when you say "brief exposure"? I am very worried.

Thanks so much

[Jeff G]

It is in your favor that you were the insertive partner but lower risk does not mean no risk so you must test . You can test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the results . A brief exposure is when you just dip inside or remove your penis as soon as the condom breaks .
Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence .

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

[baggerlizard]

So you mean I didn't have a brief exposure? This scares me more. I called her yesterday night and she asked me not to be worried. I called her again to say hi and she didn't even talk about the incident. Please ease my fears. I hope she isn't lying to me.

Do you advise PEP for this case? Though it is quite tough to get PEP here in Nigeria. Will I come out of this negative?

Thanks

[Jeff G]

PEP is not indicated for the insertive partner but only to considered … so that means it’s your choice about seeking PEP or not .

Please be aware that now that you both have had a risk for HIV, after all she is in the same situation as you and had a risk also … Its now your responsibility to test and the only test that matters is your own and the same goes for her so be careful not to harass her or ask her to test for you because it wont change a thing … you still must test .

Try and find things to do while you are waiting to test so you do not sit and obsess on the situation … There is no need to reply to this message so you can save your last free post to come back and update us when you test negative . I’m wishing you the best .

[baggerlizard]

Hello everyone,

I'm a currently HIV negative male and I met a nice girl who is HIV positive. She has been on treatment for a while now and her latest PCR RNA tests from two weeks ago show undetectable viral load. She also takes her medication regularly.

Right now, we're together and want to be intimate but I can't seem to make the move. I bite my lips a lot and I worry about that being a potential infection route via kissing. She wants to give me a blowjob but I worry that her saliva can pass into my urethra. Honestly, the only thing I feel comfortable doing is wearing a condom and having sex with her because I know that condoms are an effective barrier. I'm scared about other types of intimacy like kissing or receiving oral sex where there's no barrier involved. I kissed her a bit but kept it brief out of fear.

Can you please provide me a risk assessment and help me look at this rationally? I would like to have a nice time with her especially because she's an awesome person.

Thanks a lot.

[Jim Allen]

My first reply will be based on presuming that your new girlfriend is living with untreated HIV. I'll post a 2nd reply later regarding her being on treatment

So receiving a blowjob lacks the conditions required for acquiring HIV; thus, it makes sense that after 40+ years of this pandemic in terms of BJs, there hasn't been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked"), and you will not be the worlds first.

Likewise kissing, hugging, holding hands, fingering, touching and cunnilingus isn't an HIV concern.

As for intercourse HIV can't transmit through an intact latex condom. So unless it obviously breaks during the act of intercourse it's not a concern either

She's a nice girl so worry less about receiving pleasure and instead focus on giving it to her 

[Jim Allen]

I'm on holiday in Berlin so it might be a few hours before you get your 2nd reply regarding what about if she is on treatment

[Jim Allen]

Now you're girlfriend is on treatment so, what you need to know is that once someone living with HIV has suppressed HIV with meds for 6+ months and continues to take their meds, they can't sexually pass on HIV even if condomless intercourse does occur. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Of course there are other things to consider, like pregnancy, other STIs and nobody can guarantee that someone else will continue to take there meds.

[baggerlizard]

Merry Christmas and I appreciate your reply. So here's a breakdown of our sexual encounter this holiday period:

We had a few closed mouth kisses and I felt her saliva on my lips. Note that I bite my lips a lot and often have small cuts. Should I worry and do I need to test in 6 weeks?

Today, she went to pee and dried her hands. Afterwards she gave me a hand job while rubbing the tip of my penis as well. Then we both masturbated separately while watching each other. We didn't exchange body fluids and she didn't put her fluids on me. But after cumming, she covered herself under the sheets while touching them. Now I'm worried that her vaginal fluid on my clothes and on the sheets/pillow can somehow find a way to infect me. I think I'm being unreasonable here and I don't want to feel this way. Can you provide me with a risk assessment. How long will the virus live on the sheets or on my clothes? Do I need to test in 6 weeks? Thanks.

[Jim Allen]

We had a few closed mouth kisses and I felt her saliva on my lips. Note that I bite my lips a lot and often have small cuts. Should I worry and do I need to test in 6 weeks?]

Already explained kissing wasn't an HIV risk and when you asked me the first time it included biting and cut lips as well.

So relax, how HIV does or doesn't transmit hasn't changed over the past few days. In addition I'll add that Saliva doesn't contain viable HIV, in fact, Saliva is hostile towards HIV breaking down the receptors leaving HIV unable to infect.

[Jim Allen]

Today, she went to pee and dried her hands. Afterwards she gave me a hand job while rubbing the tip of my penis as well. Then we both masturbated separately while watching each other. We didn't exchange body fluids and she didn't put her fluids on me. But after cumming, she covered herself under the sheets while touching them. Now I'm worried that her vaginal fluid on my clothes and on the sheets/pillow can somehow find a way to infect me. I think I'm being unreasonable here and I don't want to feel this way. Can you provide me with a risk assessment. How long will the virus live on the sheets or on my clothes? Do I need to test in 6 weeks? Thanks.

HIV is extremely fragile, and sexual fluids are only a concern inside the confines of the human body, like during condomless intercourse. Once exposed outside the body's confines, the receptors needed to infect corrode, leaving it unable to infect.

In addition, the fluids a women produces when excited (wet) is a lubricating fluid and isn't an HIV concern, the fluids that are a concern are found far deeper inside the vaginal track and as mentioned that's only a concern inside the human body like during condomless intercourse.

You can't get HIV from touching the bed sheets, towels, clothes, door handles, cups, surfaces, cutlery etc. See https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=68441.0

[Jim Allen]

Look receiving a blowjob, kissing, hugging, holding hands, fingering, touching and cunnilingus isn't an HIV concern.

Equally sharing forks, spoons, knives, drinking glasses, clothes, bedding, towels and touching surfaces isn't an HIV concern.

If you are concerned that she isn't taking her meds then use a condom for intercourse, that's it. Stop stressing about no risk nonsense because you will end up ruining your chances of what could be a happy relationship.

[baggerlizard]

Thanks a lot. She takes her meds on time and she seems very happy. She's lovely. Thanks for helping me through my irrational fears .

How did you like it in Berlin? You should try Munich next time 

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome.

Berlin has been great and I'm sure to visit Munich at some day.

[baggerlizard]

Hi folks. I have another question as I navigate this aspect of my life. I received PrEP from a doctor and took it for 3 days before my girl visited. I also took it on the day we had sex as well as the day after. During sex she gave me a blowjob and we had sex with a condom. However after sex, as I took off the condom to clean off, I remember the tip of my penis touching my stomach which was wet (quite likely with her vaginal fluid that I got on me during sex).

Given that I was on PrEP before, during and a day after sex, are there any chances of infection from the blowjob or the vaginal fluid that touched the opening of my penis? Can I test around 21 days or will PrEP lead to delays in seroconversion? I'm trying to stay calm and rational about this. Your suggestions would be helpful. Thank you.

[Jim Allen]

You got a blowjob, had intercourse and your penis touched some fluids

Receiving a blowjob lacks the conditions required for acquiring HIV; thus, it makes sense that after 40+ years of this pandemic in terms of BJs, there hasn't been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked"), and you will not be the worlds first.

Equally touching fluids with the tip of your penis on your belly isn't an HIV risk to you. HIV is fragile and the receptors needed to infect corrode once exposed outside of the confines of the body leaving it unable to infect.

As for the intercourse, HIV can't transmit through an intact latex or polyurethane condom. Unless a condom obviously fails during intercourse, there is no reason to be stressing or testing for HIV outside the standard yearly HIV screening.

Given that I was on PrEP before, during and a day after sex, are there any chances of infection from the blowjob or the vaginal fluid that touched the opening of my penis? Can I test around 21 days or will PrEP lead to delays in seroconversion? I'm trying to stay calm and rational about this. Your suggestions would be helpful. Thank you.

What you posted here wasn't an HIV risk to you regardless of taking PrEP or not and I'm not going to pretend you require HIV testing over the posted activities either.

Move on with your life!

[baggerlizard]

Thanks a lot for the reassurance. By the way, are there any tips for dealing with irrational HIV fears? Because with me, I seem to understand and accept the science, yet I'm overcome by these fears regardless.

[Jim Allen]

Dealing with irrational fear is something I would recommend people consider talking to a qualified therapist about.

I do somewhat wonder if you have spoken to your girlfriend about these fears?

[baggerlizard]

Yes we've spoken about it. In all honesty, though, I sometimes feel reluctant about bringing up my fears because I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable spot where she becomes too self-conscious. Perhaps this isn't the best approach?

[Jim Allen]

Well I think it's good you were able to express your concerns with your partner. However, you don't want to overdo it.

I'll share what I think and that's ultimately you need to move past these irrational fears, otherwise, I can't see how the relationship will last.

[baggerlizard]

Thank you so much. I appreciate the support from this forum. Like I said, next time you're in Germany, visit Munich. Marienplatz is awesome in the summer 🌞