woohoo, the bf his test came back fine :-)

[angelofdreams]

 

at last we got the test confirmed and Dean is not poz.
that was a few hard weeks but we got there in the end
you know how it goes i guess, you poz and the partner is clean   
so now we got decided we are getting a test done at least ones every 2 months
this way i feel more secure and know he is safe,  or as much as can be
how do you guys deal with this?

xxxxxxx
angel

[LPinUK]

you know how it goes i guess, you poz and the partner is clean   
xxxxxxx
angel

Clean   

[angelofdreams]

you know what i mean
 

[LPinUK]

You mean HIV Negative ?

Congratulations.

[angelofdreams]

yeah, that thing,

for some reason i keep mixing them up 
xx

[Matty the Damned]

Matty the Damned wants firstly to offer his congratulations to Angel and his partner.

I bitch constantly at WW's who use the term "clean" but it doesn't phase me in the slightest when other poz bodz use it. If a HIVer wants to refer to being HIV negative as being clean that's just fine.

MtD

[angelofdreams]

thanks Matty,

i neve seen a problem with it either, altough i know loads of ppl that seem to take offence to it.
even if it comes from someone poz aswell

[Matty the Damned]

It's just one of those things. If you got it, I say call it whatever you like. Queerplague, bum-flu, God's Holy Judgement, Haiti's Revenge, it's all good.

Of course neggies have to mind their p's and q's.

MtD

[angelofdreams]

lol, never heard of Gods Holy Judgement,
then again, i am not religious at all
and beside my housemate and ppl on here i dont know any HIV poz ppl
x

[bocker3]

at last we got the test confirmed and Dean is not poz.
that was a few hard weeks but we got there in the end
you know how it goes i guess, you poz and the partner is clean   
so now we got decided we are getting a test done at least ones every 2 months
this way i feel more secure and know he is safe,  or as much as can be
how do you guys deal with this?

xxxxxxx
angel

Hi Angel,

Congratulations on your good news, I know exactly how you are feeling.

The happiest moment that I've had since testing positive was hearing that Sid, my partner of 17 yrs,  tested negative.  I took him to be tested about 6 hours after I got my result.  When he tested negative again 4 months later I was even more relieved.  Our plans are for him to get tested once a year.  Of course, I am still relatively new to dealing with this (just over 2 yrs), and sex is no where near what I would call plentiful.  We're working on it -- it's not him, it's me -- I'm scared to death.  My rational, intelligent side knows what the deal is and how to keep him safe, but the irrational (and probably still a bit guilt-ridden) side of me takes over at times.
Ah well -- it's a journey, I guess.

Again -- I am happy to hear good news.  Also, as MtD says -- you needn't apologize for using the term "clean" -- the connotation is entirely different from a poz -- just like I have no problem hearing a fag call a fag, a fag!   

Hugs,
Mike

[md]

Also, as MtD says -- you needn't apologize for using the term "clean" -- the connotation is entirely different from a poz -- just like I have no problem hearing a fag call a fag, a fag!   

Well, you may not have a problem with it, but if you insist on using the term then I'll be damned if I will put up with you telling me that I can't use it just because I happen to be HIV- but that it's OK for you because you are poz.

The reason why I don't use the term is because I find it offensive, and while you may be willing to give people a pass just because they are poz, I am not.

md

(who happens to be gay but doesn't go around calling people "fag" either)

[Matty the Damned]

Well, you may not have a problem with it, but if you insist on using the term then I'll be damned if I will put up with you telling me that I can't use it just because I happen to be HIV- but that it's OK for you because you are poz.

The reason why I don't use the term is because I find it offensive, and while you may be willing to give people a pass just because they are poz, I am not.

md

(who happens to be gay but doesn't go around calling people "fag" either)

Well md if the cut and thrust of the Living With forum is too rich for your blood, you're always welcome to party on down in the Someone I Care About forum.

MtD
(Who happens to be gay and is proud of being a dirty fag)

[md]

Well md if the cut and thrust of the Living With forum is too rich for your blood, you're always welcome to party on down in the Someone I Care About forum.

MtD
(Who happens to be gay and is proud of being a dirty fag)

Not all - I am perfectly happy here thanks 

md

(who has said his piece and doesn't intend to hijack this thread)

[Matty the Damned]

Not all - I am perfectly happy here thanks

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Peace bitches!

MtD

[BT65]

Glad to hear about your bf's results.  I also don't mind someone who is poz calling someone else "clean."  What comes to mind is the lepors of Bible times calling themselves "unclean."  Hopefully it would never come to that now, but if it does, I'm sure I'll have lots of up-scale company.

[angelofdreams]

Hi Bettytace

yeah, am very happy about Dean his result, but we have been very carefull.
to reply to bocker3 his msg, i am not sure if i would be comfortable with Dean only getting checked once a year while i go 4 times myself

just to add something to the post i have put a poll in it.
it seems we are all rather devided about what is offensive and what isnt
as i personaly dont think the word "clean" is offensive i do understand other ppl's feelings regarding this
however i think it sounds less hard then hiv poz

xxx

[Cliff]

Glad his tests results were negative.  Testing every 2 months seems very frequent (under the assumption of you guys practicing safer sex), but if that's what makes you guys comfortable, then that's what's work for you two.

[angelofdreams]

yeah, maybe, but i prefer to know he is and stays HIV negative.
maybe it is a bit over the top every 2 months but in the UK the tests are free so i might aswell.
why do i have the feeling that in the US it ismuc harder to be HIV poz, financially aswell as medical, or am i wrong in that?

xx
angel

[Cliff]

Well, it's different and yes it can be harder in US but it also can be better than the UK, depends on various factors and it's much too difficult to just generalise (I'm in the UK btw, but am American).   

But I think HIV tests are generally free in the US as well, (at least I don't ever remember paying for a STD test).  Why do you ask? 

[angelofdreams]

when i read some of the posts on the forum i fels like being hiv poz in the US is very hard
it might just be my imagination
 

[Cliff]

oh sorry, I was more referring to the free hiv test bit (re: why you ask).

[bocker3]

to reply to bocker3 his msg, i am not sure if i would be comfortable with Dean only getting checked once a year while i go 4 times myself

Hi Angel,

I had originally thought about asking Sid to be tested more frequently, but then I realized -- what does this do?  We do practice safer sex -- we don't use condoms for oral (no cumming though), but anal is ALWAYS wrapped.  All testing does is let us know if he got infected, it isn't going to prevent anything.  So.... we decided that when he goes for his annual physical (he's over 50, so his insurance pays for annual physicals now) we'd just have his doc add the test to the rest of his blood work.  I go 4 times a year, not for an hiv test, but for tests to see how my meds are working.  That is what I see as the difference.  Bottomline, we are doing everything we reasonably can to keep him negative and I have no reason to believe that we won't be successful.
However -- if you both feel better with more frequent testing, then that is what you should do -- I'm just giving you my thought process for us.

Hugs,
Mike

[angelofdreams]

Hi Mike,

thanks for the msg,
i am sure in the future we will let it slip to less frequent for him,
at the moment we are both happy with test done monthly,
we do however have safe sex at all times,
its not something i want to happen to him because of me being a bit drunk or not paying attention

xxxx

[xyahka]

Hi, i just wanted to say i also don't like the expression "clean". I used to use it when i was newly diagnosed but i think it had to do more with my own perception of the illness or the fact of being infected with something i didn't really know, nor understood. It had to do with the concept that if you have a STD you are a sinner... you know... old mindsets in latin america and the influence of catholic church.

I try, nowadays not to use it cause despite it might not be offensive from someone who is poz, I think the expression gives a bad concept (unconscious) of what a poz person is. If i say to someone neg "you are clean" he might not said anything but internally think "If i am clean you are not/ If i am clean you are dirty". To me that creates more stigma, and does not really help to build understanding in others.

Off course, this is just my point of view. Others can call themselves the way they like but i prefer none use that expression with me.

Juan Carlos

[Matty the Damned]

Angel,

Sweetie, you're a pozzie and you can and should use those terms and words which make being HIV positive easier for you and your boy.

The whole idea behind taking nasty sounding words about being poz or gay or whatever and using them ourselves in everyday language is called 'positive reclamation'.

It a neat concept. It's why gays can call themselves "fags", HIV positive people can call themselves "dirty" and so on.

I wouldn't fuss too much about what Juan Carlos thinks (nobody else does), he's only newly diagnosed himself.

Best regards,

MtD

[xyahka]

Hi Matty, thanks for explaining what i meant to say. Like i said my words are only on my behalf, and i think they are for sure influenced by latin culture and catholic church's dogma. It is quite difficult to separate this from our life here in Latin America.

Still, like you mentioned it is useful to be able to call ourselves (but perhaps not others) the way we want if that helps us to deal with the hiv diagnosis, thats a very good point i hadn't though. Food for though.

Cheers,

Juan Carlos

[Carolann]

Wonderful news!  My heart goes out to you!