Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 28, 2024, 04:49:34 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 37612
  • Latest: testABC
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772944
  • Total Topics: 66310
  • Online Today: 358
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 334
Total: 336

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?  (Read 1719 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Albert1285

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« on: December 05, 2018, 11:52:42 am »
I (27) met a guy (35) and we already had some dates. He's an amazing guy and definitely my type of guy, he also says that I'm "sooo" his type. I think we both like andn possibly falling for each other, but I'm very scared and gives me anxiety the fact of disclosing this. We haven't had sex yet, but based on my analysis I've been undetectable (untrasmittable) for 6 months and very healthy and fit.

Some people who I have asked them that are very involved in HIV prevention, outreach and groups talks told me that "Maaaaybe" since he's 35, he probably knows about it since he has dated/hooked up and stuff,so kinda this gives me hope.

Are people nowadays 2018/2019 more educated than before? How bad has rejection been during these last years?

I'm very scared of being rejected or that he might lose interest if I tell him. I'm really falling so hard for him. Should I tests the waters first by asking him what are his thoughts on HIV?  I was told that whenever I do this things, NEVER act dramatic. I need advice!
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 11:57:24 am by Albert1285 »

Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 22,262
  • Threads: @jim16309
    • Social Media: Threads
Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2018, 01:23:33 pm »
Welcome to the forum, glad to hear you have met someone you like.

Is this the first time you are going to tell someone you are seeing your HIV status?

Start at the beginning and work towards the taking meds and being undetectable part and what that means. Most people will have no idea.

Plenty of threads on the topic that might help you.
Examples:

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=70676.msg

https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=69238.msg



Dating and disclosure.

Plenty of threads on this to draw from, example:
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=69238.msg

Personally I just tell people up front, than its not an issue down the line and if they say "No thank you" its fine. Living with someone who has a manageable condition is not everyone's cup of tea and I would rather filter such people out early on.

That said I don't just blurt out " I have HIV" and expect hugs, no I calmly explain I'm living with a manageable condition that does not impact my life, but I do need to take a pill a day

I then go from there amd answer questions

Jim


Quote
Are people nowadays 2018/2019 more educated than before? How bad has rejection been during these last years?

Not really ... Not sure why it would either? Sure some people interested in the topic (might) be correctly  educated.

As for rejection its always a risk when trying to date someone and people get turned down for many reasons, as for HIV well some people don't or can't handle a partner with manable conditions. Best find out sooner or later is my motto.

Quote
Should I tests the waters first by asking him what are his thoughts on HIV?

You could try the old, "did you see the news about HIV this week?" Routine. That said a good or bad reaction is not watertight proof of anything

Jim
« Last Edit: December 05, 2018, 05:12:04 pm by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

My Instagram
Threads

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,524
Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2018, 09:43:13 pm »
I've had plenty of knockbacks but also several acceptances of my HIV positive status.

We can't be responsible nor even anticipate exactly how people will react, but ultimately if we want a relationship we need to be open and honest.

it can be really tough, it can be really rewarding.

Offline Mightysure

  • Member
  • Posts: 449
Re: How can I tell a potential partner that I'm undetectable?
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2018, 02:05:29 pm »
Its tough. There definitely is more acceptance as the data on transmission and UD gets out, but there is still some stifling fear.

I know a guy who likes having raw sex, is on PrEP and still will not knowingly have sex with someone who is poz because he was in his 20s in the 80s and had a roommate who he saw decline with AIDS, so much so that he didn't lose his virginity until he was 30.

Without knowing more, I'd say there's a good chance he'll understand.

Try asking hypothetically or tell him a story about someone who told a date and the date accepted or rejected and ask what he'd do.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.