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Author Topic: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..  (Read 3937 times)

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Offline Jackmydin

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  • Posts: 91
Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« on: September 12, 2018, 06:49:52 am »
Lately I've met someone. Well we have been dating for 4 months now, and she wants thing to get more serious, like future planning etc. I'm all down with her and eager to have her in my life too. However I couldn't be truthful to her, as I have yet to disclose my status to her. It frightens me more thinking she would freak out and reject me. But I know it's complete normal especially the stigma is so real nowadays, people just even fear of the word Hiv itself.

I'm just curious how the rest of you choose to be honest with your partner. And what approach do you take. Especially telling people I'm not infectious since I'm already undetected vl..

Seeing her everyday but not being able to tell her who I really am puts me on guilt trip..
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 06:52:37 am by Jackmydin »
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2018, 07:29:46 am »
Dating and disclosure.

Plenty of threads on this to draw from, example:
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=69238.msg742187#msg742187

Personally I just tell people up front, than its not an issue down the line and if they say "No thank you" its fine. Living with someone who has a manageable condition is not everyone's cup of tea and I would rather filter such people out early on.

That said I don't just blurt out " I have HIV" and expect hugs, no I calmly explain I'm living with a manageable condition that does not impact my life, but I do need to take a pill a day

I then go from there amd answer questions

Jim



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Offline TabooPrincess

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  • Posts: 314
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2018, 02:42:38 pm »
I reckon would take this better than men!!
To be honest tho I’ve told a couple of guys (I’m female) and they were not in the slightest concerned although they were not relationship material.
Just tell her, if she’s got a problem with it then she’s not the one!!
Logged
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,524
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2018, 12:04:53 am »
I think TabooPrincess is bang on the money.  Telling someone about your HIV can lead us to a situation we do the sorting.

At the moment you are imagining what wort of person your potential partner is without a big chunk of data. So at the moment you are running through lots of 'what if's' with no possibility of resolving them by thought experiment.


The only resolution to your questions is by disclosing.

Sometimes we get the answer we want, sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we get an answer several days later.

Good luck

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Offline Jackmydin

  • Member
  • Posts: 91
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2018, 01:42:01 am »
Yea I knew the only way to solve this is by disclosing and filter whoever is comfortable with my status. Just couldn't resist to let it out here and listen what others got to say about my situation.

Thanks guys, honesty is important. And I'm just gonna face it no matter how well they respond to it.

Cheers.

*next month blood work so hopefully I'm still undetectable, and improving cd4 😂
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Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 314
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2018, 03:35:24 pm »
It’s a horribly hard thing to have to do!!!
I can honestly say I’ve never disclosed to anyone sober either. I don’t advocate that, it absolutely needs to be sober in your situation - I think you’ll be surprised by how well it goes!!
Logged
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline Jackmydin

  • Member
  • Posts: 91
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2018, 07:30:32 am »
Thanks taboo princess. Yea i do agree it's the hardest thing to do for me now. I just met her parents and I have yet to disclose my status to her. Oh boy what have I got myself into :(

I'm still prepping myself, so I can explain myself in the best possible way to her.
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Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,524
Re: Fail to pick up the courage to tell her..
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2018, 07:16:55 pm »
Already met the in laws… oh my you're not messing about.

Good luck with it all.
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