POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: zozo on September 30, 2006, 12:58:05 pm
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Hi guys
Let me begin by thanking all of you for the positive contribution you making to us. I'm zozo and the child o the unirvse. I was diagnosed in February. Everthing started as fever, I went to see a doctor and given medicine. It dissappeared and keep coming. By then It was difficult to breath, went to the doctor and I was told that I have PCP and stay in hospital for few weeks . It didnt occurer to me that PCP is the neighbour of HIV. My condition was improving a little bit. Then the doctor suggeted that maybe I should get tested. Then I didnt want to because I want working in a foreign country and the languge barrier was a problem. Eventually I agreed. Three days after the docyor told me that I will get my result the ff day. But she hardly look at me at the face. Her eyes were running away from mine. I begin to suspect. I asked her to tell me my result. She refused and eventually said " You have tested positive " I almost died thinking about my daughter. I stayed inthe hospital for three months. Decided to go home and quit the job. I started the treament which is stavudine, 3TC and stocrin. Lucky enough I didnt develop any side effect. I was on my feet again. I found it hard to cope with this diagnosis. I opened up to 2 members of my family. To my suprised I noticed a kind of discrimination and always treated bad. I decided to leave the country again. My doctor prescribed a 6 months suppply. But the pharmacist would not give me even a two months supply, saying blar blar! . I left. Now where I am right now once you are a foregner and the carrier of the virus you are deported. I dont have a treatment, at the same time I cant go to local doctors fearing that I will be deported. I dont want to go home either because there are no job opportunities. I'm a single parent I have to look after my girl. What have I done to deserve this?. I decided not to tell my boyfriend who is negative. It means I got infected when I was still at the university. I love him but I can't tell him because he is a blar blar. The whole town will know. But I decided to pull off. I have no social life, no place to stay back home . My daughter is what I'm living for. Now I'm worried about the diagnoses of my brother again who played a role of my father . Paying for my fees at varsity taking care of me ect. He is my brother ,father, friend. His condition is worse . He's been in hospital since January until now. He's mentally disturbed ( if I'm using the correct word), doctors say he wont be able to walk again. Would it have been better to have already died that to face all this crap. Guys please help. I need your help to go on. I have reached the point zero.
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I think you will find we have all been at "POINT ZERO". One thing about being "there" is that the only way from zero is UP... Welcome to AM Zozo.. You will find your way.. Keep close and lets see what happens...
Love
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Sorry to hear you tested poz. What is your CD4 level? What is your CD4 percentage? What is your viralload. All that will help us to help you. HIV is no longer the surefire 'death sentence' that it was in the ealy 80's. W'ere here for you
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Thanks guys for your time. I started the treatment end of June my cd4 count was 14 and the viral load at 13000. By the end of August my cd4 is at 101 and the viral load at 110. But I'm not sure if there is accuracy in this.
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Hi zozo
What country are you in ... this is a global family.. maybe someone here knows where you can turn...
Please try and take 1 day at a time... you have been through so much.. it takes time to find your way!!
in support..
lisbeth
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Hi ZoZo,
I extend a warm welcome to you. I am glad you found us. I do agree with what everyone is saying. It is shocking when you first find out and it is scary. I can tell you that I have been living HIV + for 12 years now. I do not know what death is like but I do try and enjoy my Life. I am sure your daughter would say this is better than death. She needs her mom. Try to keep your head held high. And like someone has already said this is a global forum so if we know where you are maybe someone can help you with some info for where ever you are. Best wishes and hope to hear more from you. Great Big Hug. Rachel
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We have been on those feelings as well. And WE ARE DAMN ALIVE!!!!
This place will give you many like this, will be the place where you will feel warm, and where you will see that there are many others like you. But guess what? Every fag always wanna be the first... And I am not an exception
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG FOR YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Alex
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Zozo,
Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. While I can't advise you on how to deal with where ever you are... I hope that you do find a comfortable place to be so you can care for your child and yourself.
I see you have a lot of love for your child, and that's a good sign. But in order to take care of her, you need to take care of you first. It's like when you go on an airplane, and the stewardess demonstrates the oxygen masks should they happen to drop out. They tell you to put the mask on you first, THEN put it on your child.
So, put your oxygen mask on, love. Take care of you.
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Izpoz
I can't agree with u more than this. Thanks life can be hell at times.
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I disagree, death is not better than this. You have a lot to live for (especially your daughter) and things will get better, just take it one day at a time.
Welcome and best wishes to you,
Lost
(Also in a foreign country trying to avoid deportation)
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Thanks lostboy and everyone who gave me moral support, since started posting. That's what friends are for in this forum. Hope one day I will walk with my head held high.
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ZOZO,
Welcome to the Forums and I hope we can help you come to some peace.
First off, please tell us what country you are in, as there are many people who frequent this forum and one never knows what help someone might be able to give you, or at least point you in a direction of care.
Some have responded that they understand what you are dealing with, but I fear that many here who are either in the United States, or Europe, have no idea what it is like to be HIV+ in a country that would have you dead, rather than to help you at all. If you would open up just a bit, maybe we can shed some light on what you might be able to do to help you and your daughter.
Please don't give up hope, for that is sometimes all we can do is to hope.
In Love, and Support.
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Hold your head up high hon. We all know how difficult being HIV+ is. I do Tarot Card readings and am psychic (though I can't tune in to what's going on in my life or those real close to me).
There is one card in Tarot, the Wheel Of Fortune, rough interpretation: When you feel like you have hit bottom, the only way to go is UP!! My partner and I have both been poz for 18 yrs that we know of. There are always going to be ups and downs. Remember before you found out you were HIV+? There were always ups and downs before, just because you are HIV+ doesn't make it any different. Just a little crazier.
Hang in there hon, you've found a great group of people here to try to help you when you need advice.
How old is your daughter? Was she born before you were at University? Or after? If you and your boyfriend have had unsafe sex, no condoms, he should be told regardless so that he can get tested. If he tests positive also, he needs to know so he doesn't spread it to others.
We all know it's a tough decision to make. See if there is a local ASO where you live or if the health department can notify him that someone in his past tested HIV+ and that he needs to get tested. Sometimes that can keep your identity private and still get him to find out.
Hang in there, Hold your head up High!! You are a SURVIVOR!! You are LOVED!! You are NEEDED!! You are WANTED!!! We LOVE you, NEED you and WANT you here with us. :)
Rev. Michael
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Hi guys
Thanks once more for your unending support. My girl was born long before I was at the varsity. I'm pretty sure she doesnt enter the picture. I'm in one of the republics of China ( taiwan )at the moment . I'm scared. I have tried to send some post but they went somewhere else. Thing I dont have excess to the net all the time, that is why it took so long to respond. Guys you are my last hope. I thought for some reason that the disease in question is a global problem, i didnt know that where I am now its like you have commited a capital crime if you have it, therefore you need to be deported?.
Amen
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I have a 3 a half year old and when I get down, I remind myself that he needs me to be there for him. If you focus on taking care of yourself and your child, maybe it will make things easier for you. I guarantee that if it wasn't for my son, I would have given up at the beginning. I really hope things get better for you and you family. Cristy
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Yes, Iggy and cjc you are right but you know what?. If it wasnt because of this poor soul, I would have just let the virus do its job. I dont knw where I'm going right now.I live in fear all the time,I always question life as to why this is happenning. I have never taste the taste of happiness in my life. I knew, I will never escape the virus. How close are we to the cure?. Sorry to ask all these questions. This is something worse ever happenned to me. I rest.
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http://www.lofaa.org.tw/ (http://www.lofaa.org.tw/)
http://www.utopia-asia.com/aids.htm#taiw (http://www.utopia-asia.com/aids.htm#taiw)
ZOZO,
Please try these links as a start for your search.
There is help, but you will have to make the connection from your side of the pond.
Please don't dispair, there are people in Taiwan who want to help, and can make sure you are taken care of. You are not alone there!!!!
In Love and Support.
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Thanks Moffie65 and Iggy for these links. The thing I can't get hold of them now, the offices are closed until wednesday. At least they are pointing towards the right direction. But now my big worry is that, as an employee in taiwan, I need to get tested for all kinds of sicknesses including Hiv in order to get Alien Registration certificate. They are going to find out about my health status and this mean that I'm going to lose the job as I will be deported. I don't know what do deal with that. Any ideas?. Thanks
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Hello Zozo, Hang in there, believe me. It could be worse. I know from experience. this is a great place you have found here.