OK, did I say brief?

[aztecan]

I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA, when Eisenhower was president. I was raised Catholic and Nazarene - at the same time. If that's not enough to traumatize a child, I don't know what is.
I twice attended the University of New Mexico. The first go-round, I was majoring in anthropology with an emphasis on old world archaeology. I loved it, still do. It was during this time I met the late Dr. Frank Hibben, a somewhat famous - and in some circles infamous - archaeologist who could take the most drab subject and make it fascinating.
I worked on three digs with him and was the field excavation supervisor at a place called Comanche Springs which had been inhabited since paleolithic times.
Thanks to Dr. Hibben, I met some interesting people. During one dinner gathering, I met Georgia O'Keefe. She was a bizarre, amazingly tiny woman.
After losing a job, I found myself without funds to continue at the university, so I decided to take a few years off and explore life. I probably could have toughed it out, but, I really wanted to spread my gay wings and soar. I had been going out to the bars in Albuquerque for years, but I wanted more.
I visited San Francisco, fell in love with it and, upon return, packed my car and headed for those Golden Gates.
I never made it.
I stopped in L.A., for what I thought would be a short visit with friends. I  lived there five incredible years.
Well, I should qualify that. The first couple of years were outrageous. Here I was, a young, gay man in a city filled with young gay men. This was all B.A. (before AIDS).  Between the rampant and, more often than not, anonymous sex in various and sundry locations, coupled with the numerous chemical substances in which I indulged,  it is truly a wonder I managed to come away as unscathed as I did.
I went to many great parties in the Hollywood Hills, met many closeted actors, but never really took a shine to any of them.
During this time, I worked at several jobs, including as a fish cutter (fish monger with knives ) at a rather upscale market in Beverly Hills. It offered the opportunity to meet some of the Hollywood folk such as Liberace, Rock Hudson, Cher, Vincent Price (one of my favorites) and Lauren Bacall (Wow! is the only tern that describes that lady).
I was still a practicing Catholic back then and a member of Dignity. Our mass was said at the Aquinas Newman Center at the Los Angeles Community College. One year, we received a commendation from the pope for the work Dignity was doing. The next year, we were kicked out and told no priest would be allowed to say mass for us anywhere, or at any time, because we were gay. My faith prior to this was not too solid, so this was the last straw.
Not long after that, I discovered some Wiccan folk in the area. That changed my life. I have been a practicing Wiccan/Pagan/Radical Faerie for more than 20 years now.
Sometime during 1983, people began talking about a disease that was knocking off folks - quickly. Seems guys would just get sick and die in a matter of days or a week or two. Some just disappeared altogether. (For those who haven't, read Joe's blog. It describes very well how things were.)
Before long, I was part of buddy groups. I delivered food, took turns caring for people. I had to do something. They were part of my community, one the rest of society didn't even acknowledge most of the time.
I remember back in either late 1982 or early 1983 having a conversation about how it was spread. The most popular theory was that poppers (amyl nitrite) caused it. Then, of course, there was the theory that people who were dying had to have some sort of other catalyst to cause it to be dangerous, such as syphilis.
We knew nothing back then.
On Aug. 17, 1983, at about 11:35 p.m., I was gay bashed on Sunset Boulevard, about a block west of Silverlake Boulevard, where my apartment was at the time. Several stays in the hospital, three surgeries and a year later, I was living in Santa Monica, six blocks from the beach and I was again ready to go back to work and rejoin the living. ( I was rather badly injured, but the docs were able to put the eye back into its socket, reconnect the broken bones and the knife used to stab me mostly missed the vital organs.)
One side note: While being in a wheel chair for a while was unhandy, it did have certain benefits. How many people realize that, when in a wheel chair, your field of vision is automatically at crotch level?!? Our journeys along the boardwalk at Venice Beach were always a highlight of any day.
But, by that time, AIDS had taken its toll. The bars seemed much quieter. The baths were closing or had already closed. People were scared.
I tested positive in July 1985. I think the docs who treated me in 1983 had discovered I was positive while I was in the hospital the first time, because their demeanor suddenly changed. People were wearing masks, gowns, etc., just to come into my room. But, I digress.
The doctor at the clinic in 1985 was very businesslike. "You have HIV. You probably have a year or two left. I would start getting my affairs in order."  He said this in a monotone, without emotion, without looking at me, just staring at the chart, my chart, in his hands. Then, he left the room. That was post-results counseling back then.
I lasted in Los Angeles until 1985, then packed it in and moved back to New Mexico. I decided to finish what I had started and went back to the university. I earned a degree in journalism with a minor in anthropology and had my first job as a reporter 30 days after graduating. I worked as a reporter, then as an editor, then as an editor/columnist, for the next 18 years.
After getting the boot from my employer, I decided to stay in Aztec. I have a home, didn't want to move and, frankly, was both tired of and burned out by the news business.
So, now I am a case manager for an ASO here. I find it frustrating, rewarding, challenging, all the things that make a job worthwhile.
After testing positive in 1985, my first reaction was to get drunk - and stay that way. I did that for quite a while. How I managed that and still obtained a degree still mystifies me.
I had never seen a doctor regarding my HIV. One day, during a rather drunken conversation with a good friend of mine who was talking about his positive status, I blurted out that I was positive.
He just stared at me, then asked what I was doing about it.
I said, "Nothing."
He said, "But you need to, they can help you."
That was news to me. I had stayed purposely HIV ignorant. Why bother, I was dying and I didn't want to focus on that.
It was 1992. My friend talked me into seeing a doctor. This began my quarterly 400-mile round-trip journeys to Albuquerque for TC4 tests. There were no doctors treating. or qualified to treat, HIV anywhere near my home back then.
My TC4s yo-yoed between 500 and 950 for the next three years. In July 1995, my first viral load came back at a little more than 10,000. Not bad for having lived at least 10 years with the bug.
My first doc thought I was infected in the late spring, early summer of 1980. She based this on a rather nasty bout of viral meningitis I suffered at that time.
In January 1996, my viral load started climbing and my CD4s (formerly TC4s) were dropping like Republicans in November. A new class of drugs had just been introduced. They were called protease inhibitors. After a one-month "think about it" period, I started my first regimen in March 1996: AZT, 3TC (Epivir) and Saquinavir.
 I was miserable. Saquinavir  turned me into a likeness of the Hindenburg - a big bag of gas ready to explode without warning. Then came those "hershey moments" when there was no trying to stop the inevitable.
I could handle the nausea, the cramping, the daily-but-controllable bouts of diarrhea and the fatigue, but I couldn't handle having no control of my bowels.
I told my doc I couldn't do it.
She switched me to Crixivan in June 1996, leaving me on AZT and 3TC. I'm still not sure how she arranged it, because there was a waiting list for Crixivan. Not enough was being produced to meet demand as yet.
My viral load was undetectable in July 1996. It has remained undetectable since that time. My CD4s range between 950ish to about 1,430. I am still on the same regimen. By the way, the nausea, cramping, etc., passed (pardon the expression) within about six weeks. Diarrhea still rears its ugly head from time to time, but that's life.
So, what about now?
I earned my master gardener certificate a few years back, I have become a somewhat accomplished historic home renovator, I love the desert and specialize in growing native, xeric plants. l also am working to help cultivate some endangered plant species native to the Land of Enchantment, where I live and where I love driving my Miata, except when it snows.
I miss the ocean. I still miss the hundreds of people I knew whose journey with HIV was not as fortunate as my own.
About five years ago, I was diagnosed as a Celiac - someone who cannot tolerate gluten. So, my diet now excludes all wheat, oats, rye or barley. It makes life interesting and has caused me to be an experimental cook, trying new and different foods while trying not to poison myself.
It also means no beer.
But the wonderful world of wine is still there, as is any distilled liquor. Distilling removes the gluten. But I don't drink much any more.
After nearly 50 years, I am finally comfortable in my own skin.
Sorry for the tome, What can I say, I was a writer.

HUGS,

Mark

[Queen Tokelove]

Mark,

I knew you were an interesting person. It made for a good read but I love reading your posts. After that brutal bashing you received, you are very blessed indeed. You have great counts by the way, I hope I do as well when I start meds.

[Poz Brit]

Thank you for the read, Mark, I always enjoy your posts, as you were one off the first, to very warmly welcome me to these boards, when I arrived last year shaken and confused with my positive diagnosis. Now thanks to you and others here, I am able to live with my HIV, but don’t think I could with out beer.

John(UK)

[Eldon]

Hey Mark!

I must say that you have walked on one heck of a road during your journey in this life. You DO have a very interesting background to say the least. I am thankful to know more about you and to also have you within our midst. It is empowering to know a person just as yourself.


Happy Holidays!

[poet]

No, you said that you would be in your briefs as you typed it.  I confirmed this.   Thanks Mark for putting it out there.  In encouragement to others, I was able to not only understand you better, but to see where we, as will be true with others, interconnect.  My first book was published by the Radical Faeries in North Carolina who still put out RFD.  In fact there I was, appearing in print, writing about New York life in a country journal.  Second, you reminded me that my first combo. was AZT, 3TC and Crixivan.  I became very alergic to the last and moved onto my second combo.  Third, my late best friend was bashed by a pick-up, the force knocking his eye out.  Even typing it makes me sick to my stomach and reading your post gave me the same reaction.  Best, Win

[allopathicholistic]

The most popular theory was that poppers (amyl nitrite) caused it. Then, of course, there was the theory that people who were dying had to have some sort of other catalyst to cause it to be dangerous, such as syphilis.
We knew nothing back then.

THANK YOU!! A dose of Vitamin M (for Mark) is something I seek out every day. I rush to click when I see aztecan and this has been the case for a long time. Now you know Mark LOL ... If I should ever have the fortune of dining with you and your alternative food, I think I would be on Cloud 9!!

Sending love from the east coast,
Alex

P.S. on your above quote: Thank you for that tidbit - I was not aware those ideas dated back to the early 80s. 

[Iggy]

.

[penguin]

amazing life story, mark - thank you, thank you for sharing it with us   

kate

[ademas]

That was a wonderful read, Mark.
Thank you for sharing.
Craig

[ACinKC]

Mark that was amazing!!!!  I thought I may help you out a bit with your Beer Problem....

http://www.mrgoodbeer.com/gf/

Check it out man.  And start livin the dream!

[aztecan]

Hey AC,
My dad used to brew his own beer. I still have the equipment, or at least some of it.

Thanks for the site! I think I may try my hand at home brewing! They also have some to mail-order and its not too expensive.

Happy days and brewer's ways!

HUGS,

Mark

[allanq]

Mark,
I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for telling us more about yourself. I've always admired your thoughtful and kind contributions to this forum.

Best wishes,
Allan

[MSPspud]

Hey Mark - 

Thank you for the briefing.  With Stuart and my mother being a Celiac I am all too aware of your issues.  I recently got an official anti-body test and don't have it.  There is a new beer that you can try, called New Grist which is gluten free.  I hate it though...  it tastes like Sam Adams.  I prefer the ciders, in particular Strongbow since Stuart can't have a Miller Lite with me. 

Again, thanks for the background!

[sweetasmeli]

I knew it would make for a fascinating read, I just knew it!
I've been intrigued by you, Mark, ever since I knew you lived in New Mexico!

What a mixture of interesting studies and jobs you have done.
And what A LOT of life experiences!

Thanks for sharing!

Melia

[Longislander]

Thanks Mark! Great read, I was kinda hoping it wasn't going to end! And thanks for being here! 

[cph9680]

Mark,

What an interesting life you've led.  That was quite an enjoyable read, I'd always figured someone with your insight must've done some rather fascinating things!

Corey

[Teresa]

Mark,

Very interesting read! I am a big fan of Lauren Bacalls and I bet she is a very interesting lady! Thanks for telling us about you.

Hugs
Teresa

[J.R.E.]

Hello Mark,

Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us. I enjoyed reading your post, and you brought back some memories for me also. I am only going to be brief, but one statement you made really says it  it, and that is ;

After nearly 50 years, I am finally comfortable in my own skin.



Thanks Mark for sharing------Ray

[Rightbrain]

Mark,  What an interesting journey. You certainly have been around a block or two.  Thank you for sharing.  I'm so sorry for your rejection from the church.  I'm glad that you're comfortable in your own skin now.  That's no easy feat.

brother joe

[Jeffreyj]

Mark,
Thanks for that most enjoyable read! It's funny, I was just 30 miles south from you (Laguna -Orange County) when I was diagnosed in 1984. I also remember talk about poopers as being the cause!
You are an amazing person. I admire your courage for coming back after you have been knocked down.

[joemutt]

Mark, thank you, a very beautiful path you walk on.

[livingpositively]

YOU KNOW CHER?!?!?!

[livingpositively]

hehe...ok, kidding aside - Mark, I knew some of your story (roomies in Montreal), but WOW.  I was riveted.

Hugs to ya my friend

Shane

[Oceanbeach]

Hi Mark,

You are a very interesting and incredible man.  One of the benefits I have discovered about Wicca is that if you run out of Basil in the kitchen, there is always more in the majik box.  It also tends to scare the neighbors.  Have the best day
Michael

[Life]

Mark... Thank you for taking the time to fill in the missing peices.    I very much enjoyed your writers post of a "part"  of your life up to now...  Kept thinking as you moved through the years where I was in relation to you.   You were doing all the things I drempt of doing and seeing....   I do not think I personally would have escaped as you did with that lifestyle which I also lead not as many years ago, but years ago all the same...   You have so much to offer and you do so freely...   

Happy Holidays Mark