POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: nuttygal on August 06, 2006, 03:04:36 am
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Hey All,
My last month has been a full of worry, and I'm not sure whether I have good reason or not. I'll try to keep it brief--
I am a hetero female. My boyfriend and I broke up for a time, during which time he slept with a man he met in a bar, his first time w/ a man. He was the insertive partner and the condom broke. He realized and changed condoms before finishing. After this, he and I got back together and had sex one more time. It was protected and the condom did not show signs of breaking or slipping. Afterwards, he told me about his risky encounter. I ended our relationship then and there because I feel he has a lot to figure out about his sexuality. I told him I would love to stay friends but I'd like to keep it platonic. I was immediately worried about HIV (I had just been tested for all STD's during our breakup and was clean, but this new encounter scared me.) He was tested at five weeks after his encounter and was negative (we still talk so he told me the results.) Then, a week later, he was diagnosed with mono after falling quite ill and getting a blood test. However, doesn't ARS often resemble mono? Could he test positive for mono but really be experiencing ARS?
Four weeks after my protected encounter with him I had sore throat, swollen glands and a mild stomach ache, plus canker sored on my tongue and cheek-- I had been stressed and around a friend with a cold, but it still seemed like too much of a coincidence. I started to wonder whether the condom had leaked semen and I didn't see.
Are these fears all unfounded?
This forum is great. What a service! Thanks much. Sorry if my questions are silly in any way.
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You are having unfounded fears. You and your Ex had protected sex. There is no reason to worry. Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing.
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You did just what you are supposed to do when you have intercourse: the guy was wearing a condom. They provide very effective protection no matter the HIV status of your partner. Just keep following that custom anytime you have intercourse.
By the way, if the condom had broken you would have known about it. It's not a subtle event when that happens.
If any of your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor to find out what's up. This is not an HIV situation.
Cheers,
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Thanks so very much you guys. I really appreciate it. I wasn't totally comfortable sharing all this drama with my gyno, so you guys are lifesavers (literally, in some cases, i'm sure...)
My last HIV test was a month ago at my yearly checkup with my gyno... Is my ex's risky encounter a reason to test again before my next yearly? I'm dating someone new now who just tested negative. We're monogomous, although we still use condoms. Can I consider that last test a reliable indicator of my HIV status if I've only had protected sex since? If, in the future, by new bf and I decide to rely on birth control pills should I be tested again (the would be my first time having unprotected sex w/ anyone... After my ex's escapades that he kept from me I feel vindicated in my position about condoms even in "monogomous" relations and it will certainly take me some time to be ready for sex without condoms, even though my bf is a very upstanding guy.)
Again, thank you! All opinions welcome.
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This is no reflection on your new boyfriend. But you should not give up using condoms everytime you have intercourse for the timebeing.
If you two decide you want to be in a securely monogamous relationship together then you should get tested together and establish without a doubt that you're both HIV negative. Then you can decide if you feel comfortable enough together to give up using condoms. Until then a condom everytime is a must.
Cheers,
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Thanks so much Andy. You're a great help-- very wise!
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Hey All,
I've felt much better since I got advice from you experts. Thanks so much! My ex, who I'm still friends with but no longer sleep with, wasl quite scared due to his incident in June where he topped a man and the condom broke. They replaced the condom to finish, but my ex worried that the exposure was enough to have contracted HIV. However, he was tested at five weeks after the incident and was negative and he feels that test was conclusive enough for his taste and he doesn't need another. I told him this was not true and he should be tested again, but he refuses. He says that he'll trust my results when I'm tested next, but I said that makes so sense because he and I had protected sex and if I have a negative result it will have nothing to do with his eventual result. Am I right, or should I give up this fight? I still care about him and his health, even if I don't want to be with him.
Thanks so much for any advice!
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Nuttygal,
You're right. His risk was low, and his five week test is a good indication of his status, but is not conclusive.
And he should absolutely NOT rely on ANYONE ELSES test to determine his status, except his own test at the appropriate time.
He should test again at the 3 month mark.
Morgan
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thanks much, morgan...
i tested two weeks after having protected intercourse w/ him after his encounter... is it necessary that i test at three months also, or can i rely on my test if it had been at least three months since i had unprotected intercourse with anyone?
thanks for explaining the intricacies of testing times!
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nutty,
As long as you tested 12-13 weeks or more past your last unprotected intercourse, your result is conclusive. Please protect that negative status!
You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.
Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can make sure your fella is using them properly. While you're on either of those pages, have a look through the bottom three links in the left-hand column. They discuss ways that you, as a woman, can protect yourself. I recommend the female condom as they are also excellent barriers against hiv infection, and importantly, they give YOU the control over condom use. They can even be put in place in advance so you're not fumbling around at the crucial moment. They're fiddly to use at first, but if you can put a tampon in, you can use these. It gets easier with practice. Give them a try.
Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.
If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.
Use condoms and avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.
Ann
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thanks so much ann! you're the best (and oh so knowledgeable)
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by the way, the signature links are great, very educational... i was interested in the facts about n-9 and had two quick questions...
-do all spermicidally lubricated condoms contain n-9?
-i've certainly used a spermicidally lubricated condom once or twice... does this mean i have these lesions that increase HIV risk, or does it vary from person to person? and this would only increase risk if the condom broke or no condom was used, correct?
thanks for this great prevention tool: knowledge
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nutty,
N-9 is mainly a problem when a person has a reaction to it and develops irritated membranes as a result. This mainly happens when N-9 is used a lot, for example, several times a day as someone who is a sex worker might do.
The resulting irritation may facilitate hiv transmission if a condom break occurs. As long as the condom stays intact, there should be no problem.
Condoms that have N-9 used as a spermicide have to be labeled as such. They are becoming hard to find because of the associated hiv transmission problem.
And seriously - check out the female condom. Having control over condom use is a great help for women wanting to protect themselves. If you cannot find female condoms in your local shops, either ask the pharmacist to consider stocking them or buy some online. (or both!)
And by the way, the best thanks you can give us is to make sure your friends and family are clued up on hiv prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure - especially where there is no cure.
Cheers,
Ann
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Thank you Ann. I will certainly spread the word!