Keeping my status a secret at the labour ward.

[Dealing]

So my fiance and I are thinking of starting a family, I had a miscarriage not so long ago so I think weve healed and are ready.

My family and his family are totally unaware of our status and we will be keeping it that way as we feel that's the best decision for us,my concern however is when they come visit wont they find out? How can I stop that from happening, I remember the last time I was there they would leave my patient file by the table on my feet, my mother in law is very enquisitive so I don't want her stumbling on it..

And the IV, I know I will be required to be put on some sort of IV during labour, is there no way I could ask the nurses to change its name or something.

Would appreciate a reply, Thanks :-)

[Sweet_C]

Are you in the U.S.?  In the U.S., all medical professionals would be required to keep this info private due to HIPAA.  I've given birth twice since being diagnosed and never had a problem at all keeping my status secret from family.  Nothing was labelled and the nurses and docs always asked family to leave the room when discussing any kind of medical info, HIV related or not. 

Not sure how this works in other countries.

[Dealing]

Im from South Africa, I guess ill have to do more research regarding it but I would hate it for them to just blurt it out. .

Congratulations on your two pregnancies, how were they if you don't mind me asking, just trying to gather as much information as possible as im still a bit scared honestly because of my status.

[Dealing]

Im from South Africa, I guess ill have to do more research regarding it but I would hate it for them to just blurt it out. .

Congratulations on your two pregnancies, how were they if you don't mind me asking, just trying to gather as much information as possible as im still a bit scared honestly because of my status.

[Sweet_C]

They were both very uncomplicated fortunately and both children are doing well.  One is already confirmed negative and the other is going through the tests.  Thanks for asking!  HIV really doesn't change much at all regarding your prenatal care as long as you are undetectable. 

Good luck and hope you get your forever baby soon!!  Hopefully the nurses and others would be considerate enough to keep the secret if you discuss it with them beforehand.   

[Dealing]

Hi SweetC

 I went to preterm labour when I was pregnant before, and this is when I was unaware of my status I found out after the miscarriage at a checkup.Anyway I guess im just worried that it will happen again, as ive read akot about going into early labour if you are on meds.

I also really wanted to breastfeed but now that isn't an option right?

Thanks
Amanda

[TabooPrincess]

I had exactly the same fears (in UK) and made sure that everyone was aware that this was a secret.  It passed smoothly, the only close call was when a nurse came in with meds in syringes for my boy and turned right around on her heals when she saw my friends there.  I just said she probably got the wrong room!!

[TabooPrincess]

HI Amanda

No, breast feeding is not an option.  I remember when my milk came through I couldn't even look or feel myself, I just locked all that right away in my head and got on with the bottle. 

I had a planned C-section booked at 39 weeks (I didn't get to un-detectable) and my waters broke at 38 weeks.  Trying to explain to the hospital staff in front of many other women that I needed to be seen urgently was a bit tricky but we got there!

[TabooPrincess]

Should have answered all this at once.  I think you only need the IV during labour if you don't get to un-detectable (I didn't get there).

Possibly one of the biggest considerations with keeping things secret is giving the baby meds for a month with no one finding out.  I did mine at 8 and 8 as there was little chance of visitors at that time.  If someone was there I just used to take him upstairs saying he needed changing and then give him the meds.  He had to have triple therapy (again because I was not un-detectable) but I think normally it's just the AZT.

If you're still in the planning stage it's probably best to get to un-detectable first and take away all of that fear of things.  I only started meds at week 20 (UK guidelines) as I wasn't on them beforehand - this wasn't long enough for me to get the numbers down unfortunately.

[Dealing]

Thanks for the information Taboo Princess, im not on meds at the moment and hoping I wouldn't need to take them until my second trimester.

I was recently diagnosed so at the moment im not so sure about trying again, guess I just have alot of weighing to do.

We had originally said we were going to try again immediately after I had the miscarriage, my fiances feelings haven't changed that much regarding it, its just me I still have alot of doubts and worry.

I already have a bad history when it comes to pregnancy so im just hesitant even more now that I have had time to digest what being hiv positive means for me.

I hooe your pregnancies were not too hard on you? Did you have any side effects, I know being pregnant alone is quite draining but having meds to take on top of that, doesn't it add to the stress?