POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: Hurtingdad on May 19, 2007, 12:22:01 pm
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I am trying to be supportive right now. He is devastated. He mistook my anguish for disgust and is worried that his brother and parents are disappointed. He's a young college student with a bright future ahead of him. I am trying to get educated on this and be as supportive as I can. I am worried about his mental state and possible suicidal thoughts. I found this site and trying to steer him here. He is going for further testing on Monday to see how much of the virus he has. This is so hard.....
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Hi Dad,
it is a good thing that you found that site, and we hope that your son will join soon as he may have millions of questions. There are many people on here, that have been carrying this virus for years as well as newbies like your son, that can answer those questions. He still has a bright future ahead of him.
Maybe you or his brother could go with him when you visit the doctor for the results, he will need comfort and having a supportive family member that understands and follows him through this can help him a lot.
His mind may go through many different states, from anxiety to anger, from throwing the towel to battle, from laughter to sadness, but when he realizes that there is care for him, that there is support from his family and even from strangers like us, then things will go better.
Milker.
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Hello Dad,
First I am sorry to hear about your son testing HIV positive. The next time you see your son, you hug him, you squeeze him, you let him know you are there for him, and above all, look him squarely in the eyes, with one hand on each shoulder, and tell him you love him. If you both break down and cry, thats fine... It's all part of the process.
Not only is your son devastated, he is most likely terrifed, he probably feels guilty, dirty, angry, embarrassed, and he is most likely wondering"what next". I remember all these emotions, and many more very well, and that was close to 22 years ago, when I received my HIV positive diagnosis. Just be there for him. Let him know that he will get through this difficult period of time, and that you will be there for him.
Make sure to read the lessons portion of the site :
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Introduction_4702.shtml
Stay in touch with us, and let us know how your son is doing !!
Take care of yourself------Ray
I posted this a while back ;
When the Diagnosis Is Scary
Recent Feature Article
By Jessie Gruman
Published: January 14, 2007
The first 48 hours after you or a loved one receives a serious diagnosis can be terrifying. Receiving bad health news sparks great personal upheaval. Some people rage against the unfairness while others wither from sadness. Some people lose their faith and others find it. Some are torn between their fear of pain and their fear of death. Families are wracked by the threat of loss. It is a time when nothing is certain, and the future looks dark.
But no matter how devastating the diagnosis, critical actions must be taken in the short window of time following it. Among them: learning about the condition and its treatments, deciding whether to involve others, finding the right doctors and hospitals, seeking other opinions about what is wrong and what to do about it, managing one’s work life, paying for care and finding relief. But first you will have to deal with the initial shock.
I am all too familiar with this process. Four times, I have been diagnosed with life-threatening conditions. Each time the news stopped me cold, forcing me to rearrange schedules and responsibilities while under tremendous physical and emotional stress. Each time, I have stood in awe of how much energy it takes to get from the bad news to actually start on the return path to health.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned about this period from my own experience and that of others, as well as from the advice of professionals:
Protect Yourself
This is a crisis: Treat it as one. Don’t try to go on as if nothing is happening to you. Stay home from work for at least 48 hours—and cancel your social engagements until you get your feet back under you.
If you usually exercise, keep it up—if you feel like it. If you don’t exercise regularly but feel closed in or agitated, go for a walk. If nothing else, it will remind you that the world is carrying on in spite of your news. Eat—even if you aren’t hungry; you don’t need a hunger headache. Breathe.
If you need family or friends to be with you now, tell them so. Conversely, if you need to be alone, tell them that. If you are with others and are suddenly overcome with grief or fatigue, excuse yourself, go into another room and close the door.
Remember, you owe no explanations to anyone right now. It’s your choice whom to tell and what to say during these first few days. You also are not responsible for taking care of others who are distraught over your news. Ask a family member or friend to call people you want to know about your diagnosis but with whom you don’t want to talk right now.
The only task you must accomplish during the first 48 hours is to set up the next doctor’s appointment. You need to know when you’ll have more information upon which to base your next steps. Write down questions for your doctor, employer and insurance company as you think of them—including any worst-case scenarios you are imagining.
Educate Yourself
During these first days, stop researching your diagnosis online if it is confusing or frightening. Unless you have an acute emergency, you have some time to collect and digest that information.
But over the next few weeks, you will need to learn more about your condition, its probable course and how to manage its progression. Some people prefer to know only the basics; others want comprehensive knowledge. Either way, you need to know enough to weigh the choices your doctor offers. If it’s easier to assign this task to a friend or family member, do so; but somebody must do it.
These are some of the basic questions you should ask:
• How does this disease or condition affect the body?
• What causes this condition to progress or get worse?
• What is the time course for its progression?
• What tests and procedures are commonly used to determine the course of treatment?
• What effect does each treatment have, generally? Does it cure this condition? How often? Does it slow down its progression? How much?
• What complications and side effects are common—and uncommon—with each treatment?
Once you know the answers to these questions, discuss with your doctor how this condition affects you specifically—and the best ways to treat it, given your age, sex and medical history. Then you can start searching for information about managing the illness—that is, learning how others cope with it.
Designate a Partner
A partner can help the person who has received the diagnosis cope with the situation: He or she can handle appointments to see the doctor, collect test results and other mutually agreed upon tasks. (See below.)
Designating a partner is a good idea, because the distress of receiving a serious diagnosis can affect your ability to listen and to understand unfamiliar, technical information; a partner can write it down to be revisited later. It’s hard to question or disagree with a doctor who seems to hold your life in his or her hands; a partner can request clarification and ask hard questions. Having someone do this steadies the person who is ill and makes him or her feel less isolated.
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The Partner’s Contract
If you’ve agreed to take on the partner role, your commitment must include the following basics:
I agree to:
• Attend appointments, freeing at least two hours past the time each is expected to end.
• Confirm 24 hours ahead of time that I will be there. Go over arrangements about transportation, and confirm the address and other details.
• Ask the diagnosed person what role to play. Should you, for example, participate or sit quietly and just take notes; ask questions if something isn’t clear to you; ask specific questions so he or she doesn’t have to ask them?
• Arrive at the assigned place 15 minutes early with paper and pen.
• Provide readable notes of the appointment that day or the next and be available to discuss what occurred.
I will not:
• Talk to others about what happened during the doctor’s visit or express opinions about decisions without permission—even to family members.
• Forget an appointment or be late. Doing so can have untold meaning to the diagnosed person.
• Take on this responsibility if I am unable or unwilling to fulfill it fully.
Adapted from “AfterShock: What To Do When the Doctor Gives You—or Someone You Love—a Devastating Diagnosis” (Walker), by Jessie Gruman, out next month. Gruman is president of the Center for the Advancement of Health.
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My advise would be...
give your son a big enormous hug and a kiss (in latin america father kiss his son on the cheeks) and look at his eyes... and tell him how much you love him, how proud you are and have always been of him and that he can count with you any time.
Your son will be fine, if he is young it might be that he has a long way before he ever needs meds... hiv is a hard path, but not the hardest in life... believe me, it is just long... very long. Which is actually good, because that means your son still have lot of time to be who he wants to be and be happy. Everything will be fine, expect to see him grow, going to university, having a nice job, marrying, nothing of that will change that much. you will see.
Juan Carlos
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Hurting, please take the advice that Juan offers, because that is all your son needs right now. He needs to know that his having HIV, DOES NOT CHANGE, NOR WILL EVER CHANGE how you feel about him. His reactions are very normal and you are wise to monitor his mental health and please take action if you feel it is warranted. As someone who has battled major mental health issues I cannot over emphasize the need for you to remain vigilant. I do not mean to alarm you, just prepare you.
Other than telling him how much you love him, there is little you can really do right now, other than to make yourself available if he needs you. He is going through a life-altering situation and it will take time for everything to sort itself out. Everything you have described is very normal for both the person and family as we can never be prepared for such situations. So you do the best that you can and you rally your family to support your son, because his knowing that his family is firmly behind him will provide a strong foundation on which he can adjust to becoming poz.
Just give it time and don't be so hard on yourself. There are no books or 12-step programs for becoming poz and we each must find our own way. Hopefully your son will find his way here so he can see that having HIV might change your life, it is hardly the end of it. Envelop him with love and support and then just stand back and let him take the lead. When he knows that you are all there for him, it will be just that much easier for him to come to you all for support. Right now, simple is better. Right now, love can almost conquer all and what it cannot, is at least cushioned by the love surrounding it.
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Thank you all for your kind words of support and guidance.
Day 2: He is spending time on the web learning about his condition. We hugged and cried again today. I told him that I am here for him 24 hrs a day. His brother (16) hugged him and told him nothing changes ( he found out he was gay, along with HIV).
He was so worried on how his younger brother would take it. His brother wants to find out who gave it to him and beat him up.
My wife and I are supporting each other right now. I will check in daily and update everyone. He hasn't gone on this site yet, but I know he will.
Thanks again.
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I can under stand his younger brother's feeling and response. He needs to be a brother - not a protector, and show him that blood is thicker than water and love between brothers is a very strong bond.
Tell you older son that he is not alone and that there are many people in a similar position to him and he will notice that if he comes onto these forums or any other section of Aidsmeds.com he will meet some great people from all over the world with whom he can share heis feelings
chin up and keep smiling
Regards
Scud44
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Hurtingdad - your son is lucky to have you and the rest of your family around him. Sorry you had to find your way here, but there is a ton of support, knowledge and just plain comeraderie on this site that keeps many of us going.
Keep us in the loop, and stay beside your son.
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Hurtingdad-
Just the fact that you have made an effort to educate yourself and reach out speaks volumes about yourself and most likely, the family you have fostered. HIV is not so much a death sentence anymore, as I am sure you are learning, however, it is also not a walk in the park. I would never have made it without the support of my family and just by being there for your son, relieves a lot of stress which is horrible for the immune system.
I know that one thing my dad said to me, that helped him deal, was this .... do not think about how it happened. I, too, had the same fear telling my 18 year old jock brother, but again, the kind of family you fostered is again evident in his response. I wish all families were as strong as yours and as mine. It certainly would help with a lot of suffering in this world. If you or your son have any questions in particular, please PM me and I will answer or at least direct you to the right place to get the right answers.
Take care yourself, your wife, and your sons,
SD
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Hurtingdad-
I know that one thing my dad said to me, that helped him deal, was this .... do not think about how it happened.
Take care yourself, your wife, and your sons,
SD
Dad,
I also agree with the above statement. Although it is very easy to think back of past events, and wonder, " why did I do this, or, if only I had not done this"... It is never healthy to consistently reflect back in time. It is time to start looking toward the future.
It is fantastic that your son has this support from all of you, I have known many through the years, where their families have turned their back on a family member ( or even a friend that tested positive).
Also, as your son begins to research, tell him not to take so much in, that it overwhelms him. Learn a little each day, Take notes. When he has questions, always ask !! I can assure you, that even after 22 years, I am still learning something everyday !!
Take care-keep us updated------------Ray
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I am so sorry.
Telling my parents I am POZ was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. I am an only child and I felt I had failed my parents.
I kept it from them for a long time because I wanted to spare them the pain, but one day I thought, "What if I get really sick overnight?". I realized the shock would be even greater and harder on them, so I finally told them.
I felt so much better afterward, no more lies, I can finally be myself 100% of the time.
HIV is not a death sentense anymore. With the proper care and support we can live a pretty "normal" life.
My parents found comfort and support through PFLAG and local AIDS organization in their area. I keep them up to date on my labs and I am 100% honest with them. I was really surprised to find out how much they know about HIV now.
I hope your son is well. Let him know you love him and that he has support. Let him know that there are people here to help him.
Love, understanding and support
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Thank you.. I was able to PM after the last post. We went to the lab yesterday to for more blood work. They said it would take a week or two to get the results back. I think we will get his CD4 and LV count from this test. We are praying hard that we will get better news with this test. He's just a baby! :'(
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We went to the lab yesterday to for more blood work. They said it would take a week or two to get the results back. I think we will get his CD4 and LV count from this test. We are praying hard that we will get better news with this test. He's just a baby! :'(
Thats about the normal time frame for getting the cd-4's and the viral load. It takes me about a week, to a week and a half, to get results. Sometines a little longer. I am sure the doctor probably ordered some other tests also. Since your son is newly infected, his numbers will certanly be bouncing around for a while until they stabilize.
Be strong/Hang in there-----------Ray
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Dad,
You and your family are doing the right thing. Most important: let him know as much as you can that you love him very much. Love is the best support. Really!
Zeb
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Now that it's been a few days since the revelations in your lives, I want to make sure that a degree of normality has returned to you and that you have found some support in your local area.
When ever I hear of a young man being diagnosed with HIV, I shudder slightly at what the possible family reactions will be - I just wish they could all be like your family reaction.
I hope you have some positives out of this forum and don't forget that we are all here to help each other.
Cheers
xxxxx
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It's so marvelous to see a family so supportive of someone so early in their infection. Really. That's one big "leg up" that your son has now, and it's no small thing.
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However,,, from little I know,, he will be just fine.... just look at me!
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Sorry for your son´s diagnosis.
He is very lucky to have such a supportive family. My family does not know about my diagnosis but these forums and my friends have been a great support.
I have had an excellent response to treatment, and your son will do as well. It will take aproximately one year to feel comfortable with the new situation. But things will go back to normal. His future is bright and you should feel lucky this has happened in 2007 and not in 1982.
I wish you all the best. :-*
Juan
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Dad ....I understand fully what you are going through mentally.
I also have a son tested Poz 5 years ago.
It has been a up hill down hill battle you have to have lots of strengh to help him and the family through this.
I am not going lie to you my heart is so heavy every day of my life.
Because I can't fix this one.... If you need someone to talk to....I know I do.............feel free to contact me .
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Your post prompted me to register, after nearly two years of lurking and reading. I could have written your letter myself. My son was infected with a multi-drug resistant strain of HIV when he was an 18-year-old college student. I understand exactly how you are feeling right now. The first few months were so difficult that I couldn't imagine ever feeling somewhat normal again -- I was vomiting day and night, couldn't function at all, and cried all the time (when I wasn't on the internet reading everything about HIV that I could find) -- but I wanted to remain as upbeat and strong as possible for my son. Today, not a day goes by that I don't think about his HIV, but I do believe the worst is over for us and we are closer than ever. You will get through this together.
As a parent, one of the most difficult things to handle is that my poor baby had to learn of his diagnosis alone. I am glad he told me right away, and I hope my love gives him some comfort in his down moments. My heart aches for those people on this site who don't feel they can share their status with their loved ones.
Please feel free to PM me. I have been in your shoes. Much love and hope to you and your family.
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My heart aches for those people on this site who don't feel they can share their status with their loved ones.
I couldn't have gone through these past( close to) 22 years, without the support that I received from my family, my partner, and my close personal friends .... Sharing my status with family and close friends, is something I never regretted.
Ray
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I am glad I prompted you to register, elpffa:
Amotherstears, thank you for your words of support. There is not a day that goes by without tears.
And all of you that have responded, thank you for the encouragement. I love my son and would trade places with him in a heart beat.
Well, we just got back from the ID Doctor with his 1st results.
His CD4 was 794 and his VL was 44,000.
The doctor is not putting him on any meds right now, he took more blood today and we will be back at the end of July. He answered some questions from his mother and I, and talked to our son alone for a few minutes. We are encouraged at his CD4 count, but are still scared of the unknown.
Thank you all!
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Glad to see the lab results look good.
I am sure the doctors have discussed many things with you and it is probably overwhelming. Take a deep breath and try to digest some of all this sea of information you have been presented!
Just in case anybody misses anything....I would suggest your son gets all the immunization he can get. Hep A and B, Pneumonia, HPV ( get a pap to test for the virus if none present get the vaccine). Your son is very healthy now and he wants to keep his immune system as healthy as possible.
Nutrition is very important, try to eat balanced meals and avoid uncooked meats.
Take one day at the time, your son will be around and healthy for a very long time. ;)
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Thanks!
The ID Dr was checking his immunization records and recommended everything you stated in your post. I was concerned about the VL count and no meds, but the doctor gave us a "faucet and drain" analogy that we sort of understood. I am also concern when he goes back to the dorms at school. I know the cd4 count is normal, but he had 2 cases of strepp in 6 months. In one hand, I want to "normalize" everything with him, and his mother... but I just want to put my arms around my baby and protect him.
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One thing that I would suggest is, that if he isn't already going, start going to a gym at college and get someone professional to set up a good set of exercises for him - muscle is a good healthy defence against nasties associated with HIV.
Your son's numbers are good and they will no doubt vary and cause some consternation initially, but that is quite a normal thing when HIV is in its infancy. regular tests and monitoring will help you understand the virus better.
I have charted all my readings since I was first diagnosed and always give the doctor a copy as well. Graphs have a nice way of showing what is happening.
Good luck and hugs to you both
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Your very welcome....hurtingdad
The picture I have posted is a painting I done....I am holding and taking care of my son until there is a cure...
Love you all
amotherstears
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To put your son's CD4 and Viral Load in perspective, read a bit in the "I've Just Tested Poz" forum.
Your son's numbers are fantastic. The CD4 is in the "normal for an uninfected person" range. His immune system is strong.
I know the VL of 44,000 sounds like a large number, but in comparison to many here, it is tiny. Very few doctors would even consider ARV therapy with numbers like that.
I would doubt that his HIV status is in any way related to the two cases of Strepp this year. I'd bet many other people in that dorm, heck in the whole school were similarly affected. In close quarters like that, bugs spread. Any body remember all the cruise ship Norwalk virus outbreaks?
I know you want to shield you son in a bubble right now. The bubble might protect him, but would also prevent him from living a normal life.
Lately I've seen several postings with doctors giving some pretty crappy analogies. There was fire, coal and a shopping bag. Now water and a drain. I don't believe many of the medical types have put much thought into those simplified explanations. They seem to confuse people more than inform them.
Look around in other forums (like the "I just tested Poz" and "Living with HIV" areas) and I'm sure you'll see better explanations.
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hi dad, just a little advice, you mentioned you were worried about the time your son goes back to College Dormitories.
I would perhaps suggest you to try to help your son to find a support group for youth so he can gather with others around his age, that might help him. And something else... make sure that before he goes back to College you organize a familiar trip, to the beach or mountains... to be away from the environment where we experiment first shock, help us to wake us up and put us back in track. My sister took me to the beach (without knowing my status but knowing there was something wrong) i didn't want to go first.... then i decided to join my family, i wasn't much in mood and slept the whole trip.... but once there... at the beach... my life came back to me. Specially when i saw my too nieces.... 10 and 2 years old asking me to play with them... and i saw them living... smiling, running, falling and standing again... and i though... i want to be like them... i do want to live. I am living now. Perhaps a trip can have same inspiring effect in your son.
Cheers, Juan Carlos
PD: enclosing a pic of that trip because i became sentimental right now....
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I am sorry to hear about your son. You are doing the right thing by reaching out. I have been positive for 22 years. I am also in college working on my second masters. He can still accomplish all his goals and dreams. Life will be different and at times it won't be easy. It is so important that he first accept his status, which for some is very difficult and might take some time. Keeping a positive mind is very important in keeping yourself healthy. He is very lucky to have a father and family that will support him through his difficult times. I wish you, your son, and your family the best. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Dear Dad,
Sorry to hear about the news of your son. It is understandbly disturbing news for the entire family, however there are wonderful medications nowadays. I'm 42 years old and I was diagnoised 2 years ago. For the most part I live life pretty much the same as I did before. Of course I have changed a few things. It may be that your son will not have to go on medications sometimes people test positive and there numbers are still good enough to where the doctor don't think they sould be on medicines at this time. You sound like a good supportive father and that is huge. Just hang in there and a good outlook on things will make a huge difference for all that's involved. I wish you and your son the best. If you would like to talk on the phone you can email me at rdykes@alltel.net and I will give you my phone number so that we can talk futher if you think that is something that you would like to do. Take care.
Rick
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The silver lining for your Son is the love you and the family are showing him. Even makes me feel good to read how much support he has in his "HOME" where he can relax and go on with a hopefully wonderful life. I know all of us in this HIV boat wish him well and stand with him with all the support we can give!
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I'm very sorry that this has had to happen to your and your son. I wish I had parents like yourselves that were super supportive. Your son is also very lucky in that he found this out in the early stages and has many treatment options open to him with more on the way. Had this happened in '82 the prognosis would have been much different.
I am going to mention something worth thinking about, encourage your son to enter a research study to help find a cure and/or better treatments. The studies are endless and many are going on in locations that are near to you, if by chance there is nothing nearby, many studies will pay transportation costs to a study location. Contact the National Institutes of Health at www.NIH.gov, or call 301-496-5717 and they can help you find a study that your son would qualify for. I have been doing studies there for the last 10 years and I can whole heartedly reccommend them. If a study needs to be done in the Bethesda area the NIH will provide transportation and hotel/motel rooms. The folks there are nothing short of wonderful.
Another thing you can do, write your Representatives and Senators, make them see that HIV/AIDS needs funding and lots of it. Research is expensive and needs all the support you can give. Consider joining a study, chances are you your wife and other children would qualify. Vaccine studies go begging for HIV- participants. Involving yourself in a study will also show your son that you are behind him 100%
You may email me at ms34321@windstream.net if you have questions about studies. I will help you as much as I can.
Cheers
Mark
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Hello Dad,
You are getting a lot of support here already but still want to reply to you because your original post really struck a cord in me.
For starters, the love you show your son is a huge gift, this love will overcome any obstacle he has ahead of him.
His CD4 count and VL is amazing! Really, it couldn't be better, make sure he understands this.
I am HIV negative but my parter of 10 years tested positive in 2001 for HIV. At that time his CD4 count was 74 and his VL was over half a million. Within 6 months of treatment his VL was UNDETECABLE and his CD4 counts was over 300 and has climbed ever since. I tell this because it just goes to show that even someone on the brink has a very good chance of becoming healthy and living a healthy normal life.
I know HIV is very difficult to deal with, I cried for at least 2 months. Non-stop it seemed. I know this is very optimistic, but there is very promising research going on right now and there has even been rumor of a "cure" within our reach. Your son will make it, he will.
This may not be the best analogy but his doctor told him to consider living with HIV akin to living with diabetes. Its NOT a death sentence, repeat this over and over until he believes this.
Make sure he socializes, either on here or in person, with people who have had HIV for 20+ years and are still healthy. This really makes me and my partner believe there is a future, when we talk to them.
Now today, 6 years later he is still undetectable and going strong. In many years from now, so will your son.
Stay strong and tell your son he has a friend that understands.
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I too was recently diagnosed and found so many things to be heplful. Great support groups such as Strenth In Numbers( SIN) a positive group in Manhattan, and I would love to talk to you personally to give you some hope, and ideas and would be more than willing to speak with your son as well. I am a dentist and studied in China as well so I am somewhat knowledgeable about vitamins and foods. I want to help you help your son. Please reach ot to me. email me gt225@nyu.edu, and in the subject heading put something that will let me know it is not spam. There is SO MUCH HOPE out there, you just need someone to open the door and OUR family in the positive community will give both of you the light at the end of the tunnel. Take faith in knowing he is NOT ALONE and will have a normal healthy life just like anyone else.
Big Warm Hug
Gregory
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Being there for your son is wonderful....his numbers are great....with the full support of his family he should be fine. It takes a long time to come to terms with it, just be there for hima and be patient. Therapy might not be a bad idea, it helped me immensely. Please keep us posted=)
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Hurtingdad
Just throwing my support out there and wanted to ask how are YOU doing with this? I know you focus on your son right now, but you need to deal with how you are feeling as well.
Also, you mention strep throat. That is the culprit I tend to get sick with as well. Remember that even us pozzies get "normal" illnesses and it isn't a progression of infection. If he has the sniffles, don't plan his funeral.
That being said, your son needs to be deligent about his health and make sure he takes care of anything quickly that is taxing his immune system. A lot of time when we test poz we have another STD along with it, make sure it is treated and he tests for those nasties regularly.
It will get better!!!
And may I just say what a great Dad you are - he knows it even if he doesn't tell you.
Pete
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Hurtingdad,
Your post brings me to tears. Not because it's sad, but because of your love for your son.
I'd like to think that all parents are like you. That all parents love their children unconditionally and I think that's generally true. Unfortunately, when it comes to something with the stigma of HIV, that just isn't always the case - suddenly pride, image, and a whole slew of other feelings come in to play.
Your son is so lucky to have you. Hang in there. My boyfriend was just diagnosed last month. I'm terrified myself. But I trust in a higher being and just try to take one day at a time.
As my boyfriend reminds me, either one of us could be hit by a car tomorrow and our time here would be done. Life is short. And the one blessing we should all feel when something like this happens - we learn to appreciate the important things - and not to sweat the small stuff so much.
Wishing the best for you, your family, and your son.
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Dear Hurting,
Others have been so eloquent, informative and forthcoming that I hardly feel I can add much at this point. Except to tell you that your understandable fears that he's going to fall through some kind of HIV black hole are unwarranted. Gradually you and your family will see that his life is going to go on and it's going to be a good one.
It's going to include dealing with living with the virus, but that can be done. Effective treatments are available if and when he needs to go on to meds, and more of them are in the pipeline. In the meantime taking good care of his health with nutrition and excercise and the loving support of his family and friends will go a long way to helping to keep him healthy and to getting on with his life.
Peter's comment about making sure that YOU are getting the support you need is a good one. Doing that will set a good example to your son about his taking care of himself as well.
As the parent of two guys myself I have regularly to remind myself not to "hover." We love them so much and we know how dangerous this world is that it's hard not to do that, but it's very important for all concerned to restrain that impulse.
You're always welcome here to discuss anything that's on your mind and to ask questions. You may between now and the end of your LONG life always be worrying about him. That's part of the deal, isn't it? At least I think so. You're also going to have wonderful times together along with the bumps in the road. Just keep going and savor it all.
I'm glad you found your way to our site.
Cheers,
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Dear Hurtingdad,
I read your story about your son. Your post has been on since May17th... and its September. I can only offer support and some positive feedback of my own experience.
I truly believe that recieving something as 'shocking' as this changes one's life greatly. It did to ours. My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 months and on August 7th he received an email from an ex-gf saying she was HIV+. What a shock that was! Can you imagine?? Well, that day we went to the doctor's to get an HIV test done and I was by his side, even to this day. The day we found out he was positive - it was hard. I had to be strong for him and myself.
I've wiped his tears, held him, comforted him, reassured him, and I still love him to bits. Even with two emotional breakdowns, more than two handfuls of fights, disagreements and cursing each other - we're here at home today with two littel kittens running around tearing the flat apart.
Your son needs you. The good thing is at least you're there for him. There will be days where you're almost fed-up but you have to go on.
You must make sure that the mind of your son is strong because those little 'voices' can instill fear, doubt, thoughts of suicide, indecision, weakness.
I dont know what more to say. These are my experiences that I feel I want to share because I haven't told anyone about what has happened to my husband and us, ultimatley.
Take care, be healthy, be happy and be strong for one another.
Best of wishes,
the wife of lost&scared
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WOW!!! All I can say is what a great family! He's very fortunate. :)
How is he doing with the HIV and school? How are you all adjusting at this point?
Marc
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Dear Hurtingdad,
Both your post and the one from Motherinneed have been so helpful. I have been positive for two years. When I tested poz, I was worried and scared. Thankfully I had an understanding partner and another close friend who was very familiar with HIV/AIDS and they both reassured me that it would be ok. All of my friends know of my status and a few friends are also positive. My friends often ask how I am doing and support me when I have my "down" days but those are few and far between.
Now comes the hard part. I need to tell my parents and my sister and her husband. However, I know it will be one of the hardest things I have done since coming out to them. My sister and her husband also need to know. I get the feeling I will tell my sister first, as she and I are much closer than my parents and I. I think it will be easier to tell my sister, but still very complicated. I know that I must be ready for several difficult questions that I must answer, and I may not be ready.
Reading your posts help me to believe that WHEN I tell my family, after the initial shock and possible tears, there will be support and love. I know that my family loves me and will always support me. I just have to gain the courage to tell them when I am ready.
Thank you so much for being so supportive to your children. Hopefully the knowledge that people live with this virus will help alleviate some of your fears.
Falkore
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Falcore. I just read your recent post and am praying that when you speak to your family about your status that you get the support and love that the other parents on this log have given their children. :-* I am a mother of a 21 year old and she is my life. I would want her to come to me right away with anything happens in her life like this or anything else. I am the HIV positive on in our family and I have been so since 1993. I told my family within a couple weeks of my Diagnosis. They have been such a support for me and loved me no matter what. Even my ex-inlaws have stood by me. I have my close friends that know and have also supported me. I know I would never have made it this far and in a good of health as I am still without them. ;D Please have some websites and any hand out info on HIV/AIDS available to give them when you
talk with them. There is also a 24hr # where they can speak with people at 1-800-CDC-INFO AND THEY CAN SPEAK WITH SOMEONE AND ALSO ORDER INFORMATION TO BE MAILED TO THEM AS WELL. ;) Please feel free to email me if you ever need someone to talk to about anything). God Bless you. Dawn
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Dawn,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will be thinking of you and hurtingdad and all the other people on this site when I finally decide to tell my family.
Thanks again!
Falkore
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Hello Hurting Dad,
You are most awesome! taking a proactive interest in your son's serostatus will help everyone in involved in your situation. I just came across some literature recommended by someone else on this site. the book is called The First Year: HIV: An essential guide for the newly diagnosed. I have not read the book yet, but it has come with great reviews. I ordered my copy from amazon and it should be here this week! once again, i'd like to reiterate how important your support is, in those moments of doubt and sadness, it is our loved ones and hope that helps us come back to who we are.
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Hi Gang!
I am so sorry that I have not checked in for awhile. It's been hectic here, though no excuse. Here's an update:
My son's 1st numbers were CD4 = 794 and VL = 48,894. This was at the end of May. He's last test in August were CD4 = 583 and VL = 105,000. I am concern with the changes. My son does not want me to tell him what his numbers are. His point is that he doesn't want to worry while he is in classes in college. He had a rough last semester and wants to focus on his grades.
I did have a discussion about this website and he asked for the address. I am encouraged by that. He goes in and out of depression and doesn't communicate with anyone about his condition. I told him that he should reach out to you people and told him how gracious and helpful everyone is. I know I can't imagine what he is going through, but I want him to talk to people who do.
Thanks!
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Dad,
Your son is relatively newly infected from what I can tell and as such his numbers will bounce around a bit. The good news is that those CD4 counts are pretty good. A CD4 absolute of 700+ is great, 500+ is very good as well.
Perhaps you should consult our Lessons (http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/BloodTest_5030.shtml) which explain the various tests used in plain english.
I appreciate that your son is not keen to let his HIV interfere with his studies at the moment, but the time will come that he has to address these things. HIV will not be ignored. Matty the Damned knows this from bitter experience. Perhaps the upcoming holiday period is the time for him to get an understanding of what's happening to him and what he should do next.
Nevertheless, those numbers are respectable and there's no need to freak out at this time.
MtD
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I've been wondering (I guess many of us have) what became of the two of you. So happy to hear that your son has asked for the address here. I highly recommend it. His numbers still look pretty good to me. I could double my CD4's and still not have what he has. True, there has been a significant dip, but until you see that continue as a definite trend you should still be ok without meds and stuff for awhile.
Glad you checked back in with us.
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Hello Dad,
I've also been wondering, how your son, and you, have been doing. As others said, his numbers may bounce around a while, the main thing is that he continues to get those blood tests as required, and to keep any appointments that he may have. This is where so many, create serious problems for themselves. They start postponing, and putting things off. I speak (write) with experience on this. He need to keeps that open/honest dialogue with his doctor.
Take care---------Ray
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Thanks for your comments. I am trying not to freak out with his CD4 count,but I'm a Dad.. that's what I do.
He has an appointment with his Dr. in December. From reading the Dr's notes , we will discuss direction at that time. His mother and I will be sure to keep him on his appointments. He did sign a confidentiality slip with the Dr yesterday that allows them to discuss his condition and numbers with my wife and I. He is falling back on us to support him through this, and I am glad he is.
Falkore, I know you are dreading telling your family, but you will be surprised how they will step up and be supportive. If you are closer to your sister, It might not be a bad idea to confide in her and then have her around when you finally tell your parents. When you do, I must caution you not to be too sensitive or read into their initial response. My initial feeling was one of anguish, which was mistook for disgust. It was alot to digest at one time.
Pete, Thanks for asking about me. How am I doing? Well, I still cry alot, though not around him. It kills me to think of all the things my son has gone through in one year... more than me in 45!
Jen and lostnscared, thank you so much for the kind words and support.
And the rest of you all, I am sorry for not being here. It feels good to be back here and I needed this! My heart and thoughts go out to each and everyone of you.
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hello again,
I don't have anything to add to what has been previously said about his numbers, I just would like to suggest that your son has his blood work done 2 weeks prior to his December appointment, that way the numbers will be current and more data for the doctor to analyze if there are any trends.
on a different note,
I just want to tell you what a wonderful father you are.
I can't imagine what it must feel like to be a father in your shoes. I don't have children, I'll never know how it feels to be a father. But what I can tell you is that everytime I read your post I call my father and tell him that I love him. You remind me of my dad. Your son and I are very lucky to have men like you in our lives.
How is your wife? I hope she is well and adjusting to it all as well as possible.
let your son know that when he is ready we will be here for him
take care and much love to you and your family
Rich
(who is calling his dad as he hits "Post" just to say I LOVE YOU DAD)
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I just wanted to express my deepest gratitude to you as a STRONG father and my profound appreciation for all of the kind words and postings in support of your situation.
I must tell you that this "thread" has spurred me to post. I too tested positive 5 years ago this coming February, 5 months after my partner of 8 years passed away unexpectedly of complications from a heart attack. I hesitated to tell my parents as they are older (my father passed this July), but they had such love and support for me when Michael died that I was afraid that if I got really sick it would be an insult to them to have not told them sooner. My friends I told immediately so that I could tap that great source of support that had been there when Michael died. I have to tell you that the experience of telling my friends and family was almost as difficult as coming out of the closet was 15 years ago , with the same unexpected consequences that it had. Friends that I have had forever will not speak to me, family members who were "ashamed" of the "fag" in the family have suddenly found the light and have mended hurtful relationships with me....and my mom & dad were magnificient!!! I was so afraid that they would find me dirty, or bad...and even at 37 years old I wanted their support and love....I am glad to tell you that after the initial shock of the news they have been my most staunch support system.
I applaud your love and support of your son...and I encourage you and your wife, and even his brother to do some group HIV counseling...and the most important thing to remember that even when your son is in a bout of depression and seems anti-you and anti-life...your love and support WILL see him and you through the battle.
Thank you for restoring some faith in this ole cynic!!!
Larry
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As previously stated, test numbers can tend to bounce around from test to test. Keeping scheduled appointments is an important factor, and I am sure you will make sure that happens. I assume you are seeing a doctor that is an infectious disease specialist from a previous post. They will talk with you and let you know when they think a different course of action is necessary. I trust my doctor completey, and he has not let me down yet!
While I can appreciate you sons concern for his schooling, I am not sure that not being involved in your own treatment is the best approach. The day comes when you have to face the results head on. There are many controlable factors in dealing with this, and knowing where you stand is important.
STRESS!!! The number one controlable factor. Although the first year is one hell of an emotional roller coaster, you can still make lifestyle changes to help control stress. The day will come that the thought of HIV is in all your waking moments. In the beginning I would have never thought that possible. You will never forget, but you can still live life.
Finding support from others who have been through this, and are doing the right things, can greatly help in dealing with the emotional stress. I recall one of my friends who has been positive for 16 years, his partner positive 22 years, reassuring me during my first year. Both are doing very well health wise, and they have been of tremendous help to me in coming to terms with my emotions. They were my support, when my parnter of 21 years could not deal with it. My friend, who was building a house at the time of my diagnoses, made a comment that during the early years of his diagnoses he would have never dreamed of taking out a mortgage, thinking he would never see it paid for. 16 years later, he is confident in his health and his future. That smalll comment opened my eyes. This is a controllable condition, and I am in control. What a revelation when I realized that I have the power to control the HIV, and not let it control me.
Besides controlling stress and seeking positive support, it is important to eat healthy and get at least moderate exercise, but then this should be something that we should do reguardless. Working in a retail supermarket, I am absolutely amazed at the amount of modified and perserved food the general public buys. The garbage that we are constantly bombarded with to put into our bodies. The adage of shopping the perimeter of the store and stay away from the center, could not me more correct. It really is not that hard to eat healthy. It just takes a little discipline. I have been on meds for 3 years, the only time I ever exhibit side effects, is when I fail to eat healthy; which is extremely rare.
4 years into this, and I am doing great. I actually feel better than I did before I was positive. My advise 1) control stress, 2) find a reputable HIV/ Infectious Disease doctor and keep all scheduled appointments, 3) find support from other positive people who are leading a positive lifestyle, and 4) eat healthy and get moderate exercise. Simple things that everyone should do, but usually don't. You and your son will both be fine. This is not a death sentence that requires crying, it is a managable disease.
My best to both of you!
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And so it goes, another life impacted. While devastating and frightening it could be worse. I've been a pozzie many, many moons )since 1983- and there are LOTS of us!) and I live a very comfortable and normal life. Read all you can and make sure it is CURRENT information. The old stuff will just scare you, not to mention it is inaccurate. When I was diagnosed, there were no drugs or treatment protocols. Now, there are so many I've lost count. Find support groups, go to meetings and find others that he can learn from. It does get easier- and love him, love him, love him. Big hugs to you all-
Susan
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Hello,
As I read your posts about your son's situation and your family's response, I felt, among other things, a sense of admiration, almost envy. When I tested positive in June of 1989, many of us HIV-diagnosed and 'out' about it had families and friends who rejected and abandoned us ... even as death finally came to take us away, doubly-devastating the losses the dying had to endure. That you, your son, and your family can even have the wherewithal to enjoin each other in such mutual love and support is a blessing. I can only imagine what it must feel like for blood family members to have access to these marvelous resources of courage and love as yours do.
all the best,
Marc
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Hello, my name is Lily and I have been reading all of the posts here. It brings back alot of old memories so long ago. All of the support you are receiving here is wonderful, hurting dad. I know things are so scary for both you and your son!! I remember when i was at the tender age of 23, about to graduate from college and off to start my life as a grown up and them BAMB!!! Then i had to tell my mother and my father and that was even harder. Without the love and support that my family has given me I would have given up a long time ago. And it sounds like you and your family have the same. That is the most important thing is to love and not be judgmental. It is amazing how much just having your family there will do for your son. He will run the gambit of emotions as sure as all of us well know. I did not deal with my HIV for 10years but in the end it will always catch up to you. Each person is different and deals with it in there own way and time. With the help and love of family you can make it through anything. Just be patient!!
That being said I want to tell you that I have been poz for 18yrs now. I know these times are very scary but early detection is the key!! your son could live the rest of his life simply being just HIV. Yes some things in his life will change but for the most part life goes on. There is nothing that can stand in his way and he can still have all his dreams come true of the life he wants to live. There are so many medications now. If one cocktail does not work then there usually is always another. Be sure to have a Dr. that you truly trust and can talk to. My Dr. is my god so to speak. I know this whole thing sucks but you know what they say " bad things happen to good people" and sometimes its just not for us to see what Gods great plan for us all are. You guys now know and that is the most important! I still get nervous going in and doing my blood work after all this time. The hardest part for me was standing someplace and seeing all these people around me and saying to myself "all these people are normal and I am the only one that is HIV and that makes me a freak" Like I said with the love and understanding of my friends and family I realized that HIV does not define my life or who I am. Tell your son to remember to love himself and well....sometimes shit just happens!!!
I am hopeful that me along with all newbies and Long Term Survivors will be around for a very long time and will continue to lead a long and normal life span. On that note I am now healthier now than I have ever been in my whole life. Including even before I was HIV. So hang in there, give lots of love and hug and just remember to tell your son that this did not happen to him because he was a bad person or anything like that. HIV does not discriminate as I am a heterosexual woman who never slept around and was always faithful, and yet here I am. HIV can hit anyone anytime!!
Sorry If I am starting to babel but I just know what you are going through and just wanted to set your mind at ease that a normal and happy life still can be achieved even with a nasty pest like HIV!!!
God bless all of us
lily
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Hi Hurtingdad
I am so glad to hear from a parent that is willing to support there family member in there time of need... Give your son a big hug from all of us on here and tell him he is not alone!! HIV is no longer a death sentence like it use to be..Tell your son to hold his head up high and live his life to the fullest and that this is just a glitch in his life and that he is being tested by his higher power.. Just help him keep up with his blood work and listen to his doctors they will tell him the right choices.. Have him do research on the meds that the doctors are telling him to take and to stay AWAY from drugs.. There are all kinds of groups and forums and web sites that can teach him alot about what is going on and what is more than likely going to happen.. This virus effect everyone differant. I have a friend that was tested POZ in the 90's and is still healthy without med.. With all the new meds out there he should be able to live a normal life (what ever that is)
I think I am and many of us on here are living proof of this.. I was tested POZ in the early 80's and lost my family an all my friends.. In the 90's I got PCP at that point I had 2 t-cells and my VL was over 500.000.. I spent 8 months in the hospital at that point I think anything that could go wrong did.. It was a very lonly road and I am glad to hear your son will not have to go it on his own. Well I'm not going to get into all that, but stand by your sons (both of them) even though you want to focus on one you need to give them both your all..
Hope all stays well PLEASE keep us all posted on your happenings
Don
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Hurting, I'm glad you've come back in here. As I said in my earlier PM, I think it's a good thing that your son is able to focus on school. Whatever the challenges there it's good for him to have something else that matters to him to be involved in.
His numbers are being watched and as you've been told they are likely to bounce around for a while before settling down into a regular pattern.
It's great that you and his mom have a good sense of boundaries. That will help him to realize that he has your support AND he's also a capable guy himself.
Of course you're going to continue to worry. But all of you are gradually going to see that life is going to go on together. Your son is also going to be able to benefit from new and better treatments as they continue to come out.
You know we're thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Cheers,
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HurtingDad,
Again I must thank you and commend you on your strength and dedication to your son. (Not unexpected but still heartwarming) I know that when I tell my parents (yes, I said "when") they will support me. After the shock and surprise wears off, they will stand with me as I face this. The thing that I fear the most is the disappointment they will feel when I tell them that I contracted this virus. When I told them that my ex had died of HIV, my mother was worried I had it as well. I told her that I had been tested and I was negative. At this time it was the truth. However, I know that they will ask questions that I don't think I can answer. The "hows" and "who's" have already been dealt with, but my family will still want to know. I know that it's not their business but they will want to know because they care. It's just hard for me to draw the line and say, "That is not important."
While I have stepped beyond the "how did it happen" stage, I know that I have to expect my family to go through the same stages of grief that I dealt with when I first received my results. I just have to be prepared for the difficult questions that I know they will have, be prepared to share much of the information I have but not all. There are some things I just don't think I want them to know. Mostly the fact that I don't know who gave it to me. It has been a source of shame for me but I've dealt with it as best I can. However, I'm sure they will at least ask, so I just have to be ready to tell them either the truth, that I just don't know, or that it is no longer important.
Again, thank you so much for the support you and your wife have shown. It has been said many times already, but your son is very lucky to have you in his life... and you are so proud of him for dealing with this potentially devastating news well. He has only been able to handle it with the support of his loved ones. Continue to stand by him and nothing can bring you all down.
Falkore
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Falkore: I bet your mom already knows you have HIV. We moms seem to know when our child(no matter how old they are) is hurting or ill. With your ex dying from it she will put two and two together(if so half the work is already done and she has processed most of the shock already in her head). I pray for you that once you can tell them that all will go well and the family support you need and deserve will come flowing to you. A river of love in a way.
Hurting dad: It is great you are so involved with your sons health issues, numbers etc. I feel like once your son has son time under his belt with knowing he is positive that his mind will come to acceptance and he will be more active with his health care and want to know numbers etc. For now as long as he is going to apts, following doctors recommendations,being healthy..no drugs, booze or acting out sexually that is OK for now. I to had a hard time dealing with being positive but tried the opposite approach and went to to many groups, websites, books etc and overloaded myself, got really stressed, and got really sick and scared. After a few years of this I went off all meds, stopped doctors apts, groups everything. I just had to forget....(BAD idea I know and very stupid as many health issues arose out of this choice.) A year ago I was close to AIDS t-cells at 204 viral load was 160,000 and very sick. Thank GOD I had to go in to a hospital for my depression and something clicked in there. I was open about status and all health issues etc. I faced my fears, got back to a new doctor I trusted, got on meds, got into a few groups for HIV not to many to overload, caught up on HIV/AIDS issues, meds etc and finally found peace with my status. My t-cells are now great and my viral load is undetectable. When your son can he will also come around to acceptance and somepeace. Just keep up what you are doing and love him as you are. Who knows he may be reading the website and knows more than he lets on right now which is OK. God is carring your son while you walk with him through this time in his life.
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Hello Dad.
You are fantastic!
Continue seeing your son as a person, not as an illness. I know you will.
Help him organize his medications. That is very important. Work with him to create a chart he can keep in a folder or and shirk it to fit in his wallet.
Make sure he sees his counselor on a regular basis. Go with him. Sit in the waiting room, and if they want you to go in also -- treat it as a gift and an honor.
Help him to make sure he goes to his appointments. Drive him. Make it more than just "appointment day" - see what else he wants to do and do it with him -- breakfast, lunch, shopping, hunting, whatever.
Talk to him about normal everyday things as well as his medical concerns. Talk about fun things, trips for the future, upcoming events -- he has a tomorrow - help him to embrace it.
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Dad
Glad you came back - was touched by your story and wondered what had happened to you. I am glad you are handling this well but I urge you to find someone to talk to about all this because an HIV diagnosis is associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - it hits us, we go numb, and then it rears its ugly head later down the line. It can happen to family members as well.
My mom was a rock when I told her - an example of strength I had never seen in my mother. It was only later when I found out she was crying a lot but didn't want me to know. I am glad I walked in on her one day because we had a great discussion and I cleared up some misconceptions she had about this disease.
If your son struggles with depression, you might want to mention that to the doctor. Depression can cause lots of problems down the line if not treated (drinking/drugging, social anxiety, bad adherence to med schedule). Believe me, I have been there.
Your sons numbers sound good, you should also ask for the percentages as absolutes and VLs bounce around a lot especially in early infection.
Pete
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I know how you feel. My daughter is HIV+. She contracted it inutero. She was tested at 6wks old and we got the phone call on her 8wk birthday. It hasn't been easy to say the least. We came close to losing her too many times to count. She's now 7yrs old. Her VL has been undetectable for almost 5 1/2yrs. She is dealing w/ side effects of the meds as well as effects the virus had on her growing in utero brain and high VL during the crucial developing years. Before I looked at her with great sadness. Now I look at her and see a great miracle. I pray the best for your son, his younger brother, you, your wife, and everyone else lucky enough to be in your son's life.
Mini's Mum
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Hi Dad,
your Son is lucky to have you....supportive,loving,caring family is so important.Tell him and tell him over and over that you love him.Touch him,let him know that you are not afraid of him.Just b there for your Son.
Love and affection can do miracle....
Lakis
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Hi,
I know the VL of 44,000 sounds like a large number, but in comparison to many here, it is tiny. Very few doctors would even consider ARV therapy with numbers like that.
Well, you can't consider the VL alone to start therapy, and certainly not a single VL reading. You have to consider both the CD4 and the VL, and the direction they are taking. But with the CD4 numbers hurtingdad posted so far, this VL isn't as worrisome.
I would doubt that his HIV status is in any way related to the two cases of Strepp this year. I'd bet many other people in that dorm, heck in the whole school were similarly affected. In close quarters like that, bugs spread.
Maybe it was related. It may be pointless to speculate now, but I would bet one of those 2 cases of strep happened as a result of primary HIV infection. I had the worst strep of my life in april 06, which I believe to be the time I got infected. And the symptoms of strep throat are pretty close to the symptoms of acute HIV infection. See http://depts.washington.edu/hpic/symptoms.htm .
Also, the numbers game can be misleading and not necessarily very meaningful. My bf and I both went for bloodwork just a week ago.
A couple days later, one of us got a cold from tuesday through wednesday, didn't have to miss any work, and the cold was taken care off quickly with OTC medication (theraflu). The other one got a cold on thursday night, had to miss work friday, and had to go to a doctor on saturday afternoon to get antibiotics.
My bf had 203 CD4 tcells, his lowest number ever, and low CD4% that puts him in AIDS territory. But still undetectable VL, while on Atripla med.
I have 749 CD4 tcells, 2313 VL, and don't take HIV meds.
But I am the one who is having to take the antibiotics. My cold also came with free extras - a very sore throat, diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, and even though I didn't have any fever at any point, the doctor didn't hesitate in prescribing antibiotics after he diagnosed a tonsil and ear infection. Good thing I didn't have to ask for them, because antibiotics are pretty much the only thing that work for me when I get this bad. Which is unfortunately, far too frequent, and this predates my HIV diagnosis last year. I feel somewhat better now, but my throat is still sore and I can't talk too much.
I had periods of my life as a kid where I would be sick with colds or other illnesses an entire winter. I was pretty much always the sick kid. I don't know what my CD4 count was prior to the HIV infection (wouldn't it be great if they ran that for everybody at physical time?), but it can't have been much different than it is now, and more likely higher. I am certain that there must be some more useful, yet-to-be-discovered, measurements of the status of the immune system, than CD4 cell counts and %.
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Hey Dad,
Just give your son all the love and support you can. Listen to him without reacting on emotions and if possible go with him to the doctors for his medical treatment. That way you can be a part of his health and life. Keep us posted...
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Dear Dad, How is your son doing these days, and how are you? I trust things have settled a bit and there is now a routine in place -- meds, doctors' visits, good nutrition, family support and support group(s), exercise, work. I hope you and your son are recovering. Our son was diagnosed just before Thanksgiving, so just a few weeks ago. I believe it is all just settling in for him and for us, and the routine is starting to take shape. We don't discount its seriousness; in fact, it's terrifying at moments, but I seem to bounce out of it because there's just nothing to be gained being terrified, devastated or sad. There's just so much good going on with new meds today and we have everything to be thankful and hopeful for in a very real way. I would move heaven and earth to take this from him and live it myself, but since I can't, I'll do whatever else I can. Above all, I love him, support him, am proud of his accomplishments which are many, and treasure the person he is. He is my boy.
If you care to respond, please let me know how things are, nearly 7 months later. I pray and trust they are well.
Loving Mom