POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Mensaje iniciado por: Jnm594 en Julio 12, 2007, 12:32:41 am
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I had my first date in almost three years tonight and was as jumpy as a 12 year old girl in Alabama at a family reunion. I think I only changed clothes five times, cut myself shaving, put on two different color socks...OK enough I'm sure I"ve made my point. I had literally run into this guy while I was at the grocery store and we chatted and out of the blue he asked me out. Now I live in Northern Colorado not South Beach so I was stammering and stuttering and of course said yes. How often do I get asked out by a hunk a fuckin burning love? Woof.....
So we went out, He showed up at my door with flowers and opened my car door, the restaurant door, was charming, attentive, etc. and I just kept pinching myself because I thought it was too good to be true. Well guess what?????
We started talking about just about everything and anything and things seemed to be going great and I was just rattling away and he asked "Are you positive?" I thought great another pozzie in the boonies just getting better and better! Of course I'm not going to lie and said "yes and pretty healthy what about you?" He just looked at me and said "No" and then called the waitress over and asked for the check. I asked what was wrong and he looked at me with this bizzare expression and said that he didn't date SLUTS AND THEN ASKED ME IF I NEEDED A RIDE HOME!!! I was so shocked I just looked at him and said "No" and he got up and walked out. I was so friggin mad and fuming that I got a box for my steak to give to the kids when I got home, called a cab and came home.
The problem is when I was giving the dogs their pieces of steak I started tearing up and then bawled like a baby, Feeling like I had been punched in the gut thinking I'll NEVER find someone and all the usual dramatic garbage. And I hate drama but could have been nominated for "The Most Awful Scene of Self-Centered Psychosis in a 40 year old gay man".
The Drama Llama was braying in my living room and then shit all over the floor.
So after I got myself together I came to some realizations....
I may be poz but I'm still me.
I might be poz but I'm still a catch (In my own little world at least, the one inside my head).
I may be poz but he's a jackass.
I doubt it will be another three years for the next date but if so, then so.
I have busted my ass for every single one of my 164 tcells and I'm not going to worry any of them away.
I might be HIV positive but I still deserve to be treated with respect.
Better to find out on date one than date one hundred and one.
If all else fails my dogs still love me.
And last but not least, Shit Happens.
He may be gorgeous on the outside but he's miserable inside.
And I bet he has a little one.....Asshole.
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And I bet he has a little one.....Asshole.
I'm glad you're thinking good thoughts. I'm sorry that your date had to turn out that way. He was so very, VERY out of line that I can't even imagine that situation you were in. If people honestly do not wish to date someone positive can't they at least handle the situation with a bit of tact and a modicum of grace?
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I would have spit on the SOB. I hate to hear that people who are positive and are healthy and then you go out with them and then they ask are you positive.
Well all I can say to this is there are more positive guys out there that are single and looking!
I for one ask them if they are positive on the first time around have found out that not asking them means they may or may not have the virus. This is how it was when I use to party and get drunk and go home with some guy and never asked them and look where it got me today.
Been positive since 2005 have been in and out of relationships some I thought would work but others not. Happy to say Single is fun and has its advantages and disadvantages. Don't give up!
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Damn, you are right about him, he is an asshole among other colorful adjectives I could use. >:(
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I find what goes around comes around, he will get his. Fuck Him
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This guy is a real loser.
You deserve better.
HUGS,
Mark
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Like you said he is a 'Jackass' and an 'Asshole' !
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An unfortunate experience that many of us have endured at some time - life goes on and nice people always attract nice people
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I might not know much but one thing I know for sure is that you Northern Colorado boys are really hot.
Next time you see him, tell him to drive over to Wyoming and get it on with a sheep.
robert
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Sounds like a lost cause if you ask me. I would count my blessings things didn't get any further. He picks up guys in grocery stores then calls YOU a slut?
Pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside. What a cliché ... and what a buffoon.
Daniel
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Well, sorry about this, but good for you for going out there! You get five gold *****, he gets minus five. Think of it this way, being + is a real good jackass filter.
Bests,
Drew
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I hope he picked up the check. The night wasn't all bad, free meal.
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What a complete asshole. At least you found out before becoming emotionally invested exactly what type of loser he is.
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Sounds like one of those jerks who has probably never tested in his life and relies on the word of people who say they're hiv negative, some of whom have also never tested.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape, but I'm sure it didn't feel that way at the time.
Glad you had a good cry afterwards - rinse that guy out of your system. And I love your list of affirmations - way to go!
Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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Just adding to the chorus here, but this guy has no redeeming qualities. While a few of us might be sluts (of which I am proudly one) many are not and to assume someone who is poz is also a slut is just "plum stupid". Enjoy the flowers and don't cry anymore over this small minded asshole, which equals his small dick.
Woods
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Oh HELL No... what a sorry excuse for a human being. *fights to keep the weave, jewelry, and nails from flying off*
Good to see it didn't hurt you too badly though. *big, warm, comforting hug*
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I had a similar experience recently, but I am not looking to date. I have been with the same guy for 5 years +, we do not live together and he is -. I was bored so went into a gay chat room; the guy asked what I was looking for, I said just to chat, as I am seeing someone special. My profile also says that. He went on to ask why I was not looking for anything more than to chat. I of course explained, so we continued to chat he was thinking he was going to get some. He starts talking dirty to me, I cut him off and said, you know I was direct and honest and told you that I am not interested in hooking up. So he asks my status I of course was honest, and he was like I can not take that chance. I asked chance to chat with someone or make a new friend, because you are never gonna get it from the computer? Before putting him on ignore I explained that his narrow minded ways would end up being his loss not anyone else's for not being open minded and educated enough to know how HIV is transmitted, and how in the heck can you live in this day and age, a gay man and not be educated on HIV transmission.
I guess I just wanted you to know that they are in every walk of life and everywhere in the country. I am sorry that you experienced this, but don't let it be three years before you go on another date. He was an asshole, but everybody has one, just some are bigger than others. There are great guys out there. Something else that I have noticed lately is that every one wants to bare back, WTF. Take care, and hang in there. D
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Wow, I sure hate that you had that happen to you. As well as being ignorant (lots of HIV+ folks are NOT sluts), the guy sure has a lot to learn in terms of being human. Like you said, he probably has a little one, if he has one at all. Take care.
David
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WHAT A MOTHER FUCKER >:(
It is people like that ASS HOLE that make me want to go off.
I hate to say this and I know it is awful, and after I come down from reading what a son of a bitch your would be date is, I sure I would not say what I am about to, but here it goes.....It is people like that SOB that I wish would test POZ.
How dare him judge you because of your HIV status. Who the fuck is he.
Sorry...it just got to me.
Moving on...you don't need people like that around you anyway.
I am really sorry you had to meet this sorry excuse for a human being.
Rich
(who is too mad right now)
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Wow that guy is an ASS CLOWN. And an uneducated one at that. You would think that in this day and age, especially in the gay community, that men would know that you only need to be lied to ONE time to get HIV.
Well, good news is you weeded out the prissy bitch before he got too attached and went all "bunny boiler" on you. It seems as though revealing that we are HIV positive reveals the true character of people, and maybe that isnt such a bad thing.
Those who have big hearts and big minds see beyond the surface and isnt that what you are looking for anyway? So I guess you could consider your HIV as a time saver. It took you all of an hour to figure out this guy was El Douchebag Numero Uno instead of it taking a neggie 6 months or longer to figure it out.
So dont be too hard on yourself and try giving yourself a long look in the mirror and tell your Virus--- "Thanks for that, I owe you one". It just might help. You two(the HIV and you) are in this for the long haul so you might as well make it work FOR you instead of against you.
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So dont be too hard on yourself and try giving yourself a long look in the mirror and tell your Virus--- "Thanks for that, I owe you one". It just might help. You two(the HIV and you) are in this for the long haul so you might as well make it work FOR you instead of against you.
Very good way to look at it.
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I really hate him... What a reaction, except, it doesn't sound like a (very bad) spontaneous freakout reaction, it sounds more like an agenda, probabaly because he never dared to get tested. what an asshole. the combination of that with his overall slickness prior to the disclosure is just sickening.
It is hard to say don't take it personally since I am sure it hurts but someone with this kind of attitude would have blown up over anything eventually and said something which is INTENDED TO HUMILIATE. don't give him the satisfaction...
I don't know the english word for that kind of person, but regardless of HIV I have found (when I was younger and prettier and used to get hit on by strangers) that very confident, slick, over-gentlemanly guys always revaeal themselves to be arrogant, rude, verbally violent pricks!
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title of this thread = the guy's attitude!
about the sluts thing i would have said "when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U but NOT ME"
someone with this kind of attitude would have blown up over anything eventually and said something which is INTENDED TO HUMILIATE.
i agree with dragonette. i detect a ounce or two of sadism
edited to add: you're destined to meet someone else
oh yeah, and there are tons of slutty neg guys out there. i bet he's one of those men who's calls like 5x a day and you have to account for your whereabouts every hour cuz he's so suspicious
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We should all go and kick his butt... Ok, that is the red neck in me trying to escape... D
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WOW, God I feel so mad right now, how can someone do this to another person. I hope you are okay.
And I agree when you said on date 1 and not 101. I like to try to be as honest as possible, so I told my new guy after dinner on the first date. He said that we can deal with it and it is not a deal breaker. It has only been a month, but all relationships have to start somewhere.
Keep your head up honey, Mr. Right is waiting for you and he will accept you no matter what!
I havemade some major changes in the last 7 weeks and if you are interested, you can read it here:
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13595.msg168713#msg168713
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Just a note from a felllow Coloradoan... There are good guys out there who will accept you for what you are, and who you are, even up here.... Keep going on dates and keep being honest...
Your very attractive to me....
Woud you be up to meeting in Denver and having dinner with me and Will sometime??
Hugs,
Eric
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Well, what a dick! That's as far as I will allow my brain to ponder such 'dickness'...
Sounds like you had a lucky escape, mister. Up hoy...onward and upward! ;)
Melia
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This sorry ass excuse for a human being does not deserve a sweet guy like you. I feel your pain. The right one will look beyond the virus, and I hope you will find him soon. How did people become so heartless? Like life says, there are good guys out there, ya just gotta keep on trying.
Hugs,
CA
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Wait... he asks that question on the first date? IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER??
If you'd been negative, what sort of tactless questions of douchebaggery would he have asked you?
"What's your Social Security number? I want to check your credit rating."
"How's your pooping? Regular?"
"How much money do you make? I don't date poor people."
Dude! What a cock!
I'll tell you what, I''ll come out to Colorado, we can tell him I'm a neggie, then all I have to do is make out with him... and voila! My MRSA has a new friend... and some fucktard douche-kebab has learned a new lesson about the defiinition of sluttiness.
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Just remember it was his lost, not yours. I'd rather know up front that he was a piece of shit. There is better out there...
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The funny thing is being called a slut AND having the offer of a ride home extended to you. Something tells me in a few months this will make an amusing story to tell others at dinner parties, and I always treasure such things myself.
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The funny thing is being called a slut AND having the offer of a ride home extended to you.
That is odd. Methinks this guy is off-kilter or something. Perhaps off his medications.
He probably has bodies stashed under his bed in black trash bags.
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Sucks man.
But you're right, he's a jerk and not worth your time.
But you know, I guess part of me feels like unfortunate situations like this are avoidable with a few simple rules:
1. You are a good person and deserve to be treated with respect. The other guy deserves the same respect. That means that he should know you're poz before the date, not during. Let them back out gracefully. If he's negative and still wants to go out on the date... then great. Remember, negative people have just as much of a right to protect themselves as you have the right to be who you are.
2. Grow a thick skin. People who reject you because you're poz might be the subject of ridicule, but trust me, there was a time when most of us had anxiety about dating someone poz. Their treatment of you is their shit, not yours. Let it stay theirs.
3. Consider serosorting, with caveats. Poz friendly guys are great, especially if you can stomach the idea of using a condom. In the end, I still can't deal with dating a negative guy and generally just say no when there are so many perfectly good poz guys out there.
4. Who wants to date people who feel free to call people sluts or whatever epithet. Also, people with dramatic tendencies in the beginning tend to keep those dramatic tendencies. Stay away from anyone negative.
5. Repeat: Early disclosure avoids heartache for you. While it gets you out of your comfort zone ... if you're going to play the dating game, it's pretty much the only way from going insane from rejection.
And lastly... I have a thing for redneck boys. I can't be the only poz guy who feels the same way.
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Awe - I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. That totally sucks. The good news - you found out that he's an asshole on the first date and didn't waste too much time on him.
~ronnie
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I only have two words to say about this: fuck him.
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Three of my favorite words are Shit!, Shit!, Shit!, and Asshole! Not very encouraging for a first date in 3 years... I have been on one date in 7 years, is this what we have to look forward to? My first date suggested I cut up all of my credit cards. I suggested he did not know me very well. There was no second date. Have the best day
Michael