Dating with HIV: Specifically SEX

[StuckKidd]

Hey all,

Happy Holidays!!

I've been HIV positive for two years now and have been undetectable for a year now. (YAY).

Here is where things get muddy. I've been exclusively dating this guy for 9 months now, he is HIV neg. He knows of my diagnosis and we are doing well! The thing that lingers in the back of my mind is that we have sex without a condom all the time.

I know U=U but part of me wonders and worries. This virus has given me trust issues with my own body so I have moments like these.... Should I be concerned? Maybe it's my anxiety?

Anyone has advice or tips or even stories on how to deal with that anxiety.
Is it an issue? Should we go back to condoms just in case?

Any help or words of affirmation -- anything really is appreciated.

Much Love,
A less StuckKiid than before...

[Jim Allen]

A less StuckKiid than before...

Hiya.

Great to hear about the relationship, wishing you well.

Should I be concerned?

No concern. Look there more than two decades of evidence to supporting TaSP behind the U=U statement.  As long as you keep taking your meds, you can't sexually pass on HIV. No need to use condoms from a passing HIV on standpoint as you can't pass it on. Of course, other STI's is another story so do make sure to test regularly.

Regarding fears/anxiety about the onward transmission of HIV.  Have you talked to your partner about these fears?

Anyhow, you are two years in, it took me far longer for the voice of doubts to go and to start being comfortable with my HIV status. I am sure it takes some people no time at all, it's a journey,  not a race though. If you are struggling there is no harm in talking to your partner about using condoms for now or prehaps PrEP to give you peace of mind.

Post-COVID prehaps counselling or joining peer face to face support groups might help you on this journey.

Finally, I moved your topic here to address the concerns/questions expressed with passing HIV on. (HIV Prevention). Keep us posted here if questions remain.

However, please feel free to open a 2nd thread in "Living with HIV" or "Mental Health" section on dealing with anxiety if you wish.

Best, Jim