Worst Birthday Ever

[BF428]

I was seeing this guy for a while and everything seemed to work great, one sorta drunken night and a broken condom later he suddenly stopped talking to me. Turns out he wasn't entirely truthful and didn't get tested on the regular like I do- a few weeks later he tells me he's positive. Two weeks after that, I got intensely sick on what other day than my 27th birthday. The day after I went and got tested after reading all the potential signs... a week later it came back positive.

In that instant as I sit across from the counselor who told me my results the air rushed out of the room. I felt like my world had ended. Happy birthday to me right?

Though I guess I am lucky he said, I live in Los Angeles and the amount of doctors, support and understanding he said was incredible. He pointed me to a doctor and made sure I make it to my appointment calling me and reminding me. So now I felt a little better. The only thing is now I feel ashamed and scared- I just wanted to have a better life and instead I got this huge setback.

I am still trying to process this- I don't think it has hit me fully. I have talked to a few friends and one family member and theyve all been supportive, but anything more I have been alone. How long will it take or what do people recommend in understanding and dealing with this?

[emeraldize]

Hi BF

Welcome. There will be others who stop by to post. The good news as to their whereabouts ? Many of us are busy with lives we didn't think we'd have at all or lives which, over time, were restored or simply became livable again.

I note that to assure you that no matter how long your process of adjustment is, you will adjust.  While you've been told you 're lucky to be in LA, I think your greatest luck is in having family and friends you could trust to tell.

Well, I'm watching Dateline and it's taking me a long while to post this. You've found a great resource in this site for facts, feelings and even fun.

Em

[JosephP]

BF... I am much older than you and although I got diagnosed 6 months go, I still feel very scared! It has gotten easier but still is hard to deal with... There are great people here that are ready to lend a hand...They have helped me a lot! Good Luck... We are in this together!!

[Joe K]

Nobody can tell you how long it will take you to adjust, because being poz is a marathon, not a race.  You have a lot to process right now, so just allow yourself to feel, whatever it is you feel, without the need to do anything about any of it.  Go easy on yourself and just take your time.  This is big news and a life altering event and it takes time for it all to begin to make sense... it does get better, I promise.

I just wanted to welcome you to the forums and I've been poz for 30 years.  This will change your life, but not derail it.  Take your time, go slow and come here whenever you feel the need.  You will be fine... all it takes is time.

Welcome to the forums,

Joe

[zach]

i'm coming up on four years in so far, two major health battles with it. i'm only just starting to feel like i'm getting in front of it. i think its just a process. its a hell of a storm, but its passable. like the cheesy youtube thing (that made me cry)

it gets better. sometimes its a fight, sometimes its a like lousy roommate. eventually its just part of you, like any other flaw. we all have them, one of mine happens to be hiv

just hold on to the idea that no matter what you face, you'll face it down

everytime... thats two words? every time. huh

[mecch]

Sorry for that cadeaux empoisonné 
Welcome here.
What Killfolie said - it becomes mundane in fits and starts.  I bet you will have a shift after you see your specialist and know your labs.  Another shift is when you start meds. I think the best things for me was the doctor telling me medical science was great and I would be OK and fine even, normal life, blah blah. And telling all my friends (but no one professionally) and talking about it now and then for 6 months and then it just faded into another piece of info, not particularly pressing in a social context.
Just go though your normal life, work and home life and wait long enough and then you'll be there.

[BF428]

I really appreciate the support, im just new to this and i keep thinking in my head "why me" and especially after all the crap i have dealt with since i turned 18, i think... why now, and whats next?

[mecch]

Just bad luck the way you report it. Its a virus.  There is no why, really.

[Dan0]

Unless there is a thread commenting on years, months and dates of a diagnosis, I don't even think about it...after 13 years that's where I'm at. I can't even with any type of certainty name what day it was or even month...it's be so long that it is much of a non-issue in the big scheme of things.  It just "is". I remember the conversation with the tech, counselor or whatever he was, the location, but that's about it. In fact, I sometimes (almost all the time) have to do the math to figure out how long it HAS been. That's the result of longevity and with the medications and advances, that's what you have in front of you...longevity.

You, too, will get there and probably sooner than you think. Hopefully, your next birthday will be filled with happiness and adventure and this will be nothing more than a footnote.

[SMARTCHICK]

I was diagnosed on June 6 - 3 days before my 29th birthday. I spent my birthday weekend having a mental breakdown - crying hysterically and hanging on to life (negotiating suicide with myself after killing the guy who infected me). To make matters worse - the guy who infected me spent the weekend with me (he was my boyfriend at the time) and wouldn't leave cause he was too scared of what i might do to myself.

I literally broke. A part of my spirit has never returned. So for the past two birthdays - i am reminded of my break down once learning of my status.

It has gotten easier and I'm not as broken. I can look in the mirror now without thinking - eww you are a walking infection. you are an infectious disease.

My advice - pray. pray. pray.

God bless you on this journey.