Hi

[Manchesteruk2016]

Hi I'm new here I'm 27 an my partner has just been diagnosed with HIV iv recently done blood tests but we are both certain I don't have it

At the moment I feel angry and upset the fact he's caught it being so stupid and selfish has anyone been in same situation

Will we still be a loving pair or will this destroy us i want to support him but at the same time I feel so angry I just wanna shout and scream at him ano there's medication to make it undetected but it's still going to be there

Any advice and story's on true events will help as right now I feel so numb and angry and hurt

[Ptrk3]

Manchesteruk2016:  I'm sorry to read of your plight, but glad that you have found these forums for information and ongoing support.  Share this forum with your partner and invite him to join as well.

Yes, it is tough to receive the diagnosis of being HIV positive, especially when matters of trust are involved.  But it does get better.  Make sure you and your partner receive whatever support you may need (face-to-face therapy, counseling, etc.) to get you through these early days.

If you peruse these forums you will see that people with HIV/AIDS are living long and healthy lives.  This is the most important thing for you and your partner to know: there is no reason why you can't achieve your dreams.

Equally important to know is that your partner must adhere to his antiretroviral regimen, presuming he is on one; if not, he needs to get on one as soon as practicable.  His short-term goal should be to attain an undetectable viral load of the HIV, in order to build up and keep his CD4 count (immune-system related) in a safe place, certainly above 200.

Other than that, peruse these forums and you will learn much about living life with HIV.  In addition to the site you are currently viewing-- https://www.poz.com/ -- there are many others that you can google on the internet, such as:

http://www.thebody.com/index.html?ic=3002

or

http://hivforum.tumblr.com/

or one more locally, for you:

http://www.beyondpositive.org/

There are many others, but do make sure you read up-to-date information and that the site is scientifically based (there's a lot of dreck out there!).

Please feel free to become a part of this forum community and, again, suggest to your partner that he join.  We look forward to hearing about your ongoing progress.

Best wishes to you and your partner for a long and healthy life together!

[harleymc]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm glad you're angry, that's a motivating emotion, much better than numbness or resignation. Unfortunately it's not an emotion that does much for dealing with the necessary changes that come with having a long term chronic illness in a relationship.

For what it's worth HIV is a very human virus, it spreads when people are seeking intimacy, or solace, or pleasuring someone. The reasons there was an (or several) unprotected sex or needle sharing incidents really don't matter now in dealing with the virus. These reasons only matter in regards to your relationship.

Name calling  such as 'stupid' or 'selfish' is pretty much guaranteed to end your relationship.

I wish you both well.

[CaveyUK]

There are many folks living with HIV who are in strong relationships with people who do not have the virus, so as long as you can get over the trust issue then there is no reason you cannot maintain the relationship just the same as if the virus wasn't there.

Once undetectable through adherence to the (very good, these days) meds, then your partner will be able to live a long, healthy life and do all the things he would have done anyway.

Wishing you all the best

[Jim Allen]

At the moment I feel angry and upset the fact he's caught it being so stupid and selfish has anyone been in same situation

Hi

So are you angry because he has HIV or because he might have cheated?
I am presuming it was from sexual intercourse, now did you talk about it? I mean did he admit to cheating.

Anyhow yeah so anger in a relationship does not work so if you can move past this and still want a relationship than consider perhaps some couples therapy or therapy to help the both of you. 

Wishing you both the best

Jim

[abrokenman]

At the moment I feel angry and upset the fact he's caught it being so stupid and selfish has anyone been in same situation

Will we still be a loving pair or will this destroy us i want to support him but at the same time I feel so angry I just wanna shout and scream at him ano there's medication to make it undetected but it's still going to be there

Any advice and story's on true events will help as right now I feel so numb and angry and hurt

Hi ManchesterUK, thank you for sharing your story here at the forum. It shows Two things: 1) You need support, to hear other People's experiences which is important in helping to deal with such a matter 2) That you are concerned and care.

It's totally understandable that you are angry, hurt & upset - that is a normal human emotion. As for your partner being stupid and selfish, well although his action may not have been in both your best interest He made a human decision probably during a quick split decision without thinking of any consequences thereafter. As for being selfish you two should talk about what the reason was that made him stray outside the relationship. It may not have anything to do with you or your relationship but rather something that was an underlying matter and He could have felt he would not be able to discuss it with you for fear of loosing you and the relationship even without a positive diagnosis.

As for "Will we still be a loving pair or will this destroy us" only the both of you hold that answer. If total true Love was there throughout the relationship then that implies "yes" you can still have that loving relationship. Real Love, one that is deeply within your heart will survive all. When a person takes a partner and accepts all their past, flaws, baggage, insecurities and everything else you knew about them from the start that started building the foundation of your relationship. Throughout your time together new and other situations will come into play from every day Life and that makes building that foundation stronger in how you handle those moments. You have to ask yourself very personal questions and answer them with an open and unbiased mind, do some soul searching in order to know if you are able to move forward in a relationship with your partner post diagnosis. The trust has to be rebuilt and that is very achievable but true Love can not be rebuilt or altered. If you had 100% Love for each other before this situation then the Love can not be tossed away it can only become more solid. You should think about the alternative of things, do you leave someone whom you truly Love but don't know how to because they are HIV & you are not. What kind of relationship would you have with a new partner who is not HIV, do you think that would make for "the" perfect (or close to perfect) relationship? The next person could seem like "the" one but in turn may turn out to be the exact opposite of any expectations you may have of them. Let's just say that in the trust side of things, what if your partner opened up a credit card account, hid that from you; maxed out the  card and you had no knowledge of it until one day in the mail comes a very past due notice - you would be confused and bewildered wondering how that could have happened. Financial situations can be life changing and derail peoples lives but it is how you handle it that counts. I know a credit card is not like having HIV as in life threatening but it can cause havoc in peoples lives.  I'm just giving a simple analogy to help put things in perspective meaning you wouldn't throw away your Love for that Person but you both would work through it together and move forward.

In the end, the decision is both for you to make and I hope it all works out for you both. I wish all the blessings for you, your partner and your loving relationship! Take care.

[Jim Allen]

As for "Will we still be a loving pair or will this destroy us" only the both of you hold that answer. If total true Love was there throughout the relationship then that implies "yes" you can still have that loving relationship. Real Love, one that is deeply within your heart will survive all.

To be honest true loves does not mean the relationship will survive, its a sad truth but the love might continue and be true but the relationship may still end, it does not overcome all. Love has very little to do with it at times.

You're post seems to borderline imply that if the relationship would not survive its somehow equals that it was was not true love. Sorry but that I think is total bollocks. But if it helps someone to rationalize a loss that's way, than all I can say is each to his/her own to fool themselves.

@OP

Hope you do what is right for you and that you can let go of the anger.

Jim