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Author Topic: Time until you feel "normal" again  (Read 4317 times)

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Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Time until you feel "normal" again
« on: November 21, 2006, 12:45:53 pm »
I just recently found out I am positive. I am taking it as well as you can take news like this and well for the first few days i felt ok, but 3 weeks go by and its the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning,and the last thing that is on your mind before you go to bed so it gets kind of exhausting honestly. I know I will never feel like i did before i found out but i guess id just like to know how long it took you guys before you began to feel somewhat "normal"?

I mean its not like I'm sitting at home 24 hours a day depressed trying to think about it and absorb it. I go to the gym daily, school full time, work full time, try and find time for the beach but its always in the back of my mind and i guess its distracting me in the other aspects like school. I have told my mom about it and a couple friends so I thought venting might help but no matter how much i talk, how much I try to distract myself I still feel different than before. I can handle it for now (im usually quite strong) but if it keeps on ive been known in the past to self destruch (which is why i got HIV in the first place).

Anyways any opinions or insight on how you dealt with it and got your lives back to normal would be greatly appreciated.

-josh :-D
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline Joe K

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  • Member
  • Posts: 5,821
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2006, 01:07:09 pm »
Hey Josh,

There is really no set answer to your question as we each deal with our infection in our own way.  Like you I initially could not escape thinking about HIV, it seemed, almost continually.  But with time those episodes would fade to where I rarely thought of it and that was 22 years ago.

All that matters is for you to accept your infection and realize that little in your life needs to change, unless you let the disease dictate how you will live.  Right now you are going through a very normal and healthy adjustment to some horrific news, so just let it play out.  When you need to be concerned is if you find your thoughts or actions are affecting your life in negative ways.  The way you describe your life and the fact that you continue with daily activities, suggest to me that you are in shock.  Again very normal but also temporary.

Rather than worrying about when you will return to "normal", try working at reaching a place of acknowledgment and acceptance that HIV will be a part of your life and more on.  You hold the power to make your life whatever you choose.  Never give your power away to anything, particularly to a stinking disease.

You are starting on a journey that all us have made and while we cannot tell you how your journey will unfold, through these forums you never need to walk alone.

Give it some time my friend and stop worrying about all of it.  You do not need to return to normal, because you never left it.  As difficult as it may seem you are simply in mourning and with time that too will pass.

Welcome to the forums.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,474
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2006, 01:28:05 pm »
Josh, Just found out myself this past spring.  One of the first questions I asked someone is do you ever forget you are HIV+.  Their answer was no and I agree.  The important fact is that you will eventually accept where you are in life and go from there.  Every Sat morning I have to fill my pill box up for the week ahead and all I do is kind of chuckle.  Take my word it gets easier with time!
Best to you,
Woods
« Last Edit: November 21, 2006, 02:18:31 pm by woodshere »
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Poz Brit

  • Member
  • Posts: 158
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2006, 02:04:46 pm »
Josh, I found out my status one year ago next week. Now, I live with acceptance of my bug, Like you I worried, my mind played all kinds of tricks on me and took me around the block a few times. Try reading up about every thing related to HIV/AIDS, start right here in the lessons try www.aidsmap.com for me the more knowledge I have about my bug the bigger my arsenal to be able to fight and altimetry learn to live with it, also read the blogs and see how others live with this, perhaps start with Joe’s as you have already made his acquaintance with his reply to you, don’t rush it take your time and try not to fret, your going to be OK. Here at aidsmeds there are hundreds of people, just like you, Living with HIV and AIDS, and all will be willing to help you along your way.
Take care,

John(UK)

Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2006, 02:25:01 pm »
thank you all for your replies and responses. I guess i will take the time i need to absorb it all and try to deal with it. I have noticed that reading the lessons on aidsmap and blogs does help (have been doing that since day 1 lol). I guess i just wish i knew other real people that have HIV in my area but i live in Puerto Rico (there are many but in latin cultures people keep there mouth shut and live in silence lol.....i didnt get that latin gene hehe). Anyways thanks again :-D
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2006, 02:33:01 pm »
Keep w/the good attitude Josh, that's the only way you will be able to go back to your normal life, the good think is that you have your mom and couple of friends that can help you w/this, keep in touch.

I'm a Latino too and I know exactly what are you talking about ;)

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,787
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2006, 04:12:20 pm »
Hi, Josh.
You wont forget you are HIV positive but you will come to accept it as I accept I am beautiful. :D It is just one more of your features. In a few months you will no longer think about it when you wake up. I never think of it first thing in the morning. The nurse who gave me my diagnosis told me I would have get used to it the first morning I woke up without thinking about HIV. And it is true.
By the way..it won´t do you any good forgeting it. If you did you would not remember taking meds or going to the periodical controls.
Being HIV+ is a new way of life and the chance of starting healthy lifestyle, worry about your well being, being a bit more selfish (which is sometimes very good) and doing only what you really want to do without thinking about being too nice to people that might not deserve your friendship and valuable time and dedication.
I feel very well with my new situation, I am more relaxed than before I was diagnosed, I do what I want and spend my time with good friends and family and I learned what the really important things in life are.
I feel in control of my life more than ever before. I have told many people I am HIV+ (all of my friends know) but Spanish society is very open in this and may other matters. Even though we speak the same language Spaniards and rest of Spanish speaking people have little in common.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2006, 06:20:29 pm »
Hi Josh.  I would first steer you over to the 'how has hiv/aids changed your life' thread which I hope will give you a sense of where many of us are now, having digested the news.  I don't think that any of us became 'normal' after diagnosis but that's good: we became focused and, often, better people for it.  There is a lot of information out there, but remember that it will still be there tomorrow, so you should never feel pressured to take in more than you can handle.  These forums, I think, are a blessing since when we are online, we are connected to each other in ways which may not be true where we live, with our families, with our friends, try though all of them may to understand what we are going through.  What I would not want to see most of all is for any self-destructive actions to occur, so please, please use the forums, use any resources near you to help catch yourself if things start to build again negatively.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,185
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2006, 07:24:32 pm »
Hi Josh

I can't really add much more than what the guys have already told you..just remember no matter how you are feeling you have a right to feel that way, there are no right or wrong feeling, feelings come and go and you have a choice about how you respond to your feelings..eventually you will get to a place where you will find some peace or even co-existance with your HIV, that may seem like a lot way off right now, but it is possible to view HIV as part of your life and not something that defines your life..I know others may disagree but this is just my personal view.

Living with HIV is about progress not perfection, it's about realizing that no-one is perfect and that the road you are now on will sometimes be a bumpy one and it's believing that although living with HIV can be hard to accept you will eventaully be able to accept it..it just takes time, so hang in there..as Joe said there are no set answers to your questions because everyone has their own way of dealing with HIV..just hang in there you have a lot of support here from people who care.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2006, 08:45:46 pm »
Hey Josh,

It is unfortunate that you have tested positive with HIV. It is a truly difficult situation to accept within you. The main thing you will want to do is to accept it unconditionally and understand that it is an external anxiety which automatically triggers your inner anxiety because of this. You will definitely want to educate yourself on HIV/AIDS and to keep an open line of communication via your support system in order to prevent things from building up within you.

It is through your strength and patience within along with time that will carry you through this. Do your BEST to remain as positive as you can and to continue to keep yourself busy. It does get better in time, I am a living witness to you in this life.

I wish to extend to you a warm WELCOME here at the forums. Here you will find the encouragement, communication, understanding, support, some cries, some laughter, and many of your questions relating to HIV/AIDS answered.


We have a great group of Real People who will listen as well as answer you. We are here to encourage one another and to learn from each other.

Implementing a Positive Mental Attitude will also assist you on your journey in this life as well as a positive impact on your immune system.

Talking to other people helps us see that we are not the only ones with problems. Feel free to come and vent with whatever is on your mind from time-to-time as it is highly therapeutic.

In the interim, you may want to start taking a multi-vitamin, Omega 3 and eat a diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, and low-fat dairy and avoid processed foods, saturated and trans fats. This will also help you maintain a healthy weight.

Exercise at least three times per week for a minimum of 30 minutes.

Make the BEST of each and every Day!

Offline chadnla

  • Member
  • Posts: 84
  • Relaxed in SoCal
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2006, 08:56:19 pm »
Josh,

When I found out 4 yrs ago, I was crushed needless to say like a lot of people are when they find out.  I became so afraid, including telling friends. What I did do and it helped me tremendously was seek out help from some gay or aids organization. I began seeing a one-on-one counselor and also went to a newly diagnosed group therapy.  The group was probably the best thing for me.  That is where I met people who were actually still living life, having fun, going out and even joking about it.  My point is that I would never have made it this far without the support of people that have been through it. It will get easier each day that you wake up and say to yourself that you will make it.  If you can't some days, that's fine too. That's when you can turn to a place like this or to your friends. We're all in this together and YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!

Best,
Chad
"I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing."

Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2006, 09:08:13 pm »
This forum helps a lot honestly. Thank you all for your responses. Its nice to here things from people who literally understand what your going through. I tried to explain to my mom what I was going through, and although i know it hurts her a lot also (if not more than it hurts me), but she didnt get it. Her response to all my stress was, you have to be strong, dont drop classes, dont quit work, and keep getting straight A's like you always do hehe. In theory she is right and I know that, but its easier said than done :-D (especially since i JUST STARTED a new trimester). She tells me just to focus on school, treat my body right, go to the DR. and forget about it the rest of the day (impossible, at least for now anyways). I know she's trying to keep me in check and from losing my mind lol, but still doesnt get it :-(. I'm glad people here do though ;-)
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline chadnla

  • Member
  • Posts: 84
  • Relaxed in SoCal
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2006, 09:25:15 pm »
To some extent your mom is correct.  Keep your daily life going as best you can because it help keeps your mind off it, in my opinion. When I found out, it was 1 month after being laid off from my job. In some ways that was good - it gave me time to think a lot. But that thinking also makes it tough, so I took a foreign language class for a semester and went to the gym a lot to help keep my mind off it.

Just do what you feel is right. There will be bad days and there will be good days but each one of those days is one day closer to feeling better overall.

"I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing."

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,931
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2006, 09:37:48 pm »

   Josh I remember going through the same thing after I was diagnosed.   I complained in these forums of not being able to get that extra sleep when you roll over in the morning because my mind would instantly start about HIV.  Just like you it also consumed me at night before bed.  

   Educating myself  and having this forum as a means of support was a big help in lifting the anxiety I was going through.  Slowly, day by day it got better and I realized that I could swing this, which was a far cry from the beginning when I was Baker Acted because they thought I was a danger to myself.

   You are doing the right thing in maintaining a active lifestyle, that was something I had difficulty doing..  Stay strong and look forward to learning more about you.

  Thomas

  
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,374
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Time until you feel "normal" again
« Reply #14 on: November 21, 2006, 09:48:26 pm »
Kids, I had to even cut the volume off on the TV when an AOL or Earthlink commercial came on- because I couldn't stand to hear them talk about having a computer


                                                      V I R U S

Yes, it was THAT bad.

I agree with all those above that say that information is KING.  The more I learned, the less of a monster it seemed.  The other major agreement is about being around groups (hey even our little motley lot on here!) that can support you.  Seeing and being around others who are busy LIVING is good for the soul.  You're definitely off in the right direction. 

~+
AIDS isn't for sissies.

 


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