New Positive- room for me?

[soliloquy]

Hi,

I just signed up for this website yesterday. Have been browsing through the forums since. Now, going to say "hello" and see how we land.

I love what you have going here, and I know I need this, but uncertain with a certain belief system in place here. I have read through the various posts in the "Am I infected" and "Newly Confirmed" threads that the general consensus here is that transmission through oral receptive/insertive is only theory and has never occurred.  Thus, you cannot contract HIV through oral sex.

So, on Thursday I had my confirmation Western Blot and am HIV+. I was tested during routine exam in Nov. 2009 and was Negative. Symptoms that provoked the testing were mild, but likely indicative when I converted. 

Here is my problem. I have never had any high risk behavior other than reciprocating unprotected oral with unknown status males in the last year. Maybe 6 times total with 3 different males. I am male.

I want to be here. I need this place. But it is conflicting with me that the prevalent belief is that anyone who claims to have caught the virus orally is either delusional or lying.

Well, there it is. 

Thanks.

[kev]

Sorry to hear about your positive test result. Welcome to the forum. Receptive oral sex is considered "low risk" but not no risk so it does occur, probably a lot more than people think. But because people often engage in other types of sex along with oral sex it is difficult to pinpoint ect. Like you the only sex I have engaged in was receptive oral sex in the last 6 years including 2008 when I tested negative up until the 15th of this month when I tested positive. We know we were infected thru receptive oral sex. Now that we are we have this great site and these awesome people to help us proceed. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

[mecch]

Hi man.  Welcome.
Don't make it an issue how you got HIV for your participation here. Its not that important for most people in this community.  The thing we have in common is that we all have HIV.  Not much else, least of all the really specific way we were each infected.
I understand that you are surprised that you are infected.  But eventually it won't matter to you, either, how it happened. You can't change the past after all. 

Maybe talk about the shock of seroconversion. That we can all relate to, too.

[Inchlingblue]

The thing is "oral sex" can have so many variables. Was there cum involved when you sucked? I do think it's possible to transmit HIV orally (to the person doing the sucking) but it's good to have specifics of what was involved. If there was cum involved was it in your mouth? Did you swallow? Did you have any sores in your mouth?

Even though saliva has properties that neutralize HIV, taking an HIV-positive load of sperm in one's mouth, especially if the person is not undetectable seems risky to me.

Just sucking with no actual cum involved I think would be OK though.

Also, the presence of any other STDs helps transmit HIV easier, whether orally or anally.

Like you the only sex I have engaged in was receptive oral sex in the last 6 years including 2008 when I tested negative up until the 15th of this month when I tested positive.

He said:  I have never had any high risk behavior other than reciprocating unprotected oral with unknown status males in the last year.

Which I took to mean that he sucked dick.

I don't want to get into a big debate but getting HIV from receptive oral sex would be virtually impossible, IMHO. Even if the person doing the sucking has HIV and is not on meds and has a high viral load, saliva is not an infectious fluid.

I'm not implying that you're lying, Kev. It just really does not make logical sense. Could there be some other way it could have happened?

Occasionally I'm asked about whether HIV is present in an HIV-positive person's saliva, and whether it carries a risk of transmission.

The short answer is that saliva virtually never carries any infectious HIV at all.

It does carry detectable "components" of HIV (such as viral RNA and proviral DNA), but these are not infectious on their own. The environment that saliva provides is far too harsh for infectious particles to remain intact and viable.

LINK:

http://www.mcld.co.uk/hiv/?q=HIV%20and%20saliva

Saliva—is NOT considered to be infectious. The only time saliva would pose a risk would be if it had blood present in it. There are no documented cases of HIV transmission through saliva. There is a protein in the mouth that attaches itself to the surface of blood cells and blocks infection by HIV that appears to be present in the mucous membrane in the mouth at a level sufficient enough to reduce the concentration of HIV in saliva to non-infectious levels.

LINK:  http://www.mnaidsproject.org/learn/transmission.htm

[mecch]

The thing is "oral sex" can have so many variables. Was there cum involved when you sucked? I do think it's possible to transmit HIV orally (to the person doing the sucking) but it's good to have specifics of what was involved. If there was cum involved was it in your mouth? Did you swallow? Did you have any sores in your mouth?

TMI, maybe?

Can't you simply welcome someone, and save all these gory details for a calmer moment, or private discussion?

[Rev. Moon]

TMI, maybe?

Can't you simply welcome someone, and save all these gory details for a calmer moment, or private discussion?

I actually find his reply to be very appropriate; sometimes direct and to the point is better than decorated and fulla fluff, even if it comes across a bit harsh or crass.

I also loved seeing the following from da Inch (he is normally so proper that it is kinda funny to see him getting down and dirty):

He said:  I have never had any high risk behavior other than reciprocating unprotected oral with unknown status males in the last year.

Which I took to mean that he sucked dick.

Then again, I belong to the school of thought where oral transmissions belong in Egypt, by a certain river.  I don't have anything against those who believe otherwise, but my mind will not be changed unless significant and valid evidence is provided.

Still, what you said here was one of the most important things in this thread:

Hi man.  Welcome.
Don't make it an issue how you got HIV for your participation here.

In the end it does NOT matter.  Whether we got this from anal, oral, vaginal, drug use, and/or an immaculate infection our common thread comes in the shape of three letters.


So... soliloquy, welcome aboard, sorry about the poz diagnosis, glad that you found us and all that good schtuff.  Don't allow one aspect of your HIV philosophy to prevent you from participating.

Best,

Da Rev.

[WillyWump]

Hey there Soli,

Welcome!

Wanted to say that I agree with Da Rev and Mechh, It's not the least bit important how you got it...there's nothing you can do now but move forward and live! Dwelling on "how", and the "what if's" or "why" is self defeating at this point

Again, Hearty welcomes!

-Will (who quite likes it when Inch takes his hair down and talks cum)

[Inchlingblue]

-Will (who quite likes it when Inch takes his hair down and talks cum)

lol

Can't you simply welcome someone, and save all these gory details for a calmer moment, or private discussion?

Umm, no. I think my comments were appropriate and please, let's leave it at that. They weren't directed at you.

There's a load of difference, pardon the pun, between just sucking dick and having a loadfull of cum in one's mouth so when someone says they got HIV orally I think it's important to know precisely what is meant.

I want to add that even though I agree that once one already has HIV there's no point in dwelling as to how one got it, as a person with HIV who is only now beginning to feel comfortable with having sex again, I'm personally very curious about the whole oral transmission thing and knowing people's first hand experiences helps.

[kev]

Inchlingblue, I meant to type reciprocating oral sex is how I contracted HIV.
I stand corrected

[Inchlingblue]

Inchlingblue, I meant to type reciprocating oral sex is how I contracted HIV.
I stand corrected

Whew, that's a relief. If you had gotten it from getting head it would be very disconcerting on many levels.

[Nestor]

Am I the only one who is frequently confused by the term "receptive" oral sex?  For obvious reasons it suggests getting a blow job, but it in fact means giving one, right?

[Inchlingblue]

Am I the only one who is frequently confused by the term "receptive" oral sex?  For obvious reasons it suggests getting a blow job, but it in fact means giving one, right?

It's important to be on the same page with these things. To me when I read (or hear) "receptive oral sex" that means the person is getting a blow job, IOW, they are on the "receiving end."

I could be wrong, does anyone think it means the opposite?

[Nestor]

I thought it meant as in "receiving a penis into one's mouth" as opposed to "insertive" which I think I may have seen paired with it as its opposite.  But I could be remembering wrongly? 

Yes, it is important to be on the same page with these things indeed! 

[Nestor]

By the way, soliloquy, I didn't mean to ignore you in your own thread!  It's nice to meet you, although of course I'm sorry that it's necessary for you to be here. 

[alliance]

Welcome,   soliloquy!

[kev]

I was correct when I typed receptive oral sex which means to give a BJ. I now stand uncorrected.

[Inchlingblue]

I was correct when I typed receptive oral sex which means to give a BJ. I now stand uncorrected.

lol

I always thought "receptive" meant the person was receiving oral sex but I guess I was wrong!@

Thank you, Nestor.

[leese43]

I now have a headache!   

Sorry that you've received a positive diagnosis but welcome to the forums.

Leese

[phildinftlaudy]

lol

I always thought "receptive" meant the person was receiving oral sex but I guess I was wrong!@

Thank you, Nestor.

Either definition works for me - I'm not picky   

[Blackgold]

Hi Guys,
Am New!!!
I lost my Spouse cos of AIDS complication. The worst experience of my life. I was Searching the net for info on what must have gone wrong cos he was on ART, and literally bumped on this site. Alot of the fora discussions were soooo.... helpful.
I am weighed down by the fact that I could be positive too, I wish it was something I could just will away.
This forum is basically a US 'thing', is there a UK group? I would love to hear from guys round about here cos I know little or nothing about testing, talks, meds and other stuff available here.

[Inchlingblue]

Hi Guys,
Am New!!!
I lost my Spouse cos of AIDS complication. The worst experience of my life. I was Searching the net for info on what must have gone wrong cos he was on ART, and literally bumped on this site. Alot of the fora discussions were soooo.... helpful.
I am weighed down by the fact that I could be positive too, I wish it was something I could just will away.
This forum is basically a US 'thing', is there a UK group? I would love to hear from guys round about here cos I know little or nothing about testing, talks, meds and other stuff available here.

Hi Blackgold, and welcome

There are many members here from the UK, from all over the world actually.

The best thing is for you to start a thread introducing yourself, etc. since your message will get lost in this thread.

[Ann]

Hi Guys,
Am New!!!
I lost my Spouse cos of AIDS complication. The worst experience of my life. I was Searching the net for info on what must have gone wrong cos he was on ART, and literally bumped on this site. Alot of the fora discussions were soooo.... helpful.
I am weighed down by the fact that I could be positive too, I wish it was something I could just will away.
This forum is basically a US 'thing', is there a UK group? I would love to hear from guys round about here cos I know little or nothing about testing, talks, meds and other stuff available here.

Hi Blackgold,

As Inch says, we have members from all over the world.

However, as someone who is not accurately aware of their hiv status, you should not be posting in forums meant for confirmed hiv positive members. If you have risk and/or testing questions, you need to start a thread in the Am I Infected? forum.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Ann