Kicking my husband out of my home & my life.

[delilah07]

I have that gut feeling telling me he doesn't care about a thing. He vaporizes marijauna and drinks everyday. It's to the point I have an education while he used substances. I see him get really excited about women. So he calls me jealous when I mention he could have more respect for me. The situation is I should not interrupt his conversation with a woman. Then why didn't I tell him we were finished in the store. I reply with how I tried when he told me not to interrupt. Then he says how I always need to be right.
My point is I'm independent and have tried to listen to him more, but honestly I can only here his reasons for not working for so long before I have to continue studying. Now it is because I am applying for work.
Even though I tried to make it stop, I cannot ignore this feeling saying this relationship is bad. I fantasize about how good I'll do on my own, that one day I won't be told I'm crazy, and I'll look good because I'm proud I am able to pay my bills without concern.
He'd say that unless I paid the rent I had to shut up and women laughed at me. I also decided that maybe I should go to school which he at first said I could not do along with coloring my hair. I had to change these things over time.
No matter how much I improved he says things in an attempt to humiliate me in front of women. I explain to him that my work means I need a good public image, he claims I am insecure for caring what others think. I know he understands because if someone dislikes him I hear about it all day. I actually hold in my laughter at that point and say, "Maybe they're just having a bad day and you crossed their path."
At first he made me beg him to stay. He said I had to say I was with him because I needed him. He wanted our neighbors to hear this. The neighbor was really into him too. At least until she found out he had HIV.
I learned one very important lesson here... "Men are still capable of being jerks even when they have HIV." We both have HIV so that's why I felt I needed him.
On the bright side I am seeing my doctors like I'm supposed too and employers who are interested have contacted me. For now I only hope that I can keep my apartment. It's income restricted. Although my daughter and I are enough to keep the apartment, I'm going to have to talk to the apartment management.
I don't want to start a anti-men section here. I'm just tired of thinking that I'm not deserving of love and that I'm stupid. I want to improve the way I feel about myself. I'm sure my daughter and I will be okay.

[Expat1]

Sounds like you know what you need to do.

[Sprackdoll]

You are strong and independent woman. Don't let anyone treats you that way. He feels threaten you to be better then him. So he only knows how to put others down for him to feel secure or superior. Don't fall into this. You know what you should do. For your and for your daughter. This should end now before your daughter learns to live the same way as you are. It's hard but I am happily divorced and that was the best thing I've done in my life. You are not a prisoner of anyone but your own mind. Best wishes

[delilah07]

You are strong and independent woman. Don't let anyone treats you that way. He feels threaten you to be better then him. So he only knows how to put others down for him to feel secure or superior. Don't fall into this. You know what you should do. For your and for your daughter. This should end now before your daughter learns to live the same way as you are. It's hard but I am happily divorced and that was the best thing I've done in my life. You are not a prisoner of anyone but your own mind. Best wishes

Thanks for the words of encouragement.