Need someone to talk to about HIV

[Zakfrizz16]

Hi

I've recently started dating a guy with HIV after meeting via a dating app.  The fact he's got HIV doesn't put me off at all, but I feel like I don't know enough about it and I don't feel like I can just bring it into conversation.  We've not yet approached the topic of sex.

I'm looking to talk to guys with HIV around my age (21-25) just to find out more, ask some questions, look for some guidance.  If you're based in the UK that would be preferable

Thanks

[Jim Allen]

Hi

I removed part of your post as posting your contact details means its visible to everyone on the internet.

Look dating a person living with HIV is the same as dating someone who is HIV negative for the most part. HIV is simply not a game changer in life to be honest and  as for the topic of sex well start by educating yourself a good place to start is the poz.com site and at the end of my post in my signature you will find a number of links.

On the topic of sex, my advice is just protect yourself as you normally should, use condoms and consider PrEP as additional layer of protection. If you feel you need to talk to him about sex than I would just be upfront and honest and say you want to talk about sex. I am sure he's been asked and had that conversation before.

As educational piece only, if the guy's claims to be on treatment (TaSP - Treatment as prevention) and undetectable for more than 6 months and its true than its good as TaSP is pretty excellent when it comes down to reducing HIV transmission risks.

Now I can't guarantee that someone is actually adherent to his/her treatment or is maintaining a undetectable VL, hence we always tell the HIV negative partner to protect themselves.

Treatment-as-prevention (TasP) however is the use of antiretroviral (ARV) medication to decrease the risk of HIV transmission. Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP)
HIV TasP

This has been studied at length and to mention 1 of the studies as an example the "Partner" study is a major study looking at the chances of transmitting HIV with an undetectable viral load, there have been no transmissions between either gay or heterosexual serodiscordant partners.

Partner study
transmission-zero

More recent: Zero, No Linked HIV Transmissions in PARTNER Study After Couples Had Sex 58,000 Times Without Condoms: Click here for more information

Finally the consensus statement http://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus

People living with HIV on ART with an undetectable viral load in their blood have a negligible risk of sexual transmission of HIV.  Depending on the drugs employed it may take as long as six months for the viral load to become undetectable. Continued and reliable HIV suppression requires selection of appropriate agents and excellent adherence to treatment. HIV viral suppression should be monitored to assure both personal health and public health benefits.
​
NOTE:   An undetectable HIV viral load only prevents HIV transmission to sexual partners. Condoms also help prevent HIV transmission as well as other STIs and pregnancy. The choice of HIV prevention method may be different depending upon a person’s sexual practices, circumstances and relationships. For instance, if someone is having sex with multiple partners or in a non-monogamous relationship, they might consider using condoms to prevent other STIs.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

[Jim Allen]

It helps or may help people chime in if you can elaborate on what topic about HIV you want to discuss or need support with? 

I've given you prevention tips and as for dating or living with HIV its not a game changer in 2018 but if you have a specific question for the members just ask here.

[Wade]

Hi

I am not in my 20s nor in the UK but my guess he's just as anxious to clear the air as you, and he will be the best one to answer most of your concerns. Sex will naturally be the next step in your relationship and an honest talk between the two of you is the best way to start things out 

Best,

Wade