Dating a new guy

[J29]

Hello everyone,

First time posting here and looking for advice, I rarely sleep around and got tested a few weeks back 12 weeks after last potential exposure, only oral sex and al tests came back neg.

I’ve met the nicest guy, who got diagnosed with hiv after being date raped when he was younger and he sobbed as he told me on our second date, worried I would run away but I haven’t and I don’t want to.

His levels are undetectable and he has regular checkups. We haven’t had sex and we haven’t really had that discussion yet but I’m looking at my options. I’ve never looked into prep as I never sleep with strangers and always use protection so didn’t feel the need to spend 20 pounds a month on that, but should I consider this now? I know u=u, but I feel I need to approach this tentatively without offending him...thought of catching any STI gives me huge anxiety, especially HIV even though I know it’s well managed so the thought of putting myself at risk if he has a spike in levels or forgets treatment makes me a bit shakey.

I know the sensible thing would be to start prep and always use condoms just incase but just wanted some advice from some people with more knowledge than me, even if you could help with how to talk about it would be good

Thanks!!

J

[Jim Allen]

I never use to sleep with strangers either, still ended up living with HIV
HIV & STI's simply don't care if you know someone or not.

A blip or as you called it a spike to the level that transmission could happen is not realistic unless he simply stops treatment and missing the odd dose is not going to do it, perfect adherence is 95% although 85% in most modern treatment options is more than sufficient

Anyhow, end of the day it pains me to say this but I can't guarantee he is undetectable, and adherent to meds and neither can you. So treat him the same as you should everyone else that you have ever met for now because trust & claims don't prevent transmission! Always protect yourself regardless of what someone claims about their status - Condoms & consider PrEP!

If it becomes a relationship down the line then it becomes a question of trust just like every other relationship.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP going forward as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other easier to transmit STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages.

Kind regards

Jim

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