Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 28, 2024, 04:51:41 pm

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772946
  • Total Topics: 66310
  • Online Today: 424
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 395
Total: 395

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.  (Read 11911 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« on: September 12, 2011, 07:50:17 pm »
My boyfriend's mother, found papers stating that he is HIV positive.  When she confronted him, he had told her the truth, and his father and his two brother.  His is a close knit family, but his mother stopped communicating with him.  His father and his brothers still communicates with him, but his mother seems to cut him off completely.  I can see it is eating him up inside and that it pains him that what was once a good relationship has turned into abandonment.  I tell him that she needs time, but it saddens him badly that she has stop communicating with him. 

I feel his pain but what can I do?  I fear for his mental well being for he is acting out and looking rather depressed over it all, and I want to confront her, but it may make matters worst.  Will this ever get better?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,813
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2011, 08:06:49 pm »
Don't know if it will get better but just be there for your boyfriend. Don't contact his mom, they will work it out when the time is right.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5
sept14 cd4 990; vl ud; cd4% *
jun15 cd4 1152; vl ud; cd4% *
july15 - STRIBILD
oct15 cd4 583; vl 146; cd4% 42
mar16 cd4 860; vl 20; 44

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,367
  • EPIC FIERCENESS!
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2011, 08:29:29 pm »
Do not confront her, that will only complicate things horribly.

Just be there for him, encourage him to speak about it with you, support him all you can in this matter (as you are doing)

She most likely will come around, but if she doesn't then that is her bad choice and he can really not do much about it. But since his father and siblings are speaking to him something tells me she will come around, it may just take time.

such a sad situation, i wish you and he luck.

-will

POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Joe K

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 5,821
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2011, 09:16:04 pm »
As much as you want to help, this is between your boyfriend and his mother. They must both find their way back to each other. Until then, just keep loving him like you always do.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,185
  • AM member since 2003
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2011, 09:59:49 pm »
Hi Red

I can't add any more to what the guys have already said, it's up to Mum and son to sort things out, I know you want to help but just be there for him.

Aroha
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2011, 08:54:46 am »
Thanks all, and I will keep out of it, and today my Husband, or soon to be Husband, is feeling better about the situation.  He realizes that she must somehow process her issues about her son having HIV.  I feel that she has mental issues, demons really, that goes beyond the norm and the fact that her son has HIV has pushed her into dangerous psychological territories.  I feel and prayer or meditate for her because I can only imagine the mental self-inflicted pain she must be putting herself through.  My she defeat her problems, her demons, and become better from the aftermath.

I keep telling my Husband that he was Heaven sent to me as I was to him and that we are here just in time to comfort and love one another.  Our "Guardian Angels,"our protectors or facsimile there of picked the right moment for us to meet and become a loving, happy couple and I am grateful for that.  Serendipity is the word that most reflect how we met, even if it was a plain hook-up, and my or our invisible on lookers are still making sure that our lives we be good and strong for the rest of our lives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline Joe K

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 5,821
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2011, 03:52:39 pm »
Thanks all, and I will keep out of it, and today my Husband, or soon to be Husband, is feeling better about the situation.  He realizes that she must somehow process her issues about her son having HIV.  I feel that she has mental issues, demons really, that goes beyond the norm and the fact that her son has HIV has pushed her into dangerous psychological territories.  I feel and prayer or meditate for her because I can only imagine the mental self-inflicted pain she must be putting herself through.  My she defeat her problems, her demons, and become better from the aftermath.

As much as you want to help your boyfriend, suggesting that his mother has "mental issues and demons" is anything but helpful. Being a parent, I can tell you that part of her pain, is because her son has an incurable disease and there is little she can do to help him. Sometimes life presents people with challenges that they are ill-equipped to handle and this may be one for her. Right now, she may simply be overwhelmed and not know what to do. Her silence may indicate her fear of somehow hurting her son, by saying the wrong thing and she may simply need some time to come to grips with this life-altering news.

You seem to hold the opinion that there is something wrong with mental illness, when in fact, it is a disease. I don't know his mother and maybe she has other issues with his being gay and/or poz. If so, it remains something for them to sort out and I would think you would want to support this transition and denigrating his mother will only come back to haunt you.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2011, 04:13:14 pm »
I think its great his father and brothers are still there, so just keep on building that relationship.  Eventually by osmosis the mother will come around on her own time, or the father will help her along, or her other sons, or your bf. 

Frankly you don't have any business messing with his mom's reaction.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2011, 09:48:01 pm »
As much as you want to help your boyfriend, suggesting that his mother has "mental issues and demons" is anything but helpful. Being a parent, I can tell you that part of her pain, is because her son has an incurable disease and there is little she can do to help him. Sometimes life presents people with challenges that they are ill-equipped to handle and this may be one for her. Right now, she may simply be overwhelmed and not know what to do. Her silence may indicate her fear of somehow hurting her son, by saying the wrong thing and she may simply need some time to come to grips with this life-altering news.

You seem to hold the opinion that there is something wrong with mental illness, when in fact, it is a disease. I don't know his mother and maybe she has other issues with his being gay and/or poz. If so, it remains something for them to sort out and I would think you would want to support this transition and denigrating his mother will only come back to haunt you.
True, but I was conveying more than I should, but I was referring to angry issues and some other things that I am assuming.  My mistake and I apologies for writing that.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2011, 09:51:35 pm by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2011, 05:20:31 pm »
There is some progress.  My husband gave his mother a lengthy text but she gave a one word reply.  "Hope springs eternal" that she may one day talk to him again and they can have some kind of relationship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2011, 10:31:00 am »
I did the impossible and probably the most stupid thing in my life.  I have sent a letter to my lover's father and mother to introduce myself and invited them over for dinner. I have also told them where they can get advice for HIV by giving them his website.  I felt like I was intruding into someone else's life but I just wanted them to get to know me and give them some advice.   I hope I did the right thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2011, 05:05:23 pm »
Hope Springs Eternal is 3 words.  is that what she wrote back? Or said back?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2011, 04:10:38 am »
Hope Springs Eternal is 3 words.  is that what she wrote back? Or said back?
I just wrote to the family a little intro to get to know me.  it like meeting the parents for the first time and justifying why I should be dating their son.  My family background, the family history, the honesty, my intentions, and etc.  I did not give up the "kitchen sink," but they have some idea who I am and what I am like.  And I thought only straight people had to go through all this.  How wrong was I?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2011, 05:28:46 am »
There is some progress.  My husband gave his mother a lengthy text but she gave a one word reply.  "Hope springs eternal" that she may one day talk to him again and they can have some kind of relationship.

I am confused.

So, there have been two letters given to this mother.  Yours, and separately, your husbands.

The mom gave a one word reply.  To her son's text.  But we in the forum do not know the reply.

And what was the reply, if any, to your text?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,845
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2011, 06:17:05 am »
I am confused.

So, there have been two letters given to this mother.  Yours, and separately, your husbands.

The mom gave a one word reply.  To her son's text.  But we in the forum do not know the reply.

And what was the reply, if any, to your text?
My husband text his Mom and she sent a reply of "ok, that's nice."  I have sent lengthy email to both mother and father introducing myself and giving them advice of where they can get information on HIV. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.