Author Topic: I am a criminal (Read 10950 times)

Matty the Damned · « **on:** July 29, 2014, 12:30:58 pm »

I was released from the jug about 40 minutes ago.

The fuckers got me at the vending machine near the railway station. I was buying a packet of crisps after having a few celebratory ales in honour of my impending 39th.

A member of Her Majesty's New South Wales Constabulary said he wished to search me on the basis that I was wearing a black jacket.

I demurred though it is possible he could have interpreted that as me telling him to go and fuck himself.

Next thing you know I'm clapped in irons in the back of a bull-wagon.

There's no justice in this world.

I spent 4 hours cuffed in the dock, 2 hours being processed, another 2 hours back in the dock for being a "smart cunt" before I was released on my own recognisance to appear before the Boolaboolabongbong Assizes sometime next month on a charge of "hindering police".

Fuckers.

MtD

drewm · « **Reply #1 on:** July 29, 2014, 12:33:40 pm »

Oh Matilda! 2 hours in the dock? Alone? I would have been looking for a greased fist, a quick fuck or at least a dick to suck on

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #2 on:** July 29, 2014, 12:44:37 pm »

Quote from: drewm on July 29, 2014, 12:33:40 pm

Oh Matilda! 2 hours in the dock? Alone? I would have been looking for a greased fist, a quick fuck or at least a dick to suck on

A dick to suck on? I wish.

Droodles, the cunts kept me crisps!

It took them more than an hour to finger print me. Useless fuckers.

Arseholes stood in the hallway singing "Happy Birthday".

You gotta admire the small touches

MtD

OneTampa · « **Reply #3 on:** July 29, 2014, 01:33:07 pm »

Quote from: Matty the Damned on July 29, 2014, 12:30:58 pm

I was released from the jug about 40 minutes ago.

The fuckers got me at the vending machine near the railway station. I was buying a packet of crisps after having a few celebratory ales in honour of my impending 39th.

A member of Her Majesty's New South Wales Constabulary said he wished to search me on the basis that I was wearing a black jacket.

There's no justice in this world.

Fuckers.

MtD

Oh Matty! Sorry to read this. So, black civilian accessories are the new orange prison jumpsuit?

Wishing you a Happy 39th Birthday nonetheless.

Hope it goes better and you are reimbursed your crisps along with the pain and suffering.

Take care.

thunter34 · « **Reply #4 on:** July 29, 2014, 03:03:46 pm »

So I have to call in a favor with the constabulary to get a post out of you?

I'm sorry, but you forced my hand.

In all seriousness, jail or no....I have MISSED you, my friend.

YPT

(who is no fan of the force)

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #5 on:** July 29, 2014, 03:31:42 pm »

Is it appropriate to make ass rape and AIDS jokes in this thread?

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #6 on:** July 29, 2014, 05:02:40 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 29, 2014, 03:31:42 pm

Is it appropriate to make ass rape and AIDS jokes in this thread?

Clearly it is as I got neither.

I wasn't done for offensive behaviour or language. I wasn't done for assault police or resist arrest.

I was done for "hindering police".

Whatever the fuck that is.

I'm on the phone this bright and flashy morn to the AIDS mafia about this.

Cunts.

MtD

Since1993 · « **Reply #7 on:** July 29, 2014, 05:02:57 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 29, 2014, 03:31:42 pm

Is it appropriate to make ass rape and AIDS jokes in this thread?

Miss P,

I think the thread met all kinds of wrong from the beginning. However, I think there is the possibility of some type of cultural divide we might not be privy to or understand...and that's all I will say about that.

Since1993 · « **Reply #8 on:** July 29, 2014, 05:05:58 pm »

Quote from: Matty the Damned on July 29, 2014, 05:02:40 pm

I'm on the phone this bright and flashy morn to the AIDS mafia about this.

Is it possible to pass along their contact information because I have tons of issues they would take care of for me.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #9 on:** July 29, 2014, 05:39:38 pm »

Quote from: Since1993 on July 29, 2014, 05:05:58 pm

Is it possible to pass along their contact information because I have tons of issues they would take care of for me.

I'd be more than happy for you to face the beak rather than me. Alas I suspect that you are a spambot.

MtD

zach · « **Reply #10 on:** July 29, 2014, 05:57:39 pm »

matty, the folk anti-hero!! you raped a pigs ass? thats what i heard

Joe K · « **Reply #11 on:** July 29, 2014, 06:16:50 pm »

Quote from: Matty the Damned on July 29, 2014, 05:02:40 pm

Clearly it is as I got neither.

I wasn't done for offensive behaviour or language. I wasn't done for assault police or resist arrest.

I was done for "hindering police".

Whatever the fuck that is.

I'm on the phone this bright and flashy morn to the AIDS mafia about this.

Cunts.

MtD

Hey My Most Damned,

I would guess that "hindering police" is a catch-all category, that the police can use, to hassle people that piss them off. Laws are generally pretty specific as to the offense. "Hindering police" seems pretty loose to me.

Joe

drewm · « **Reply #12 on:** July 29, 2014, 08:02:32 pm »

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATILDA!

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #13 on:** July 29, 2014, 08:05:41 pm »

Quote from: Joe K on July 29, 2014, 06:16:50 pm

Hey My Most Damned,

I would guess that "hindering police" is a catch-all category, that the police can use, to hassle people that piss them off. Laws are generally pretty specific as to the offense. "Hindering police" seems pretty loose to me.

Joe

Yeah it's bullshit. They didn't do me for offensive language, resist arrest or anything like that. Just a secondary charge of hindering.

I'm about to get onto the AIDS legal centre and have this sorted.

Now I'm the first to admit I'm not the most charismatic cove getting about the place. I appreciate I can be somewhat abrasive. I acknowledge that my life would be a bit easier if I had just submitted to the search.

But fuck 'em.

Why should I have to undergo a search from some drooling pervert in a uniform (no offence to my leather brothers) simply because I was wearing a "black jacket"?

Fuck. That. Noise.

Quote from: drewm on July 29, 2014, 08:02:32 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATILDA!

Thank you Droodles!

MtD

weasel · « **Reply #14 on:** July 29, 2014, 08:45:29 pm »

Happy Birthday Matty !

Sounds like a bunch of fuck faces got you

Good to know you are only 39

Carl

P.s. I'm jealous , I'll be 60 in a few weeks

BT65 · « **Reply #15 on:** July 29, 2014, 09:13:55 pm »

Happy birthday my dear Damned One! Sorry to hear about the issues with the cops. I hope it gets sorted out in your favor.

Jeff G · « **Reply #16 on:** July 29, 2014, 09:53:18 pm »

Happy Birthday Matty !

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #17 on:** July 29, 2014, 10:23:35 pm »

Thank the Invisible Pink Unicorn (blessed be Her Holy Hooves) for the HIV/AIDS legal centre who are assisting me in this tiresome matter which is wasting everyone's time.

Now it must be said I'm not the most charismatic bloke getting about the place and, I'll admit, I may be a partial author of my own doom in this matter.

But HALC are just wonderful and that should be placed on the record. If you don't have an HIV legal service in your area; set one up.

Also I send huge loves to both Our Lady of Tacy and Goderator Jeff.

Remember kids, the only good policeman is a dead policeman.

MtD

Since1993 · « **Reply #18 on:** July 29, 2014, 10:24:34 pm »

Quote from: Matty the Damned on July 29, 2014, 05:39:38 pm

I'd be more than happy for you to face the beak rather than me. Alas I suspect that you are a spambot.

MtD

Reminded of a quote:

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." Desmond Tutu

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #19 on:** July 29, 2014, 10:26:42 pm »

Quote from: Since1993 on July 29, 2014, 10:24:34 pm

Reminded of a quote:

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." Desmond Tutu

Clearly you're not a spambot and I apologise for suggesting so.

Thank you for your supports.

MtD

Jeff G · « **Reply #20 on:** July 29, 2014, 10:31:17 pm »

Much love is mutual

.

tednlou2 · « **Reply #21 on:** July 30, 2014, 01:58:20 am »

Sorry to hear about the incarceration. Are black jackets seen as something criminals wear there? I spent about 16 hours in the jug. That's right; Teddy has done time. Former partner went to police and said I assaulted him, when I kicked him out. Total bullshit, of course. They didn't even serve the arrest warrant until 2 years later. They claimed there was a backlog. They surrounded my house, like I was the Unabomber.

Anyway, glad you're out. And, Happy Birthday.

BT65 · « **Reply #22 on:** July 30, 2014, 04:15:25 am »

Huge love back atcha! Miss you!

BKKKevin · « **Reply #23 on:** July 30, 2014, 06:00:37 am »

I wish my 39th Birthday would have been so memorable...

Dachshund · « **Reply #24 on:** July 30, 2014, 08:13:10 am »

Ring up PM Abbott. He sounds like a bloke always willing to help out an AIDS-encrusted poof.

Happy Birthday Matty!

Theyer · « **Reply #25 on:** July 30, 2014, 11:46:20 am »

Rioting is the only response when you cannot tell a police to unhindered your progress the clampdown is too much.

May your 40 th see you cantering down the road with the electrical item off your choice , as your fellows rise up supporting you.

Sincerely hope this does not fuck up any area off your life Mr Damned and Many Happy Birthdays to you

WillyWump · « **Reply #26 on:** July 30, 2014, 03:19:17 pm »

FREE MATILDA!

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #27 on:** July 31, 2014, 01:57:15 am »

You're all darlings.

The desk sergeant when he released me said "you are one of the most offensive people I've ever met."

Me? Offensive?

Frankly I was and remain shocked and appalled.

Quote from: tednlou2 on July 30, 2014, 01:58:20 am

Sorry to hear about the incarceration. Are black jackets seen as something criminals wear there? I spent about 16 hours in the jug. That's right; Teddy has done time. Former partner went to police and said I assaulted him, when I kicked him out. Total bullshit, of course. They didn't even serve the arrest wYet 9inarrant until 2 years later. They claimed there was a backlog. They surrounded my house, like I was the Unabomber.

Anyway, glad you're out. And, Happy Birthday.

Cheers Teddles.

What is with the whole LEO thing in your part of the world? That never happens here. I was handily subdued by a fat chick and some bloke in his 50s. Yet in the states in a circumstance similar to mine would have resulted in the fucking launch codes being issued.

Quote from: WillyWump on July 30, 2014, 03:19:17 pm

FREE MATILDA!

Thank you Wumpy!

In token whereof I give you a pictar of cat licking his own bum:

MtD

bocker3 · « **Reply #28 on:** July 31, 2014, 07:26:09 am »

Quote from: Matty the Damned on July 31, 2014, 01:57:15 am

The desk sergeant when he released me said "you are one of the most offensive people I've ever met."

Perhaps it was meant as a term of endearment??

Remember Brother Matty, all answers can be found in the Good Book. If, per chance, you can't find the proper answer -- it also makes a good missile!

Hope things work out quickly - in the meantime, please remain your effervescent self, it will serve you well!!

Hugs,
Mike

drewm · « **Reply #29 on:** July 31, 2014, 12:45:38 pm »

Matilda, I keep fantasizing about you and I sharing a cell together

anniebc · « **Reply #30 on:** July 31, 2014, 06:02:01 pm »

So it takes a stint in the slammer to get you back here, oh well whatever it takes I suppose.

We haven't talked in ages but I still love you to the moon and back.

Have the best birthday.

Aroha always
Jan

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #31 on:** August 02, 2014, 07:37:58 am »

Quote from: bocker3 on July 31, 2014, 07:26:09 am

Perhaps it was meant as a term of endearment??

Remember Brother Matty, all answers can be found in the Good Book. If, per chance, you can't find the proper answer -- it also makes a good missile!

Hope things work out quickly - in the meantime, please remain your effervescent self, it will serve you well!!

Hugs,
Mike

Brother Mike

I spent yesterday in my prayer closet considering the Holy Writ and I suspect that there is something in the Book of Job that applies here. I've just got to wait until the swelling subsides.

Quote from: anniebc on July 31, 2014, 06:02:01 pm

So it takes a stint in the slammer to get you back here, oh well whatever it takes I suppose.

We haven't talked in ages but I still love you to the moon and back.

Have the best birthday.

Aroha always
Jan

Janno.

I'll call you soon.

MtD

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #32 on:** August 11, 2014, 09:44:01 pm »

Learned counsel just rang to tell me I have to front the beak on Thursday 28th of this month.

Fuckers.

MtD

Andy Velez · « **Reply #33 on:** August 12, 2014, 09:25:51 am »

Trust you Matty to think of a novel way to spend a birthday.

As this one hopefully begins to fade away can't help wondering what you'll come up with for next year.

Sloppy xoxo to you, bud.

Andy

PS Who got an intense hug and kiss from a supposedly straight hunky copper at closing night party of IAS Conference in Melbourne. Consorting with the enemy? He did have great lips. No kidding.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #34 on:** August 12, 2014, 09:49:19 am »

A righteous man falling down before the wicked [is as] a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #35 on:** August 13, 2014, 06:48:08 am »

Learned counsel advise that:

1. I should plead NOT GUILTY. (Srsly that's how they write it in the letter).

2. That the police may have acted unlawfully in detaining me.

3. That I may have a cause for action under the common law as well as various and several statutes for unlawful arrest and detention.

Heh. Cock-suckers.

MtD

Dachshund · « **Reply #36 on:** August 13, 2014, 07:11:55 am »

You're lucky. Here you would have been shot. Or at least received a severe ass-whuppin.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #37 on:** August 13, 2014, 07:15:20 am »

Quote from: Dachshund on August 13, 2014, 07:11:55 am

You're lucky. Here you would have been shot. Or at least received a severe ass-whuppin.

I did get an ass-whuppin -- that's par for the course, they got me in the bull-wagon.

Being shot is so 1971, we exported that shit to Papua New Guinea years ago. These days in sophisticated company they just taze a motherfucker.

MtD

Growler · « **Reply #38 on:** August 13, 2014, 08:53:04 am »

I've watched Orange Is The New Black (both series) so if you goto prison heed my wise advice....you have to learn how to lick vagina and don't mouth off to Red unless you want to get that AIDs starved look. BTW if you need a cheer squad just let me know and I'll show up at the court house with my "Free The AIDS Faggot or He'll Infect You" sign!

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #39 on:** August 13, 2014, 05:41:26 pm »

Quote from: Growler on August 13, 2014, 08:53:04 am

I've watched Orange Is The New Black (both series) so if you goto prison heed my wise advice....you have to learn how to lick vagina ...

Is that what they mean by "scared straight"?

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Author Topic: I am a criminal (Read 10950 times)