Author Topic: tested today was positive and I'm scared (Read 21152 times)

Ar1983 · « **on:** February 20, 2017, 06:08:46 pm »

Hi all I have spent the last 6 hours reading posts on Your forum, I had blood tests done last week for psoriasis that I have been suffering with for nearly a year, HIV test is 1 of the blood tests and it can back positive. I haven't been with any sexual partners in over 2 years and I'm concerned that i have had HIV for many years now without knowing. As u can imagine when I was told today I cried like a baby and now I'm contemplating a lot of silly thoughts. I'm back at hospital on Thursday for results of the confirmation test but it's not looking good. I'm not worried about meeting anyone in the future as I'm happy with my own company. But I'm worried this has been dormant or undiagnosed for so long that I could have left it too long for treatment to be effective.

I suffer from gout and taking tablets every day doesn't phase me, I just need to be able to sleep tonight can someone help me with some advice

Thanks
AR

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #1 on:** February 20, 2017, 06:29:36 pm »

Ar1983: I've moved your topic at this time to the "Am I Infected?" forum because the test that indicated that you are "positive" was preliminary. Many preliminary tests show someone to be "positive," but the confirmatory tests indicates that the person is, in fact, negative.

If you are, indeed, confirmed to be HIV positive, you will be well situated for treatment, no matter how long you may have been infected. What's important is to get confirmation and get on antiretrovirals as soon as practicable, in order to suppress the virus from replication (attaining and maintaining an "undetectable" viral load).

These days, medical science is miraculous. Many people, and you will not be one of them, are diagnosed in hospital at "death's door" and recover and go on to live long and healthy lives.

If it is determined that you are HIV positive, there is no reason for you not to get on medication, take care of yourself, continue to live your life, and expect to live a long, healthy, and successful life: you will be fine.

Take a deep breath and know that a diagnosis of HIV infection is not by any means the end of the world.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #2 on:** February 20, 2017, 06:46:50 pm »

thanks for your quick response, ptrk, as I'm sure you know there is a lot of stuff online that is fearful and I haven't been in a good place today. its good to know that there is community here.

I will update this on Thursday with the confirmation results and if positive I'll be thankful for any further advice that could be offered.

I want to thank everyone on these forums, as reading the posts have giving me some perspective tonight.

going to try and get some sleep (not sure its possible) but at least I can stop googling everything that pops into my head.

cheers
AR

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #3 on:** February 20, 2017, 06:49:18 pm »

You're most welcome.

I know that this is certainly an anxious time for you, but try to deal with it one day at a time.

Take care of yourself.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #4 on:** February 22, 2017, 03:24:47 pm »

Struggling today people hospital appointment is tomorrow and I can't stop thinking bout it.. I haven't eaten properly since Monday I feel constantly sick.

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #5 on:** February 22, 2017, 04:04:30 pm »

Anxiety can be overwhelming. My thoughts are with you.

Please keep us informed of your test results tomorrow, but if you are confirmed to be HIV positive, do understand that you will be fine. Remember: this forum is here to support and guide you.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #6 on:** February 23, 2017, 11:43:34 am »

well hospital confirmed today that I have the infection, took another 15 or so vials of blood for my resistance tests and viral loads and cd4 results.

I was sooo anxious going to there today I thought I would pass out, however once I was told I was surprisingly ok still a bit nervous but overall I'm ok. the nurse gave me a hug and told me I was fine. and that I still look very healthly, and I have no signs of any OI, now I have to wait a week for the cd4 results to come back to see what meds I'm going on. that's next Thursday, viral load will take 2 weeks and resistance test 6 weeks.

I honestly think if it wasn't for these forums especially you ptrk and jimdublin and your posts etc I was be a mess ryt now. but I'm not I'm actually ok. I know what I need to do I know that I need to look after myself and probably need to join the gym finally.

today is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm optimistic about what comes next..

cheers
AR

Jim Allen · « **Reply #7 on:** February 23, 2017, 11:59:07 am »

Sorry to hear that, look you will be okay.

Quote

I know what I need to do I know that I need to look after myself and probably need to join the gym finally.

Look its good to live better and healthier in general, everybody should regardless of HIV status, so by all mean do this. But take it easy and get yourself mentally sorted and on treatment first that is the focus. HIV does not care if you are a gym bunny or a bum.

Jim

Ar1983 · « **Reply #8 on:** February 23, 2017, 12:02:47 pm »

True, I was definately overthinking everything Jim, I know mentally it's not easy and preparing for it but I've told 1 person in my family and that's all that needs to know ryt now. So I have started a bit of a support network. But u guys and gals on here I would say will definitely hear from me over the coming days/weeks

CaveyUK · « **Reply #9 on:** February 23, 2017, 01:18:12 pm »

Hi

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis but glad you found us

I think everyone deals with the diagnosis differently. Some people have a really hard time coming to terms with it, whilst others find that knowing about it and dealing with it empowers them. Hopefully you are in the latter group.

The hard part is finding out and navigating through the 'what ifs' which are generally never likely to happen.

Once you know your baseline numbers and start your meds, you can start to relax a bit - you will know you are taking control, will be un-infectious very quickly and will have a normal lifespan (at least as far as HIV is concerned!). Nothing will stop you doing anything in your life you were already planning to do.

Once you are undetectable and happy that your immune system is in normal range, HIV should become pretty mundane in the whole. I know it doesn't feel like it right now though!

Anyway, wishing you all the best

Ar1983 · « **Reply #10 on:** February 23, 2017, 01:48:59 pm »

Thanks caveyuk, past few days have been terrible I think because of the "what ifs", in my head the hiv was going to end me, but I know it's more like other infections I need to be aware of, I'm still a bit anxious but that's normal and I'm accepting that feeling. I've lost 6 pounds since Monday not eating anything so I'm now trying to eat to build up my strength as this week was brutal.

I'm glad there is people like urself with the optimistic views on it I believe it's what is needed.

thanks

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #11 on:** February 23, 2017, 01:55:17 pm »

I've very sorry to hear that you received confirmation that you are HIV positive, but relieved that you came to these forums first and received the support and guidance you needed to prepare for the news.

Your attitude is good and correct: today is the first day of the rest of your life. It's very good news that you have been diagnosed before too much damage has been done to your immune system and before you contracted any opportunistic infections.

You have every reason to be optimistic and to now focus more on your health in order that you live a long and healthy life.

You will be fine.

I look forward to your continuing progress and your future contributions to these forums.

Best wishes to you now and always.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #12 on:** February 23, 2017, 01:57:42 pm »

Cheers ptrk thanks for the support,

gcr.mty.mx · « **Reply #13 on:** February 23, 2017, 06:47:49 pm »

Hi! 33yo male over here, diagnosed a little over a year ago.
Best advice I can give you is take it a day at a time, try to control your anxiety by keeping yourself busy, go out with friends, go to the movies, etc.
Follow you doctors instructions to get yourself on treatment and before you know it you will be Undetectable and living life.
I'm not gonna lie to you, I had my tough days, its a lot to process but you will get through it! Your anxiety will lower as you know where you stand and really feel that its gonna be OK.

Lots of great support here, keep writting.

G

Ar1983 · « **Reply #14 on:** February 23, 2017, 07:37:30 pm »

Thanks gcr, I'm 33 myself, I have a small clue what's ahead of me, and I know I'm ok, my anxiety is up and down today. Tonight I have eaten more than I did all week, although still have that churning feeling. I'm ready to start meds straight away but they have to check levels so I'm hoping to get some sort of meds next Thursday. My doctor today told me that it's just like having diabeties it's manageable and I'll be fine. once I have my levels and baseline I think I can move on until then I just keep telling myself that the sick feelings I'm getting are stress cause I felt fine before Monday. I had a examination of chest and lungs and stuff today and there wasn't any concerns.

Had a few pints of cider tonight made me feel a little less anixious. Not making a habit of that tho ;-)

How have u felt over the past year? Did u get sick? Have u many side effects from treatment?

Tonny2 · « **Reply #15 on:** February 23, 2017, 09:18:51 pm »

OJO HELLO AR, WELCOME TO THE CLUB...NOW YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IT, NOW YOU TREAT IT...I GUESS YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, IT HELPS COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR NEW NORMAL, IT HAS HELPED ME FOR 22 YEARS, SO, I GUESS YOU WILL BE OK...PLEASE STOP GOOGLING, JUST STAY ON HERE FOR INFORMATION AND SUPPORT...IF YOU ARE A VIP MEMER OF THIS CLUB (RICH COUNTRY), YOU MIGHT BE GETTING A PILL A DAY, UOGH!, I HSTE YOU GUYS, LOL, (I'M IN A RICH COUNTRY, THO, I CAN'T TAKE JUST ONE PILL A DAY, I TAKE FOUR TWICE A DAY ;()...IT'S ALL THAT IT TAKES TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE VIRUS, ONE PILL A DAY, DISCIPLINE AND THE RIGHT ATTITUDE...PLEASE KEEP US POSTED AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU CCAN COUNT ON US FOR SURE...HUGS AND AGAIN, WELCOME TO THE FORUMS...BEST OF LUCL...HUGS OJO

Ar1983 · « **Reply #16 on:** February 24, 2017, 07:39:22 am »

Thanks Tonny, I woke up this morning after a decent nights sleep. But anxiety hit me hard today.

Going to take a long walk with the dog see if can gain some perspective. I don't want to feel like this all day. Plus I need to eat and get rid of the sicky feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Guess it was too much to ask to be upbeat everyday about this since I've only been dx

Cheers
AR

Wade · « **Reply #17 on:** February 24, 2017, 08:21:00 am »

Hi AR, You have every reason to be upbeat today, now you can look forward to starting meds. There were many who didn't have that option. You will be living with a chronic illness, and that's all ! You will be most likely taking one pill a day and go on to live a normal, long and productive life.

Put something in your stomach, you need your strength for that long walk with your dog

It's a beautiful day where I live and I'm going to do the same thing !
Keep us posted.

Wishing you the best, Wade

Ar1983 · « **Reply #18 on:** February 24, 2017, 10:16:41 am »

Thanks wade

I'm finding it hard to eat at all today, I feel nauseated all the time. I'm drinking tea like a champion it's a crappy day in Ireland so I took the dog out, and now we laying on sofa chilling as today is my day off. I'm going to get some protein drinks to keep my strength up as I'm weak as fuk today. Maybe I will order a Chinese delivery later on dunno.

I guess I'm scared of what ailments we can get how often we get them etc. When reading on here most people talk about 20 years they have had it but not many people say what has happened in those 20 years. The impact of having friends round who have the cold. Can I still work in the public sector with people who have colds/flus.. should I buy stocks in purell?? Lol. I don't know if my immune system is ok yet but since Monday I feel constantly ill ( imagination rules).

Dog got soaked today too so she needs a bath. (Fun times ahead) lol 😂

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #19 on:** February 24, 2017, 10:48:16 am »

You will not need to take any special precautions around friends who have the cold and you certainly can work and do all the things that HIV negative people do. The only difference for you is that once a day, you will take an antriretroviral. Big deal.

What matter to you now is to maintain an "undetectable" viral load, so that your CD4's remain above 200. At that point, your immune system will be strong enough to deal not only with cold, etc., but also drastically reduce the chances of any opportunistic infections.

Remember, you don't appear to have your viral load and/or CD4 numbers yet, so your CD4's may be well within the normal range.

In summary: HIV people with suppressed viral loads (undetectable) will get colds, just like any HIV negative person will, but are not any more likely to get them. It would be wise of you (as it would also be for any HIV negative person) to get annual flu shots and such, but there will be no need for you to take extra precautions in you daily life.

You will be fine. Carry on and live your life.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #20 on:** February 24, 2017, 01:34:48 pm »

ojo hello art...google pranayam...try to do some nreathing ecercises for your anxiety, i hope it will help you...try to relax, we all know what you are going through, we understand, try to keep your mind busy and let's see what your blood work results say and we will take it from there...you will still be the same person, do the same things before your dx, as ptrk says, just a pill a day, some changes in your sexual life, that's it...you will sill get colds, flus, etc. just treat them and that's it...please keep us posted...bigbear hug, you need it ojo

Ar1983 · « **Reply #21 on:** February 25, 2017, 10:33:59 am »

Cheers, I keep feeling that I'm sick already. Which I know isn't the case, still struggling to eat. Distractions are the best thing I think. I think I'm more scared of developing something in which my dx will have to be told to my loved ones who don't know and I don't want to know.

Wade · « **Reply #22 on:** February 25, 2017, 10:48:50 am »

Hey Ar, If I read correctly you will start meds this coming Thursday, just a few days away. You are not getting sick from HIV, probably from not eating...

You are going to be fine.

Hugs, Wade

Ar1983 · « **Reply #23 on:** February 25, 2017, 10:56:01 am »

Yeah. I'm hoping to get meds this Thursday, i know it's in my head and probably not eating is contributing to my feelings. It comes in waves of were I can believe I'm ok. And that I've been ok and nothing has changed. And then there is the darker parts where I get cold sweats and anxiety. Guess it's something I just need to get under control in my head. Harder to do than I thought it would be.

Again thanks for ur help on here x

Wade · « **Reply #24 on:** February 25, 2017, 11:23:17 am »

I've been taking meds over 20 years and I am still raising hell

I don't do anything different than my friends except go to the doctor twice a year and take my meds. ( some are my age and have worse wrong with them than me )

That's something in our favor actually, we see the doctor way more and we have labs twice a year. If there is anything wrong it is caught early, think that's why we are living long normal life spans.

Wade

Ar1983 · « **Reply #25 on:** February 25, 2017, 12:31:08 pm »

That's true, I just want to start these meds and get myself to stage where it's not the only thing I'm thinking about all day

lioness · « **Reply #26 on:** February 25, 2017, 02:44:06 pm »

Sorry Ar on how you feeling. Leti me give you a personal experience. When I got the diagnosis 0ne and half yr ago, I never thought will ever get good sleep, will never enjoy a meal, never face people since I constantly thought was sick with the worst disease on earth. I could rarely concentrate in a conversation, I felt sick and was deeply depressed. I could cry almost daily. Alas !!!! the so called one pill everynight worked magic of course in addition to encouragement I got from this site. Right now I sleep like a baby en can't remember last time I felt sad or cried or felt depressed.

You will be surprised how this medicine work once you stabilise on them.
Wish you all the best

Ar1983 · « **Reply #27 on:** February 25, 2017, 03:29:41 pm »

Thanks lioness, I just ate my first meal and enjoyed it, I work in a bar and was starting to feel dizzy and knew I needed food. I keep telling myself that I have a infection that's disrupting my immune system and I need tabs to kick its bollocks in. Every now and then tho I think what if what if... and I need to start thinking so what so what..

Tonny2 · « **Reply #28 on:** February 25, 2017, 04:04:36 pm »

OJO HELLO AGAIN AR, I'M GLAD YOU ATE, AGAIN, YOU WILL BE FINE. THINK THAT, I'M GOING TO BE FINE...LET'S WAIT AND SEE YOUR BLOOD WORK RESULTS AND START YOUR MEDS OR MED...KEEP YOURSELF BUSY...HUGS

@LIONESS, HOW NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU, I REMEMBER YOUR FIRST POST, YOU ARE A FIGHTER, PROUD OF YOU...HUGS OJO

Ar1983 · « **Reply #29 on:** February 25, 2017, 04:47:06 pm »

Cheers tonny2,

harleymc · « **Reply #30 on:** February 25, 2017, 05:13:55 pm »

Anxiety is a bitch.
Constant rumination on 'what if' can drive us into really dark places.

Here's a little project for you to do, start working online at moodgym You can google it. It's a therapy site run by the Australian National University. It'll help you take a bit of control of your thinking.
The other thing that helped me a great deal is mindfulness. Where you practice just being in the moment and unbidden thoughts get acknowledged and put aside.

As to the HIV, you are in care, the professionals are taking time to make sure they will get effective and safe medications for you. You met a lovely nurse who gave you a hug, how cool is that?

One thing, some HIV medications interact with over the counter medications, herbal supplements, vitamins etc etc so take a list of everything else you take, along with you to the doctor when they will prescribing your first wonder pills.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #31 on:** February 25, 2017, 05:51:45 pm »

Thanks Harleymc. I'm working on just getting over the initial shock I think, I feel healthly as I always did. Just mental control is needed. I will look at the moodgym when I get home from work this evening, sounds like something I would like to do. I'm also going to get a few crossword books to keep me occupied til Thursday

Ar1983 · « **Reply #32 on:** February 26, 2017, 12:00:05 pm »

Hey all, quick update on progress today, it's still in the forefront of my head every minute or two. Although I decided that I need a holiday so I booked one. Something to look forward to. 2 weeks in the sun in April with a couple of friends. Should be well in control of taking tablets by then so hopefully I'll be in a better place and will be able to enjoy it.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #33 on:** February 26, 2017, 07:42:45 pm »

I feel kinda bad, I'm drunk ryt now and I've actually had the best night ever. Still overthinking shit but has to be at least 20-30 mins before I start thinking lol. Apart from the normal I don't feel sick, confirms nerves has been the problem for past few days. Tomorrow will be a day we're I need to get new shorts and Tshirts for my holiday. Fuk it life goes on and I'm not letting this illness define me. Sorry for the drunk post I'll prob regret it!

Jim Allen · « **Reply #34 on:** February 27, 2017, 02:56:54 am »

Glad to hear you are going on holiday, sounds nice 2 weeks in April.

Look you are in a rough place emotionally, cut out the drinking sessions it does not do you any good.

Jim

Ar1983 · « **Reply #35 on:** March 01, 2017, 05:12:49 pm »

Hi guys and gals, back at hospital tomorrow to get cd4 results and hopefully meds, this week has been hard past few days I've struggled with chest pains and lightheaded spells, sweats and headaches. Should I be asking for antibiotics from hospital too, just in case I'm not well??

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #36 on:** March 01, 2017, 06:19:15 pm »

If your CD4's are below 200, your doctor may start you on certain antibiotics (such as Bactrim or its equivalent) to protect you from pneumocystis pneumonia.

In any scenario, if you are not feeling well, tell your doctor so that he may treat you appropriately, independent of any HIV-related issues.

If you believe you are suffering from anxiety, tell your doctor in order that you may be referred to an appropriate healthcare provider to assist you.

Good luck and please keep us posted on your ongoing progress.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #37 on:** March 02, 2017, 08:37:07 am »

Hi, cd4 is 290 and was given tablets to take, cd8 level was ok.
1 truvada a day and 2 raltegravir no vl yet. Had the doctor look over me too I'm fine no cheat or lung issues and more blood work taken,

Back in a month but took my first tablet at 1pm with lunch I think that's a good time to start then since i work nights

Jim Allen · « **Reply #38 on:** March 02, 2017, 10:42:08 am »

Well good you have the treatment now and smile and look the bright side, no infections or lung issues, this good.

Jim

Ar1983 · « **Reply #39 on:** March 02, 2017, 01:45:14 pm »

Cheers Jim, I was actually quite surprised it was as high as 290. I'm glad to be on tablets now.

It's amazing how the health care professionals can put me at ease too, I was feeling sick all week and with a trip to them I feel better today then I've felt in a week. Anxiety messes with ur head so much.

AR

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #40 on:** March 02, 2017, 01:49:09 pm »

Glad to read that things went better than expected for you today. Keep up your great attitude, take your meds, and live your life.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #41 on:** March 02, 2017, 03:13:34 pm »

Thanks ptrk,

Ar1983 · « **Reply #42 on:** March 03, 2017, 06:07:09 pm »

Wee bitta help peeps, I am taking my meds but the raltegavir I have to take twice a day 12 hours apart, I stupidly took my first one at 1pm and the second one is due at 1am, I work nights so most of the time it's ok, but on my nights off can I take it around 12 so I can go to bed or will I have to stay up until 1am take my med??

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #43 on:** March 03, 2017, 06:13:13 pm »

You would be fine to take it at midnight on your off days. An hour or so either way will certainly not matter.

Ar1983 · « **Reply #44 on:** March 03, 2017, 06:14:33 pm »

Cheers ptrk, struggling to stay awake tonight! #knackered

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #45 on:** March 03, 2017, 06:42:43 pm »

Just take when you go to bed on your off days. Modern meds are very forgiving.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #46 on:** March 03, 2017, 09:18:46 pm »

OJO HELLO AR...I TAKE ISENTRESS *RALTEGRAVIR( ALSO...JUST TAKE THE PILL BEFORE YO GO TO BED, NO DEED TO WAIT UNTIL ONE, JYST REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT WITH FOOD FOR A BETTER ABSORCION...BEST OF LUCK AND KEEP US POSTED...HUGS OJO

Ar1983 · « **Reply #47 on:** March 05, 2017, 02:54:49 pm »

Thanks tonny, im still struggling to eat at times, I've dropped over a stone, since I found out, I trying to eat but everything makes me feel like vomitting

Tonny2 · « **Reply #48 on:** March 05, 2017, 08:25:08 pm »

OJO HELLO AR...I'M SORRY, JUST HANG IN THERE, NOBODY SAID YJAY LIVING WITH HIV WAS EASY, HERE IS WHERE WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE MADE OF...IT WILL GET BETTER AS SOON AS YOUR BODY ADJUST TO THE MEDS...EAT SOME SALTY CRACKERS TO HELP YOU WITH THE NAUSEAS...YOU CAN DO IT...HUGS OJO

Ar1983 · « **Reply #49 on:** March 15, 2017, 08:29:12 pm »

Hi all quick question about my tabs, do they cause u to be tired more. I'm sleeping about 2-3 hours more every day than i usually do? I'm taking 2 isentrsss and 1 truvada, also getting a few headaches which normal painkillers take away... is this normal?

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Author Topic: tested today was positive and I'm scared (Read 21152 times)