Fearful

[sleepless13]

5 years ago I had unprotected vaginal sex with a woman of unknown status. The sex did not last more than 5 minutes and afterward the woman assured me that she was negative and tested annually with her obgyn.

Since then, I met another woman, entered into a monogamous relationship, and married. 

My wife recently had to submit to a hiv blood test for disability insurance purposes and the thoughts of that night (5 years ago) are now racing back to me.  I am terrified that I could have contracted something that night.  Even more terrifying is the prospect of passing something along to my wife.

By way of further background, less than a year ago, my wife, a health care worker, had to submit to an hiv test as a result of a needle stick at work.  The hospital never sent us the results and we were never contacted by the State Health Department (it is my understanding that all positive HIV results are reported in this state and the person is notified).

I recognize that I was irresponsible on that night and I regret it to this day as evidenced by this plea for advice.  I also recognize that the moderators here cannot give me a response with certainty. 

I should have tested years ago, but it basically slipped my mind until now with the pending disability insurance test.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[Jeff G]

The only way to know your HIV status is to test at the appropriate time . You did have a risk many years ago , so testing is in order even though you will more than likely go on to test negative .

This is a case of anxiety and there is little we can do other than encourage you to talk to your wife about your fears and get tested if you need the peace of mind .

You cant base your HIV status on the test of another person . If you choose to test I would expect a negative result .

[sleepless13]

Thanks Jeff for your feedback. I agree that I should test and get a definitive answer instead of speculating.

Are there any concrete statistics regarding transmission rates between heterosexual men/women (i.e. woman to man vaginal, man to woman vaginal, etc.)?

[Jeff G]

Thanks Jeff for your feedback. I agree that I should test and get a definitive answer instead of speculating.

Are there any concrete statistics regarding transmission rates between heterosexual men/women (i.e. woman to man vaginal, man to woman vaginal, etc.)?

There are too many variables to assign odds on HIV transmission for any one incident . I will say that you are probably worrying yourself sick over nothing . If you can , go buy a oraquick test and end your fears today .   

[sleepless13]

Thanks again for your input Jeff and taking the time to respond.

[Jeff G]

You are welcome . Your anxiety will ease when you test and I would expect a negative result , so put yourself out of misery and get this done .