POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: bt1313 on June 10, 2010, 08:26:56 pm
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I was diagnosed five years ago. In the middle of a very rollercoaster type relationship. I have sacrificed so much for him and am still doing it. I just can not do it anymore. He has not had a job since last September. He has spent more time doing free stuff for his kids' senior class. Forgetting what is important. What little money we do have, he can not keep the checking account balance. I currently have 12 doallars in the bank. 200 coming in on friday and a 100 dollar southwest gift card. I have a job and can transfer just about anywhere in the country. I am at my wits end. I can not take the emmotional and mental strain of it all anymore.
I am never right. My ideas are never good enough. It has been his way or the highway, and since he has one kid living with us who has no rules or guidence, and no ambition to get a job, and is going to be allowed to live here without contributing anything towards rent after he graduates tomorrow, I can not tell him to move out.
Where do I turn?
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Maybe its you who should make a plan to move out and move on to a more mutually generous relationship.
Whose house/apt is it?
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You've only written a few paragraphs, but it seems clear to me that you are not getting what you want and need from your partner and your relationship. And it sounds like your relationship has been a rollercoaster for many years, which is far too long (IMHO).
I'm assuming (thought you did not explicitly state) that you've talked about this with your partner, and they are either unwilling or unable to work on changing things with you. If so, then you need to decide if you are going to continue to put up with the situation, or are going to end it and strike out on your own. I know it's not easy to leave, but sometimes it is the right thing to do. One good thing is that it appears your job gives you a lot of flexibility (in this economy, that's huge!).
I highly recommend that you talk to and seek help from a trusted friend or family member. Times like this show you who your friends really are. I'd also recommend talking to a counselor / therapist, since you seem distraught and don't know where to turn.
Remember that you deserve to have people in your life (including a partner) who are loving and supportive.
Regards,
Henry
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Since you have asked, I will put my 2 cents worth in. To me it sounds lke you have already made your mind up at this point. To prolong a dysfunctional relationship and support this guy and his son is causing so much resentment that its reached a boiling point. I guess also I would have to ask, have you brought any of these concerns up in conversation with your significant other? What does he contribute to the relationship and household?
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To me it sounds lke you have already made your mind up at this point.
Agreed. Your partner has physically abandoned the relationship and there is no need to give it one more try.
It's so obvious that you are frustrated by the relationship which is no longer working for u. Just go!
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First off... you aren't alone. I believe that we've ALL been there in the same boat as you're in now. We've all had a relationship that took a turn for the worse and we had to fight to either make it work or get out of it.
I'm with Mecch... is it your place? His? or both?
My vote is for a therapist. This helped my ex understand why I was leaving. He really thought we could work it out but it was too late for myself. I was done. I was tired of trying to be supportive of everything HE decided while MY thoughts, ideas and actions were always wrong and or inferior.
I guess what I'm getting at is be strong. Do what YOU think is right. If you've felt you've tried enough and he hasn't met you at least halfway then its time for action. Believe in yourself.
Bubba hugs!
Patrick
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bt1313,
The good thing is it will get better, the bad part is that it does not get better until you decide that you want a change for the better. I feel you 110%, I am in the same shoes you are in. I've been in a relationship for over 2 years and have been pulling all the weight in the relationship. I have had talks with my partner and expressed to him that things have to change, that I can't keep going down this path. It's NOT what I want for me and I want more for him. I have been battling with this for over a year and finally I have taken a stand for me. I just have to accept that I can't change him, even though I think it is for the best, I really can't change him. :( He is who he is, does not mean I love him any less or that I don't care about him, but I just cannot do it any more. If anything its dragging me down and I don't deserve that, I deserve to be happy.
So, bt1313 (really wish I knew your name, hate talking to screen names. LOL) you will have to decide on your own what you want for you. None of us can make that decision for you, but we do listen and try to make you realize what you really want. Like WhySoUnfair said "Your partner has physically abandoned the relationship and there is no need to give it one more try."
It sounds like you have already made up your decision, but it's just hard to take that next step. It's not easy, but once you do, I think you will get your life back and you will learn allot from the experience which will make the next one even better! Plus you will know the warning signs of what you don't want.
That's my 4 cents...
-Ted
P.S. Can I borrow 12 bux... ;)