just met someone whos told me they are hiv looking for some advice.

[rossplymouth]

hey im new here nice to meet you all. well im ross and im 30 years old i recenlty met a bloke and have been one 4 dates. we get on so well and just love being together, i had a feeling he was holding something back from me, last night i told him i was going to tell my family about us and he said just wait for 24 hours and meet me in the morning for a coffee so i met him today we had a great time and then he said ok i really need to tell you something, and as soon as he said that i new in my head what it was. he started to explain, hes spanish and is a nurse and worked in a spanish hospital with people with drug problems etc and he touched a needle or something. i was very shocked at first but also happy that he felt he could tell me. i dont know much about hiv so im finding it a bit scary because i really like this guy. so really im just looking for some information. and how at risk would i be.

[EUINAU]

I am sure there will be others able to provide better info than me. All I say is take your time to read more about HIV so you are educated.

There are many +/- couples on here. I dated a guy who did not care about me being poz and it meant the world to me.

If you like the guy and you get the education you need, it really does not matter if someone is poz or neg unless your head tells you otherwise...

All the best

[ianmx]

hey ross. if you really like this guy, hiv should not stop the relationship.

i know the biggest fear is can you be infected. talk to your friend and ask more about his specific hiv status, ask him if he is undetectable, is he on meds, how often does he have blood tests.

your chances are pretty much near 0% of being infected if you always use a condom. there are very rare occasions when condoms break, if your partner is on hiv medicine and undetectable the chances are very low you can be infected, plus if that happens there are medicines you can take within 72 hours to help kill any virus that might be in your system, making your chances pretty much 0% of infection. so you can safely have a relationship with someone who is HIV+ without putting yourself at any great risk.

i know life expectancy is another issue for many people. will you get involved with someone with HIV and they will die when you are 30. it is unlikely but everyone is different. if your friend is healthy and lives a healthy life with diet and exercise he can live a normal life expectancy. i think treatment has been around for 30 years and many, many, many people have lived that long and we expect even longer.

it sounds like you really like this person, don't let fear stop you from seeing where this goes. use protection with sex, if he is undetectable that is even a better scenario, and if an accident happens you can still take medicine to greatly lower your chances of being infected.

the science behind HIV says it's OK for you to date someone who is HIV+ with little to no risk if precautions are taken. go for it 

ian

[rossplymouth]

thank you so much for replying. he sat me down and asked me to ask every question i had about hiv and he also told me all about his situation. i forgot most of it now but he is undetectable and is on tablets. it was very scary for me at first mainly because i did know not much about it, but now i have got to know him i have realized that it doesnt matter, hes a great guy and so far all is going great. he has given me lots of information but i dont liek to keep asking him all the time that is why i came on here.

[mecch]

Why is it important that he had a needle stick as transmission route?  Is that important to him? Is that important to you? Are we supposed to say something about that or overlook it, or what?

HIV is HIV is HIV. 

[rossplymouth]

its not important and i never said it was, i was explain his story. i came on here for advice so please dont reply with stupid comments.

[Almost2late]

Hi Ross, the fact that your bf told you that he is positive speaks volumes about his character.. Many people find it hard to find someone who are both compatible and trust worthy, you seem to have found both..

You have already been given very good advice by Ianmx on how to prevent transmission and I could not have said any better..

Please realize that most members on these forums are HIV+ and from all walks of life and from time to time you may be given unwanted negative comments/advice.. So take from here what you can use to benefit your particular situation and ignore anything else..

Good luck to you.

[Jmarksto]

Please realize that most members on these forums are HIV+ and from all walks of life and from time to time you may be given unwanted negative comments/advice.. So take from here what you can use to benefit your particular situation and ignore anything else..

Well said, I agree wholeheartedly. Welcome to the forums Ross and don't hesitate to seek advice/support here as you and your BF need it.

[mecch]

its not important and i never said it was, i was explain his story. i came on here for advice so please dont reply with stupid comments.

Sorry you see my comment as stupid.  99.7% of needlestick/cut exposures to HIV-contaminated blood do not lead to infection.  I would imagine in the current climate, with the access to PEP - post exposure treatment after a needle stick, it is very rare indeed.  It stuck out to me that you mentioned it because you are negative and this guy you don't know - 4 dates - makes it a point to tell you his transmission route is a needle stick.  Sure its possible thats how he got it.  Its also possible that is not how he got it.

For over 20 years HIV had such a heavy stigma that HIV+ people got used to "transmission stories" that people tell that can stretch the imagination, simply because people with HIV don't like to talk about making mistakes having unsafe sex.  Used to be "heterosexual transmission" or "needle sticks" and "blood transfusions" were the "good aids" - back when aids killed.  Nobody wanted to have the dirty sex AIDS or the sharing needles aids. 

None of this necessarily applies to you and your new interest very well may have had a needle stick.  But it just stood out for me that in one paragraph you bothered to mention that detail, and as you seem to have SO VERY LITTLE experience with HIV I thought it was worth pointing out this background history to you.  Forget I mentioned it to you if its meaningless.  Take care.

[terrymoore]

Hi Ross,
I am in a mixed relationship. My situation is a bit different - i was married for 20 years before getting infected and we have 3 teenaged kids - so when i told my wife the bad news, she had a few more considerations besides just herself when deciding if this was a game-changer or not. Lucky for me, she didn't even flinch, and has been by my side all along.
She treats it like any other ailment - like cancer or kidney problems - and said that we will cope with this thing together as a couple - like we always have until now. I am very lucky. Of course there are challenges! Sex is an issue. We used to have it whenever we wanted, wherever we wanted, however we wanted. Now, after 20 years (!!) we need to LEARN how to use condoms (LEARN because i was one of those idiots who NEVER wore condoms back in my single days - AIDS/HIV was for drug addicts/gays and i wasn't sleeping with either! - what an ignorant ass i was - surprised i got away with what i did for so long!). So, now, after forever without condoms, we have to BOTH learn to use condoms. Besides that, I worry (and i sense that sometimes she worries) that even though we are being safe, "something" might happen. So, the "is it worth the risk" thoughts somehow creep in and sort of kill the mood. Then there are other aspects - will my life/health insurance be affected, should we keep this secret from the kids/family, will i live a "normal" healthy life, will i have a normal lifespan etc etc - all real concerns. And yet, with all the challenges and concerns, we still have a great relationship and are able to overcome these challenges - we DO have sex - SAFE SEX - and we DO live a "normal" life and we DO keep this a secret from others (like other secrets we have) and most important - WE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER.
As everyone has basically said, a "normal" life and relationship CAN go on with HIV in the picture, the same as if he had diabetes or any other chronic sickness, as long as he is being treated and taking his meds as prescribed. It is hard to find a partner for life. You are lucky that you may have found yours. Good luck!
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