Dating And Not Sure When 2 Tell !!

[sexyzpiee]

I am starting 2 get back into the dating scene, and I have meet a lot of nice guys, some that r very nice, some I wouldn't think about twice and some that treat me like a Queen..

I am so scared 2 really give any of them a real chance 2 get 2 know me, because I'm not sure when 2 disclose my status.

 Do I wait 2 see If we connect, do I tell them before the relationship becomes serious, and give them the choice 2 decide if they want 2 continue without getting 2 know me for me and not just see HIV

Do I wait until sex, the first kiss, or just when ever I fell comfortable with the guy.  I'm afraid if I tell right from the start I'm not giving the relationship, or friendship a chance to develop.

If I wait until I'm sure we connect then he may fell cheated and lied to.  If I wait until the first kiss or right before sex, then I maybe be 2 attached and my feelings will be hurt if he rejects me.  It's so complicated, when dating and deciding when 2 tell a person that u  r positive.

 Ladies I need some advice, please help a sister out.  I trust your input and advise, I truly love u guys.

[Losta]

Hey Girl,

Don't panic! We are all in the same boat! Let them get to know you first........ Men in general are selfish....regardless of being positive or not.... And it's in their nature to judge without knowing!

So give them a chance! TO GET TO KNOW YOU ...THE REAL YOU... What you like, dislike . be yourself and if there is a man out there for you ....HE WILL LOVE  YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! and will be understanding!

Be positive and don't settle nor sell yourself short! Have fun and try not to have expectation from others!!
Good luck!
Losta

[tendai]

i totally agree, some guys can look past the HIV once they get to know what kind of a person you are.  they will love you anyway. or try finding out how they feel about HIV before you disclose so you have a clue how they are likely to react. good luck

[dvinemstre]

when I initially found out in Dec I disclosed to every man I had had sex with for about a year. I was involved with several at the time and having protected sex. it was odd and remains odd to me that most men I have met or known will have protected sex and not even ask about status, disclose theirs, etc. It seems to me that if a condom is enough protection without knowing a person's status, then protect with a condom should be enough when one knows. Having said that, I would not even put a man in a position to have a hard on around me unless  I disclosed at that point. Now that I see how men have reacted and responded in general I have changed somewhat. If the relationship is purely sexual, no relationship, no talk about issues, etc, and they don't ask, I don't bring it up. If it is a person I am interested in dating, then I tell them immediately so avoid the feelings of betrayal they will undoubtedly have later on. As for "looking past " hiv, i don't really think of it that way. I think of it as one more part of who I am and if a person can handle that, then fine, if not, that's the way things go. Everyone brings their fair share of issues into the sexual and dating equation. I think each person needs to 1) be ethical 2) be sensible 3) do what the law require where you are 4) do the loving thing for yourself and them. hope this helps a tad...Zan

[BT65]

Hey Sexyz,  disclosing is a very personal thing.  If you're not going to jump right into the sack, then you may want to wait to disclose.  I don't know that men are the only selfish sex, but I do think maybe we women need to get a little more selfish.  We deserve to be cared about just as much as anyone else does. 

The people I've been involved with since being diagnosed ('89) have all known up front.  What's weird about that is, only one person wanted to use a condom (outside of my relationship with a woman, and we practiced safety). 

You'll know when it's time for disclosure.  Sorry I have no sage advice, but I think it's different for everyone.
  Luv,
Betty

Edited to add:  I think it's great you're dating again.  It wasn't that long ago that you seemed pretty bummed about the whole thing.  Congrats.

[sexyzpiee]

Thanks ladies everyone's  advise was helpful and you are so right B , i was very upset, but u know I thought about that thing and it was his loss not mine. Being positive dose not define who or what I'm about.  He lost out on an exceptional women and I feel sorry for him. He didn't take time out to find out about the disease, nor did he want 2 be educated when I was trying 2 educate him.  U know most men will have  unprotected sex with a person not knowing what they have, but when u are honest with them and tell them what is going on with u they see it as a death sentence.  Stupidity is Bliss !!!!th

I Love this forum where, would I B without  U ladies,  Thank U!!!!!