HELP!!!Did stupid act...(-)GF broke up with me

[jpy865]

I did something really idiotic I was talking to a women I met in a hetero- HIV+ support group and we started exchanging emails...She asked if I was involved in a relationship and I truthfully answered "yes".
Now here comes the problem, and my stupid act she asked me if I would be willing to send her some nude photos of myself that it would let her see my body....Normally I would never do this because anyone can take these photos and put them all over the internet...She assured me this would not happen and I eventually sent her some rather "risky" photos cock and all...I immediately felt ashamed but left the sent email in my email...I GF normally doesn't check up on me but she stumbled upon this sent email and was really pissed off and broke up with me.
I am devastated and realize exchanging x-rated photos is indeed "cheating" but I would never physically cheat on her nor do I want to return to that era of my life...I asked her if I had any chance in the future and told her that I would go to counseling for this problem...She answered "no girl deserves to be treated this way," "and we will just have to wait and see but you have to prove to me that I can trust you again."

So now I am going to counseling to help with my sex addiction problem which is why I acquired HIV and other mental health problems...She knows I love her and would never want to hurt her.  Her problem now is the whole trust issue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

[Andy101]

Wow,, I guess you under estimated the title of this post,, but im glad you can see the severity of the issue you have caused,, Hind sight is a wonderful thing my friend,,

Personaly ,, i think you are very lucky that your GF has told you to wait and see,, after the shock and dissapointment lessens, she MAY be able to forgive you,, but yo have to look at it from her point of view,, and be totaly honest with your self,, how would you react if the positions were reversed,,,??

My view is that if my GF did that and the trust was gone,, so would the relationship !!! Sorry if its not what you wanted to hear but its my view.

BUT saying that ,, i do hope she slaps you silly and gives you a second chance,, Be lucky,,

Andy

[jpy865]

yeah lets hope!!!thanks for replying

[naftalim]

Taking on a Dr. Phil mode here, do you wonder if deep down you sent those photos and left them in your sent box cuz you "wanted" GF to find them? That somehow you were not comfortable in the relationship and did not want or could not cheat outright so this was the next best way? I know it sounds harsh, but as an uninvolved outsider I can look at this disapassionately.

[egello]

do you possibly think that she could have over reacted because she subconsciously wanted to sabotage your poz and neg relationship?

i say this because when i was neg and was dating a poz b/f i think i tried to sabotage the relationship in numerous occasions by not giving ANY break....

[Ann]

Hi JP,

If I were your girlfriend, I think the fact that you have actually started counseling would be enough for me to give you a second chance - provided there was some couples' counseling involved as well. Is she willing to do this? Relationships are a two way street, after all, and relationship problems are rarely the sole fault of one person.

Like naftlim, I can't help but wonder if you wanted to be found out - possibly subconsciously. If you were truly trying to cheat behind her back, I'm sure you would have covered your tracks and deleted the sent email. I cannot possibly speculate on WHY you would want to be found out, but YOU can. That's something you may want to explore with your therapist.

I hope you stick with the counseling and most of all, I hope that you are primarily doing it for YOU, rather than to appease your girlfriend. Doing something like this exclusively for someone else is bound to lead to resentment and failure. Do it for you - so you can be the best guy you can be. Hope that makes sense.

Good luck - and if nothing else, live and learn.

Ann

[emeraldize]

You have asked for input, I will add to the advice you've already received. I remember, distinctly, your posts from early on and at a gut level then and now I sensed you have low self-esteem and respect-for-women issues. Of course, they're tied together.To learn you are a self-reported sex addict is not a surprise. If you enter counseling with a serious interest in getting to the core issues that drive you, not just as sexually manifested, but overall, you and your girlfriend may discover you are not the match you perceived. That should not deter you from counseling. It's also worth noting/suggesting that your, for now former, girlfriend consider counseling too. Why? Because she chose you -- we quite often draw people into our lives who reflect us and issues we could address. As anyone who's had some counseling and worked at resolving things will attest, it takes some courage to take a look and patience to resolve things. I wish for you the patience you need. 

[jpy865]

thanks to all that replied emeraldize thanks for giving me the swift kick in the ass that I needed to understand the root of my problem...I do indeed have low self-esteem and the respect for women issues revolve around, I think, not having a male role-model in my life since age 12. 
That is no excuse for allowing people to use me for their own satisfaction. My GF and I have such a loving, caring relationship that rarely revolves around sex so I never thought I was a sex addict and neither did she.  She knows I would never try to hurt her and she wants me to go to counseling for this issue.
Ann, I truley never thought it was anything close to cheating but did want to be caught. You are right relationships have problems and it is a two way street.
Egello, I think I dont deserve any breaks because I dont give her any and we have always tried to work everything out.

[Queen Tokelove]

Personally, I would've been pissed. Then it would cause me to be more suspicious and wonder what else you have been up to. But then I'm wondering how you and your gf sex life is? Do you get it on a regular? Do you guys experiment or is she more of the missionary type...I wonder this because it is often said if you don't get satisfaction at home then you look for it else where.

Because you give me the impression that you really love your girl, I hope things work out for you. Trust is a hard thing to rebuild and with how the dating game is now, it might be better to be with the devil you know instead of the one you don't....in regards to what your girl may be thinking. She may just need some time to cool down.

[jpy865]

WOW QUEEN!!! I understand her frustration at me because it probably seemed like I did cheat physically. I do love her and we practice a very fulfilling sex life but that is not what we are all about - thanks for your post

[Queen Tokelove]

WOW QUEEN!!! I understand her frustration at me because it probably seemed like I did cheat physically. I do love her and we practice a very fulfilling sex life but that is not what we are all about - thanks for your post

Sorry if I made you blush. I can be very blunt at times. Maybe that is not what your sex life is about but remember her seeing what she saw, she may feel a bit insecure. Hell, I don't know....I don't have a Ph.d or anything behind my name. Just giving my thoughts is all... As I've said before, I hope it works out for you.

[Cerrid]

So... what happened with the girl in your support group, the one you sent your pics to? Did you get any reactions (or pics) from her, too?