Very concerned about a recent possible exposure

[ireland]

Hello. First of, thank you so much for whoever is reading this. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me. I'm quite worried about a recent situation that I found myself in. In September, I (F29) had sex with a man (M30) who I had met online. He was from Japan and travelling Europe so I travelled to meet him in Dublin. I hadn't really intended on having sex with him but things for heated and here we are. We used a condom and he came inside the condom while he was inside me. I do not recall the condom having broke at any stage. We also had oral before penetrationl. I performed it on him. Again, I insisted on using the condom. It was the same condom as he used to penetrate me. Could my saliva have weakened it? I wasn't really concerned but when we discussed our sexual history, he told me that he had had protective sex with a prostitute in Thailand before. I asked him if he had been tested since and he assured me that he had. He said that he was recently tested and had tested negative for all STDs. We only had sex twice (both times with condom and oral once with condom.) Before the sex also, he had kissed me and fingered me. I had recently finished my period if I recall correctly and I had bled a little after the fingering/ sex.
I know I can't trust that he is entirely telling me the truth and we have stayed in contact since then. I don't think he is a bad person or anything.
Since this whole episode, I feel like I am having some strange symptoms. Like feeling tired, having a weird sensation down below that feels like a UTI and also I keep getting mouth ulcers. If he was lying to me about being tested and getting a negative result, should I be concerned about having contracted Hiv? I'm trying to remain calm but I am regretful and feeling like I have a very fragile mental state right now. Thank you in advance for your feedback. What course of action should I take now? All I do is cry these days becuase I feel so afraid and hopeless.

[Jim Allen]

I wasn't really concerned but when we discussed our sexual history, he told me that he had had protective sex with a prostitute in Thailand before. I asked him if he had been tested since and he assured me that he had. He said that he was recently tested and had tested negative for all STDs.

Nothing he claimed means anything. Pointless conversation: Just presume they are living with HIV or STIs and protect yourself by reducing your risks. Condoms, PrEP, vaccinate against HPV & Hep B and get a yearly STI screening.

I know I can't trust that he is entirely telling me the truth and we have stayed in contact since then. I don't think he is a bad person or anything.

Nothing he claimed means anything. Also, even if he tested on the day you met, it would mean nothing for several reasons, including the window period.

HIV & STIs don't care if a person is good or bad.

[ireland]

So this was really risky behaviour? Even though we used a condom?

[Jim Allen]

Summery:

You gave a blowjob with the condom, had intercourse with the same condom, kissed, and got fingered.

Firstly, kissing and being fingered isn't an HIV risk to you.  As for the oral, it was with a condom and not an HIV risk to you. I will add that even if you had given oral sex without a condom, the mouth generally lacks a route for HIV to infect, and saliva also neutralises HIV by damaging the receptors needed to infect human cells. Without a condom, it's such a minute HIV risk that it doesn't warrant testing outside the standard yearly screening, and you didn't even have that risk.

As for intercourse, HIV can't be transmitted through an intact latex or polyurethane condom. Saliva will not weaken a condom, but you should use a new condom as your teeth could have damaged it but thankfully didn't, and unless a condom obviously fails during intercourse, there is no reason to be stressing or testing for HIV outside the standard yearly HIV screening.

There are risks for other easier-to-acquire STIs, as the levels of protection for various STIs depend significantly on differences in how the diseases or infections are transmitted. Some infections (Not HIV) are transmitted primarily by skin-to-skin contact, viral shredding or skin-to-lesion contact etc., which may infect areas not covered by a condom, such as genital herpes, human papillomavirus [HPV], Chancroid (Haemophilus ducreyi) etc. 

So this was really risky behaviour? Even though we used a condom?

Well, what you posted here wasn't an HIV concern. Of course, it was an STI risk; there is no safe sex or safe sex activities, just safer sex. It's about risk reduction through consistent condom usage, PrEP and getting vaccinated.

a weird sensation down below that feels like a UTI and also I keep getting mouth ulcers.

I am sorry to hear this, and I hope you feel better soon. See your GP so they can look at this and treat it.

Here's what you need to know to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse correctly and consistently, every time, with no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP as an additional layer of HIV protection.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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[ireland]

Thank you so much for your help and your patience in answering my questions. I really, really appreciate it.

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome