Insertive oral, high viral load swollen/painful glands groin

[WorriedEurope]

Dear moderators,

I have a hard time sleeping at the moment and truly need your advice. I am a 32y/o man with fiancé and son. Unfortunately, whilst on a business trip in London, I have made a stupid mistake and met a random man on Grindr at the same hotel I was staying at. This happened 2 weeks back 26 November.

He insisted to come into his room (dark) he'd give me a blowjob (me lying on his bed) and rimm me...both for about 5 minutes without condom. I came outside of his mouth. No other activity was involved. Once finished, I left the room and went back to mine in the same hotel. Obviously, I was unable to see whether there was any additional blood coming from his mouth, yet I did not notice any on my penis / anus when back at my hotel room. I also have hemmorhoids.

Now I have understood that insertive oral (me getting a blowjob) is a minor risk for acquiring HIV. Nevertheless, I am experiencing a distinct symptom (swollen glands) surrounding my groin as well as neck both front back, which I never had to this extend before.

I am not sure whether anxiety can cause such symptoms or whether this can be HIV or another STD related. Also, would my risk of acquiring HIV increase if the person sucking me had a sky high viral load (not knowing he is infected from previous encounters)?

What I would like to know is whether I can have sexual intercourse with my fiancé or whether you'd advice me to get tested for HIV? Am I exaggerating or is there some ground for my anxiety?

Your input is truly appreciated!

Best,
WorriedEurope

[Jim Allen]

Am I exaggerating

Big time.

No matter how much angst you have or guilt perhaps you have its not going to make this a HIV risk. Getting rimmed (Angulingus) is not a HIV concern and neither is getting your penis sucked is not a HIV risk, saliva is not HIV infectious, it also contains over a dozen elements that neutralize HIV.

Let me put it this way after 40 years in terms of BJ's there hasn’t been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked" "Licked") and you will not be the world first and making medical history anytime soon! 

Relax its not a HIV concern, move on with your life!

What I would like to know is whether I can have sexual intercourse with my fiancé or whether you'd advice me to get tested for HIV? Am I exaggerating or is there some ground for my anxiety?

If you plan to have or have been engaging in unprotected intercourse with your fiancé , my risk is assessment of this (Unrelated to the BJ incident) is; Although i don't judge couples that decide to engage in unprotected intercourse, as its often based on trust within a relationship, it is a HIV to you !

Trust or faith does not prevent HIV and any unprotected intercourse is simply accepting a possible risk to you of acquiring HIV and a greater risk of easier to transmit STIs. Know and understand the risk you are accepting, test at the very least at the least yearly for your own health sake.

End of the day what you do with your fiancé is all on you. All I can tell you is the BJ encounter you are posting about is no as in "Zero" HIV risk to you.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP in the future as an additional layer of protection against HIV.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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[WorriedEurope]

Hi Jim and thank you for the swift reply.

I just have one more question which I find confusing. Would things like scratches/sores on my penis coming in contact with his mouths' blood make any difference in your judgement on the risk situation? Or blood entering my urethra? There does not seem to be a consensus among expert on this topic.

Reading on "the body" doctor Bob stated in one of his replies reg. confirmed vs. not confirmed oral sex transmissions the following;

"The critical word here is "confirmed." We certainly have a number of anecdotal reports of HIV transmission via oral sex, even insertive oral sex. (You'll find some of these testimonials in the archives of this forum. Have a look!) These cases are not "confirmed," because we really have no way to confirm them! We can't automatically assume that a person who claims only to have had insertive oral sex didn't accidentally (or conveniently) "forget" a brief unprotected vaginal or anal episode. We also don't know if there were other extenuating circumstances, such as oral trauma or concurrent STDs that could increase the likelihood of HIV transmission via oral sex."

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q214654.html

Highly appreciate your input here. My symptoms (swollen glands surrounding groin area and throat) are getting worse 2 weeks post exposure and it's driving me nuts.

Best,
/D

[Jim Allen]

What if I got hit in the face by a meteorite tonight? Its possible but not plausible, however it is 10.000's of times more likely than your concern yet I don't wear a steal face mask when leaving the house.
 
Anyhow "no" is the answer its makes no difference, It lacks all the biological requirements for acquiring HIV and starches lack route to infect anyway.
Nobody has ever been infected from getting their penis sucked, so its never happened, worrying about being the first person in human history is somewhat irrational.

Now im not going to comment on any specific post or site you find online however I'll say this some resources don't give context or rely on stories, we don't rely on anecdotal stories otherwise i would be seriously warning you to look out for ET and the HIV infected aliens from space and the cat living next door    Its 2018 not 1988 were past story time here.

So unless you beat him to a bloody pulp or he had a knife would to the face and blood was rushing all over the place needing urgent medical attention, my assessment is to move on with your life and relax and stop reading rubbish.

Jim