True Confessions

[ademas]

Sometimes I call the dog by buzzing the electric can opener.

[MSPspud]

Sometimes I postpone feeding the cats in the morning so they keep getting louder to irritate my sleeping boyfriend.

[lydgate]

Sometimes I'll have two pints of ice cream for dinner.

[Dachshund]

Sometimes I'll have two pints of ice cream for dinner.

From your pic you might want to drop down to one pint.

[Life]

Sometimes I stick my fingers in empty light sockets..

[jkinatl2]

Sometimes I stick my tongue out and let my ferrets lick it.

[Life]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[J.R.E.]

 


I had a cockatiel for about 15 years. When he would sit perched on my finger, he would immediately start rubbing his little sex organ against me. His wings would open up wide, and he was basically humping away on my hand twisting himself all over the place, trying to get off At first I thought perhaps he had mites and was just trying to scratch himself on me. But I knew what he was doing. After he was through rubbing himself ( about 40 seconds) he would fly back to his cage, with what appeared to be a smirk on his beak 


My bird was gay like his master. I always thought he was,He always kept a tidy cage

Does that make me a prevert ? 




Ray

[lydgate]

Sometimes I'll drink several glases of wine while listening to sad songs so that I feel all weepy and self-pitying in a satisfying sort of way.

[J.R.E.]

I've got to add also, I bought him a female and he wanted nothing to do with her....

[Teresa]

Ray,

it only makes you a pervert if you got off also....LOL

[jkinatl2]

I think the line is crossed when you start putting birdseed in your underpants.

[J.R.E.]

Lol,

I would have crushed the poor thing, if I rubbed against him.

"I think the line is crossed when you start putting birdseed in your underpants." Wouldn't be the first time I had two peckers in my underpants   LOL.....  Did I say that   !!

[Basquo]

Sometimes I'll drink several glases of wine while listening to sad songs so that I feel all weepy and self-pitying in a satisfying sort of way.

I do the same thing listening to a disc I burned for my ex after leaving him...one that I never sent him.

[allopathicholistic]

From your pic you might want to drop down to one pint.

LOL!!

Jay, please tell me you'll do your best to not subject your body to ice cream atrocities

[Teresa]

Lol,
"I think the line is crossed when you start putting birdseed in your underpants." Wouldn't be the first time I had two peckers in my underpants   LOL.....  Did I say that   !!

LMAO!!!

Teresa

[HIVworker]

I once tried to trip someone up in a school sprint race because I was losing, in kindergarten. I was 32 at the time.

R

[whizzer]

This brings to mind the quote:

"Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken"

It wasn't you that was perverted Ray - just the bird. 

I've heard of being a bird-brain, but this is the first I've heard of a bird-bottom.

In all seriousness, I think it may have been the cage that was the problem.  They say prison does things to a guy.

Just Sayin' ^TM

-Whizzer
(who sometimes puts his extra garbage in the next-door-neighbor's can)

[ademas]

Sometimes I stick my tongue out and let my ferrets lick it.

HAR!!

(I've kissed Bob the yorkie on the lips before...freaks him out more than me!)

and it was I who put my sister's favorite troll doll in a tuperware container filled with water and froze it in a block of ice. 

[lydgate]

Played King Herod ("Jesus, I'm overjoyed to meet you face to face...") in the high-school production of Jesus Christ Superstar, but secretly wanted to play Mary Magdalene ("I don't know how to love him..."). Jesus was hot!

[joyluckclub]

As a teacher, you try to be the professional at all times.  Sometimes one of your student's parent is a real HOTTIE.

This year I had a student who was as sweet as can be.  Her father....ohhh.....her father was an ADONIS.

I made sure to ask

1.  Is your daddy coming in for parent/teacher conference?

2.  When your mom comes, make sure your dad comes too!

3.  Make sure you invite your dad to awards day!  Its a special day for you.  He should be here to see you receive your awards! (It was a special day for me because he came!)

4.  Is your dad coming to the carnival?  I think he would enjoy seeing you have fun!

Anyway,  I think I would have made a wonderful stepmother!! LOL

[livingpositively]

At a work meeting a couple years ago, a friend of mine and I snuck away from the bar while everyone else stayed and got their party on.  We went around to all of the rooms in the hotel that we knew were occupied by "our" people and put gobs of "shit" all over the doorknobs.

[Life]

I kneed Santa in the nuts when getting on his lap when I was very  little and all I remember him saying was "Ho HO HO. SON OF A BITCH!"  All the little kids looked up at their Mom's and covered there mouths.  It was weird.. I still got my presents however... Later I was diagnosed with ADD...  That was the last time I got to sit on Santa's lap..

[livingpositively]

OMG...That is hysterical, Eric.   

[MSPspud]

At a work meeting a couple years ago, a friend of mine and I snuck away from the bar while everyone else stayed and got their party on.  We went around to all of the rooms in the hotel that we knew were occupied by "our" people and put gobs of "shit" all over the doorknobs.

Ok, where'd you get the "shit" ?

[Matty the Damned]

Years ago, when two vegetarian friends would visit for dinner, I would make the vegetable soup with chicken stock and not tell them. 

They raved about my vegetable soup.

MtD

[Joe K]

After my abusive ex-partner was put in jail, tried and convicted and sent packing back to Michigan I still had all of his clothes.  They made the most satisfying bon fire that I have ever had.  I then mailed him the ashes when his parents called and inquired about his clothes.  Never heard from him since... hum.

[DingoBoi]

i chased a baby salamander down the hallway wall to a foot or two off the ground.... it probably would have went lower but puppy ate it.   

She loves her living treaties.   I think she likes the wiggle.

[Mouse]

My cat has this issue where if you scratch the base of his tail he starts biting his chest and biting out fur and stuff and meowing.



I'm sure it annoys him, but I do it all the time anyway and laugh because it's so ridiculous.



The vet said it's because he's fat and he can't reach back there to clean, so it's like overwhelming for him.
Hahahahaha.


I'm mean.

[fearless]

I attacked my sister and tried to suffocate her with a pillow once when sleep walking 
(anyone wanna share a room with me in Montreal. lol)

[livingpositively]

EEEWWW!!!!  It wasn't really SHIT, as in feces.  LOL

Just "stuff" because they would all be drunk and just walk into their room and plop into bed.

Although the REAL THING would have been much funnier...but I can't handle getting that close to it.  hehe  Guess you could say I'm a little fecaphobic.

[Sdgirl]

Okay sometimes................all right damn it.......ALL the time I let my cat Moe suck on my ear til his slobber drips down my neck.  He has been doing this since he was a baby and I love it!  He sits there in anticipation and starts to drool, it's the cutest damn thing you ever saw!

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[MSPspud]

I'm a little fecaphobic too - that's why I had to ask    It would have been an awesome prank though... maybe if you had really thick gloves and a doggy near by!

[jkinatl2]

I attacked my sister and tried to suffocate her with a pillow once when sleep walking 
(anyone wanna share a room with me in Montreal. lol)

eep.

[Teresa]

I have an evil older sister. We were born on the same day 5 years apart. When I was little she would tell me I was the worst birthday present she ever got. I would just cry.
I have another older sister and a younger brother. We all slept in the same bedroom (we were poor but didn't know it). We had 2 set of bunkbeds and the evil sister slept on the top bunk.

She did something that really pissed me off. Cant remember what she did....but I took a straight pin and lifted up her fitted sheet and stuck it point up so she would turn over and get stuck.

She woke the whole house up later that night with her scream. My mom came running in there and found the straight pin and said I wonder how that got in there.

I was about 7yrs old at the time. She isn't near as evil today...actually we are very close.

Teresa

[GSOgymrat]

The only time I have ever stolen anything was when I was 19. I really wanted to buy a particular Playgirl magazine but didn't have the nerve to face the middleaged woman working the counter at the local newsstand. When she wasn't looking I stuck the magazine down my shirt and walked out. I felt so guilty as I was driving home that I returned to the newsstand put the money on the counter when she wasn't looking. I still have that magazine!

[allopathicholistic]

Sometimes I hang up on chatty people and blame it on the cell phone battery

And I feel no guilt whatsoever

When they say "You should get a better phone" I think "YEAH, UH-HUH, IN YOUR CHATTERBOX *WET-DREAMS*"

Joe, I would have tossed in a few live scorpions with those ashes

[JeffInNYC]

I had a cockatiel for about 15 years. When he would sit perched on my finger, he would immediately start rubbing his little sex organ against me. His wings would open up wide, and he was basically humping away on my hand twisting himself all over the place, trying to get off

Ray I hope thats not how the colonel coined the phrase "finger lickin' good".
ewww
 

[Lwood]

I switch the stickers on the 'expensive' Tomatoes with the cheap ones.  call 911.

[ACinKC]

One time when I was little, and not NEARLY the physics genius I am today, I convinced my roller skating sister she would go SUPER fast down our laminated hallway if she let me tie a rope to her feet and the other end to a door knob and let me open the door real fast! 

Luckily for us, a dentist was on call 24 hours a day, her 2 front teeth look PERFECTLY normal NOW!

[Alain]

.

[Life]

I pushed my sister down a double diamond once..  She was young and she bounces...

[ademas]

Hahaha @ Alain and Eric!
Too funny.

[AlanBama]

Fang was snatched away from her mother too soon.....I stepped in as 'surrogate' mom, and even though she is one year old now, she still 'nurses' on my neck every morning.   She purrs and makes her little baby cat noises...
it is incredibly sweet (but extremely weird)

Alan and Fang the Vampire Cat

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[Life]

Oh Alan.... Your so cute!  You wana go skiing baby doll?

[AlanBama]

Me, on skis? that should be interesting......