Scared and don't know what to do.

[WorriedAussieGuy]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if you've heard this story before but I'm worrying myself sick about an incident I had a couple of years ago in June 2011.  I, identify as a heterosexual however, I have always been curious about what it would be like to be with another guy.  So, one night after a couple of beers I decided to give it a go.  I downloaded an app for my phone and started the search.  After a couple of hours I found a guy to have my "first time" with, I was nervous as hell and didn't ask any questions about his past.  I performed unprotected oral sex on him, and then after that I was the receptive partner.  I said to him in my original messages to him, to bring condoms and lube as I only practice safe sex.  When I was on my back and I could clearly see that he had a condom on, however when we changed positions I couldn't see whether he had the condom on or whether he had taken it off.  After a little while, he finished and I couldn't feel him ejaculate inside me and when I turned around I see that he had the condom on, but not much ejaculate inside.  After he left, I tried to see if he had ejaculated inside me, but nothing came out.  Now, this is where it gets a little tricky.  This all happened on the 16th of June 2011. 

I went to the doctor and got tested for all STD's including HIV.  I got blood drawn and a urine test on the 16th July and got the results back on the 22nd of July which all tests were negative.  Now, ever since I have been worried about this guy removing the condom and infecting me with HIV.  I have been reading about ARS symptoms and there is a bit of information out there about it, but I can say that I did have night sweats, probably a couple of nights at most.  I did get a temperature but this didn't last long, not sure about swollen lymph nodes cause I certainly didn't notice anything and they didn't hurt, weren't swollen from what I can remember.  I did get a dark rash on chest and back, but this disappeared quickly, didn't itch and there was no blisters / strange lesions on the rash.  I didn't get a sore throat, diarrhea or vomiting.  Minor headaches in the morning.  No strange sores or thrush symptoms in the mouth either.  Nearly 2 years on, I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, but I am having problems with my hearing, memory and vision.  I feel that my toe nails feel different, and I have a raised horizontal ridge across my two big toes.  Probably all not related at all.

Now I am scared that all the symptoms that I did have are related to HIV. My questions are this.  Even though I tested HIV negative at 30+ days, what's the chances that I remain HIV negative and all the symptoms are related to anxiety and stress?

Given that I did not agree to having unprotected sex, and this guy potentially took the condom off and has infected me with HIV, what are my options to get this guy charged with intentionally infecting people with HIV?

Are there any symptoms after 2 years that would be evident?  I know you can't rely on symptoms alone, but I am scared out of my mind.

The doctor didn't tell me what type of test the HIV test was going to be, all it had written was "HIV antibodies", so I am not sure what test it would have been.  Would it be accurate at 30+ days?  I have read that its 98% accurate at 4 weeks, but then again, some other posts indicate a different timeframe for accuracy.

Since this was my first and only receptive anal experience, is there a chance that I am HIV negative, or do all the symptoms point towards a Positive diagnosis?

As you can see, I am scared shi#less, and I am worrying myself sick.  I am scared of taking another test and potentially getting the positive verdict.  I don't know what will happen if its positive.

PLEASE HELP ME. 

[Ann]

Guy,

You can stop talking about prosecuting this guy right now. You said yourself the condom was on him when you finished. So what if there wasn't much cum in the condom - you yourself should know that if you engage in a lot of wanking, the amount of ejaculate you produce can be lower than if you hadn't cum for weeks.

You won't find any advocates of hiv criminalisation here. Criminalising hiv is counter-productive and leads to fewer people being tested.

You didn't have a risk for hiv infection when you experimented with another man. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection and a condom was used. It's as simple as that.

I find it telling that you've only tested over being with another man. How many women have you been with? Straight people get hiv too you know and it's the height of discrimination to believe otherwise.

As a sexually active adult, you should be testing regularly regardless of who you're having sex with.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[WorriedAussieGuy]

Hi Ann,

Thanks for getting back to me, it's greatly appreciated and I value your feedback. One thing that you have raised is valid about being in a monogamous relationship and after reading my post I forgot to add that I have been married to the same woman for the last 11 years and I have 3 kids. A part of the pregnancy we were checked for all STIs including Hiv which came up as negative.

I didn't mean to sound discriminatory in my post and believe me when I have read enough posts and blogs about heterosexual couples with hiv, probably not doing me any good by reading all these posts, but I am scared out of my wits. As for criminalising hiv, I understand your viewpoint and totally agree but if I was lead to believe we were having safe sex, and in fact we weren't, I think thats enough reason to prosecute, I am sure you would think the same?

I value your feedback and any further thoughts from you or advice you can give would help put my mind at ease.

Thanks,

Guy

[Jeff G]

Hi Worried Guy ... Forgive me for being blunt , you never had a risk and all this talk of some guy tricking you into unsafe sex is frankly beyond paranoid . If you cant except the fact you are HIV negative then go test again , collect your negative result and move on with your life .

I have had HIV for 30 years , I got the virus because I had unprotected anal sex . It never once entered my mind to hold anyone other than myself responsible and it strikes me as odd that you are talking about hypothetically prosecuting a guy instead of testing to alleviate your unreasonable fear that some guy decided to take off a condom and deliberately infect you with HIV .

I suggest counseling , then maybe you can deal with the guilt of cheating on your wife and then perhaps you can stop looking for a villain to prosecute . I'm wishing you the best of luck .