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Author Topic: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...  (Read 4407 times)

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Offline rayvjr

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
    • Just Tested Positive.Com
I am trying very hard to shake some bad feelings.  It has been a very difficult week and I am stuggling to keep it together...one year this month has brought a ton of bad thoughts and feelings...I tried to work it out...even created a website to talk to others and chat and keep myself busy...but sorting out HIV/AIDS videos and looking at them has me very down....I'm just sitting in my chatroom...could use someone to talk to...www.justtestedpositive.com...anybody up this late looking for a friend to talk too?

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2006, 01:33:43 am »
Hello Rayvjr,

It is unfortunate that you are dealing with these negative emotions in your life right now. In this life we all have our ups and our downs. Keeping a Positive Mental Attitude is essential in this life that we live in.

Just keep in mind that there are (2) two main sets of circumstances that we all deal with in this life:

External Anxieties -- are the events or things that we cannot control.

Internal Anxieties -- are the events or things that we can control.

As you continue to walk on your journey in this life...REMEMBER, that you are not alone on this journey.

You may want to make a post where you can introduce yourself to the members here so that they can get to know you better.

Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline rayvjr

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
    • Just Tested Positive.Com
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2006, 01:35:53 am »
thank you for your thoughts

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2006, 01:38:44 am »
Hey Ray,

Thank you as well. There is a lot of support here on the AM forums.


Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline ozzie

  • Member
  • Posts: 57
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2006, 02:30:31 am »
one year since i found out here as well... and its 2:24 AM right now and i cant go to sleep. I told my bf i think i am depressed. I know I shouldnt but I dont feel like doing anything anymore. I feel sad all the time, dont want to go work... i lost the meaning or purpose of my life i guess... trying to figure out what that one is but no luck... and again... I know its stupid to be thinking like this but I cant help it   ???
oh and I went to the chat but i guess im too late lol :)

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2006, 02:32:43 am »
Hey Ozzie,

Your "purpose" in this life is still there. You have to look within to find it.



Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2006, 02:36:27 am »
Hey Ozzie,

I am in your boat, but without the BF. One year ago I was in between seroconversion and the damned test appt! (12/10 tested pos).

In the past 2 weeks, I too have felt no desire to be at work, but I still go.

Have you had any or considered therapy. I think I need it.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 475
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2006, 02:42:06 am »
Ray and Paul,

I do feel the same as you guys in so many ways and the thing is I am only living with hiv now for allmost 7 months and must say depression is a normal thing. Since my diagnosis I have been dealing with this on my own and each day I get stronger through this situation but that is where you guys should find something to occupy your thoughts and mind like writing poetry or a journal and keep track of how you feel one will be surprised how in writing you will find answers as to how to deal with it or starting a new hobby to keep yourself busy and you will be amazed as to how little time you have thinking about hiv
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
2012-04-23 CD4=847 VL=125 CD4%=29
06-02-2013 CD4=990 VL=<20 CD4%=28
05-07-2013 CD4=869 VL=<20 CD4%=30
05-12-2013 CD4=859 VL=262 CD4%=28
03-05-2014 CD4=743 VL=<20 CD4%=28
30-09-2014 CD4=291 VL=33 CD4% =30
24-02-2015 CD4 1065 VL=1814 CD4%=30
22-07-2015 CD4=974 VL=<20 CD4%=32
19-01-2016 CD4=940 VL=<30 CD4%=33
11-07-2016 CD4=646 VL=<30 CD4%=26
11-01-2017 CD4=749 VL=<30 CD4%=29
27-06-2017 CD4=948 VL=<30 CD4%=32
22-12-2017 CD4=824 VL=<30 CD4%=32
09-06-2018 CD4=1036 VL=<40 CD4%=31
12-01-2019 CD4=915 VL=<30 CD4%=31
28-05-2019 CD4=855 VL=<40 CD4%=28
24-06-2021 CD4=927 VL=<20 CD4%=33
04-12-2021 CD4=1240 VL=<20 CD4%=34
25-06-2022 CD4=1408 VL=<40 CD4%=33
04-01-2023 CD4=982 VL=<20 CD4%=31
27-05-2023 CD4=1096 VL=<<40 CD4%=32

Offline sdcabincrew74

  • Member
  • Posts: 540
    • My Manhunt account
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2006, 02:42:34 am »
Depression and holidays usually go hand-in-hand.  take care, this too shall pass.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2006, 02:47:20 am »
Well, Eldon said to, and tonite I started a journal. We'll see where that goes!

I don't spend my spare time thinking about HIV anymore, surprisingly. It 's the rest of my life that depresses me!

This holiday season will be a tough one.. So much bad happened last year between thanksgiving and Xmas, and those anniversaries willl be tough.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline randym431

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,137
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #10 on: November 27, 2006, 02:58:35 am »
It can be so easy to get down, depressed and just that blah feeling. Its easy to dwell on ones misfortunes in life and with life. I guess we just have to go thru it from time to time. Especially when everyone else seems to be doing so good, we ask "why me?".
Seems with me, when ever I get too down or have the regrets of the past haunting me, someone else close to me comes onto even harder times, and suddenly I don’t have the time to feel sorry for myself. I realize a lot of family and friends have it hard too, in their own way.
Strangely enough, that can snap me out of these downers, and direct my thoughts to someone else who needs attention much more than me.
And its true the Winter time and holidays can bring on these down feelings to a lot of people. Hang in there…
 ;)
Diag Sept 2005 VL 1mill, CD4 85, 3%, weight 143# (195# was normal)
Feb 2021, undetectable, weight 215#

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 475
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #11 on: November 27, 2006, 03:02:19 am »
Believe


Open up your heart,
Believe in love
Open up your mind,
Believe in tomorrow
Open up your soul,
Believe in tranquility
Believe in yourself,
Believe in God
Believe in your guardian angels
They are sent from above
You and I were created with love by love
Spread the power of love
Speak with love
Show it, be it, live it
Tomorrow is a blink away
Yesterday is the past
Today is the future
Never turn your back on love
Tomorrow will be to late for sorrow
Live for the moment
Live for today
Love today and tomorrow
Yesterdays love is gone
Believe in yourself
Believe in love
Believe in those true to themselves
To life
Believe in all
Believe in love
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
2012-04-23 CD4=847 VL=125 CD4%=29
06-02-2013 CD4=990 VL=<20 CD4%=28
05-07-2013 CD4=869 VL=<20 CD4%=30
05-12-2013 CD4=859 VL=262 CD4%=28
03-05-2014 CD4=743 VL=<20 CD4%=28
30-09-2014 CD4=291 VL=33 CD4% =30
24-02-2015 CD4 1065 VL=1814 CD4%=30
22-07-2015 CD4=974 VL=<20 CD4%=32
19-01-2016 CD4=940 VL=<30 CD4%=33
11-07-2016 CD4=646 VL=<30 CD4%=26
11-01-2017 CD4=749 VL=<30 CD4%=29
27-06-2017 CD4=948 VL=<30 CD4%=32
22-12-2017 CD4=824 VL=<30 CD4%=32
09-06-2018 CD4=1036 VL=<40 CD4%=31
12-01-2019 CD4=915 VL=<30 CD4%=31
28-05-2019 CD4=855 VL=<40 CD4%=28
24-06-2021 CD4=927 VL=<20 CD4%=33
04-12-2021 CD4=1240 VL=<20 CD4%=34
25-06-2022 CD4=1408 VL=<40 CD4%=33
04-01-2023 CD4=982 VL=<20 CD4%=31
27-05-2023 CD4=1096 VL=<<40 CD4%=32

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #12 on: November 27, 2006, 03:14:48 am »
Yes, Angel,


Love has no boundaries and no borders to cross. We all were created with Love by Love.



Each Day A New Experience Awaits Us!

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 475
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #13 on: November 27, 2006, 03:21:12 am »
I have been visting an half way house where the welfare take the kids away from the parents who abuse them and can't even provide for them. In this instance I wrote this poem and this is how I feel one should share one's love with these kids.

Looking into the eyes of
An Angel



I have never felt a presence so strong
As what I did looking into the eyes
Of a three year old boy
Hair as white as milk
Eyes as light blue as the heavens
On a clear sky
The innocents and the deepest
Love I have never felt
As what I got from him
The search for belonging
Yet so young and tiny
How can a parent not love such
A beautiful young angel
So tiny and confused as to why
His mother is not near
But does not ask questions
Her love for him should be so strong
They should be inseparable
Looking at him and in those
Beautiful blue eyes
As if I am looking into the eyes
Of an Angel
Pure innocence in everything he does
My heart melted
I just felt if I can take him
This little angel and care and protect him
From harms way
Let’s take it upon ourselves
To be there and take care of kids like him
The little angels of tomorrow
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles Swindoll
2012-04-23 CD4=847 VL=125 CD4%=29
06-02-2013 CD4=990 VL=<20 CD4%=28
05-07-2013 CD4=869 VL=<20 CD4%=30
05-12-2013 CD4=859 VL=262 CD4%=28
03-05-2014 CD4=743 VL=<20 CD4%=28
30-09-2014 CD4=291 VL=33 CD4% =30
24-02-2015 CD4 1065 VL=1814 CD4%=30
22-07-2015 CD4=974 VL=<20 CD4%=32
19-01-2016 CD4=940 VL=<30 CD4%=33
11-07-2016 CD4=646 VL=<30 CD4%=26
11-01-2017 CD4=749 VL=<30 CD4%=29
27-06-2017 CD4=948 VL=<30 CD4%=32
22-12-2017 CD4=824 VL=<30 CD4%=32
09-06-2018 CD4=1036 VL=<40 CD4%=31
12-01-2019 CD4=915 VL=<30 CD4%=31
28-05-2019 CD4=855 VL=<40 CD4%=28
24-06-2021 CD4=927 VL=<20 CD4%=33
04-12-2021 CD4=1240 VL=<20 CD4%=34
25-06-2022 CD4=1408 VL=<40 CD4%=33
04-01-2023 CD4=982 VL=<20 CD4%=31
27-05-2023 CD4=1096 VL=<<40 CD4%=32

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2006, 03:24:12 am »
Angel,

Indeed they are a part of our tomorrow.


Each Day A New Experience Awaits Us!

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: This week has been tough...one year with HIV POZ has me very down...
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2006, 05:36:33 am »
Since I have learned that I get SAD (seasonal affective disorder?) due to the reduced light in late Fall/Winter, I keep myself offbalance which seems to sidetrack the mood.  As of yesterday, I am, after only 6 months in this cottage, trying to maneuver from a condo. to a single-family house (prices have come down so much that by accepting no new kitchen/bath, etc. that I have here).  Something like this will be more than enough to redirect stress and thoughts: rechanneling.  You don't have to go this far, guys/gals.  Can you repaint the walls of your bedroom?  Can you rethink aspects of your wardrobe?  Can you take up a course in lifeguard study?  Anything which pulls in something new to your life will help mitigate the 'old' thoughts, the old anniversaries, depression.  And I do mean controled new, not going wild with a credit card to celebrate the holidays.  Even with the possible house project, it's the going through the motions of seeing if I can pull this off, not the actual pulling this off which is the point.  It may come to nothing, but in the meantime, I will have no time to get trapped by moods.  We turn out thoughts and sights to something new, whatever it might be for any of you.  This has, in the past, meant forcing myself to use dating options, go on dates,  meet new people.  Again, it didn't matter whether I met 'the one' or not.  I was out.  I was doing things.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

 


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