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Author Topic: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...  (Read 21478 times)

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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #50 on: April 09, 2008, 06:05:37 pm »
Is it me or is there a degree of nitpicking going on? What is the harm in having a Men's Forum? Why would it have to be just hetero, no matter if men are gay, you all pretty much have the same package and probably some of the same issues. I don't see where a gay man's input wouldn't be welcomed. The matter of race shouldn't even come into play unless I am missing something, you're men, some more fem than others but men none the less.

Though I wouldn't comment in the thread, I would be trying to keep track of who is straight. I am so tired of being rejected by the sexy gay men here, I need to know there are some sexy straight poz men around.. ;) ;D


(who admits to having her own reasons for wanting a Men's Thread) *EG*
« Last Edit: April 09, 2008, 06:07:16 pm by Queen Tokelove »
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Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #51 on: April 09, 2008, 06:14:58 pm »
I'd rather flirt with the gay men. They wont take me seriously and that's exactly what I would want if I ever flirted with anyone.
LOL I already have a man and I don't need any more than what I got nor do I desire a replacement.

Offline BlueMoon

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #52 on: April 09, 2008, 06:56:22 pm »
I like it when the ladies watch.   :o
It's a complex world

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #53 on: April 09, 2008, 07:58:44 pm »
I'd rather flirt with the gay men. They wont take me seriously and that's exactly what I would want if I ever flirted with anyone.
LOL I already have a man and I don't need any more than what I got nor do I desire a replacement.

Girl, please....I don't have a man so best believe, Her Majesty is going to be lurking. I flirt with the gay guys all the time. I'm looking for potential....*hee hee*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
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2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
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6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
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Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #54 on: April 09, 2008, 08:35:25 pm »
I love having this as a 'mixed group'.   I think our diversity is our strength.

I do totally respect the ladies right to their own forum though; I never even read there, just as I wouldn't look into someone's purse....just doesn't seem right.   I figure if they want men to see their posts, they will put them in "living with" section.

I'm not 'opposed' to an all men's forum, but just don't really see (or personally have) the need for it.

Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #55 on: April 09, 2008, 09:10:44 pm »
Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.

Good point Alan.
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Offline Winiroo

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #56 on: April 09, 2008, 10:38:23 pm »
I respect that Alan but then again I qualify to post in the LTS threads LOL

Seriously though, I have not paid any attention to how long posters have been positive or even if they are positive. For the most part I don't know many people on AIDSmeds well enough to know these things.
Unless its posted in their signature line I honestly have no clue.

Which isn't unusual for me, half the time I am clueless, period...


Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #57 on: April 09, 2008, 10:44:44 pm »
Which isn't unusual for me, half the time I am clueless, period...



Welcome to my world!  About the only clue I have most of time is that board game.  Besides who wants a know it all ... to quote the campy singer Tina Brown "I Like 'Em Big and Stupid!" 

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #58 on: April 09, 2008, 10:47:30 pm »
I respect that Alan but then again I qualify to post in the LTS threads LOL

And from one LTS to another, honey I'm so happy you are still around to be "qualified" to post!

You, clueless?   hardly.... ;)

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #59 on: April 10, 2008, 09:30:59 am »

Since I've stepped up to the microphone, I'll take this opportunity to say that we have had more than a few posts by folks in LTS who are not LTS.  (I know, the next question is "Define a LTS").   I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years.  That is why we requested that the forum be established.    We are no better, no smarter, no stronger than someone who was diagnosed last week.....it's just that we've been dealing with it (and in different ways) for a LOT longer.   I'll shut up now.

Thanks Alan, I've noticed that too. I'm reluctant to post in LTS because I've noticed an upsurge in advice from the newly diagnosed and negative people. While I'm on the subject I wish we had a positive only forum. It makes me uncomfortable that of late any and every thread is open to basically everybody. I have negative friends on board and we talk everyday so I have no problem with that, it's just sometimes I want a safe harbor of positive folks only.

Offline David_CA

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #60 on: April 10, 2008, 10:55:48 am »
As to newly diagnosed or neg. folks posting in the LTS forum... I thought that was a no-no.  I had (incorrectly, evidently) assumed that it was off limits just like the Positive Women's forum is.  Perhaps it should be.  Some people need to show a bit more respect; feel free to read in LTS, but don't post (unless they qualify).  If 10 years is the 'magic number' for being considered an LTS, then I have quite a few more years to go before I can post there!   ;)

David
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Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #61 on: April 10, 2008, 12:20:11 pm »
The primary reason why we created a Forum specifically for HIV-positive women is because of complaints we were receiving over many months from female members of the Forums expressing an inability to speak honestly and openly. These women felt -- and this was our observation as well -- that their attempts to start frank discussion threads about female-specific issues in the Forums, requesting input from other women, were quickly and frequently overpowered by male Forums participants who chimed in with inappropriate humor or comments that were totally off base (no matter how "good natured" these efforts were). In short, threads that should have been left alone by male members of the Forums simply weren't -- time and time again.

Do we really have any instances in which male members of the Forums have felt disempowered from the presence and/or comments of women to the point that they don't feel comfortable starting a thread discussing somethng that's going on with their bodies or lives? Maybe this has happened -- but we certainly haven't received any reports suggesting that this is the case (and, in all honesty, we haven't observed this).

I haven't yet read any seriously compelling arguments that support the need for a men's-only forum. Dad, like Tim Hunter, I'm not altogether clear on what in fact you're looking for here (or, to be more clear, not able to get here) -- a Forum for all men or a Forum for straight-identified men? Fact is, we do need to be very selective about the new Forums we create. While there certainly are arguments in favor of specific Forums for the different sexes/genders, races, sexual orientations, etc., we run the risk of balkanizing this online community and rendering these Forums nothing by a hallway of closed doors. 

Do know that we ARE in the process of developing two Forums for Spanish speakers, as we have received plenty of requests -- and observed in the Forums -- a need for Spanish speakers to ask vital questions and concerns and, most importantly, communicate with each other.

We would like to hear more from those of you interested in a men's only Forum, so please keep your comments publicly -- or privately -- coming.

Thanks much,

Tim Horn   

edited for typos.



 

« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 12:27:10 pm by Tim Horn »

Offline Snowangel

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #62 on: April 10, 2008, 12:34:09 pm »
 I'm not going to attempt that, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for just a tad of respect for those who have had AIDS for 10+ years. 
Just to clarify for myself- cuz I wondered when I first came here what constituted an LTS- is this having an HIV diagnosis for over 10 yrs or AIDS diagnosis?  I have been poz for 15 with an aids diagnosis in 00(I think)

Thanks,
Snow
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #63 on: April 10, 2008, 12:50:35 pm »
LTS is a vague term, but I think generally many consider a decade anniversary moving you into that category.  The LTS forum is not meant as some sort of holy VIP member clique, but to address those issues that frankly non-LTS'ers often and generally do not deal with -- i.e. multiple side effects from HIV meds that aren't widely prescribed any longer, etc.  It's the same reason that I personally attend a monthly support group of LTS'ers.  Same thing with multiple resistance issues as well as discussion of newer HIV meds that aren't used as first line therapy for the newly diagnosed.

I think there are also mental health issues that seem to predominate those of us that lived through the 80's and 90's with an HIV diagnosis (obviously) as there was so much loss, and many survivors have what might be called a sort of post-trauma type disorder.

And of course, remember that for someone who was diagnosed five years ago but already had an AIDS diagnosis numerically probably qualifies you as a LTS, if you have no idea of the time of your infection because you'd never previously been tested, it's easy to assume you're around the 10 year mark.

And of course, there are those LTS'ers that, while diagnosed for 20 years, have only been on meds for 2 years... I'm not quite sure where they fit in :)
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline dad1216

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #64 on: April 10, 2008, 02:15:46 pm »
Actually I was just asking if people thought a man’s only forum was needed…I know why the women’s was formed, but thought it had grown into so much more now…by bringing more to this community…I was just curious if a man’s forum would have the same success that the women’s has….

Only because I made reference to “no gay”….to make a point… did the question come up about straight orientation…

I was looking for a place for all men…and not specifically for myself…more to offer those out there that maybe want to start their journey with this disease, talking with a guy, then venturing out into the other forums here…

So that was all it was just a thought…that brought some good discussion

….Now I just got to figure out how to tell my kids I’m straight…..they will laugh their asses off….. :-*
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

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Offline BT65

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #65 on: April 10, 2008, 02:40:34 pm »
While I'm on the subject I wish we had a positive only forum. It makes me uncomfortable that of late any and every thread is open to basically everybody. I have negative friends on board and we talk everyday so I have no problem with that, it's just sometimes I want a safe harbor of positive folks only.

Hal, I'm 100% with you on this one.  I also have friends who are negative; but they usually refrain from offering much advice on HIV and how to handle it.  It would be nice to know just where negative people can and cannot post.  Can they post everywhere on here? 
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Offline Tim Horn

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #66 on: April 10, 2008, 03:50:36 pm »
As a general rule, we do not allow HIV-negative individuals to post in any of the Forums set up specifically for HIV-positive people, notably "Living With HIV," "Long-Term Survivors," "Positive Women," "Questions About Treatment & Side Effects," "Lipodystropy & Metabolic Syndrome," "Nutrition & HIV" and "Mental Health & HIV." HIV-negative members of these pages are technically supposed to keep their comments in the two "Off Topic" Forums, "Someone I Care About Has HIV," and, of course, "Am I Infected?" We turn something of a blind eye to participation in "Research News and Studies," "AIDS Activism," and "In Memorium," given that HIV-positive people really aren't the only ones who might have something of genuine substance to share in these areas. In fact, we've had some HIV-negative members -- at least members who have said they are negative or have never publicly said that they're positive -- participating in the Forums specifically for HIV-positive people, without objection, as they've had an excellent track record of providing really useful information and feedback (notably of the medical variety).

There are some clear cases that we, as moderators, can act on -- for example, chasing someone from the "Am I Infected?" Forum out of the Forums for HIV-positive members. The murky cases are those involving individuals who, for whatever reason, land in the Forums and are reluctant to disclose their HIV status. While we often given the truly obnoxious ones enough rope to hang themselves -- most of 'em do -- there are instances in which the ambiguous among us have at least taken the time to endear themselves to our way of life in these Forums and haven't obviously endangered the safety of the Forums (if so, it would be nice for those who feel threatened by certain HIV-negative individuals participating in specific threads notifiy the moderators).

Should we have a flat-out ban on HIV-negative people in certain Forums? I suppose that would work -- but I certainly can't think of a safe and effective way to enforce such a requirement. As for setting up an HIV-positive-only room, I honestly think this would send the wrong message as to what the rest of the Forums are intended to be -- a safe place for HIV-positive people to communicate and support each other.

Should I be interpreting some of the comments here to mean that these Forums AREN'T the safe place that we've maintained them to be?

Tim Horn 
« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 03:57:11 pm by Tim Horn »

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #67 on: April 10, 2008, 04:10:52 pm »
Just to clarify for myself- cuz I wondered when I first came here what constituted an LTS- is this having an HIV diagnosis for over 10 yrs or AIDS diagnosis?  I have been poz for 15 with an aids diagnosis in 00(I think)

Thanks,
Snow

Snow, I would most definitely consider you a long-term survivor.   As Philly stated, it is an ambiguous term, that is not always easy to "define".   But if you've been dealing with an HIV diagnosis for 10 years or more, even if you never progressed to AIDS (and I know we have a few of those LTNP's here) I would consider you a LTS.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #68 on: April 10, 2008, 04:50:30 pm »
Hal, I'm 100% with you on this one.  I also have friends who are negative; but they usually refrain from offering much advice on HIV and how to handle it.  It would be nice to know just where negative people can and cannot post.  Can they post everywhere on here? 

I'm in agreement with Betty and Hal. I have been searching for many many years for a group of people that have gone threw the same sort of experiences I did surviving the 80's and the early 90's. The lines have become a little blurry on the forums lately and I'm not feeling comfortable with that.
Sharkie

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #69 on: April 10, 2008, 05:00:10 pm »
Safety in AIDSmeds is a touchy subject.  I know if I'd been stalked at an AMG gathering and then been chased by a bevy of sock puppets for an entire year, I'd perhaps not be a particularly happy camper.

Of course, not that happened or anything.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #70 on: April 10, 2008, 06:59:00 pm »
I was diagnosed about ten years ago and never thought I was a LTS ... I guess I'm living in denial ... Which is probably how I got here in the first place.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #71 on: April 10, 2008, 07:11:35 pm »
Barbara please.  You're on Fuzeon.  You're not just a LTS'er, but you get like an instant 20 merit points and a free toaster.  TRUST!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #72 on: April 10, 2008, 07:12:20 pm »


Should I be interpreting some of the comments here to mean that these Forums AREN'T the safe place that we've maintained them to be?

Tim Horn 

Hello Tim,

Just some fast thoughts. I personally don't believe the forums are "unsafe". I am certainly hesitant at times to post, when I see new names. I think what bothers me the most, is that there are so many people that lurk in the background here. I often wondered, if people shouldn't be required to log in, at all times, even to read the forums. I am sure others will disagree with me on that. It just seems to me, that if we want to help end Stigma and fear, lets get these 140 or more people, that always seem to be watching the forums to "LOG" in . If people really want information, why shouldn't they log in for that information.

As far as the LTS forum. In the welcome thread it states the following : "This forum is a safe place where those who have been living with HIV for anywhere from several years to decades can come to discuss the issues they confront."

To me, a several years means 3 or more years. Perhaps LTS needs to be redefined. Personally, myself I would consider 10 year plus a long term survivor. Once again, that's just my thoughts.

It also states the following :

"It is also a space intended for those who maybe more recently infected but are older in years, and therefore have to deal with special issues related to living with HIV at an older age."

I believe that needs to be kept in place, for those that are 45 plus years of age or older. There are certainly age related issues to take into consideration along with HIV, even in the newly diagnosed but older folks.

As far as the newer people reading the LTS forums. I don't have a problem with that. If these people have a particular question or comment as to some topic matter that was brought up in the LTS forum, I wouldn't have a problem with those people asking about it in the "living with HIV" forum. If people want to answer there concerns about something mentioned in the LTS forums, I am sure some of us would answer those concerns in the "living with HIV forum". If we don't want to answer or comment, we won't.


I also don't believe we need any additional forums. One of the other HIV forums ( Aids 2 hiv) has so many forums and sub-forums,  It's gets me dizzy, just trying to navigate. This is not a slam at Aids 2 hiv, but perhaps a suggestion to simplify your forums a little bit. This is one reason, why I never joined over there. I think all the current forums cover everything on this site.
Also if a guy wants to start a topic and is looking for  responses "from guys only" let him state state in the topic title.


Anyway, just my thoughts

Ray     
« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 07:15:38 pm by J.R.E. »
Current Meds ; Viramune / Epzicom Eliquis, Diltiazem. Pravastatin 80mg, Ezetimibe. UPDATED 2/18/24
 Tested positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of Oct 2nd, 2023, Viral load Undetectable.
CD 4 @676 /  CD4 % @ 18 %
Lymphocytes,absolute-3815 (within range)


72 YEARS YOUNG

Offline NLEWLAD

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Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #73 on: April 10, 2008, 07:47:58 pm »
as i am gay  you would probably think i would opt for the yes lets make a mens space

however no is my answer

women are special especialy my mum

they deserve there own space us men are after one thing and one ting only  either gay or straight

were after sex

women on the other hand are more deep and deserve there own space

i respect that and have never ventured into there space on here

love tothe poz women

simon

xxxxx
Simon - Location Manchester England
Negative test 10/11/07
Tested poz 28/12/07
Confirmed WB 07/01/08
Sero-converted Late December 07

Date        CD4            %              VL

7/01/08   1273 :)      N/A       100,232
24/01/08   755 :(      42%         4,010
13/2/08     922 :)      45%       78,234
09/04/08   652 :(      38%       36,604
05/05/08   936 :)      39%       38,952
07/07/08   844 :)      34%       24,000
12/11/08   753 :(      31%       45,600
no meds yet:)

Offline AndyArrow

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,197
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #74 on: April 10, 2008, 09:32:58 pm »
Barbara please.  You're on Fuzeon.  You're not just a LTS'er, but you get like an instant 20 merit points and a free toaster.  TRUST!

I hope it's a nice chrome toaster.  I hate needles, but it the Fuzeon works.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline BlueMoon

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  • Posts: 680
  • Calling from the Fun House
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #75 on: April 10, 2008, 10:02:01 pm »
Quote
It is also a space intended for those who maybe more recently infected but are older in years, and therefore have to deal with special issues related to living with HIV at an older age.   
 

This would seem to easily qualify me to post in the LTS forum, but some members are just so darn touchy about their turf that I'm hesitant to even read it for fear of causing conniptions.  Also, there's this --

Quote
We are not excluding anyone from participating here, but we do ask that you be mindful of the special needs for which this particular Forum has been established. 

So what's the real deal?

And I must be pretty dense, because I have no idea what any of this has to do with safety.  What exactly is the danger that results from any particular person posting in any particular forum? 
It's a complex world

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,670
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Times when I don't want a woman's point of view...
« Reply #76 on: April 10, 2008, 10:29:12 pm »
I now regret that I posted the paragraph about the LTS forum.   It was done without much thought being given to it, but I now feel it was a mistake.  I did not intend to derail this thread by mentioning it.

My apologies to Tim, the moderators, and to Dad1216, the originator of this thread about A MEN'S FORUM.   Also, apologies to anyone who felt slighted by my comments about respect for LTSers of 10+ years. That is my definition, and mine alone, and not that of AIDSmeds.

 :-[
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

 


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