Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 29, 2024, 08:34:33 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 37614
  • Latest: bondann
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772954
  • Total Topics: 66311
  • Online Today: 741
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 452
Total: 452

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Feb 20, the day everything changed  (Read 4421 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline RYGUY

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Feb 20, the day everything changed
« on: April 05, 2017, 11:46:09 am »
Oh man, where do I start? I was diagnosed (confirmed) with HIV on Feb 20. That was the day that changed my life.
Let me give you a bit of background about me. I was born to a very conservative family. Raised like any other kid, played baseball, football, marched in the high school band. I came out to my family when I was around 16 years old. It was accepted but not discussed. I graduated High School in 1999 and went straight into the Navy. I struggled through the Navy as the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy was still in effect. I was stationed on an all male ship that went and picked up 1000-1500 Marines every few months. As you can imagine my hormones were raging. I was eventually kicked out of the military for being gay. I came back home and got an incredible job which I stayed in for ten years. I left there and became a police officer for a major city in Ohio which leads me to today.
I have had many long term relationships, the last of which I thought was going to be forever. I loved him beyond words. We broke up late last year. It was devastating. I was in such a bad place. I made some very bad decisions as a result. The bad decisions are probably a major reason why I am HIV positive today. I felt so down, I needed justification to exist and I went straight to Grindr and slept with anyone and everyone who would show me attention.
I was diagnosed on Feb 21 with a viral load of 39,000 and a CD4 count of 412. I was diagnosed when I was being tested for PrEP. I was told constantly that I should be on it but I refused to go until I was forced by someone who cares about me a lot. It was too late to be saved from the infection but I'm thankful that I went when I did because I caught it early. As you can imagine, I was devastated. I wanted to know who. I wanted to know when. I wanted to fix it. I'm a fixer, I got this. I went through and continue to go through many ups and downs. I started Meds (Triumeq) two weeks ago. That's tough. Every day at noon, I gotta swallow this horse pill that  makes me sick. Speaking of.......hang on......GOD I hate that pill.
The biggest thing that has changed for me is that I lost my identity. My identity was wrapped around my body and my sexuality. I do not have that any more and I am struggling. I am going to a counselor to help me be happy with the new me but it isn't working. Every week on Tuesday I walk in hoping to walk away with some peace but it never works. Maybe someday I'll be happy again. Maybe someday I will be at peace with who I have become. For now, I am just existing, alone with HIV....... 

Offline Ptrk3

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 2,792
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2017, 01:08:58 pm »
RYGUY:  I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis and current troubles, but glad that you found these forums for support and guidance.

Many, if not all of us, have been where you are now.  But, I assure you, it does get better.  With today's treatments--and your adherence to them--you will live a long, healthy, and successful life.  Once you are reach an undetectable viral load (which will be soon), you can simply go about your life and achieve all your goals.

Yes, it is tough now, but you have not "lost" your identity.

You have a virus that anyone can get--a virus that has no thought, will, of life of its own:  it is an unwanted "guest" at he "party" of your life, nothing more. "Hosting" the HIV does not mean you are a failure--it means you are human.

The virus is not you or who you are anymore than diabetes is the identity of any person who has it--or Parkinson's or lupus or anything else that can afflict a human being. 

The HIV has the power to affect your identity only if you let it.  So, don't let it.  With the appropriate antiretroviral medical regimen, you will stop the virus in its tracks and take control of your life.

You will be fine, in time.

Please continue to use this forum for support, guidance, and enlightenment.  You are most certainly NOT alone.  There are many good people here who are eager to help you.

I wish you peace of mind and all the best as you begin your journey to health and long life.

HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline northyork

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2017, 02:43:35 pm »
Hi RYGuy. Sorry to hear of the diagnosis.

I am at my anniversary of being diagnosed as positive.  To say the year has been a whirlwind of many things is an understatement. 

I too am on Triumeq - and it is a bit of a horse pill!! BUT I quickly became undetectable and now I have to use a reminder to remember to take the pill.  It has become the norm.   Don't get me wrong it's a huge pill and trying to get through the paper seal when opening a new bottle requires a samurai sword, but I know it's doing what it is supposed to, and I can't pass the virus on.

There is  a lot of support here from the regular posters and it was a huge help to me. Nobody judges, they just want to support what is a very difficult time.

  I call the "horse pill" my daily health tablet, put a positive spin on things and not allow it to be a nemesis. 



Best wishes. :-)

Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 22,265
  • Threads: @jim16309
    • Social Media: Threads
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2017, 03:14:52 pm »
Quote
trying to get through the paper seal when opening a new bottle requires a samurai sword
  ;D

@RYGUY

Really sorry to hear you are having a rough time and look you are newly diagnosed and that is not an easy time for anyone.

Quote
Ptrk3 The HIV has the power to affect your identity only if you let it.  So, don't let it. 

I can only echo what the others are saying, its worth repeating and things do get better and live goes on, even though I appreciate this might seem like a life changing event it does not have to be.

Quote
I started Meds (Triumeq) two weeks ago. That's tough. Every day at noon, I gotta swallow this horse pill that  makes me sick. Speaking of.......hang on......GOD I hate that pill. The biggest thing that has changed for me is that I lost my identity. My identity was wrapped around my body and my sexuality.

2 weeks on treatment, I am not sure what you mean with making you sick, perhaps you can clarify? If you are growing a 3rd testicle or your covered in a rash see a doc otherwise do give it time as in a good few weeks - month to settle in and for your body to adjust first. Perhaps take the Triumeq with food and try some probiotic yogurts daily for a few weeks.

Anyhow wish you well.

Jim 
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

My Instagram
Threads

Offline CaveyUK

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 1,642
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2017, 03:35:29 pm »
I know it's rough in the beginning but as others have said it does get better.

We live in an era where the meds are pretty easy to take, suppress the virus well and allow your immune system to function normally. We also live in a time where we know that staying undetectable means you won't pass the virus on.

For some, a diagnosis wrecks their self image and sex drive. That's understandable, but trust me it will come back.

There's a saying about only worrying about things you can do something about. You can't rewind the clock and not be positive so instead make sure you focus on stuff you can do - stay adherent to the meds, live healthily, go and do the stuff you would have done in life anyway and re-focus and enjoy yourself.

It may seem a million miles away now but it really isn't. Things will be okay :)
HIV - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,938
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2017, 08:36:20 pm »


          ojo         Hello and welcome...I'm sorry for your dx...it will get better with time.

As a LTS let me give you an advice, if I may, PLEASE, start loving your "horse pill", because back in the day, I used to take, not just one "horsepill", I was taking six (agenerase) and they were capsule, at least, I think you can cut your pill (check with your doc)...Just give it time for your body to adjust to your med, if you keep feeling sick because of the side effects, talk to your doctor, you have options...I'm glad you are seeking professional help, it will help you as long as you go to your appoinments believing in yourself, wanting to keep living a happier life, I know you can and you will learn to live with the virus, because there is life after a hiv diagnosis...wishing you the best...a cyber hug on your way, I'm in Ohio too                                            ojo

Offline ack55

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: Feb 20, the day everything changed
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2017, 11:56:24 pm »
Ofcourse this is a very difficult time and you are completely entitled to experience all of these feelings. And some days its okay to just say "fuck this". It's a process. And in the beginning, definitely a rollercoaster. But as everyone will tell you, it gets better. That doesn't mean it's better all of the time, but it means something.

You will definitely start feeling better soon, medication wise. I have been on Triumeq for a little less than two months. The first two weeks, I felt sick every single day. The third week wasn't great, but better. Fourth week, the side effects started to dissipate. I must say, experiencing the negative side effects of the medication causes a lot of negative emotions because you can't ignore something when it's physically affecting your body. Everything feels a lot better once you get through that rough patch. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.