"HOPE DIES LAST"

[Kirat]

             ojo.              Hello, everyone!!



Yesterday, while eating my salad, I realized how blind I am, because I couldn’t see what I was eating, to tell you the truth, I felt scared. Well, I’m not sure if that was the right sensation bath, I felt concerned and worried about what am I going to do with my vision gets worse.


If you had read my thread, you know that when I got my cat, my DX, I wasn’t that worried, when I asked the doctor how much longer I would live, and he told me around two years, it was Dan went I felt like yesterday. I was in bed for four or five days until I realized that I was already. wasting some days off those two years that I was supposed to live so I got out of bed, took a shower and called the office to let them know that I was going to be in the office the next day to go back to work. Now it’s different , I think, I guess I will have to start looking for some help and how to live with my blindness. I know that I’m going to be OK but still, a hug will be appreciated…

 Your story is inspiring and you are a true warrior. Omg, what you've been through! You are admirable, my friend!
I'm sorry about your vision and I hope you can manage it the best way as possible. Thank you for sharing your story and give us hope!

[Tonny2]

            ojo.            Thanks for reading and replying and yes, I’ve had the “fortune” to deal with so much that it has made me stronge, back then, either you wanted to live or die, I chose the latter and, I’m still fighting, fighting all my vision.

Last week I saw the cornea specialist and scraped some calcification on my cornea, very painful, now I am still having problems to see, that we are doing what we had to do. Next visit with a specialist will be next Wednesday, hopefully there’s not an abrasion therefore, an infection after the procedure he did last week… I will keep you posted… life goes on with vision or not vision I just had to adjust to whatever day comes…hugs

Ps. Forgive my typos.

[Tonny2]

            ojo.        Hello there!… well, I saw the cornea specialist yesterday, and there is no god news, we have tried everything and it hasn’t worked. I’m still having problems, I see everything foggy. We do no one to go to an aggressive treatment of a cornea transplation cause that would mean taking antirejection medication which neither the cornea specialist, nor my infectious disease doctor recommend. So I guess, after 29 years. A fighting dish condition and 13 years trying not to go blind I guess there’nothing else to do. wwell, it is what it is. I will continue here using my cell phone to communicate with you…hugs
..

[Tonny2]

           ojo.             Well, it was a long day. My best ggest supporter during these last 29 years fighting this condition had a surgical procedure, my mother, and everything went well. Plus, it was my sister last chemo therapy treatment. it is time to relax for three weeks before her radiation treatment. So far so good. I guess it is part of living with HIV, we are not just the protagonist of our family stories, we also have to deal with our families and friends health issues…hugs

[Tonny2]

             ojo              Hello everyone!!….well, I’m having a dilema and it makes me think about Miss Philicia, R.I.P., I remember he did not want the be a burden for his family and I think that i’ve gotten to that point of
No, wanting to be a burden, but anyone so I have to start looking for solutions. Any suggestions?. Being legal lying makes my living conditions a bit difficult, are you ready? Had someone from the BLIND community to teach me how to be more independent but still, I do not feel safe cooking for myself. Well, I will appreciate any feedback if you know of somebody with the same condition…hugs

[Tonny2]

          ojo.          Hello everyone!… just ranting. How difficult is to know that a relative is suffering and waiting for the end. My cousin has terminal cancer and she started hospice care. I remember that my ex when we found out that I was living with AIDS

And, according to my doctor, then, I was supposed to leave for two more years after my diagnosis, my ex told me that I will outlived everybody. I guess he was right because I’m still here and so many loved ones have passed away before me… I feel weird, I still think why I’m still here while my cussing is waiting
to died…
Have anyone felt this way?…hugs
…

[leatherman]

Survivor's guilt can be a hard thing to deal with sometimes. It can strike at any time, sometimes over little things and sometimes bigger things; but that's not surprising as it's all about death - the death of others and not ourselves.

Every once in a while I think about my classmates from my old baptist high school. Out of a graduating class of a paltry 43 people, 5 have already passed away. For a while in the late 90s, I was sure I was going to be the first of my classmates to die - but I didn't. Now I sit here, and except for the one who was killed by her ex, I wonder how those other 4 could be gone when I've been the one living with a deadly disease.

How to cope with this odd feeling of not being dead while others are?
...Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Try to work through them and process them. Others being gone while we're still here is not something we control. People dying is just how life is.
...Exercise mindfulness. Focus on positive truths about yourself and the life you lead.
...Don’t isolate from others. Staying connected with people can be the support to help you through your struggle. Sharing grief can be cathartic.
...Do something good. Putting good out into the world can help. Give your time to a local organization that helps people in your community, and you will feel better about yourself while making a difference in the lives of others.
...Seek professional help. A therapist can help when mental health challenges are too much to deal with on your own.

Of course, you and I (and several others we know) as long term survivors have to deal with this kind of issue a lot. Too, too many of our peer group (gay men of the 80s and 90s) are gone leaving us here to wonder how we are the ones surviving. For me, I think I survived by luck, timing (by not being infected 6 months earlier), and determination to see the next morning.

hugs!!

[Tonny2]

         ojo.            Hi Leatherman, thanks for reading me. it doesn’t get to that point of needing professional help. It’s just that I grew up with my cousin and I feel so bad for her although she has been pretty strong and has a good attitude even though she knows that her days are counted. also, my sister is fighting her bottle too with cancer, so far so good, she tolerated the Kimia treatment and now she sang her second week of radiation treatment. Aside up all these problems, my brother just found out that he has prostate cancer, he seems that we are, as family, having to deal with so much. Thankfully, we are a strong, family and very supportive of each other … again, thanks for reading, and the good tips…hugs

[leatherman]

So sorry to hear how many people in your family are having to deal with cancer. Hopefully, even with so many people dealing with their own illnesses, your family can give each other the support you all need to get through these tough times. 

hugs to you and your family!!

[Tonny2]

          ojo.            @ Leatherman. Thanks again for replying, and we had to do what we had to do, fortunately, we have each other. My oldest brother died of colon cancer 10 years ago since then, we had to be checked, and now, with my brothers prostate
 Cancer diagnosis, we have to be careful and check periodically. So far the rest of us are doing good. Thanks again for the hugs sometimes, even virtually, shows the kind of person you are, and I appreciate it. Gracias.

[Tonny2]

          ojo.           
Hello everyone!!… he was time to visit Dracula and my ID, DOCTOR, vital load, still undetectable, after 16 years of taking same treatment (eight pills a day), CD4, 758 and  cd4% 34. I also, so my cornea specialist just to replace my contact lens because I sit before, there is nothing else we can do about my cornea. Fortunately, there is no infection or inflammation, so far so good.
Thanks for reading…hugs

[BubbaPat]

Hugs Tonny!!

You're in my thoughts, prayers, good energies and well wishes every day.

I believe I can actually hear and see your smile when you write.  I know you get down sometimes but you find a way to be hopeful and give good energy to the universe.

I send you the biggest bubba hugs i can.

Stay healthy and with us kiddo.  You brighten a person's day no matter where you are.

Bubba hugs! Patrick