Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 29, 2024, 06:34:54 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 37614
  • Latest: bondann
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772952
  • Total Topics: 66311
  • Online Today: 741
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 461
Total: 461

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Advice needed: neg guy dating a pos guy  (Read 5263 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Ferzoas

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Advice needed: neg guy dating a pos guy
« on: August 27, 2016, 01:44:27 am »
So... I know this topic has been discussed quite a lot but I'd really like advice on the matter.

I met this guy a few months ago and we've been dating for a month or so. Last week he disclosed his HIV status (+) to me and we discussed it. He was diagnosed recently (less than 8 months ago apparently, can`t recall the exact date) and has been taking his meds, however he is still to be tested to see if his treatment is working so I don't know his VL, CD4 etc. Being a former med student I'm quite educated in the clinical aspect of HIV/AIDS and I know the almost negligible risk of getting infected by him if he has an undetectable VL and we have safe sex. However, I still have this nagging fear.

I want to be with him, he lights up my world and I haven't felt anything like this in ages. Is there any advice you could give me on how to shake off this feeling?

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Advice needed: neg guy dating a pos guy
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2016, 03:42:21 am »
Hello.

What country are you in? In many countries when a person get diagnosed and starts treatment, there are follow up tests more frequently than you have reported for your friend. 8 months?

I was tested every 4 months my first year. on treatment.


So anyway, sure, when he gets the undetectable result, that will calm your worry a bit.

Keep this in mind.  I had HIV+ boyfriends when I was HIV- and 2 were before there was treatment and HIV infection meant death.  I used condoms and continued in the relationships without getting infected, but its not like the worry could every evaporate 100%.  I think I had more "will" when I was young.

All you are going to get is the science proof that if your partner is undetectable and you use condoms, that is 2, count em 2, reassurances that you are not going to get HIV from him.  So try it with that reassurance.  If you STILL have too much anxiety, then you have to cross that bridge - figure out how to manage your anxiety, or break up.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ferzoas

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Advice needed: neg guy dating a pos guy
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2016, 12:14:07 pm »
I'm from Mexico and I think he hasn't been tested because of bureaucracy. His doctor is coming back from holidays soon and if everything goes right he'll have his results in two weeks. We agreed to wait until his VL is undetectable and according to what I've read that could take a while... so yeah, it's not like tomorrow I'll have sex with him.

I know I have to cross that bridge... I'm just afraid. It's not a paralyzing feeling. I know all the facts and they are very reassuring and yet I still fear... Sounds silly right?

When I was reading this forum the reality of it hit me. I guess you always see it from a distant perspective but when it knocks at your door it's a whole different experience. Besides everything, I'm really grateful about this whole thing... makes me see things differently.

If you don't mind me asking mecch... how did you personally dealt with it (being neg in a magnetic relationship)? what did you feel?




Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 13,455
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Advice needed: neg guy dating a pos guy
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2016, 04:48:55 pm »
I told you in my post that it was when there was no treatment. It doesn't relate to now, how I felt in general.  I mostly stopped worrying about getting HIV from a boyfriend or anyone.   I got HIV many years later in 2007 or 8.

There is even less reason to carry this worry today for someone in your situation.  Some people can get over anxiety some people can't.  There are some people who would never ever even kiss an HIV+ person even today.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.