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Author Topic: Just tested poz on Friday- Not understanding my reaction  (Read 3404 times)

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Offline Logan4077

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Just tested poz on Friday- Not understanding my reaction
« on: July 24, 2017, 10:36:27 am »
Hey guys-- So on Friday, my life changed forever. I went to a doctor to discuss starting PrEP and they did an HIV Rapid test on me and it came back positive. My reaction to this news has been strange.  I was surprised but not really, as I know that since my last negative test in January, I have likely put myself at risk.

I have not cried at all. I keep waiting for the emotional breakdown to come but it does not seem to be happening. I guess this is because after talking to the doctor, friends and reading post here in this forum, I am not afraid that I am going to suddenly get sick and die. It seems that the treatment options out there are incredible now. I have two close friends who have been positive for years and I have seen them be healthy and strong for years w/o this slowing them down. That's a good thing and has helped me face this.

This morning before work, I went and they took a hell of a lot of blood from me to figure out what we are looking at here, but I am accepting that the results will not be different and I am HIV positive.

I lived in fear of this for years, racked with anxiety any time I was waiting for test results and then when the day came that they told me I was positive, I almost felt nothing- no sense of devastation or grief.   This does not seem to be a normal reaction to news this huge. I feel that my non-reaction almost does not respect the struggle that so many before me have faced in relation to this disease.  Has anyone else had a similar reaction when finding out?

I am almost ashamed to admit that the biggest reaction that I have had to this is being upset that I cannot have sex until I am undetectable, which I understand can take several months, as I have not even started treatment yet. My doctor wants to wait for three weeks until all my labs are back to start me on anything. An interruption in my sex life seems like it really should be low on my list of priorities right now, but it seems to be what is bothering me the most.

Is this a normal reaction, guys? Am I still just in shock? 

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Just tested poz on Friday- Not understanding my reaction
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2017, 10:56:16 am »
Hi

Sorry to hear you had a somewhat shock result and as for the not crying i mean why would you?  Maybe at some stage you will but having HIV is not the end of the world.

Until you have had conformation testing I will ask you to only post in this one thread, you can keep us posted here and the member can reply to you and support you.

Quote
I am almost ashamed to admit that the biggest reaction that I have had to this is being upset that I cannot have sex until I am undetectable, which I understand can take several months

Condoms and disclose. If i am not mistaken Florida is one of those sates that require disclosure. I never let my VL get in the way of sex, and I practice safer sex and simply disclosed.  That said you are probably going to be focused one way or another on the diagnosis, getting results and getting onto treatment so your mind might be elsewhere for a while.

Anyhow take it easy

Jim
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Offline Logan4077

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Re: Just tested poz on Friday- Not understanding my reaction
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2017, 02:43:55 pm »
Thank you, Jim. I appreciate your reply. Everything is still so new. I am just trying to understand and process this news.

My conformation testing was all done this morning, so I should have official results by the end of the week that will confirm things.

Thank you for the advice.

 


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