A curious family

[Falkore]

Greetings,

I have been a part of this forum for a while and have found it to be an invaluable source of hope and information.  I don't know which one I have depended on more.  I do have one question and I want to know what you guys think about it.

Over a year ago my sister and I were working outside on her fence.  She asked me, just out of the blue, the following questions. "If you were sick, would you let me know?"  I was a bit surprised by that, but I answered as honestly as I could.  "When I am ready."

A few weeks later I asked her what prompted that question.  She told me that our mother had seen a bruise on my leg and asked me about it, and since I was unable to remember what caused it.  Because of that, my mother asked my sister if sister thought I would tell them if I was HIV +, so my sister asked. 

My family is still unaware of my status.... well, I have not told them.  Do you think that they suspect?  Just want ya'lls opinion.

[DanielMark]

"If you were sick, would you let me know?" tells me they are wondering, at the very least.

I could be biassed tho because my family speaks in code and I am a very direct communicator. Hence, we do not get along. I refuse to hide the truths about my life from them. I have no time for pussy footing around and game-playing.

Daniel

Edited: because "do not along" is not the same as "do not get along." Oy!

[Grasshopper]

If your sister was a good listener, your answer: "When I am ready.", would have been enough.

 

[aupointillimite]

If your sister was a good listener, your answer: "When I am ready.", would have been enough.

 

Good point.

You told her right than and there... maybe she picked up on it... maybe not.

Personally, I think your response was more than adequate.

[BT65]

The response was good, but this probably has them more curious than ever.

[HealthyMomma]

Something similar happened to me. They obviously suspect something so you might as well just go on and tell them. Then they can help give you the support that you need!

[David_CA]

They probably suspect something's up with you.  The way your sister asked is exactly how my mom or sister would have asked.  My dad commented that "PCP is generally associated with HIV" when I told him what type of pneumonia I had.  My answer was that "it is this time, too".  Granted, he's an MD, but still.  Although not the most direct way of asking, I think that often people don't ask outright due to not wanting to make one feel uncomfortable.  To me, it sounds like they 1) know / suspect something us going on 2) want you to know that they are concerned and 3) want you to know that you can discuss it with them.  Are you considering talking to them about it?

David

[ademas]

I agree with David, but I just want to add that sometimes in our effort to protect the people we love by hiding our status, we actually hurt them more, and cause them more worry and grief.

I say this as a person who knew he was most likely infected (and remembers his seroconversion), and waited over a decade to test.  It's been much easier to know for sure than it ever was to suspect and worry, and I know my family feels the same way.

[Falkore]

Grasshopper,

I do believe you are right.  My family is not stupid.  Even if it did take them by surprise that I was gay, I think that was just voluntary blindness on their part.  However, I am sure that my family at least suspects something.  I do plan on telling them, I just don't know when.  I want to tell them before they find me in the hospital hooked up to all maner of devices... so I should have plenty of time.  But I do want to tell them.  I just don't know how to broach the subject.  I plan to tell my sister first, but I want to wait until after her husband returns so that if she needs the support of someone, he will be there for her... also he can take care of my niece for a few minutes because it's hard to have a serious talk when a 14 month old baby is being cute just by looking at you.  So hopefully he will keep the baby busy so I can talk to my sister directly.  Then, maybe I can tell my parents.  When I'm ready.  I don't know what I'm scared of, I'm doing exceptionally well.  My doctor even went so far to say I'm doing phenominal.  I was a bit surprised at that, but I am always willing to accept a compilment. 

The meds are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing.  I was surprised even when last week my niece was sick, then my sister became sick, then my father, and I was around both of them and did not become sick myself.  YAY!

In time... they will know.  I trust they will support me no matter what.  They have backed me up when I made some rather stupid choices in my relationship, but they supported me.  I know this will not be any different.