Author Topic: can anyone help solve this puzzle? (Read 11196 times)

Krissy87 · « **on:** January 07, 2014, 02:21:20 pm »

I tested neg Sept of 2012, then again in May of 2013 when I found out I was with child. I was tested again in Dec and came back poz...

Here's the puzzle... If I have only been with one person in the year these test were taken how am I poz and he's not?

Side note the baby came back neg for his tests so far (prayers do get answered)

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #1 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:13:34 pm »

Did you visually see the purported negative test results from this other person to whom you refer?

Krissy87 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:31:08 pm »

Of course not. He will barely even talk to me about our child. I don't know what to believe...

BT65 · « **Reply #3 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:32:58 pm »

Krissy, I have to agree with Ms. P. After taking part in your thread in the women's section, I would not trust a thing this man said.

wolfter · « **Reply #4 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:38:29 pm »

Unless you believe in immaculate infection, the answer to this "puzzle" should be easy to solve.

At this point, you'd be better served to expend your energy on staying healthy and raising your child.

best wishes
wolfie

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #5 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:41:40 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 07, 2014, 03:31:08 pm

Of course not. He will barely even talk to me about our child. I don't know what to believe...

If you've not visually seen a piece of paper I think that tells you what you need to know. Common sense and all, dear.

mecch · « **Reply #6 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:45:45 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 07, 2014, 03:31:08 pm

Of course not. He will barely even talk to me about our child. I don't know what to believe...

Well it's got to be him. From now on, don't waste any of your precious energy on someone with such bad faith in life.

Eventually you can forgive him for his choices and actions, if you find he can be a non-poisonous presence in your child's life. But that doesn't mean you forget who he is and what he does to people.

Nor does anyone EVER have to indulge or feed this sort of denial.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 07, 2014, 03:59:36 pm »

Thanks guys, I knew that I knew the answer. Just needed to hear it from someone else.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #8 on:** January 07, 2014, 05:12:19 pm »

Just as a reminder, and I've not read your missive in the Women's section, just because you think he's also HIV+ doesn't and may have tested so recently, he may not have known his status when the two of you had sex.

I don't know what your current sexual status is with this man, and it's not really my business I suppose. I will assume, however, that the child is a result of this relationship so you'll be dealing with this man in the future.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 07, 2014, 05:33:14 pm »

Ms P i was with him on and off for 5 years thats why i was tested in 2012 before i would be with him sexually again.Yes saddly the baby is his because I have been with no one but him since I tested neg in 2012... Thats why I dont fully understand what i am going threw. All i hear from him is he never cheated that i had to get it some other way and now he is saying he came back neg today... all i can do is cry

mecch · « **Reply #10 on:** January 07, 2014, 06:04:15 pm »

Im sorry you have to suffer this heartbreak.

If its any consolation, most of us have had some bad lovers, the ones who get your heart and turn out to be bad news. But its only in hindsight... Ah...

When i was boy growing up I used to watch Some Like it Hot on the 4:30 movie - it was on once or maybe twice a year...

Even though I was a boy, I somehow could identify with all the characters, male, female, male in drag....

Sugar has this great monologue about getting away from the last bum in her life:

Safety first. Anything to get away from those bums. You don't know what they're like! You fall for 'em. You really love 'em, you think "This is going to be the biggest thing since the Graf Zeppelin." The next thing you know, they're borrowing money from you, they're spending it on other dames, and betting on horses. Then one morning, you wake up -- the guy's gone, the saxophone's gone. All that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste all squeezed out. So you pull yourself together, you go on to the next job, the next saxophone player...it's the same thing all over again! See what I mean not very bright...I can tell you one thing, it's not going to happen to me again. Ever. I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F34Dhzluf4M

Krissy87 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 07, 2014, 06:12:33 pm »

Meech idk why but that cracked me up. Maybe cause that was me for five years. Hell i even sold my saxophone to pay bills when he wouldnt pay his share... damn i really am dumb

RapidRod · « **Reply #12 on:** January 07, 2014, 06:33:24 pm »

Krissy, did your doctor do a confirmative test on you? Pregnancies are known to cause false positives.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #13 on:** January 07, 2014, 07:06:18 pm »

Rod they did more tests while i was in the hospital. Im sure if they would have come back any diff. someone would have told me because i was freaking out the whole time.

Since2005 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 07, 2014, 07:45:11 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 07, 2014, 05:33:14 pm

Ms P i was with him on and off for 5 years thats why i was tested in 2012 before i would be with him sexually again.Yes saddly the baby is his because I have been with no one but him since I tested neg in 2012... Thats why I dont fully understand what i am going threw. All i hear from him is he never cheated that i had to get it some other way and now he is saying he came back neg today... all i can do is cry

Did he show you the paper that says 'negative' test result? Please do not cry, you can ask for it, for few reasons, one is being that you will know for sure if he is poz or not. Most of all, him saying that he is negative implies that you have had sex with someone else and therefore became Positive.

You can solve your own puzzle here. Just ask and if he insists not showing the paper then just demand, and trust me he will show it to you. The answer is simple, either he is negative or you have got it from somewhere else most likely via sexual contacts, you decide, whichever you want to live with.

I am sorry if I am being harsh here, but you have more power than you know. I would ask him today and get it over with the puzzle issue.

Its a blessing to know kid is doing okay.

RapidRod · « **Reply #15 on:** January 07, 2014, 07:50:41 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 07, 2014, 07:06:18 pm

Rod they did more tests while i was in the hospital. Im sure if they would have come back any diff. someone would have told me because i was freaking out the whole time.

Did you ask to see the confirmative test results? If not, go and request them.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #16 on:** January 07, 2014, 09:29:56 pm »

2005 theres no way i

Quote from: Since2005 on June 10, 1970, 02:43:39 pm

got it from somewhere else most likely via sexual contacts, you decide, whichever you want to live with.

And its hurtful you would imply such a thing. I have no reason to lie about my sexual history. If i cheated i would admit it.

Thanks rob, i will def. do that. This is the first ive heard of being preg doing that and when i googled it, it also said flu shots do it too (crazyness)

Jeff G · « **Reply #17 on:** January 07, 2014, 09:42:46 pm »

I don't think since was implying your were not faithful, he was saying your bf is implicitly saying it to you when he said he does not have HIV therefore insinuating you got it elsewhere in the time period you were together .

Ann · « **Reply #18 on:** January 08, 2014, 06:24:19 am »

Krissy, you definitely need to get confirmation that the correct follow-up tests were done - specifically a Western Blot.

Have you seen a viral load test result yet? Have they put you on meds?

When do you see your doctor next? We could help you come up with a point-by-point list of questions for him or her - answers to which will be useful for you regardless of whether or not you are actually poz.

At the end of the day though, the simplest explanation is usually the right one - in this case, that this guy is lying and he either didn't actually test, or he didn't get a negative result.

It's my bet that he didn't actually test. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

It's really no use asking him for a piece of paper - pieces of paper are all too easily forged. He'd probably say he threw it out anyway.

Ann

Theyer · « **Reply #19 on:** January 08, 2014, 07:40:39 am »

Krissy , you are not alone in giving your heart to someone who should not be trusted with such precious objects , lots off us have been there. I still when very low fantasize about winning the lotto and funding prime time TV advertising space followed up by reporters camping 24/7 awaiting comment.

However the only real thing is to dust off, store away for future reference and live as good a life as Possable , without off course past encumbrance.

Much love and live well someone somewhere said it the only and best revenge.
Michael

Krissy87 · « **Reply #20 on:** January 08, 2014, 11:44:08 am »

Ann, ive seen nothing. The only number i have even been told was something was 20 and i have no idea what that is. I go back to my hoochy-coochy doc in a couple weeks then a day or two later i go to a dr who specializes in hiv.

Jeff G · « **Reply #21 on:** January 08, 2014, 12:11:40 pm »

I had a point in my life where I was betrayed and lied to in huge complex ways . I was expecting honesty and an apology in the end when I was satisfied I knew the truth . I never did get what the heart wanted a far as closure for all the mess but I eventually realized that I could use what I knew to be truth as a new place to start and that me knowing the truth was all I really ever needed to go forward in life again .

I took my blinders off and found a new kind of self respect I was lacking before that time and I was far from bitter for the trouble , I felt empowered .

You are hurting and in pain now but in that there is opportunity if you will seize it .

Krissy87 · « **Reply #22 on:** January 08, 2014, 01:00:32 pm »

Thanks Jeff, i know one day i will get over the hurt and anger. Now i just have to figure out what i am going to do with my life. This WILL NOT hold me back from making a better life for my kids.

Jeff G · « **Reply #23 on:** January 08, 2014, 01:02:06 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 08, 2014, 01:00:32 pm

Thanks Jeff, i know one day i will get over the hurt and anger. Now i just have to figure out what i am going to do with my life. This WILL NOT hold me back from making a better life for my kids.

Good for you ... that statement alone is a great big first step .

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #24 on:** January 08, 2014, 01:27:01 pm »

Krissy, I don't know where you live but at least where I live (large city) probably half of our newly infected folks are women, so you might look into a support group restricted to women. It will be helpful on many levels -- general information and affinity, etc.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #25 on:** January 08, 2014, 05:47:01 pm »

Thanks Ms P i have a lot of stuff to look into here in the coming weeks.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #26 on:** January 08, 2014, 08:25:32 pm »

If it's any consolation, when I go to local meetings and what not of HIV+ people (mixed company) the HIV+ women are some of the strongest people I've met in the past two decades. Where I live, many come from lower economic situations to begin with an already have an instinct to survive, and they get involved in local organizations and are very much quality activists not just for the larger community but for their own health and for their larger families. It's inspiring to witness.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #27 on:** January 08, 2014, 10:14:19 pm »

Im from a small town where people are still very quick to judge. I hope that my case manager and drs can point me in the right direction. If not i am glad i was able to find you guys. Y'all have made me open my eyes and feel better about my situation. Thank you.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #28 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:29:43 am »

If you live in a small town you still might be in an area where you can drive an hour to a large city -- generally the census states 80% of Americans do. My point is that if you want to access something like a support group you may have to commit to making a drive once a month.

Then again, perhaps you're part of the 20% that are very rural.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #29 on:** January 09, 2014, 12:43:20 pm »

My case manager just left. It was so nice to have some of my questions answered in person. Yes, she told me all the samethings you all have told me but it is differant hearing it face to face.

She was slightly taken aback by my situation (neg in May poz in Dec) so she wanted to do a rapid test here in my house. She was very inclinded to agree with those of you who said the test was a fals poz. Well, the rapid test came back neg. Yes, I was very happy to see that but I don't want to get my hopes up. I am heading out the door now to get the western blot test and I will know the results in about a week.

I know you all must be tired of my posts, but I have no one to talk to about this stuff. Thank you all for all of your support during this stressful and confusing time in my life.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #30 on:** January 09, 2014, 12:48:23 pm »

Ms P my case manager said the closest group is almost two hours away. That really suprised me considering she said that the county i live in and the two surounding cpunties have a very high number of people living with hiv. I guess people around here just dont want to talk.

Ann · « **Reply #31 on:** January 09, 2014, 12:58:24 pm »

Krissy, I've merged your new thread (False Hope?) into your already existing thread on this same subject. It's easier for everyone following the conversation to stay on the "same page" this way.

We are NOT tired of your posts, by the way. It's what we do here (supporting people).

Rapid tests don't normally give false negatives this late in the game - they only give false negatives when the test is done too early in the window period. Now that you're not pregnant, you're no longer triggering a reactive (positive) result. I will be extremely surprised if your WB comes back positive.

I hope your caseworker ensures some heads roll if this all turns out to be a case of mistaken diagnosis. And I'm betting that's what it will be - a mistaken diagnosis. A WB should have been run as soon as they had the initial positive antibody result.

Good luck and keep us posted - but in this thread, please!

Ann

Krissy87 · « **Reply #32 on:** January 09, 2014, 01:08:33 pm »

Okay thanks Ann i didnt know how i should have posted it. I am going to be very happy if it was a miss diagnosis but i have to admit i will be very upset too because of what they have put the baby threw for the past month.

Ann · « **Reply #33 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:30:10 am »

Krissy, don't worry about the posting mistake. It's easily done.

How did it go when you went for the WB? Did they do another rapid test first? (They should have.)

If this does turn out to be a misdiagnosis (and I still think it will be, given yesterday's negative rapid result), and if a WB was never run the first time you tested positive, you may have a strong case for a medical malpractice suit that could set you and your child up for the future - maybe set up a college fund for her or get your foot on the property ladder so you can have secure housing.

Keep us posted! I'll be thinking of you.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #34 on:** January 10, 2014, 02:12:17 pm »

They didnt do another rapid response test they were satisfied with the results from the other one. I think my case manager was miss informed when she set the apointment up becasuse they just called it a comformatory test in the office and drew blood. They said they are pretty sure it will come back neg. But now I am confused. They said if this comes back neg with the results of it and the rapid test then i am neg... Should i trust this with everything else i have gone threw?

Jeff G · « **Reply #35 on:** January 10, 2014, 02:39:25 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 10, 2014, 02:12:17 pm

They didnt do another rapid response test they were satisfied with the results from the other one. I think my case manager was miss informed when she set the apointment up becasuse they just called it a comformatory test in the office and drew blood. They said they are pretty sure it will come back neg. But now I am confused. They said if this comes back neg with the results of it and the rapid test then i am neg... Should i trust this with everything else i have gone threw?

I can understand why you have reason to be distrustful but I bet they are determined to get it right this time, just my two cents .

Krissy87 · « **Reply #36 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:31:36 pm »

Thanks Jeff. I am just driving myself crazy here wondering what to go on. I was finally starting to be okay with it. I even grew a back bone and told my mom (she took it better then i thought) then the next day i find out it could have been for nothing. I am so angry right now.

Jeff G · « **Reply #37 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:39:58 pm »

Im just happy you are not going to have to deal with a lifetime of HIV and treatments .

Take care of yourself and please continue to use condoms for sex until you are absolutely sure that you are in a mutually monogamous relationship and have both tested conclusively HIV negative together .

I'm wishing you the best of luck to you and your family .

Krissy87 · « **Reply #38 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:50:38 pm »

Oh yes condoms are a must if anyone wants to ever be allowed to do that with me ever again. Tubes tied or not this has been a real eye opener and i dont want to ever have that talk with my mom again. Well, unless i meet the love of my life and he is poz because i have really learned a lot about how wonderful people can be.

Jeff G · « **Reply #39 on:** January 10, 2014, 05:57:58 pm »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 10, 2014, 05:50:38 pm

Well, unless i meet the love of my life and he is poz because i have really learned a lot about how wonderful people can be.

Oh we are really horrible people we just don't let on because you are new LOL j/k .

There is a lot of caring and sharing on this forum and I get a good laugh here every single day .

Krissy87 · « **Reply #40 on:** January 10, 2014, 06:16:49 pm »

Lol Jeff you are to much.

Krissy87 · « **Reply #41 on:** January 18, 2014, 12:25:21 pm »

So, I got the results yesterday. Turns out I may not be one in a million but I am one in 250,000. I have never been so happy to see a doc in my life lol... Now, I must figure out what my next step is going to be. Thank you all for your support during one of the hardest times in my life. You are all amazing people. Hopefully one day I will find someone to support and encourage me the way you all have.

Ann · « **Reply #42 on:** January 19, 2014, 07:56:51 am »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 18, 2014, 12:25:21 pm

So, I got the results yesterday. Turns out I may not be one in a million but I am one in 250,000. I have never been so happy to see a doc in my life lol... Now, I must figure out what my next step is going to be. Thank you all for your support during one of the hardest times in my life. You are all amazing people. Hopefully one day I will find someone to support and encourage me the way you all have.

Great news, Krissy. I'm happy for you.

Don't forget to insist on condoms from now on until you're in a securely monogamous relationship - and you have both tested hiv negative. Please stay hiv negative!

Ann

Jeff G · « **Reply #43 on:** January 19, 2014, 10:14:08 am »

Quote from: Krissy87 on January 18, 2014, 12:25:21 pm

So, I got the results yesterday. Turns out I may not be one in a million but I am one in 250,000. I have never been so happy to see a doc in my life lol... Now, I must figure out what my next step is going to be. Thank you all for your support during one of the hardest times in my life. You are all amazing people. Hopefully one day I will find someone to support and encourage me the way you all have.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, its bound to help others understand he ins and outs of HIV testing and there is huge value in that .

I love a happy ending ... no joke please

.

Since2005 · « **Reply #44 on:** January 20, 2014, 11:50:34 pm »

Hi Krissy87,
I am so happy to know that you are not one of us!
Thanks for sharing your story.
Good luck with everything that you do!

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Author Topic: can anyone help solve this puzzle? (Read 11196 times)