Husband with HIV and Bipolar

[Corydon76]

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself.

My husband recently tested positive sometime after we decided to have an open relationship, and he apparently was having unprotected sex with another man.

My husband is severely bipolar, to the point of disability, has had malabsorption surgery for weight loss, and is now on Triumeq.  Compliance is probably not going to be a problem for him, as he already has gotten accustomed to a cocktail of psychiatric drugs that he uses to keep himself stable.  That said, he's not in compliance with the bevy of vitamins and minerals he's supposed to take for life as a result of his malabsorption surgery (some of which, like Calcium, are not to be taken at the same time as Triumeq).  And, most recently, one of his psychiatric drugs he's been taking, Oxtellar XR, not only is contraindicated in those taking Triumeq, but his Medicare Part D provider has stopped coverage of Oxtellar XR.

We're currently in the middle of his psychiatrist contacting his HIV specialist to determine the severity of the contraindication and whether he can continue taking Oxtellar (if the psychiatrist can call the insurance company and beg for it to be covered, because it's really expensive otherwise), or if he needs to switch one of his psychiatric medications.

Add all this to the fact that I have to be in control of his medication supply, since we're just 6 months past an episode where he attempted to commit suicide by overdose, and I'm looking into going on PrEP, as is recommended for serodiscordant couples.

Oh, and if all of that didn't seem overwhelming on its own, my husband wants to keep his positive status away from family and certain peers, so I have to be particularly careful and not talk to anybody not preapproved by my husband.

Hence, my particular interest in joining the community today.  It may seem like I'm just venting, but I'm also interested in hearing from others, because right now, I'm suffering from a lack of knowledge and support, and that's really not a good place for me to be, since I need to be the rock on which my husband can feel stable.

[mecch]

That seems to be a very challenging daily thing to manage. It also seems like you area on the ball. Don't forget to keep using all the doctors to figure out the technicalities of dosing all this medication! You can't possibly master that.

Welcome here.

What about your man - doesn't he want to join here?

As for the disclosure - well - that's his call completely.  My reaction to what you wrote is that if SOME "peers" know, it won't be long, anyway, before he loses control about who knows.

[Corydon76]

Don't forget to keep using all the doctors to figure out the technicalities of dosing all this medication! You can't possibly master that.

Yeah, I rely upon him to tell me when his psychiatrist changes a level of something.  Currently, we had to cut one of his pills in half (not the HIV one) in order to step him down from a side effect.  Every Sunday morning, I refill the weekly medicine tray, like clockwork.  I've also been using the CareZone app to keep track of all the dosages.  Other than the half pill, most of them are pretty easy: just a full pill of each.

What about your man - doesn't he want to join here?

I'll suggest that he join.  Right now, he's getting some support from a Positive group that meets weekly in person.  I've been looking and haven't yet found a local group that meets in person for supporters of those who are Positive.

My reaction to what you wrote is that if SOME "peers" know, it won't be long, anyway, before he loses control about who knows.

The person he really wants to keep this from is his mother, who is also severely bipolar and reacted poorly upon learning that one of his drag queen friends became Positive.  And then, he also expressed concern about how drag queens gossip (my husband is one of the drag queens who performs around the area).  Until it becomes an open secret, however, I'm of the mind that I won't be the reason that it becomes an open secret.  At that point, you're right, it won't matter much.

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Well glad to hear he is getting support from the weekly positive group meeting.
Peer support in sessions like that can be really key for people particularly at first.

Don't forget to look after yourself.

Wishing you both the best

Jim