worried

[bigmistake1]

I've read the stories of the people here who say they have been infected even though they have been safe (condom use, etc.) and they have me freaked out. I was wondering where my risk lies. I am a male who has performed oral sex on 3 different guys who status I do not know. There was no ejaculation and the exposure was brief. Actually, one of the guys says he is negative. This guy also briefly tried to insert his penis into me. There was brief contact with the outside area, but I stopped him from going any further.

What are the chances of being infected by this?

[Andy Velez]

Big, as long as there was no insertion during that part of your concern then you have nothing to worry about as far as HIV is concerned.

With regard to giving oral, it's at the very, very low end of the risk scale, particularly when ejaculation doesn't take place. There have been hardly more than a handful of cases of transmission reported in that manner and even those are questionable.

By contrast there is much more evidence through longterm studies of sero-dystonic couples. Lots of oral occurred and only protected intercourse. The results have been none of the sero-negative partners became infected.

People nevertheless do worry about giving oral, so you have to decide about what you are comfortable doing. Some give oral but without ejaculation orally. You have to decide for yourself what's ok.

You also should be aware there are other STDs out there and often they are much easier to catch than HIV. If you're sexually active you should at least annually have a full STD panel done and every six months is even better.

This time from what you have described I don't see any cause for further concern.

Cheers,

[bigmistake1]

Did you mean as long as there was not insertion? Like I said, he was pressing up against my ass but I did not let him penetrate me. Sorry for the blunt description. I'm so afraid that I will infect my girlfriend from this "experimental" episode of mine. Why do I do such stupid things? I appreciate your responses.

[RapidRod]

Non penetration equals non risk.

[Andy Velez]

Big, yes I meant no insertion. I have corrected that typo, thanks.

I don't see cause for concern about HIV in relation to this incident.

Is it guilt/shame you're struggling with about having experimented?

[bigmistake1]

Yes guilt and shame would be correct. Not to mention fear that I could have gotten hiv. You guys seem pretty confident in your responses. I really appreciate the help. What bothers me is the one's who say they have been very safe and still got infected.

Bottom line for me is to wonder if I should continue to have sex with my girlfriend for fear of infecting her.

[Ann]

Bottom line for me is to wonder if I should continue to have sex with my girlfriend for fear of infecting her.

Big,

I want you to read the following VERY carefully, because it very much applies to you. It's not just men who have sex with men who become infected with hiv, it can affect anyone and no, you can't tell a person's hiv status any way other than through testing, and that includes your girlfriend(s).

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

I totally agree with the others - you didn't have a risk with the specific situation you bring to us. However, if you've been having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with ANYONE you haven't tested together with, INCLUDING your girlfriend, you are putting yourself at risk for hiv.

Ann

[Andy Velez]

As long as you are using condoms you can have sex with your girlfriend. And that is why anyone should be doing unless they have decided to be monogamous and then both have tested negative together.

With regard to the guilt issue, that's no credit to your higher ethics nor a love tribute to your gf. It's just poisonous in a relationship, so accept that you can't undo the past, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life.

As for so-called reports by others who were being "safe" and became infected anyway, they don't stand up to careful scrutiny. People forget details or feel guilty about having been unsafe or were drinking and/or other factors come into play when they are reporting their personal histories.

[bigmistake1]

Just need to clarify something. As far as using condoms, is it because of not knowing her status? Or is it because of my possible exposure. She is HIV negative. I'm worried that you meant condoms so she can be protected against me. I'm hoping the odds of being infected are truly long indeed. I guess you folks would know better than me.

[Ann]

Big,

We are suggesting you use condoms with your girlfriend unless you BOTH know your hiv status. If you've tested negative together, fine. If you've never tested, then you need to both test before the condoms come off. If you are assuming she's hiv negative because of what you think you know about her, think again.

While you don't need to test over the specific incident you bring to us and you will not endanger her because of it, if there has been unprotected intercourse in the past for either of you, then testing is appropriate. Again, if you have already tested negative together, this isn't an issue.

Ann

[bigmistake1]

Gotcha. Thank you very much for your help.

[bigmistake1]

Sorry to drag up an old issue. As I am approaching the 13 week point, I can't help but feel some anxiety over whether I should test or not. In your respected opinions, would any of you bother getting tested for this situation?

Also was wondering if any of you have known a guy to get infected from a girl via vaginal sex with a condom? As you mentioned to me, I can't be sure of my current gf's status, so condoms are being used for now.

Thanks for the help.

[RapidRod]

You don't need to test and the only way for someone to get infected with the use of a condom, is total condom failure.

[Andy Velez]

The only reason you would need to test is for your own peace of mind. So if you are going to have nagging fears pressing your buttons, then go ahead, get tested at 13 weeks and resolve this concern with the inevitable negative test result.

Even if you have/had reason to believe your current gf is HIV negative, you should continue to use condoms. The only time you can seriously consider dispensing with them is if you and your present or future gf test negative together at a reliable point and mutually agree to be in a securely monogamous relationship together.

Until if and when such a time happens keep using a condom everytime you have intercourse. Period.

Cheers,

[bigmistake1]

I very much appreciate the help. Bless you folks who take time out of your lives to help people like myself. Just out of curiosity, of all the people who come here with questions, how's your track record of being correct in the answers you have given? You guys seem very knowledgable.