Since I was 20, now I´m 32

[COSIMO]

Hey Guys,

I´m Spanish, IHV + for 12 years now. This is the first time in 12 years that I share my feelings, happiness and worries with people in my situation. I never wanted friends and family to be worried about me, so I never talk to them about it. For 12 years I have been an ignorant regarding AIDS, my blood tests have always been all right. Last one, for instance, cd4: 726 virus: >40  defenses: 5500/ml. But I´m beginning to read now fro articles, web pages, forums, ... and I get more worried everytime. I have been always quite thin but lately I see myself too thin although my weight is the same, I read about lipodistrophia and I get depressed. If I read about skin diseases and I see a mark in my skin I get worried and depresed. I read about longevity in ihv + people and I get worried and depressed. I have been on treatment for 12 years now, I read about side effects and I want to cry. I think this is enough for you to understand what I want to say. I think I felt better being an ignorant about aids, but now there is not coming back to that point.
I´m a very positive and happy person, and normally I don´t have these feelings of sadness and preoccupation. I strongly believe that one day everything is going to be ok, something is going to happen and we all will be healthy again. This must sound crazy but I believe on it. Still sometimes some negative ideas, feelings come to my head. I don´t really know my intentions on this message. I think it is time to share and I want to start doing it with people like you and me. I need some advice, I need you tell me how you feel. I want to continue writing anything it comes to my head from now on I want t share it with you and I also want to help you.

lots of love and peace. we are the champions.

[J.R.E.]

I´m a very positive and happy person, and normally I don´t have these feelings of sadness and preoccupation. I strongly believe that one day everything is going to be ok, something is going to happen and we all will be healthy again. This must sound crazy but I believe on it.

lots of love and peace. we are the champions.

Hello Cosimo,

Welcome to the forums. There is nothing crazy, in what you say. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having hope. I have lived with hope for many years.It one of the things, that keeps me going ! It sounds as though you are doing pretty well, but do get those marks on the skin checked out. It is best to get things checked out as soon as possible, it can save a lot of problems further down the road.

And, just like you I kept the issue of HIV on the back burner, for quite a few years after I was infected. Besides my family members and close friends, I also didn't discuss it much. But I did try to read up as much as I could on HIV. I lived pretty healthy with the virus from 1985 until around 2002. That is when fatigue and weight loss issues started happenning. I started meds in 2003, and it is full throttle forward for me, now. In other words, I push ahead each and every day !! Will be looking forward to hearing more from you, glad you found us !

Take care of yourself-----Ray

[aztecan]

Hey Cosimo,

Welcome! Glad you have found us.

You are certainly not crazy. If anything, you are doing amazingly well.

I, like you and Ray, rather ignored HIV after testing postiive for about seven years before I even saw a doctor about it.

I've been on meds now more than 11 years and doing pretty well. I understand your worries and concerns, we all have them.

But, like you, I am usually a very happy person so I try to focus on that.

I am glad you posted and I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS,

Mark

[DanielMark]

Welcome Cosimo,

It's a very healthy thing to be open with others about how you are doing. Glad you decided to begin doing that.

Now about the information causing you distress and depression, remember, not everything you read is going to apply to you, and thankfully we can’t predict the future.

Daniel

[BT65]

Hey Cosimo:
  Welcome.  I truly hope you find someone you can open up to.

[newbernswiss]

Hello and Welcome...we are all here to listen, not judge and share our experiences, feelings and survival stories. . .

[pozwithnegpart]

Hi Cosimo!
I've been positive since I was 21 now I am 47 and it has not been an easy road. But the best advice I can give you is don't dwell on things that can possibly happen and how they may affect your life. The most important thing to remember is that you should stay active do everything you can posibly do and stay in the know with new treatments and remedys but don't make them your passion. Live your life!!!
Good Luck and Stay Healthy!!!