Recently diagnosed... but had an inkling

[Miltonia15]

Hi all,

I just like to share my story. Its goes back to around 18 months ago. I didn't recognize self love allowed myself to do acts that put myself and my partner in danger. The more I did the more I wanted. Things weren't that great in my relationship so i allowed myself to sink into a dark place.

I knew the risks involved with some of those men but couldn't care at the time. My partner went onto my laptop and saw everything that I had been on. I was confronted and i stopped my actions.

My inkling of being HIV positive came when I felt my body run down, I was tired all the time and lost a lot of weight. I also remember an all over body rash and flu like symptoms. I always think you know your body. 2 weeks ago I had a bad case of shingles that set off alarm bells for me.

I went to get tested and results are surely enough positive. Why did it take so long for me to go get tested knowing the fact that I could be POZ? I was mentally preparing myself and getting my mind ready for whats to come. In hindsight i should have got treatment earlier. I guess I was also afraid too. 

My CD4 count is at 94 and I will start meds tomorrow. I have grown a lot from where I was and learnt to take care of myself and think about those around me. I guess you learn many lessons in life and know not to do it again. My partner is being very supportive he had tested NEG. Which is a huge relief. Where our relationship will go from hereI do not know.

I wish that everyone with recent diagnosis all the best, things will be okay learn to love yourself and take it one step at a time. Keep a positive attitude and live life to the max

I'm gay male 32 years of age

[YoungNScared]

Hello miltonia!

I am sorry you have been Dx'd but its defiantly a great thing you are here! This place is full of great information and the people are absolutely amazing! Infact i dont think i could have done it without the people i have met on here. Its great you are starting meds and you will be undetectable in no time!

Best Wishes,
Kyle

[Tonny2]

       ojo      Hello mitonia...welcome...best thing you could have done, get tested, now, you know it, you treat it...you will be fine, as soon as you start taking your med-s, you will start a new chapter in your life, I hope you have learnt your lesson and keep taking care of yourself and especially of your partner, which I{m glad he is negative...what happened to your shingles_, are they gone_, what med are you going to be taken_...about your partner, I guess, if he loves you, I think he does, because he is still with you after he cauought you doing what you were not suppose to do, your words, hopefully he will stay with you, give him a big hug, he deserves it...wishing you the best and keep us posted about your progress...hugs             ojo

[Miltonia15]

Hi Tonny2,

My shingles are starting to scab , a few still quite raw patches but its definitely over that pus filled ugly looking stage. I'm not sure if there will be any scarring or nerve damage but i can't be thinking about that too.

I'm going to start on Atripla

I feel like i don't even deserve my partner right now i've been finding it hard to even be around him. I feel so ashamed and degrading. We have yet to discuss where our relationship stands I thought give it some time and that conversation would come one day.

[Tonny2]

Hi Tonny2,

My shingles are starting to scab , a few still quite raw patches but its definitely over that pus filled ugly looking stage. I'm not sure if there will be any scarring or nerve damage but i can't be thinking about that too.

I'm going to start on Atripla

I feel like i don't even deserve my partner right now i've been finding it hard to even be around him. I feel so ashamed and degrading. We have yet to discuss where our relationship stands I thought give it some time and that conversation would come one day.

      ojo        Thanks for replying, where do you have the shingles?...you will have some scaring, but it will go away with time, I don't thiink you will have nerve damaged, I got them three times same area, no nerve damaged...just say I'm sorry to your partner, but if he doesn't stay, you have to understand, you put his life at risk, but if he loves you, and stays with you, you will have to love him and change your ways...hugs    ojo

[Miltonia15]

My shingles are around my trunk area its been difficult the pain is too much to bare.
Its now scabbing and i hope i don't get it again!

As for my partner i know that a thousand apologies is not enough for the suffering I have caused. I can't undo what I have done. I've come a long way from where I was as a person. I fuked up big time and is reminded of my actions through this illness.

[sphinxcat]

So similar to me. I lost weight, had body rush and shingles too......but my shingles are in my right ear......my cd4 is 124 and vl 162,000...

You will be fine once you start your med. best wishes...

[Tonny2]

My shingles are around my trunk area its been difficult the pain is too much to bare.
Its now scabbing and i hope i don't get it again!

As for my partner i know that a thousand apologies is not enough for the suffering I have caused. I can't undo what I have done. I've come a long way from where I was as a person. I fuked up big time and is reminded of my actions through this illness.

      ojo      Hi again..I got my shingles on my left side, by my skinny butt and waist (three times, same place), aren't you getting anything for pain?, I got vicodin, you should ask for something because as you said, its pretty painful to deal with the shingles

Do not be to hard on yourself, let's hope your partner forgives you and stay with you...it is what it is, now you are on treatment, and you will start to feel better...wishing you the best, keeping us posted...big bear hug, you will be fine                                                      ojo

[tednlou2]

Welcome to the forums, although sorry you tested poz. 

My situation was similar to yours, on the waiting so long to test.  I had a high risk event.  I began having lymph nodes swell and no energy.  I was sooo tired.  I suspected it could be HIV and actually worried very much about that.  But, I kept telling myself it was just a bad case of mono.  This was August of that year.  Around March, I did go test anonymously at the health department.  However, I was too scared to return for the results.  Well, I did go there, but I couldn't get out of the car, so I drove away.  I just didn't want to hear that news.  I didn't think I was mentally capable of hearing that news.  Of course, I continued to worry I was infected.  While my energy returned and the nodes were not aching like before, they were still swollen.  But, I read how mono can sometimes caused that for a long time.  So, I kept telling myself it was just mono. 

What is great is that you did test and now know where things stand.  It is great your partner has been so supportive and has tested neg.  Do you have any idea how long you've been poz?  You said it all started 18 months ago, but I thought that meant when you tested.

[JonJon]

Hello Miltonia15,

My story is somewhat similar to yours.  I was diagnosed with AIDS in Aug 2015:  CD4 was 20, VL 101,000.  I probably had HIV for at least three years but kept putting off getting tested.  My first inkling was unexplained weight loss and then oral thrush.  I am mad at myself for waiting so long to get tested but can't change it now.  Anyways, I didn't get PCP or shingles, but I do have CMV retinitis which is improving.  I take Triumeq everyday in addition to Bactrim dS, VAlcyte, and Azithromycin.  Luckily, I have had no side effects from any of these drugs except some tiredness and a few nights of insomnia with Triumeq. I found this forum very helpful knowing I am not alone.  Next week will mark 4 weeks since I started Triumeq and then I meet with my HIV doc the following week.  I am hoping to see some improvement in numbers.

Good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress
John

[Miltonia15]

Welcome to the forums, although sorry you tested poz. 

My situation was similar to yours, on the waiting so long to test.  I had a high risk event.  I began having lymph nodes swell and no energy.  I was sooo tired.  I suspected it could be HIV and actually worried very much about that.  But, I kept telling myself it was just a bad case of mono.  This was August of that year.  Around March, I did go test anonymously at the health department.  However, I was too scared to return for the results.  Well, I did go there, but I couldn't get out of the car, so I drove away.  I just didn't want to hear that news.  I didn't think I was mentally capable of hearing that news.  Of course, I continued to worry I was infected.  While my energy returned and the nodes were not aching like before, they were still swollen.  But, I read how mono can sometimes caused that for a long time.  So, I kept telling myself it was just mono. 

What is great is that you did test and now know where things stand.  It is great your partner has been so supportive and has tested neg.  Do you have any idea how long you've been poz?  You said it all started 18 months ago, but I thought that meant when you tested.

I think I've been poz for about that time 18-20 months ago. It was around that time where I had a lot of encounters with men. Since then I knew something is not right.
 I only got tested recently ( 3 weeks ago ) my partner and I are now in a unusual state he won't really talk to me I know things are tough right now all I can do is give it time and focus on my health. Last night was the first night I took Atripla and WHOA the dreams were freaky i had 5 dreams in total some more memorable than others so it wasn't a really good sleep. Those are some strong drugs....

What about you? are you on medication at the moment how you feeling?

[JosephP]

Sorry for your diagnosis, Miltonia but it is what it is! I was diagnosed two years ago and I panicked... Although I had had unprotected sex, I didn't believe, stupidly, that I was at risk (I am bisexual). I lost some weigh and will wake up with the night sweats.. I personally believed it was heart... Applied for life insurance and the next call I got was from the state health department.... Imagine the surprise.... I met with a counselor and she just told me without hesitation and without sugar covering it.... You are HIV+... My floor dropped! I was so confused... I don't remember much of the rest of the interview... As a matter of fact I don't remember much of the entire day! I had a staff meeting that day and I usually participate but that day I couldn't utter a word! My VL was 78000 and my CD4 was 198.... I, officially, had Aids.... Me with AIDS!!! Fast forward two years and a great ID doctor and Stribild, I am here... My last results (a week ago) were very encouraging... UD and Cd4 around 500... So hang on... And yes, those dreams with Atripla are in ultra high definition!!! I was switched to Stribild a week later after I began treatment as this med didn't agree with me.... But enough of me... You take those meds as indicated. Like many of us have said it... You will be fine.. And remember, you are NOT dying from HIV... Your are living with HIV! (My doctor's words!!!)

[Miltonia15]

Hi everyone!

Well its been about two month since i tested POZ and it has been a real journey.. My shingles has all healed up but left with some nasty dark scars which i hope will lighten over time. I have been on Atripla and an antibiotic which I have not skipped a day taking them. My latest blood test was about a week ago and on Friday the specialist and I went over the results. MY CD4 has doubled to around 189 and Viral load is almost undetectable soon... Its great news that the meds are working well and I haven't had many side effects apart for the odd vivd dream here and there. He did say however because my CD4 was so low to start off with it may not get to 500 ever although this is only a " maybe " there has been patients with an even lower CD4 than what i started out with and still got over 500 I guess i waited too long to get treated...
My next blood test will be in Feb 2016 and then we will also discuss about vaccinations for Hep B & C which I thought i had but maybe lost when HIV took over?
Despite the bad news i still need to keep my spirit up and now that i am getting more energy and back at the gym more and having more appetite I just need to focus on the rest of my life.

[initforlife]

Sounds like you are doing well and on the road to better health.  I have had many Hep b shot series it is a set of three done at I believe  you have first one then a month the second one then the third at six months..  My blood work each time after has never shown antibodies for Hep B even after all those shot.. some people never do so don't sweat it. I refused to do anymore after last time. I hope you continue on the road to good health.