is this seroconversion?

[youngandstupid27]

Well, first of all I would like to say I'm a selfish dirtbag that has no regard for the people I love. I have read and read a lot of the threads that have been posted on here and know that nothing is definitive until I get results back but I'm going it alone and need some way to release. I would also love to get some questions answered, if at all possible. 

Couple months ago I decided to have sex with a escort. I'm not gonna go into details other than that she was a needle user, she put a durex "love" condom on with her mouth and I had intercourse with her for few minutes. When I ejaculated I never noticed any of the condom compromised. I rolled it of and desposed of it. Although, about a week later I started to have this stabbing pain in urethra and the most excruciating testicle pain in my life. That's when my life turned upside down. For one more week I never ate, had cold sweats, puked every morning and just felt like the worst human being ever. I m sure all these "symptoms" was just from my super heightened state of anxiety because of the guilt for what I did in my relationship and the fear of what I could have done to my life.
I got tested for stds and they all came back negative (2 weeks post exposure) and just felt awesome about it. Although I still worried wondering what it was I had, especially how it happened rate in the window of when stds would start to take affect. But I figured heck I probably didn't catch anything and maybe it was just some kind of infection I developed or it was extreme hypercondriosis (sp?). But out of precaution I had sex with my spouse using condoms (like I said I'm a dirtbag). I know it was absolutely selfish and ruthless of me to do this and not just come clean. This is another story on its own, which I won't discuss.

Come eight weeks later I start to get pain in my armpits then in my groin. Little while after that it moves to my head and get pain in neck, collar bone area, back of head where it meets with the neck. Also I have been getting weird fever where I'm kinda hot in head but ears are extremely hot. All these places I have been getting pain have been where lymph nodes are located. They don't feel swollen except for the ones in my head. And boy do those ones really hurt. I also have been getting this weird stabbing pain in the corner of my eyes where the tear ducts are located. And also constant headaches like a pressure in my head. The head aches and fever have been going on probably a month before all this lymph pain.

Now for the real kicker. Me and my spouse went out drinking and next day she has really sore throat, then sore stomach and weird dizzy feeling she called it. Thisasted five days and of course I thought she was seroconverting.

Now for my questions. Can I caught hiv virus if there was vaginal fluid on my pubic hair and it got caught in the foreskin of my penis? Sometimes my pubic hair gets caught in between my head and foreskin. Are my symptoms relevant to someone seroconverting? Spouses symptoms? I got my 8 week test done during the lymph node pain, was it to early to see anti-bodies?

I feel so guilty and scared for what I've done. I got no one to talk to about this and its just been eating me up inside making me go through a roller coaster of emotions. I tried to talk to a doctor about my lymph node pain and he laughed at me and said "where your pain comes from makes no sense" essentially telling me I'm just a hypocondriac. I phoned my mom and tried to talk to her about all the sudden change of events and what I have been feeling and she told me " I will call you later I have to go pick berries" and she didn't call back. I sent her a txt telling her "fine I don't need your support I will just handle it alone" and she sends me back "sorry in da afternoon" talking about when my brothers ride will be coming for him.

Idk what I will do if I am hiv+, if I infected my spouse what then!?!? I don't deserve to live if I did get her infected. I will probably just commit suicide because that's what I desrve for destroying the lives of my daughters parents and her family. All this because I felt like I lost out on life by getting into a relationship early and not being able to "sow my seeds". I'm such a loser. I can't believe I never realized what I had and how good I had it, not until I possibly jepoardized all of it.
Hopefully hopefully I never infected my spouse if I am. If I didn't I will try to live as long as possible and work my ass off until I die and give every penny to my daughter nad her mother to try buy them a home and a education fund for when my daugher becomes an adult. And if not, if I did infect my spouse, then I will just kill myself. Because that's the punishment I deserve for doing what I did.

Sorry for just going on and on but I have no one to talk to. Eventhough I am just typing this it feels good to get it out and to know that I will (hopefully) get a response and some insight on how to deal with what I'm going through.

[Ann]

Stupid,

Spare us the drama. You have NOT had a risk for hiv infection.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

If it had broken, you WOULD have noticed it. Broken condoms are very obvious.

Getting a pubic hair caught in your foreskin is in no way, shape or form a way to be infected with hiv infection, even if that hair is dripping in someone else's fluids.

If you continue to feel unwell, keep working with your doctor to find out what, if anything, is actually wrong with you. Whatever that may be, it is NOT a virus for which you have not been at risk.

Ann

[youngandstupid27]

Sorry

[youngandstupid27]

Past month have had glandular pain in my groin, arm pits, neck, and collar bone. Also been having pain in neck a lot and very mild fever. I don't feel fevered but my head is warm to the touch. I got tested at 8 weeks from possible exposure this was about a week into the lymph node pain. No call from the doctor after about 3 weeks so obviously nothing showed up.  None of my nodes feel swollen except for one side of my neck and even that one feels mildly enlarged. Can someone with knowledge in this give me some information. Is 8 week negative good sign? Is being tested during this lymph pain to early? Can it just be lymph pain or does there have to be swelling? Regardless in about a week it my 3 month mark so go in for a test again and hopefully it shows up negative. Also should I just wait till this lymph pain goes away before being tested? Just so I make sure I'm done seroconverting (if I am). Or is it advised to just go see doc about this lymph pain now and then get tested again at 3 month mark? Also can I only be fully relieved at six months or can I feel comftorable at a 3 month negative? Sorry for so much questions. You people that help other people through this are good beings and have such eternal patience. Thank you for your time.

[jkinatl2]

We can be of only limited help to you, as we do not go by symptoms when discussing HIV seroconversion. The illness that sometimes accompanies it varies dramatically, and  some people feel absolutely nothing at all. In addition, as you are likely aware, this is a risk assessment forum.

If your "exposure" was unprotected vaginal or anal sex, or the sharing of IV drug needles, then yes you have been at risk for HIV.

A test at eight weeks is considered all but definitive, as very few people take longer than that to seroconvert. Three months, however, remains the gold standard. It is certainly not six months.

A test at three months would be considered definitive, assuming you had an actual risk.

[Ann]

Stupid,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.



Your eight week negative result is NOT going to change because you did NOT have a risk for hiv infection, as I already told you earlier in August.

If you feel unwell, see a doctor. Whatever is going on has NOTHING to do with a virus for which you have not had a risk and do not have.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann