Please I need you guys.

[theblueleafe]

I decided to do a regular checkup over a week ago at my clinic and Planned Parenthood. PP came out preliminary positive for a rapid test. I've been testing with multiple rapid tests this past week. OralQuick (swap and finger prick), Insti, Clearview and one more that I can't identify from Planned Parenthood. Insti and the last test from Planned Parent were preliminary positive's while everything else was negative. I was told those 2 however were the most accurate.. But since it hasn't been 2-3 months (it's been a month) the negative tests could be inaccurate themselves. Anyways I took a blood with the health care agency, PP, and AHF (haven't received that yet).

I also got really sick around the week of October 23-29. I assumed I got sick because someone I was dating the past week was also sick so I took that with a grain of salt.

HIV EIA Screen
HIV1,2 Antigen/Antibody Screen Positive

HIV 1/2 Antibody Differentiation

HIV 1 Antibody Indeterminate
HIV 2 Antibody Negative

HIV 1 Antibody was corrected from negative.

HIV Confirmatory Test (Blood from Planned Parenthood)

Positive

HIV Qualitative PCR

HIV RNA Positive

I was already placed on ART (Truvada and 2 other meds) yesterday morning as soon the results came in at my health care agency. They believe I have an acute infection. They drew more blood (6 vials) and did other tests for vitals. This is a month after the estimated HIV exposure. I was being a wild horny idiot. So ashamed of myself. I couldn't keep myself together at the clinic, it was horrible and the hugs the nurses gave me just turned me into an emotional wreck. I was there all day taking care of paperwork and everything. It's the worst day of my life.

The HIV Doctor told me that since the HIV was caught so early that I can take meds to keep the reservoir small. She made time in her schedule to see me next week as regular scheduling wouldn't have allowed anything until early December. I never asked about the negative results but the previous nurse implied that the infection is picking up.

I'm having trouble believing this is real. Life has been pretty shitty in general and my depression came back recently at an all time high. I'm a compulsive liar and keep my personal life well hidden from everyone. I screw up a lot and this is basically the straw that broke the camel's back. I've been crying non-stop and haven't had any sleep the past couple days. Part of me wants to believe that I may be fine but the results speak for themselves and I don't know anymore. I fucked up.

Yes it may not be a life sentence and that you can live a normal happy life, etc.. But it's not like that for me.. I'm lonely and I've tried to meet people but I took the wrong route. I know there are groups and support systems in place but I just can't accept it. I can't! As soon as things actually picked up a bit, this happens! I spent over a week just looking up information and reading the posts on here. I'm still doing so because I refuse to believe anything until I'm fully negative but I know I'm possible (90%) wrong.

I could use your help here guys.. It's just so hard.

[Ptrk3]

I am sorry to hear about your situation and the emotional turmoil you are experiencing.  I wish you the best through this difficult ordeal.

My only advice would be to continue to work with you health-care providers and to follow their medical advice through these early days.  You may also wish to seek advice from them about how to deal with your depression and anxiety.

Please continue to use this forum as one way to get the support you may need.

Remember, you are not alone.

[theblueleafe]

Thank you for your support.  What are my chances of being negative if differential and rapid are constantly negative? My infection was 6 weeks ago.

[Jim Allen]

Hi

I moved your thread here so other members may post and reply to you.
Now I will post my own thoughts later however in the meantime please only post in this one thread.

Jim.

[Ptrk3]

Not knowing the specifics and all the facts of your specific case, it would be inappropriate and irresponsible of me to hazard an opinion on your chances of being negative.

Generally, HIV antibody testing takes place six weeks after exposure then 13 weeks past exposure for confirmation.  RNA PCR testing can take place within four weeks after exposure, but is generally not recommended for diagnosis.

In your case, you state that your medical team placed you on ART, which I don't think (but don't know) would be done lightly.

The best I can say is to continue working with your medical team to determine your path forward.  You may wish to ask them the same questions you are posing here.

Best wishes to you during these trying days.

[Jim Allen]

Hi

Sorry you are so concerned, keep working with your doc on testing.
By the sounds of it you should have result next week.

I was already placed on ART (Truvada and 2 other meds) yesterday morning as soon the results came in at my health care agency. They believe I have an acute infection. They drew more blood (6 vials) and did other tests for vitals.

The health care agency gave you the meds, just wondering if you could let us know what medication?

Jim

[theblueleafe]

Hi

Sorry you are so concerned, keep working with your doc on testing.
By the sounds of it you should have result next week.

The health care agency gave you the meds, just wondering if you could let us know what medication?

Jim

Truvada, Norvir, and Prezista to start for a week (as of yesterday) before I see a doc again. Was supposed to be given a 4th pill but nothing else. I don't know if they'll be testing the vials again or if it was for something else. They wanted to check and make sure everything was fine with my body so they drew like 7 vials.

Not knowing the specifics and all the facts of your specific case, it would be inappropriate and irresponsible of me to hazard an opinion on your chances of being negative.

Generally, HIV antibody testing takes place six weeks after exposure then 13 weeks past exposure for confirmation.  RNA PCR testing can take place within four weeks after exposure, but is generally not recommended for diagnosis.

In your case, you state that your medical team placed you on ART, which I don't think (but don't know) would be done lightly.

The best I can say is to continue working with your medical team to determine your path forward.  You may wish to ask them the same questions you are posing here.

Best wishes to you during these trying days.

I know, I guess I just want someone to tell me I"ll be ok. That this is all made up.

However my other blood results were preliminary reactive with the exception of the differential test. My concern is since I'm now on medication, how well they be able to know at 13 weeks that I'm still positive? If that goes negative (as well as the rapid tests) then what would happen?

As for ART. They best assumed it was an acute infection and didn't want to take any chances with me suffering with the infection further. It was the best course of action.

[Jim Allen]

However my other blood results were preliminary reactive with the exception of the differential test. My concern is since I'm now on medication, how well they be able to know at 13 weeks that I'm still positive? If that goes negative (as well as the rapid tests) then what would happen?

As for ART. They best assumed it was an acute infection and didn't want to take any chances with me suffering with the infection further. It was the best course of action.

Giving you ART without testing positive first would be very very strange to say the least.  I am not even sure what you mean with suffering further, if your positive you always will be and starting a few weeks later or sooner would not change that in the slightest.  Its also odd to give medication like this without urgent reason if no resistance testing has been done first.

Jim
 

[theblueleafe]

Giving you ART without testing positive first would be very very strange to say the least.  I am not even sure what you mean with suffering further, if your positive you always will be and starting a few weeks later or sooner would not change that in the slightest.  Its also odd to give medication like this without urgent reason if no resistance testing has been done first.

Jim

There's a lot of factors. I'm very weak minded, I don't have the best outlook on life. I can talk about this for awhile. I'm a lonely asshole so this makes every harder to cope with being with anybody. If I dated somebody for 2 months and told them I had HIV or cancer. How would they react? I can't lie, it's not in me. It's mentally killing me and I don't know what to do. My sense of morals is just too high, I want so much for myself. I wish I knew who did this to me. I really wish I did, but it was my fault. Now I gotta spend a $1000 every month on medicine and lie about being healthy to family friends.

Right now I think they are doing extended testing with the vials that they took of me to see where my load is at or to do further tests. I don't know.

As of today. I've been unable to enjoy or do anything. Even eating food is a mental chore because I can't stop thinking about it. I  want to bury it under the rug and pretend that I'm negative. That the medicine is just for my safety.

I know I'm being more rash then others on here.. But what bothers me the most I got this as a result of my actions, not an accident. Because I got wild and made very risky choices early last month.

[CaveyUK]

Pretty much everyone here is here because of 'risky choices', so don't think you are alone in that.

Also quit this thought that you will be 'lying' to your family about being 'healthy'....Once HIV is controlled there is nothing stopping someone being genuinely 'healthy'. You see plenty of folk with controlled diabetes who take care of themselves and are 'healthy', ditto for many other conditions. HIV is no different. There are many people living with HIV who are way more healthy than lots of people without the virus.

Once the virus is suppressed, it is a controlled chronic condition and won't stop you looking or feeling healthy. You won't be infectious either. So when your family ask you how you are, you can say - without lying - that you feel great. I know it may not seem like it at the moment, but there you are.

I think with most people, once they are in the groove with the medication then HIV is not something that is playing on their mind all the time. You won't be thinking you are negative, but you won't be paying much mind to being positive either. Again, that's something that feels alien right now, but will happen.

A diagnosis is a shock to anyone, so don't worry about dwelling on it right now as it is only natural, but at the same time do try to do stuff that you would have done normally as it's the quickest route to seeing that nothing fundamental has changed, other than a health issue which you need to take care of.

Don't be afraid to reach out for professional help either when it comes to mental state. Sometimes people do need that assistance in the early days to come to terms with things and move on with their life.

I won't pretend that dating doesn't become more complicated, but it's not unassailable - as the many people on here who are in loving relationship (with both positive AND negative partners) can attest to.

Best of luck with everything. And don't be afraid to ask any question here as there are a lot of knowledgable people on the site

[gcr.mty.mx]

Hi,

What stands out more to me about your situation is your mental health. It seems that you are being taken care off as far as HIV. It is very important that you stick to it and believe me you will be fine.

However, in order to do that I do believe that you need to address your depression and overall mental issues. Try to find someone to talk to, you may need antidepresants to help you get through it.

Most important, you are not alone! Most of us, as said in previous posts are HIV+ as a result of poor choices in life. But that is done and left behind, it is how you embrace the situation that will determine your outcome in life. You can work this!

Stay strong,
G

[harleymc]

Congratulations on the diagnosis.

Sorry about your infection but your diagnosis has meant that you have moved onto treatment and that you will get good care.