POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: Karmoni on May 25, 2010, 08:46:52 pm
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Hello Ladies..
I think I've only posted maybe twice in the past couple of years, but I do love to come to the forums and read what many of you have to say. I think I've learned more from you ladies than my ID Dr., so I just wanted to thank you all for sharing your stories, experiences, trials and tribulations.
My short story is somewhere in these forums but I have no idea how to post the link so I will just retell some of it.
I got my diagnosis Aug. 10, 2005. I was 23 and about 2-3 months pregnant. My first thought was, "How am I going to tell my family"? I was more scared about their reaction than my actual diagnosis. At that time I only told my parents and my sister. They were so angry and sad. Angry at my daughters father for not informing me of his status and for pretty much up and leaving me when I told him I was pregnant and of course they were sad because I'm the baby in the family and well you know, nobody really want's to hear that a loved one has HIV.
My first mistake... I met him online.
My second mistake... I didn't make him use a condom..
After my diagnosis I found out things about him I didn't know. He was married and at one time or other used drugs and shared needles.
I thought damn I'm so stupid. My mom's been educating both me and my sister about sex, pregnancy and STD's since before we were even 10, and I threw all of that out the window for what? I have no idea really. The only good that came out of being with him is my sassy 4 year old daughter Faith. ;D
From 2005 til 2009 I hid from the world. I stopped going out, stopped talking to people, stopped living. I felt disgusting and ashamed. Disgusting because my appearance had completely changed. I had/have a crap load of acne, and gained tons of weight I can't seem to shed. Ashamed because well where I live almost everyone knows me, if not me then my parents or my sister. I was ashamed because my being HIV+ was most likely going to cause a lot of problems for my family. I hated the thought of one of them going somewhere and people pointing at them and whispering, "Their daughter/sister has HIV+". Apparently I was the only one worried about that, my parents nor my sister really care what people say, to them.. I'm still "Karmoni"
I have since learned how to accept myself and this illness. It has shown me a lot about myself and those around me. Now I can tell most people, as if I was talking about my favorite ice cream flavor. I don't mind telling my story (every detail), because I'm hoping that maybe someone else will learn a little something from my experience. I spend every chance I get trying to educate myself about HIV/AIDS. I search, research and read as much as I can.
I had an undetectable VL with a CD4 count of about 1250 from 2005-2009. Last time I saw my ID Dr. my VL was about 238 and my CD4 count was still 1250 or so. I haven't seen a Dr. since, so God only knows what I'm at now. I do have an appointment for next month so I will update as soon as I get those results.
Sorry for all the random rambling. All comments/questions are welcome.. :D
May God bless you all,
Karm...
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Welcome Back, Karmoni!!
Nice to hear you are doing better. I checked your profile and I think we are in the same state unless you moved? I grew up in central mass but now I am in Springfield.
I got infected in 94, got tested and started meds in 97 and have since had 4 kids, 2 pregnancies.
Look forward to seeing you post again.
Take care,
Snow
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Thank you SnowAngel!
It's good to be back. I realized that just reading posts and not participating kind of sucked, well for me it did. I felt like the new kid in school sort of. lol
I am still in Mass. had moved to FL last July but I moved back to Mass in Oct.. I was having a hard time getting health insurance over there so I had to run back home. I <3 MassHealth.
I'm not on meds yet, a lot of people ask me why, including Dr.s.
4 kids, 2 pregnancies.. what a blessing huh?
I still just have my one little girl but maybe in a few years I will find someone and my little family will grow.
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That is good that you are not on meds yet, enjoy it while you can. :) I hope it stays that way forever.
Just as long as your family doesn't grow like mine did, I had 3 the last time, lol. But yes, they are all blessings.
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I can almost fit in your story.One gets through tough times but with time it gets better.Take heart :)
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That's true. With time things do get better. I realize that now. I'm just glad its for the better and not the worse. :)