So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!

[Matty the Damned]

'sup Motherfuckers!

Earlier this evening I was taking a stroll through the In Memoriam forum and it occurred to me that the only way one can truly be loved (in this place or anywhere else) is to die.

Axiomatic or otherwise I think we can all agree that AIDS takes the best and leaves the rest, which set me to thinking, who amongst us has prepared their funeral arrangements?

Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.

AMIRITE?

My family is pressuring me to make a choice, do I go into the Ancestral Burial Ground when I pop my clogs or should I hold out and be scattered across duck poo lake if a slightly hip cousin can spare the time?

Moreover should I object to a religious ceremony (given that I'm a frightful atheist) or should I simply accept that funerals are for the Living and not the Dead and let my ghastly Catholic family have a Mass in my honour?

I am being very serious about this. If any of you stupid cunts dearly beloved poz bretheren doubts my seriousness I am happy to post an inline picture of an actual dead person (or failing that Glenn Beck in the nude) to underline the point.

MtD

[hope_for_a_cure]

When I was in the hospital back in March I clarified my wishes to my family.  I thought death was eminent within days at that point so I updated my last will and testament, created a POA (Power of Attorney), wrote the death notice that would be printed in the local paper, as well as started to give some personal belongings away.  The odd thing that I found out about myself was that I was ok with the 'end being near'.

Quite frankly, I am still ok with the though of leaving this earth before I reach my 70s or 80s.  Its nothing I would ever facilitate but have no issues about moving on.  As I once stated (maybe on here or maybe somewhere else)... to the dismay of some, and to the joy of others.... I did NOT die.  It was interesting seeing how others treated me when the outcome was nebulous. 

I will be buried at Magnolia Cemetery right here in cakalakie! 

[Matty the Damned]

When I was in the hospital back in March I clarified my wishes to my family.  I thought death was eminent within days at that point so I updated my last will and testament, created a POA (Power of Attorney), wrote the death notice that would be printed in the local paper, as well as started to give some personal belongings away.  The odd thing that I found out about myself was that I was ok with the 'end being near'.

Quite frankly, I am still ok with the though of leaving this earth before I reach my 70s or 80s.  Its nothing I would ever facilitate but have no issues about moving on.  As I once stated (maybe on here or maybe somewhere else)... to the dismay of some, and to the joy of others.... I did NOT die.  It was interesting seeing how others treated me when the outcome was nebulous. 

I will be buried at Magnolia Cemetery right here in cakalakie! 

Thank you for response.

Like you, I only live to annoy other people. Are magnolias poisonous? I hope not. I have a stir fry thing happening right now that says they are edible!

By the way, lilacs don't taste as pretty as they smell.

MtD

[hope_for_a_cure]

Just stay away from Oleander.  That flower is deadly if eaten!  It will be interesting to see what others say about this.  Magnolia blossoms smell like freshly cut lemons.  The family pot (I mean plot) has been there for years so there is a spot for me there already.  The only thing I will need is a hole and a foot stone! 

[Matty the Damned]

Just stay away from Oleander.  That flower is deadly if eaten!  It will be interesting to see what others say about this.  Magnolia blossoms smell like freshly cut lemons.  The family pot (I mean plot) has been there for years so there is a spot for me there already.  The only thing I will need is a hole and a foot stone! 

Deadly? I am very glad I didn't eat it then! Not for myself, of course, but for the literally dozens of people who read this forum on a monthly basis. I don't know if I could live knowing I deprived them of their periodic dose of Matty,

Heavy circumstances indeed!

MtD

[Snowangel]

My only wish is that I be cremated.  I have never been religious and neither is m family so who knows what kind of a service I would have. 
I'd like to be able to hold out until my kids are grown but we all know that might not be an option.


Have you tried dandelions?

Snow

[emeraldize]

Perhaps, in part, because I was raised next to a cemetery, my family and I have always been quite open about post mortem wishes. Long before dx, I finished a will (which gets updated periodically), have the box which was made by my namesake grandmother whom I never met (who woodburned her name inside it) into which my cremains will go, carry a medical directive in my wallet at all times and chose some nice piano music on CD should anyone opt to have a little memorial gathering and gave that to my executrix older sis. As far as the repository, we have a family plop plot in the same aforementioned cemetery where I used to jump the headstones as a youngster pretending (with others doing the same mind you) to be a horse in a steeplechase. Fitting I should end up where I spent many hours watching funerals, looking at burials wreaths and sashes with sympathy notes, touching and reading old headstones, lying atop the cool granite of bed-style headstones in summer and passing along the lore of the triplets' graves that you could not step on lest something bad happen.

It is often said of Americans that we avoid the topic of death and I think that is true for many as witnessed by how many folks die without wills in place. Our family does talk about it, not too often, but often enough that we know we all prefer cremation, have wills and directives, and wish to ease the burden of decisionmaking as much as possible while alive.

[Matty the Damned]

My only wish is that I be cremated.  I have never been religious and neither is m family so who knows what kind of a service I would have. 
I'd like to be able to hold out until my kids are grown but we all know that might not be an option.

I think cremation is a fine idea. But that is only because I'm rather fond of pork. I am reliably informed that human meat cooks remarkably like pork.

Except for that whole "scrabbling around in the back of the truck thing whilst I'm trying to get a clear shot at the side of your head oh fuck it I've now shot myself in the foot no I DON'T need and ambulance I hope I can't see bone! Oh dear god it is BONE or maybe just that cheap saucer nanna said we could use to collect the fluids."

In that respect humans are very much not like pork.

Have you tried dandelions?

Snow

No, but if they keep still I may well try them.

MtD

[texas_stud]

[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years? i thoght that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies?

[Matty the Damned]

[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years? i thoght that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies?

Nope, you're gonna die. But if you pray to Mary MacFillet you may get the burger of your choice.

Now I know that doesn't alleviate the whole dying thing, but if you can find a natty kilt you still might make a beautiful corpse.

And isn't that what it's all about?

MtD

[Jeff G]

Hi stud ... I'm way past my expiration 26 poz years here so don't fret or start chiseling too much information on the old tomestone yet .

I need to make a will but will not pay for my own funeral . I want to burden my family one more time because I'm still pissed about not getting that trampoline when I was 12 .

[Joe K]

Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.

I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

I am being very serious about this. If any of you stupid cunts dearly beloved poz bretheren doubts my seriousness I am happy to post an inline picture of an actual dead person (or failing that Glenn Beck in the nude) to underline the point.

For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.

[Matty the Damned]

I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

That's only coz you're too mean for Heaven and the Devil won't have you, Joe.

For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.

Two things here:

We've done the "I dare you to post nasty pictars Matty" thing and it made you ill. Are you sure want to do that again?

It is timely that you post about kitty litter. Cats are horrible creatures. Even they know it That's why they can't stand their own poo.

They bury it. And look ashamed that they had a poo in the first place. That's pretty bad.

I hope you don't bury your poo Joe. I've never seen you as a cat. I think if you were an animal, you'd be an otter.

MtD

[HowYouDoin]

"Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years."

Matty I use to think you were funny and I hope you aren't serious about saying I have 9 years left to live.

[Jeff G]

When my friends go to the doctor I always tell them if you get bad news can I have all your stuff .

[Matty the Damned]

Matty I use to think you were funny and I hope you aren't serious about saying I have 9 years left to live.

Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.

Treat every day as though it's your last!

MtD

[john33]

our clocks started ticking the moment we were born!!

personally I'm thinking of getting mummified, although still continuing my efforts to preserve myself in alcohol I think I might need the help of a hunky egyptian

[Joe K]

That's only coz you're too mean for Heaven and the Devil won't have you, Joe.

Close but no. I have a lifetime subscription to Sirius Radio and until that expires, I am not going anywhere.

We've done the "I dare you to post nasty pictars Matty" thing and it made you ill. Are you sure want to do that again?

Oh I'm sorry, I thought that picture you showed of the disease-eaten penis WAS Glenn Beck's and I just wanted to see the entire picture.

[camille07]

Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.  Satan's sidekicks will grab your shrinking arse so fast, with their spindly limbs, and drag you to your final resting with Glenn Beck.

DNR, will prepared etc. Pine box for me made by the local thugs residing in our state prison.  No glitz no glamour, satin or sateen.  A few words by the pastor and call it a day. 

Then off to somewhere, not sure about this part quite yet.  I don't want a marker or grave.  So maybe cremation. 

I think cremation is a fine idea. But that is only because I'm rather fond of pork. I am reliably informed that human meat cooks remarkably like pork.

In that respect humans are very much not like pork.
No, but if they keep still I may well try them.

MtD

 I like pork too

[Jeffreyj]

I am about as ready as one can be. My wife died in 1999, and I got the stone engraved with my name on it, with my birth year . All my family has to do is to engrave the year of my death. And spread my ashes on top of her. Pretty much idiot pro0f.

I got the "Double dutch " special at the time. (Two for the price of one, so they said.) So it's all paid for. Hell Matty, you bring up a valid point here. I'm guessing Tim didn't think he was going when he did. I urge everyone to get ready. It is something we all need to do.

All I have to do is die now. But I hope that is a few years off, with any luck!

Happy Halloween everyone!

[Joe K]

Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.

Mustard seed sized heart? When did it get so big? 

[GSOgymrat]

I'm leaving everything to my partner, including  a large life insurance policy. That will be plenty of money for him to do what he will  with my corpse. Funerals and such are for the living, so he can do whatever makes him feel best. I imagine, since he is Catholic, it will be that kind of ceremony. It won't matter to me obviously because I'll be dead.

I really wanted to donate my body for science, it is what my father's family does, but I looked into it and no one in NC seems to want it because of the HIV. As I have mentioned before, becoming a plasticized corpse is like the being the rock star of death, but I think HIV excludes me from the too.

[Miss Philicia]

My only wish when I die is that someone take my dried up corpse and drag it around these here parts.

[Dachshund]

My only wish when I die is that someone take my dried up corpse and drag it around these here parts.

We've already done that.

[PeteNYNJ]

Oh Matty, you do love to stir shit up and I love you for it   Prepare for many posts about "when am I going to die, Matty says 13 years". 

I'll die when I die, until then I am going to live

BTW, Matty, were you hitting the sauce when you started this post  

[Matty the Damned]

Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.  Satan's sidekicks will grab your shrinking arse so fast, with their spindly limbs, and drag you to your final resting with Glenn Beck.

This is an appalling attack on my character and if I was a prescription grade cry baby like certain people around here I'd be all offended by this.

But I'm not so thin skinned.

It just so happens that my heart is considerably larger than a mustard seed, but substantially smaller than a carroway seed. And that's just the way that Wumpy's god made me. So, nyah.

DNR, will prepared etc. Pine box for me made by the local thugs residing in our state prison.  No glitz no glamour, satin or sateen.  A few words by the pastor and call it a day. 

Pine eh? It seems that some folks have acquired a taste for luxuries. Matty the Damned will be shoved in a bag and stuck in a hole.

In that sense death will be much like boarding school.

Then off to somewhere, not sure about this part quite yet.  I don't want a marker or grave.  So maybe cremation. 

Bad for carbon emissions that. Why do you hate the earth, Cammers?

I like pork too

It's a devilish thing is it not? I think Judaism would be oodles more popular if they'd just Get The Fuck Over It and Acknowledge Bacon as Totally Delishus as every other civilised culture has done.

Here is a pictar of some bacon I prepared earlier:

MtD

[skeebo1969]

   I want my wife to throw my rotten corpse in the backyard.  We have animals back there that sometimes make me run back in the house at night...  I know they will be happy to have finally caught me.  So in death I want to be eaten by a wild whore boar.

[Matty the Damned]

   I want my wife to throw my rotten corpse in the backyard.  We have animals back there that sometimes make me run back in the house at night...  I know they will be happy to have finally caught me.  So in death I want to be eaten by a wild whore boar.

I don't think you have to worry about the animals "back there" so much as glorious cornucopia of creation that dwells in your dreads.

Let's face it, the moment your heart chokes on that last bong those nits will strip you to the bone.

Which is handy, you have a goodly proportioned skull - fine cheek bones for a start. I look forward to enjoying a pina colada mixed in your cranium!

Here is one I prepared earlier:

I think the steely glint in his eye describes you to a tee.

MtD

[Rev. Moon]

Dang... Barely one decade left to enjoy this maahvelous world.  I guess I'll quit my job, move down to Brazil, and spent what's left of my pointless existence procuring hustlers and mood enhancing substances.

As to what happens to my body once I croak?  I couldn't care less.  My family can dump my fat, AIDS ridden ass in the Miami river and spend the money that would have gone towards a casket or incineration on remodeling my momma's kitchen.  

Oh, and bacon. Yuss, such a delicacy.

[skeebo1969]

  And look at that tongue..... all to scale and everything!!!

[Matty the Damned]

Thus far this thread has been instructive.

I intend to be an enormous pain in the ass when I die. No, seriously. We're talking five star cuntishness.

I want an honour guard of Worried Wells in pussy beer soaked g-strings standing rampant whilst a couple of the coffin dodgers from the Long Term Survivors Forum hum the theme to Futurama in 6 part harmony.

After which Andy Velez will recite, in Yiddish, the name of every WW banned from this Forum.

I've not worked out the rest of the 7 hour ceremony but rest assured it will involve Skeeter doing odd things with a cheese grater and a sumptuous banquet of tripe and paint thinner.

Kilts will not be permitted. I'm sorry Joe, for the first time since 1978 you will be expected to wear trousers,

On your head will be fine.

MtD
(Who will get back to y'all with rest of this at a later date)

[RapidRod]

Mine has been done for many years’ way before contracting HIV. Won't be cremated, I don't need a pre-burn. 

[sharkdiver]

For me?  Chopped up and chum the waters is what I say.  

[emeraldize]

I think if you were an animal, you'd be an otter.

Joe is lucky.

[denb45]

Cremated now that's the ticket......humm let me see 4 hours @ 1800 Degrees, then you put the Cremated remain into an Urn, it's done deal, sounds like a plan too me  

[denb45]

I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.

Joe, I got you beat by 16 yrs. 1994 was my yr. to die of AIDS, but that never happened, so here I be 

[denb45]

For me?  Chopped up and chum the waters is what I say.  

Sharkie, I like that one better, your the man 

[Jeff G]

Speaking of cremation ... I just had to go pick up half of my dad the other day , his girlfriend who was in possesion of the other half but she is getting married and her new hubby didn't like half of dad on the mantle so he was evicted last week .

I think she kinda wanted me to take the plastic bag containing half dad and leave the beautiful urn behind she had purchased but I wasn't having it . The urn can only hold half dad and I already have my half dad in a matching urn , so naturally I want that other urn to balance my mantle .

I told her straight up I was taking that urn and not some go bag . I have a new car and I'm not going to ash my new floor mats .

[denb45]

Speaking of cremation ... I just had to go pick up half of my dad the other day , his girlfriend who was in possesion of the other half but she is getting married and her new hubby didn't like half of dad on the mantle so he was evicted last week .

I think she kinda wanted me to take the plastic bag containing half dad and leave the beautiful urn behind she had purchased but I wasn't having it . The urn can only hold half dad and I already have my half dad in a matching urn , so naturally I want that other urn to balance my mantle .

I told her straight up I was taking that urn and not some go bag . I have a new car and I'm not going to ash my new floor mats .

Good for J, I guess you told her...LOL  at least she now knows how you feel about it, nothing wrong with that  

[RapidRod]

Cremated now that's the ticket......humm let me see 4 hours @ 1800 Degrees, then you put the Cremated remain into an Urn, it's done deal, sounds like a plan too me  

You forgot the pulverizer.

[denb45]

You forgot the pulverizer.

Yes, for those extra chunky chunks that didn't decenter-grate during the burning process 

[AaronbytheC]

I spent most of my youth and college years behind a ski boat for competitive water skiing.  I told my husband when it's my time and after I'm cremated I want to be slowly pour into the water as the boat runs a steady 36 mph down a slalom course... 
It will be my last "Perfect Pass"!   

I don't buy the whole 13 years...  We'll never make it!  We're already planning our "end of the world party" for 2012.  Let's just hope it's more exciting than our "Y2K" blowout in Mexico was!   

As far as the will goes, I've had one in place since I left for college 20 years ago!  (You never know when your number will come up, with or without HIV!)  Every couple of years I review it and make changes as needed...  Like cutting my sister out after the cold bitch voted yes on Prop 8...  But that's another story!  hehehe

[Granny60]

[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years? I thought that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies?

13 years isn't even a good dress rehearsal.  I know people that have had HIV well over 20 years and have only been on meds 5 or less.  You will outlive all of us Stud!     We pinpointed my infection date to 19 years ago.

[HowYouDoin]

"Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.
Treat every day as though it's your last!"


WHY is Matty allowed to say things that are inappropriate in the Living with HIV forum? I get he has s sense of humor but   he is stating his opinion as if it were a fact.  This is not nice.

[Jeff G]

"Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.
Treat every day as though it's your last!"


WHY is Matty allowed to say things that are inappropriate in the Living with HIV forum? I get he has s sense of humor but   he is stating his opinion as if it were a fact.  This is not nice.

What he was saying in his own thread was filled with dark humor and sarcasm through and through , I find it rather odd that anyone could see it any other way than it was , a playful thread . That's just my opinion not a fact  .

[denb45]

What he was saying in his own thread was filled with dark humor and sarcasm through and through , I find it rather odd that anyone could see it any other way than it was , a playful thread . That's just my opinion not a fact  .

I get his humor, but others don't, hey matty, you make me smile when I feel down 

[wolfter]

Christ sakes, I've been complaining lately about my bloating and such.  Now I realize I don't look too bad for someone who's been dead for over 7 years.   

I certainly hope everybody realized this post for what it was.  I found it amusing within my own inner twisted grey matter.

[Granny60]

Matty, those of us who have been lurking here for years understand this thread is your own version of sarcastic humor, but you need to find a way to distinguish your off planet humor with fact so you don't freak out some of the newbies here that take whatever they read as literal fact.  I am sorry to say that you shook up a couple of people,  people that  don't need to be shaken up right now.  Maybe we need a separate Matty's Rat's Ass Pucker Hole  thread forum so people are able to separate fact from fiction.  

[hope_for_a_cure]

Dont be hating on Matty too much now HYD.  I would venture to guess that he was voted 'most wittiest' in his graduating high school class.

[Oceanbeach]

Well, I received an email last year from the Hurl side of the family and Dad's "little doll" a 360 pound version of an old woman stuffed tightly into a tube top, who more than casually resembled Petunia Pig at the beach has by email informed me... "Dear Michael,  On behalf of the entire Hurl family, I am writing you to let you know, we the entire family has been long embarrassed socially because you are gay.  You deserve to die alone and in pain. blah, blah, blah"  Apparently, it is up to me or the State of California to make such plans and I have been thinking...

For nearly 5 years now an HIV doc has been saying, "you will not die of HIV/AIDS and can expect to live to 86 years of age, die in your bed from a heart attack."  With this in mind... Who do I want to be my medical provider as I age with AIDS, the lovely little family clinic down the road where everyone is kind and nice and they do have some ID doc specialists or... The UCSF positive clinic where they may be more bureaucratic but have a 125 year tradition of turning out the best doctors and have the best technologies, I choose USCF.  So.I am prepared and do I want to be fed to the sharks or torched.  Holy Shit, I just love the torch songs:

"Gay man be wise, keep you mouth shut,
Don't advertise your man
Your best ole gay friend, he might be a high-brow
Changes clothes, three times a day,

What do you think he's doin that for
While you are so far away?

Well he's lovin your man and in your own damn bed
Call the doctor, investigate your hear
Gay man be wise, keep your mouth shut don't advertise your man, don't be a fool,
No don't advertise your man"

Seems appropriate I should have a stone somewhere that reads, "It isn't easy being me, I do it well"
But then we have to take a look at Cavalini, Italian artist in the Dadaist movement from the 1970's.  My friend Ron who was the Entertainment Editor of our local newspaper picked up thousands of Cavalini bumper stickers which displayed the year Cavalini was born and the year he expected to die.  Ron covered a 1965 Dodge Date convertible in those stickers for the parade, the Polyesternation Fashion Show and the big kick-off of the first, "My Art Belongs to Dada" festival in Ukiah.  I was honored to meet Cavalini but he spoke no English and had a translator.  My friend Ron said to expect a food fight and wear crazy glasses at the dinner but Dana Crumb was the caterer.

You may remember Dana Crumb, she was the wife of R. Crumb (ZAP Comics) and the Big Brother and the Holding Company record cover.  In today's light and if you see Dana Crumb, the thought occurs, "What does diddy- wa- ditty mean?"  "If you don't know by now, don't mess with it!"

Dad's "little doll" bought a grave site about 25 years ago when mom died on Christmas Eve, her intent was to use the site to bury the ashes of up to 6 individuals and mom has been in our brothers wife's closet for 25 years now with the shoes...  Dad of course remarried within 3 day of mom's funeral, his remains were entombed with the new wife' first husband a dead Sonoma County Deputy.

Auntie died about 5 years ago in a Novato rest home, she was in her 90's, had alzheimers.  Her ashes are with the shoes also.  One of her daughter dies about 10 years ago and her children intended to have the pilot who flew their fathers ashes Ruth Ranch in Trinity County but the truck driver son keep their mom's ashes in his truck, the original pilot died and that big 18 wheeler goin down the track, means your true lovin daddy ain't comin back, I'm movin on (back up vocals) He's movin on"

So, planning a death or the service of the death is a difficult matter, the Hurl's put the FUN in dysfunctional but the Choof's are a wilder lot... On the Choof side, we had a Baptist minister as a grandfather and a high-priestess of her coven for a grandmother and with a Catholic BF, how does a person plan for this?    Have the best day
Michael

[Lucky2behere]

I'm new and not offended. I appreciate the dark humor Matty and all. This is the first time I have laughed out loud on this forum. I  think what a new person needs to remember is every person is different and many have lived very long lives. Secondly, pork will kill you faster than HIV.

For me, I suspect I'll die when a shark bites off my head but I hope at least someone gets a photo. And I'd vote for cremation because I don't want some pastey makeup job and people I don't even know staring at me talking about what a good job the makeup guy did.

Cheers for dark humor. 

[sharkdiver]

Sharkie, I like that one better, your the man 

 I've been in the water during several feeding frenzies. I was  amazed how efficient sharks are. Besides being an adrenalin rush it was quite beautiful really; not a piece of the carcass was left.
 
   Now, to find someone willing to hack me up when I'm stiff as a board.  Any volunteers?


   

   

[RapidRod]

I've been in the water during several feeding frenzies. I was  amazed how efficient sharks are. Besides being an adrenalin rush it was quite beautiful really; not a piece of the carcass was left.
 
   Now, to find someone willing to hack me up when I'm stiff as a board.  Any volunteers?


   

   

No problem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYP8EjjLR3k

[denb45]

No problem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYP8EjjLR3k

  now that's the ticket 

[sharkdiver]

Ya see... that's the love and support I need from this site.
     

     Gawd I love you guys!

[komnaes]

That reminds me of the movie Fargo.. 

[Joe K]

WHY is Matty allowed to say things that are inappropriate in the Living with HIV forum? I get he has s sense of humor but   he is stating his opinion as if it were a fact.  This is not nice.

Matty, those of us who have been lurking here for years understand this thread is your own version of sarcastic humor, but you need to find a way to distinguish your off planet humor with fact so you don't freak out some of the newbies here that take whatever they read as literal fact.  I am sorry to say that you shook up a couple of people,  people that  don't need to be shaken up right now.  Maybe we need a separate Matty's Rat's Ass Pucker Hole  thread forum so people are able to separate fact from fiction. 

Dark, twisted humor has proved a lifeline over decades of living with HIV. Matty's humor, while depraved, is another form of coping for him and for others. In the 80s we used to have T-cell naming parties, with prizes for the most original names. By using humor, no matter how dark, we could find a temporary reprieve from the death and dying that surrounded us. For me, humor is paramount in my struggle to thrive with HIV.

However, even if it were not, I would never consider suggesting that others deny themselves that coping mechanism, or that readers are unable to distinguish fact from humor. We keep telling folks how damn hard it is living with HIV, because it is and we encourage them to use whatever tools they can find, so that eventually they can thrive with HIV. Humor is one such tool and it is a tool that suits Matty particularly well. I would never, ever, consider telling him to stop laughing, or worse, to stop bringing some much needed fun to these forums.

[phildinftlaudy]

[Oceanbeach]

Cause of death is almost as important as the death itself... One of my personal favorites is the non-celebrity suicide.  My friend was so proud of his parents and siblings alike, they would drive from Bell Gardens to drink beer with their gay family member (who had HIV).  They would complain because Coors beer was not stocked in the gay bars.

One year on Valentines Day, the father was not with the family.  The mother said, "father is in a depression and threatened to kill himself today"  Mother showed me his pistol in her purse.  His mother SAVED Fathers LIFE!  Damn gay bars don't serve Coors Beer...  Father was smarter than Mother, she forgot the rifle in the closet and Father pulled the trigger with his toe.  Another member of the family had committed suicide on another Valentines Day.

So, a year passed, Mother and siblings continued to patronize the gay bars because hey were proud of their gay family member and still willing to drive from Bell Gardens to gay bars that didn't serve Coors Beer.  Then one day on Valentines Day, my friend came over in an unusually good mood, we went to his new house with his Marilyn Monroe memorabilia  proudly displayed and off to celebrate.  Also to find someone with Turbo Tax on his computer.  So, I am a light-weight and went home...

Heard my doorbell going off at 2:00 AM and unplugged the sucker.  Not up for any after hours hosting but in the morning, there were police cars, the meat wagon and deputy sheriff cars everywhere.  My friend had taken an overdose and died amongst his Marilyn Monroe collection.

We planned a memorial service with Suicide Prevention as the beneficiary who failed to attend.  They did send a thank you letter to the owner of the bar who also did not attend.  My BF saw a cutie at the memorial service and took him home.    Have the best day
Michael

[Oceanbeach]

So in the end, the surviving family members have to decide "what to do with the remains?"  What if it is an uncle that nobody liked?  On the Hurl side of the family we had such an Uncle, he was a truck driver who was not permanently physically injured when his logging truck crashed through a bridge, he dropped 20 feet to a creek bed, spent a few days in a hospital and spent the rest of his life trying to fin a doctor who would get him a disability pay check and would go home from every doctor visit with a new illness.  He read the headlines in a newspaper about HIV, went home to his wife and announced he had Hiv (pronounced hive).

When the Uncle Deadbeat found out he would have had to been fucked in the dark passage or have done drugs, he changed his story after all, the doctor made a mistake and he didn't have HIV.  He spent another 20 years looking for a disease, any disease just to get that pity and the elusive disability income check.  He died of natural causes...

I probably already told you that some of my family are Baptists, some nondenominational and some are Witches.  Uncle Deadbeat was cremated and on a New Moon my cousins and I invoked Hecate The Queen Goddess of Darkness and Death.  Since one of the Cousins was from Louisiana, we told the neighbors it was Cajun and covered his remains with sea salt so his spirit could not get free and the next day, the road was paved.     Have the best day
Michael

[skeebo1969]

Dark, twisted humor has proved a lifeline over decades of living with HIV. Matty's humor, while depraved, is another form of coping for him and for others. In the 80s we used to have T-cell naming parties, with prizes for the most original names. By using humor, no matter how dark, we could find a temporary reprieve from the death and dying that surrounded us. For me, humor is paramount in my struggle to thrive with HIV.

However, even if it were not, I would never consider suggesting that others deny themselves that coping mechanism, or that readers are unable to distinguish fact from humor. We keep telling folks how damn hard it is living with HIV, because it is and we encourage them to use whatever tools they can find, so that eventually they can thrive with HIV. Humor is one such tool and it is a tool that suits Matty particularly well. I would never, ever, consider telling him to stop laughing, or worse, to stop bringing some much needed fun to these forums.

Nicely said Joe.

[camille07]

I think the thread's title amply exhibits Matty's humor, it's a dead giveaway.  Pun intended!

[Granny60]

Killfoille,  I understand clearly that you pretty well want to butt heads on anything I say here, and I well understand coping mechanisms, how hard HIV is to live with and the MULTIPLE hardships it imposes.  I Never said the Matty should cease his sarcasm.  The problem is that some of the newbies , as I stated, don't yet get that Matty is just....well,  Matty, and haven't yet caught on to his dark side,   so there needs to be a way to clearly distinguish what is fiction. I understand very clearly that you disagreed that some of the newly diagnosed are fragile,  but the fact remains,  some of them are in a VERY fragile state with their new diagnosis and reading that they are going to die after some of us have spent considerable time trying to uplift them and give them support is counter productive.  Instead of waiting on another negative response from you I am going to put you BACK on my ignore list. I really don't want to argue with anyone.  

[Jeff G]

Killfoille,  I understand clearly that you pretty well want to butt heads on anything I say here, and I well understand coping mechanisms, how hard HIV is to live with and the MULTIPLE hardships it imposes.  I Never said the Matty should cease his sarcasm.  The problem is that some of the newbies , as I stated, don't yet get that Matty is just....well,  Matty, and haven't yet caught on to his dark side,   so there needs to be a way to clearly distinguish what is fiction. I understand very clearly that you disagreed that some of the newly diagnosed are fragile,  but the fact remains,  some of them are in a VERY fragile state with their new diagnosis and reading that they are going to die after some of us have spent considerable time trying to uplift them and give them support is counter productive.  Instead of waiting on another negative response from you I am going to put you BACK on my ignore list. I really don't want to argue with anyone.  

Objection your honor , argumentative 

[WillyWump]

Moreover should I object to a religious ceremony (given that I'm a frightful atheist) or should I simply accept that funerals are for the Living and not the Dead and let my ghastly Catholic family have a Mass in my honour?

MtD

Matty, after you depart this God forsaken world I would be quite honored if you would send me a little baggy of your ashes so I can mix it in with my kitty litter so's Lil Matty can take a big 'ol piss and crap in you at which time I would recite the Lord's prayer over and over until the litter box explodes.

Speaking of baggy...before my best bud Scott died he had decided he wanted some of his ashes to be mixed in with an ounce of cocaine and all of us have a great fabulous party where we would get jacked up to Jesus on Coke and Scott. We were all on board with this of course, but in the end his mother refused to give us any ashes as she was afraid what us "Homo heathens" might do with it (afterall it was our fault he was gay and got the AIDS)

But back to the point at hand. I have a pre-arranged plan that I bought after I was first diagnosed (some 2 years ago) and of course I am still making payments on it. But that's not the problem, the problem is that somehow over the years I have found myself knee deep in cemetary plots. Through weird family dynamics and odd inheritance lines I own 3 now, One next to my dad in the family plot in a hellish little Tx town, One next to my granny in SA and one in Austin.

But I think I will use none of them as I am leaning towards being cremated, It's just makes better sense. Not to mention the thought of my stunning good looks and toned body being thrown to the worms just doesnt sit well with me. Also, I don't want my soul hanging around in my dead  body, and I'm assuming that souls do not like fire so I figure by burning it out it will be forced to go over to the "good land".

So if anyone is looking for a nice piece of real estate six feet under in Texas (God's Land), just hit me up, I'll cut you a deal

-Will

[hope_for_a_cure]

This just came to mind.  I think I will tape sound bites of me talking about my life, have them play it for all who come to endure the graveside service.  I do NOT want to be hauled into the church and have my casket draped with flowers and such (maybe poison ivy would be ok).  Perhaps a thunderstorm will come up while this is going on out there at Magnolia Cemetery. 

[Joe K]

Post removed.

[ElZorro]

Killfoille,  I understand clearly that you pretty well want to butt heads on anything I say here, and I well understand coping mechanisms, how hard HIV is to live with and the MULTIPLE hardships it imposes.  I Never said the Matty should cease his sarcasm.  The problem is that some of the newbies , as I stated, don't yet get that Matty is just....well,  Matty, and haven't yet caught on to his dark side,   so there needs to be a way to clearly distinguish what is fiction. I understand very clearly that you disagreed that some of the newly diagnosed are fragile,  but the fact remains,  some of them are in a VERY fragile state with their new diagnosis and reading that they are going to die after some of us have spent considerable time trying to uplift them and give them support is counter productive.  Instead of waiting on another negative response from you I am going to put you BACK on my ignore list. I really don't want to argue with anyone.  

I understood what you were saying, Granny, and agree completely. I guess I'm a little slow on the uptake, but at first, I thought Matty was serious and I was a bit alarmed...lol!  I also don't understand why you're consistently being rebuked and attacked when you post. I appreciate your contributions out here and the fact that you don't come across as "holier than thou".

[aztecan]

Speaking of baggy...before my best bud Scott died he had decided he wanted some of his ashes to be mixed in with an ounce of cocaine and all of us have a great fabulous party where we would get jacked up to Jesus on Coke and Scott. We were all on board with this of course, but in the end his mother refused to give us any ashes as she was afraid what us "Homo heathens" might do with it (afterall it was our fault he was gay and got the AIDS)

-Will

She sounds like my late ex's entire family. Is she Baptist? They were, the assholes.

But, I digress . . .

I have toyed with the idea of having a large, marble mausoleum built, replete with statues and bas reliefs of multiple Pagan Gods and Goddesses, including a large carving of Hern, the Horned God.

If I can't afford marble, then the famous pink granite native to my homeland here in the Land of Enchantment, and from which the Cathedral of St. Francis in Santa Fe is constructed, will do just as well, and maybe even better, because I would be supporting local artisans.

Or, I could just say "screw it," be cremated and use the money I would have spent on the mausoleum to throw one big party for all my friends, or those who have managed to out live me anyway.

That sounds like a better send off to me.

HUGS,

Mark

[anniebc]

That reminds me of the movie Fargo.. 

One of my favourite movies..

Hugs
Jan

[BT65]

It seems that there have been more people who are having fun with this thread, (and discussing their end of life decisions), than people who are insulted.  Perhaps it's best to learn to take life lightly sometimes. 

[sharkdiver]

Killfoille,  I understand clearly that you pretty well want to butt heads on anything I say here, and I well understand coping mechanisms, how hard HIV is to live with and the MULTIPLE hardships it imposes.  I Never said the Matty should cease his sarcasm.  The problem is that some of the newbies , as I stated, don't yet get that Matty is just....well,  Matty, and haven't yet caught on to his dark side,   so there needs to be a way to clearly distinguish what is fiction. I understand very clearly that you disagreed that some of the newly diagnosed are fragile,  but the fact remains,  some of them are in a VERY fragile state with their new diagnosis and reading that they are going to die after some of us have spent considerable time trying to uplift them and give them support is counter productive.  Instead of waiting on another negative response from you I am going to put you BACK on my ignore list. I really don't want to argue with anyone.  

  .....and this is why this post is in Living With aka Dealing With  and not Just Tested Poz. 

   I'm not sure why you are so concerned about how noobs are going to react to this thread. There are plenty other threads and forums on this site that lend to "uplifting support"   whatever that may mean.  I guess you could compare it to watching television... If you don't like it turn the channel   

     but getting back to the topic of this thread
             
     Tell us, grandparent,   how do you want to go?  Don't spare any gory details please. Halloween is right around the corner ya know.

[joemutt]

I asked my friends to give me the simplest cremation possible and throw away the ashes.
my family agreed not to claim my remains and i made sure i got struck off the baptism list
of my church so that i will not be given any further unwanted sacraments. they reconfirmed.
Dead is dead, I made my peace with it when I got diagnosed 13 years ago. Oh wait, 13 years,
I should be dead already. In the meanwhile I'll enjoy life.

[Granny60]

  .....and this is why this post is in Living With aka Dealing With  and not Just Tested Poz. 

   I'm not sure why you are so concerned about how noobs are going to react to this thread. There are plenty other threads and forums on this site that lend to "uplifting support"   whatever that may mean.  I guess you could compare it to watching television... If you don't like it turn the channel   

     but getting back to the topic of this thread
             
     Tell us, grandparent,   how do you want to go?  Don't spare any gory details please. Halloween is right around the corner ya know.

NO plans to go anywhere. I will be lurking on this planet for decades.

[sharkdiver]

NO plans to go anywhere. I will be lurking on this planet for decades.

   now, that is scary

[Rev. Moon]

  now, that is scary

Sounds like someone who plans to keep on coming back from the dead.

[Oceanbeach]

One of my greatest fears is... What if the Hurl's get custody of my ashes?  We know ahead of the line "Little Doll" has a bible and she never stops quoting from it but there is also my truck drivin bro, Butch, Plain Butch... who can quote John 3:60 but his favorite place is Fosters Freeze because it is at the bottom of a hill and he gets a boner everytime a Jake brake from a logging tuck starts rumblin.

On an early trip to dispose of Mom and Aunties ashes, they were heading to Eloy Arizona and signing in unison "I've been from Tucson to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonopah, ...(pardon the spelling, these are places a person born in Topanga doesn't need to spell) driven every kind of rig that's ever made, even drove the back roads so I wouldn't get weighed and if you give me WEED, WHITES and WINE, show me a sign ,I'll be willin to be movin"  And suddenly the car broke down in Palm Desert!

"Little Doll" and "Butch, Plain Butch" were stuck in the high desert and stopped to rent a car, but the last of the Enterprise sub-compacts was already rented and they received a free upgrade of a camel.  This was no ordinary camel, it had been trained to stop at the red lights and go at the green lights so they boarded the 2 hump dromedary with two bags of ashes (Mom and Auntie) and they were fine until they reached Palm Springs.

Somewhere near the Betty Ford Center the light turned red, the camel stopped... Two guys in a sports car pulled up along side them and said, "look at those two assholes on the camel."  Since the camel was already stopped, "Little Doll"and "Butch, Plain Butch" got off to see the camels two ass holes, then the light turned green so the camel took off without them but with the ashes of Mom and Auntie.      Have the best day
Michael

[Lucky2behere]

I've started planning my funeral service AKA party since I read all these posts and I decided... I know this huge great sports bar that has 55 wide screen flat TVs all around and I'm gonna just have a picture of myself set out on a table, a glamour shot from 20 years earlier- better do it now. And I'm gonna invite everybody I ever knew, gay or straight, and make them all watch "Pretty Woman" over and over again.

[john33]

. And I'm gonna invite everybody I ever knew, gay or straight, and make them all watch "Pretty Woman" over and over again.

I'm getting the sense you enjoy torturing people

[Granny60]

One of my greatest fears is... What if the Hurl's get custody of my ashes?  We know ahead of the line "Little Doll" has a bible and she never stops quoting from it but there is also my truck drivin bro, Butch, Plain Butch... who can quote John 3:60 but his favorite place is Fosters Freeze because it is at the bottom of a hill and he gets a boner everytime a Jake brake from a logging tuck starts rumblin.

On an early trip to dispose of Mom and Aunties ashes, they were heading to Eloy Arizona and signing in unison "I've been from Tucson to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonopah, ...(pardon the spelling, these are places a person born in Topanga doesn't need to spell) driven every kind of rig that's ever made, even drove the back roads so I wouldn't get weighed and if you give me WEED, WHITES and WINE, show me a sign ,I'll be willin to be movin"  And suddenly the car broke down in Palm Desert!

"Little Doll" and "Butch, Plain Butch" were stuck in the high desert and stopped to rent a car, but the last of the Enterprise sub-compacts was already rented and they received a free upgrade of a camel.  This was no ordinary camel, it had been trained to stop at the red lights and go at the green lights so they boarded the 2 hump dromedary with two bags of ashes (Mom and Auntie) and they were fine until they reached Palm Springs.

Somewhere near the Betty Ford Center the light turned red, the camel stopped... Two guys in a sports car pulled up along side them and said, "look at those two assholes on the camel."  Since the camel was already stopped, "Little Doll"and "Butch, Plain Butch" got off to see the camels two ass holes, then the light turned green so the camel took off without them but with the ashes of Mom and Auntie.      Have the best day
Michael

 

[Oceanbeach]

Oh, Dear Granny,

Every story I told in this thread is true except for the "2 assholes on the camel" which is a metaphor.   There is a person in my life who said (3 years ago) that he will always be in my life and will always be there for me and I see no reason why he won't be at age 86 when I die in my sleep of a heat attack.  He is the person who chose UCSF as my care provider when our HIV clinic closed last June for lack of funding.  Butch, Plain Butch and Little Doll (my siblings from the Hurl side of the family) have been removed from my records as family and I am now an only child.  I think spending 25 years in my brother's closet with Mom, Auntie and the shoes is not a proper send off     Have the best day
Michael

[ElZorro]

I get an extremely tiny amount of disability from the VA...maybe enough to buy a half-round of drinks at AMG...I've told me family that I want to be moved to the basement and plugged in so that the checks will continue to keep "rolling in" and I can send any kids my son may adopt to college.

[Oceanbeach]

I've started planning my funeral service AKA party since I read all these posts and I decided... I know this huge great sports bar that has 55 wide screen flat TVs all around and I'm gonna just have a picture of myself set out on a table, a glamour shot from 20 years earlier- better do it now. And I'm gonna invite everybody I ever knew, gay or straight, and make them all watch "Pretty Woman" over and over again.

Hey Lucky,

I think you have touched on something which could have been better addressed by Dear Abby or the Hints From Heloise column, that is...  The guest list is as important as the theme in successful entertaining.  The average person gets his or her name in the paper twice in their life, Notice of Live Birth and the Obituary and it's what we do in the middle that makes us standout as individuals.  Therefor a funeral requires the planning skills of a professional, like a wedding planner.  I think you have those skills and could look into hiring your services a consultant.    Have the best day
Michael

[Lucky2behere]

Choofnhurl - There are other movies that I like better but since this would be a funeral party about honesty.

Also, I'd say if people stayed a very long time, I'd toss in "Fried Green Tomatoes," "Little Women," and "Steel Magnolias." This place has 5 big rooms. A different movie could play in every room.

All we have here is what life hands us on a styrofoam plate. I used to let every negative comment get me down - ruin my day even - but life is to short for that.

This is all we got, so I'm gonna dance baby!

[Granny60]

Oh, Dear Granny,

Every story I told in this thread is true except for the "2 assholes on the camel" which is a metaphor.   There is a person in my life who said (3 years ago) that he will always be in my life and will always be there for me and I see no reason why he won't be at age 86 when I die in my sleep of a heat attack.  He is the person who chose UCSF as my care provider when our HIV clinic closed last June for lack of funding.  Butch, Plain Butch and Little Doll (my siblings from the Hurl side of the family) have been removed from my records as family and I am now an only child.  I think spending 25 years in my brother's closet with Mom, Auntie and the shoes is not a proper send off     Have the best day
Michael

   Every family has some of those types .  You told the story in such a way that it was entertaining. Thanks for sharing!

[Granny60]

Choofnhurl - There are other movies that I like better but since this would be a funeral party about honesty.

Also, I'd say if people stayed a very long time, I'd toss in "Fried Green Tomatoes," "Little Women," and "Steel Magnolias." This place has 5 big rooms. A different movie could play in every room.

All we have here is what life hands us on a styrofoam plate. I used to let every negative comment get me down - ruin my day even - but life is to short for that.

This is all we got, so I'm gonna dance baby!

Lucky, You let er rip! Pour it on!

[Oceanbeach]

This is all we got, so I'm gonna dance baby!

You Can Dance, For Inspiration~ Madonna

For myself, I was thinking along the literary set where the guests would either bring in a pot luck item, named after a work of the author of my choice and give a short talk on why their pot luck item applies to the theme of the party.

--OR--

One of my, "back in the day when men were a disposable item" BF's was a violinist with the San Francisco Symphony and he was ever so surprised, I could nap during his practice time.  If I could have the acoustics of the Hollywood Bowl and Tom's Chamber Music quartet the entire wedding funeral procession would be bored to death and the late 60's band, "The Fugs" could leap to the stage from their wheel chairs for the comeback tour featuring their song, "We're Both Dead Now-Alice" and the gate tickets would cover the cost of the entire funeral.    Have the best day
Michael

[Jody]

I believe with all my heart that when Mattala dies he will be placed in the ground by his many disciples and after three days he shall rise up, push aside a huge bolder and leave the ground forever.  I shall be waiting with a nice bacon and egg on a fresh bagel.

Jody

[GSOgymrat]

I want my consciousness digitized and transferred into a robot body with a mainframe backup, like in Battlestar Galactica. That way I will never die. I'm sure Steve Jobs is in a secret lair working on his new iBody.

[denb45]

I want my consciousness digitized and transferred into a robot body with a mainframe backup, like in Battlestar Galactica. That way I will never die. I'm sure Steve Jobs is in a secret lair working on his new iBody.

But, everyone you'd ever known in your life time would be dead, no matter how many of those life times you would have, so where's the fun in that   after a while wouldn't that get OLD, then you'd want to kill yourself erase your backup, after you got sick of living so many years     I'm sure Steve Jobs is not of this world, he's really an alien......

[GSOgymrat]

But, everyone you'd ever known in your life time would be dead, no matter how many of those life times you would have, so where's the fun in that   after a while wouldn't that get OLD, then you'd want to kill yourself erase your backup, after you got sick of living so many years     I'm sure Steve Jobs is not of this world, he's really an alien......

I'm not stingy, robot bodies for everyone!

I don't know if I would get bored with living forever but I would love to find out.

[denb45]

I'm not stingy, robot bodies for everyone!

I don't know if I would get bored with living forever but I would love to find out.

How about robot genitals for everyone, that sounds more like fun to me , at least your sexual boby parts would never wear out 

[Jeff G]

How about robot genitals for everyone, that sounds more like fun to me , at least your sexual boby parts would never wear out 

I already have robot genitals , it runs on battery's and stays in my underwear drawer , his name is dildo 
   

[denb45]

I already have robot genitals , it runs on battery's and stays in my underwear drawer , his name is dildo  
  

Oh poor j a hard man can solve this problem for you, but, a dildo will do for now I suppose  

all kidding aside tho, DEATH IS FINAL, you don't come back, at least to this world you don't

[Granny60]

Have you ever noticed how lifelike some of the didldos are now?  Full of vigor, soft yet firm, looks like someone you actually knew?  Maybe they really are people reincarnated into a robotic afterlife

[Tim Horn]

With an HIV twist!

Ten uses for your body after you die

[Oceanbeach]

With an HIV twist!

Ten uses for your body after you die

Threaten me with a GOOD TIME and THEN, call me vicious     Have the best day
Michael
(who heard John Dillinger's dick was removed and saved at the Smithsonian)

[Terry]

13 years?  Matty, I'm still kicking and into year 28 after diagnose. At first I just accepted the inevitable, but when that didn't happen, like everyone said it would, I just moved on. And I'm still here, now in my mid sixties, and I might add, doing better than most people Inside the past few years I have had Hernia surgery, Two heart attacks, Angioplasty Prostate cancer, Radiation treatment, etc. I really cannot remember half the surgeries that I've had But my attitude is Fuck It do what you have to do and hope for the best.

Atheist myself. Well really a recovering catholic. Three times now, I have had the experience of my organs shutting down and looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Never was it as scary as people make it out to be

Matty, as far as putting your affairs in order, have at it. Myself, I have done my papers over and over again and again. Only thing is, the people I mention, (Executors, Trustees etc.)  keep on dying on me and yet I'm still here and their gone.

Recently I had to take myself to the emergency room, I thought I was having another heart attack, turned out it was a pulled neck and back muscles from my moving this huge  planter, buy myself, across the patio When I got to the hospital my BP was 200/100 so you can see my concern. The admitting nurse asked me a few question to bring my files up to date, like insurance and who to contact. The insurance was the same but the three people I had mentioned are no longer here. All dead, none from HIV/Aids and everyone of them at least 15 years younger than me. Go figure

So Matty, knock yourself out updating your legal affairs. It just might keep you out of trouble LOL! But the one thing I am sure of, no matter how air tight you make those legal documents, somewhere along the line the papers will get screwed up.

I don't visit Aidsmeds forum that much anymore but I do enjoy checking in every once and awhile. This forum and a number of people that are part of it have meant the world to me. And have greatly helped in my being able to make health choices, otherwise I would not have made

[GSOgymrat]

Michael
(who heard John Dillinger's dick was removed and saved at the Smithsonian)

I'm envisioning it taxidermied and mounted proudly on a wall, like a deer head.

[Lucky2behere]

The anchient Greeks use to keep statues around town and carvings of penises at their doorway to keep away the Evil Eye, which I guess is a curse. 

And I must say for light reading, you all are quite entertaining and I can certainly feel the love here.

[Assurbanipal]

Oops, missed my cue, but chip chip and all that.


I'd go for the full funeral Mr Damned.  Black plumes on the horses (specify stallions eh?)

Me, I want the black marble ... everywhere... and a rosebush on the grave...

Assurbanipal

[GSOgymrat]

Intellitar avatars a poor substitute for afterlife

http://news.cnet.com/8301-19882_3-20022035-250.html?tag=TOCmoreStories.0


Of the products I've seen recently, Intellitar's Virtual Eternity is the most likely to make children cry.

It is a service, which recently released its beta, in which you create an AI-based animated avatar from a picture of yourself and the answers to a questionnaire. Why? So you can bequeath this cloud-based avatar to your descendants. They can then ask your avatar questions about your life, which it will answer by animating virtual lips on a picture of your real face, with a generic voice (unless you pay extra to have the service create a custom voice library from speech elements you record into the system).

The idea is to keep the virtual you alive long after the actual you has powered down for good. And no, I am not copying from the TV Guide description of "Caprica."

The problem: it's creepy. Both for me and the co-workers I showed it to, it elicited a visceral negative reaction. To be fair, I did not actually show it to any children, but that's because I can't imagine doing so. Even CEO Don Davidson acknowledges that his company's avatars reside in an "uncanny valley." That's the place on the spectrum of animation that lies outside the clearly drawn and clearly alive--and that freaks people out by being neither.

 
The head of my Virtual Eternity avatar bobs gently and realistically while it waits for questions to answer. However, it doesn't sound like me, my teeth aren't nearly that straight, and the avatar creation module couldn't handle my facial hair. It kept putting my teeth in the middle of my upper lip. I had to use this old picture of my clean-shaven self to get the product to work.

But, Davidson said, the technology will improve. The creepiness will be fixed.