40 and tested positive March 16.

[LiveLaugh]

I want to introduce myself and hope that this online community will be able to answer many of my haunting questions. I am in the Health care Industry-And due to my position, Will not be telling any of my co-workers of my situation due to the entire Stigma and healthcare. 

Im 40 years old, and been in the Healthcare industry for 21 years.  I have 2 children and have been married for 1 year to a wonderful man (total 3 years together). 

I was married for 16 years to a man who I know cheated on me, and after he left I did have sexual relations with less then 5 men, all of whom we used protection (Condom).  I'm baffled, confused and Scared.  I don't know how I have contracted this virus--Was is Oral?  Broken Condom? Patient that coughed bloody sputum?  Bloody patient that slung a small blood particle?  I work in the Emergency aspect of my job...and see lots of blood.  I was exposed to blood to the eye in March and thats what made me have to get tested.  IM SCARED.  Not of death....But of not having time with my kids.  My husband, Loves me deeply, but he is slowly withdrawing.  Its very worrying to me.  Hes not the most passionate person.  I know its been less then a month, and I know I have to give him time, But I dont know what to do---Im so worried I will lose him.  He says I have nothing to worry about.  But I see it, He dont kiss me like he did, He wont even drink after me....I feel like I have Leprosy.  Im so worried he will Leave....Or find sexual relations in another place in fear of having sex with me.  Can anyone offer any advise?  Information? 

I dont have my counts with me at the moment ( I know Cd4 358)....I will have them in about 2 hours in my hand, I will post.  My Dr, is stating he wants me to start Atripla--He says there is Great success--Any comments?  Ive looked it up of course...Most are raving comments, but it doesnt seem to have been used many years, so Id love some imput on the Drug. 

I  am scared to death...Do I take the meds and be just fine over time?  Stay healthy and live a wonderful life?  Is there a lot of problems most of us will go through-Health wise?  What is your exp?  I just have so many questions and no one locally to help me.  The Physician (Infectious Disease) Is wonderful, but wonder if I need to go to a local larger specialty Hospital (UNC CH/DUKE )? 

Im sure I will have many more questions...and I hope to one day be able to help others. Cant stop being depressed...I feel so lost.  So, terrible.  So, awful.   

Scared In NC......
~K~

[EroSenninMLJ]

hi, i'm scared too, however, i know there's a shimmer of light here... i'm 33, not successful career-wise, but i know life is not all downs... hope we can talk...

[Andy Velez]

K, although it's understandable that you are thinking about how transmission happened, what's really more important is to deal with this new reality in your life. And that includes having a good relationship with your doctor, who is going to be your partner in keeping you healthy.

This is all very, very new for both you and your husband right now. Keep talking with him as simply and as directly as you can. That will help you two to maintain intimacy in your relationship. See how that goes. It might be necessary at some point to get some professional help with making the adjustment.

Fortunately great strides have been made in HIV medical care. Yes, there are challenges, but having a long and healthy life while living with HIV is definitely possible.

You're always welcome here to talk about anything that is on your mind. You'll find a wealth of information and support. If you haven't already checked out the Women's Forum you might look in there as well.

What may seem so overwhelming right now is gradually going to subside. Your life will include some different things that you never anticipated, but life is going to go on including your life with your children.

I'm glad you have found your way here when you needed to.

Welcome. 

[mecch]

I want to introduce myself and hope that this online community will be able to answer many of my haunting questions. I am in the Health care Industry-And due to my position, Will not be telling any of my co-workers of my situation due to the entire Stigma and healthcare. 

*** Nobody needs to know except you and your husband.

Im 40 years old, and been in the Healthcare industry for 21 years.  I have 2 children and have been married for 1 year to a wonderful man (total 3 years together). 

*** Congrats!

IM SCARED.  Not of death....But of not having time with my kids. 

***  HIV will not prevent you from having a normal lifespan.

My husband, Loves me deeply, but he is slowly withdrawing.  Its very worrying to me.  Hes not the most passionate person.  I know its been less then a month, and I know I have to give him time, But I dont know what to do---Im so worried I will lose him.  He says I have nothing to worry about.  But I see it, He dont kiss me like he did, He wont even drink after me....I feel like I have Leprosy.  Im so worried he will Leave....Or find sexual relations in another place in fear of having sex with me.  Can anyone offer any advise?  Information? 

***  It's a shock for him.  As it is for you.  It sounds to me like both of you need to read up on HIV, HIV treatment, and have some talks with a doctor.  There is no need for  him to get HIV from you.  But calming down will take him time AND information.  Not drinking from your glass is pure ignorance, very cruel as well.   You know that, right? HIV is not transmitted from casual contact of any kind.  He will need to learn this, and quickly!  You deserve at least that much from him.  He does NOT have a right to his ignorance and to treat his partner like a leper.

I dont have my counts with me at the moment ( I know Cd4 358)....I will have them in about 2 hours in my hand, I will post.  My Dr, is stating he wants me to start Atripla--He says there is Great success--Any comments?  Ive looked it up of course...Most are raving comments, but it doesnt seem to have been used many years, so Id love some imput on the Drug. 

***  Atripla is NOT a new drug.  The 3 components have been around over a decade and are very well understood. It is a very successful drug. If that combination does not finally work for you, there are plenty of other ones that will suit you.

I  am scared to death...Do I take the meds and be just fine over time?  Stay healthy and live a wonderful life? 

***  So many of us were scared to death at diagnosis, so please know you are perfectly normal and here in the forum we can relate to what you are going through.   If and when you need meds, yes, you will be just fine on them.  There are very little side effects these days.  Yes, you will stay healthy.  NO, there is no universal medical experience that all HIV+ people share.  Everyone has a different experience, though there are lots of patterns and usually in group like this, you find someone with a similar experience.

 The wonderful life is up to you, not at all based on HIV.

Im sure I will have many more questions...and I hope to one day be able to help others. Cant stop being depressed...I feel so lost.  So, terrible.  So, awful.   

***  I am very very sorry you have to experience this painful and very difficult period.  There will be some work for your man to adjust.  But think of it this way, You have complete control over how you personally, independent of your man and your family, adjust to this.  So the sooner you conquer your fear the better you will feel and the more ready to keep on being a great mom, wife and worker, just like before.  Fear will go away with time and learning more about how much there is not to be afraid of.   My ID specialist helped immensely on the first meeting when he told me EMPHATICALLY, "normal life".  Its actually a bit of a challenge to hear that!  Lifes a bit different of course, but its up to you to make it the new "normal". 

Why don't you start asking some of your questions here.  At the beginning, I had lots of questions and my doctor was fine but really, they don’t have endless amounts of time for each patient. So surely some of your questions can be dealt with here.

[Peacock]

Wow, Mecch has said it all so nicely! I really dont have much to add except: My life is almost exactly the same as it was 10 years ago before I became Hiv+, i have a few more worries, and I try harder to have more fun..My life has just continued as normal.
I wish I could offer more advise but Mecch has nailed it so perfectly. aidsmeds.com is a great place to do reaserch and be inspired...youre in the right place.
HugsXStevex

[HereIAm]

Welcome to the Forums! 

Please read a lot here!  It will help.

I was 40, too, when diagnosed.  I am so much better now, with time.

The only other thing I can say is what Andy and Mecch and others have said on here.  The great folks here helped me a lot!

We will be here with you, too!

Here!

[mecch]

LiveLaugh - how are you doing these days?

[LiveLaugh]

Wow!  When I posted this....I did not get a response for some time and just was looking through the forum. Im very glad you all have responded! !!  Wonderful information. I love it!!  I will write a longer response from my computer( on phone at the moment)  Thank you all for your time...it really DOES mean The world to me!

[drewm]

Welcome to our (and now your) little corner of the digital world! Glad you found the forums. They are a home to some wonderful folks with a plethora of knowledge about this bug. There is a TON of good news when it comes to the fight against HIV/AIDS.

1.) This is NOT the same disease as it was back in the 1980's. Every aspect of the virus is treatable.

2.) It is NOT a death sentence and a normal life span can and should be expected.

3.) There will be peaks and valleys as with any chronic illness but the drugs used to treat this are the best to date and remarkable success.

I was diagnosed on my 48th birthday and the best advice I can offer is simply to pile on what others have said. Live your life and don't let this disease define you...DEFINE IT!