Author Topic: The worst pickup line (Read 13146 times)

milker · « **on:** July 21, 2007, 03:32:07 am »

Tonight I was at a bar and a guy comes over and gives me the worst pickup line ever...:

Him: Did it hurt?
Me: what ?
Him: When you fell from heaven?

.....

What's your worst pickup line?

Milker.

Cliff · « **Reply #1 on:** July 21, 2007, 03:34:17 am »

Are you sure that was a pick-up line? I don't understand it.

milker · « **Reply #2 on:** July 21, 2007, 03:35:51 am »

Without the typo you should get it lol!

Milker.

aupointillimite · « **Reply #3 on:** July 21, 2007, 05:41:57 am »

The proper response to that pickup line is "Yeah, I landed on my ass."

Dachshund · « **Reply #4 on:** July 21, 2007, 06:45:29 am »

Man, there has always got to be some weirdo at Applebee's to ruin your evening.

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #5 on:** July 21, 2007, 08:41:45 am »

Quote from: milker on July 21, 2007, 03:32:07 am

Tonight I was at a bar and a guy comes over and gives me the worst pickup line ever...:

Him: Did it hurt?
Me: what ?
Him: When you fell from heaven?

wow, that sucks

Ann · « **Reply #6 on:** July 21, 2007, 09:05:23 am »

I've heard that one a few times myself and it reminds me of another one...

"If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" (It's actually a line from a C&W song)

Razorbill · « **Reply #7 on:** July 21, 2007, 09:44:49 am »

I've used: Great tattoos. Can we go somewhere the light's better to see 'em in?

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #8 on:** July 21, 2007, 09:53:28 am »

"You must be exhausted because you've been running through my mind all day"

Dan J. · « **Reply #9 on:** July 21, 2007, 10:13:47 am »

You must be from Tennessee because your the only 10 I see.

If you were a booger I would pick you first.

Iggy · « **Reply #10 on:** July 21, 2007, 10:14:01 am »

Sung to the tune of Carolina in my ear by total stranger:

"Nothing could be finer
than to be in your mangina
in the mooooorrrnnninng!"

I don't think the bartender was appreciative of me reacting by spitting my beer all over him and the bar $:-\$

Dachshund · « **Reply #11 on:** July 21, 2007, 11:03:03 am »

Q: Excuse me, do you have any Irish in you?

A: No I don't.

Q: Would you like some?

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #12 on:** July 21, 2007, 11:08:09 am »

Hi, my name is So-n-So, that shirt looks very becoming on you.

Why, thank you.

If I were on you, I'd be cuming too.

david25luvit · « **Reply #13 on:** July 21, 2007, 11:11:15 am »

I had a guy once tell me I had "come fuck me lips"
which I thought was stupid but he turned out to be
an excellent lover...

Ann · « **Reply #14 on:** July 21, 2007, 12:17:43 pm »

Oh noooos!

Two of the latest posts made me remember the absolute weirdest pick-up line I've ever been subjected to...

This biker dude came up to me one night in a blues bar and said - "hello lovely lady" and stuck his bottom lip out in a big pout. Tattooed on the inside of his lip was KISS ME.

I didn't!

Ann

Dan J. · « **Reply #15 on:** July 21, 2007, 12:24:59 pm »

One time a "leather man" told me he wanted to punch bisquits with my hole...

milker · « **Reply #16 on:** July 21, 2007, 12:37:40 pm »

oh my... and I thought last night's pickup line was cheesy.. lol they are hilarious!

Milker.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #17 on:** July 21, 2007, 03:43:03 pm »

I sat down in a bar with an old friend who had his eye on this really tall guy. My friend spoke of his "dick reduction surgery". He borrowed my house key... When I got home, they were shaving each others balls. Have the best day
Michael

bear60 · « **Reply #18 on:** July 21, 2007, 04:28:36 pm »

Two wild and crazy guys on Saturday Night Live pretty much said it all...and all bad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GBEaiOfkxs

anniebc · « **Reply #19 on:** July 21, 2007, 09:45:28 pm »

I loved the Steve Martin Video..

A number of years ago a friend and I were out having a drink and this drunk guy came up and said "hello ladies, my D*ck is leaving the bar soon and I would like you both to be on it"..I nearly choked on my drink I laughed so much.

Hugs
Jan

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #20 on:** July 22, 2007, 01:32:59 am »

How about... "Would you like to play a game called Hide the Salami?" Have the best day
Michael

StacheBC · « **Reply #21 on:** July 22, 2007, 12:18:58 pm »

"Screw me if we haven't met before"

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #22 on:** July 22, 2007, 03:25:24 pm »

This one had my rolling in laughter because it was so cheezy.

Q: Is your father in prison?

A: Huh? Not that I know of.

Q: Well, he should be since he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

JR Gabbard · « **Reply #23 on:** July 22, 2007, 07:34:26 pm »

Milker my boy:

I have just finished reading several of your threads. You are in for some serious trouble (which you will most likely enjoy to the nth degree) when you get to SF for AMG.

As for the worst pick-up line, I have now made you my cause celebre. I have got to find someone to deliver you an even worse pick-up line while you are here. Failing that, I will have to give you one myself!

I used to tend bar, so I have a bunch of 'em. You're gonna have a great time.

As for the rest: I like Ann's "If I told you you had a beautiful body...". Only cause I've heard it way too many times, and it lost its "freshness." Not the tatoo one, though, but I do have some interesting tatoo stories, that perhaps shouldn't be disclosed on a public forum. I'll leave you to ponder that.

Looking forward to meeting you.

JR

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #24 on:** July 22, 2007, 07:40:02 pm »

Matty the Damned was once asked by an appallingly whiskered leatherman if he would like to "make like a woman".

It turned out that Matty the Damned did in fact wish to "make like a woman".

Who'd have thought?

MtD

milker · « **Reply #25 on:** July 22, 2007, 09:03:50 pm »

Quote from: gabbardjr on July 22, 2007, 07:34:26 pm

Milker my boy:

I have just finished reading several of your threads. You are in for some serious trouble (which you will most likely enjoy to the nth degree) when you get to SF for AMG

Iggy · « **Reply #26 on:** July 22, 2007, 09:14:22 pm »

Milker....seems you got quite the fan.

Let's hope it's the good type and not the Lauren Bacall one.

milker · « **Reply #27 on:** July 22, 2007, 09:35:12 pm »

Quote from: Iggy on July 22, 2007, 09:14:22 pm

Milker....seems you got quite the fan.

Let's hope it's the good type and not the Lauren Bacall one.

I actually LOVED Lauren Bacall when I was 12. I thought she would be perfect for me. Something happened with me, though, I lost interest

. But I still think that she is a beautiful woman!

Milker.

Iggy · « **Reply #28 on:** July 22, 2007, 09:40:45 pm »

Quote from: milker on July 22, 2007, 09:35:12 pm

I actually LOVED Lauren Bacall when I was 12. I thought she would be perfect for me. Something happened with me, though, I lost interest . But I still think that she is a beautiful woman!

Milker.

uhm sweets...I think you don't get it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082362/

milker · « **Reply #29 on:** July 22, 2007, 09:51:00 pm »

Remember I'm French, we stink but we have the best cologne, we have bad teeth but we love smiling with big yellow teeth, we know culture better than everyone else on the planet, and unless a joke is a French joke, it's not worth it

Milker.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #30 on:** July 23, 2007, 02:39:26 am »

Ok, I got one...Couldn't believe the dude used it cause it is just so old....So, I gave the original reply...

Dude: What's your sign?

Me: Stop

mjmel · « **Reply #31 on:** July 23, 2007, 08:50:06 am »

Quote from: Dachshund on July 21, 2007, 06:45:29 am

Man, there has always got to be some weirdo at Applebee's to ruin your evening.

Actually, it was at the Brass Rail in San Diego and I was talking with milker when it happened. That queen was so attracted to milker that he also ran up and took a picture. He was quite taken by milker--who has sexy eyes and a gorgeous smile.
xxx,
Mike

Razorbill · « **Reply #32 on:** July 23, 2007, 09:12:43 am »

This one was more of a response, and a very nice one too. I was in Ptown a thousand years ago. This cute townie with long, black hair and I were exchanging glances in the A House. I pluck up and go over and ask, "Would you like to dance?"
He says, "No thank you, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you."
We spent a couple days of my vacation together. Gosh, I hadn't thought of him in years.

milker · « **Reply #33 on:** July 23, 2007, 11:47:59 am »

Quote from: Queen Akasha on July 23, 2007, 02:39:26 am

Ok, I got one...Couldn't believe the dude used it cause it is just so old....So, I gave the original reply...

Dude: What's your sign?

Me: Stop

ROFL!!!!!!!!!

GoodMatchHawaiiRetreat · « **Reply #34 on:** July 25, 2007, 02:59:59 am »

I tend to try to forget the bad pick-up lines.... Don't want those in your head when trying to think of something to say to a hot guy who just caught your eye....
I do remember my favorite pick-up line.... Traveling in the south a studly college guy came up to me and directly said, "Wanna Fuck?"
Worked for me!!!!

GoodMatchHawaiiRetreat · « **Reply #35 on:** July 25, 2007, 03:05:11 am »

I did hear of a clever line, but don't think anyone actually used it.
A guy is in the bar and sort of flashing his fancy watch around. A hot guy comes up to him and says, "Interesting watch."
The guy replies, "You know, the best part is that this watch is psychic". "Oh, yeah", the other guy responds, "What does it say about me".
"Well, let's see", he says holding it up to his ear. "Interesting, it says you aren't wearing underwear and your butthole is wet."
"Ha, wrong" the guy says. The other guy taps his watch several times and says, "Damn, this thing is 30 minutes fast".

carousel · « **Reply #36 on:** July 25, 2007, 10:31:35 am »

Quote from: GoodMatchHawaiiRetreat on July 25, 2007, 02:59:59 am

"Wanna Fuck?"

I've used that a few times in the past. Normally, when I've been completely off my head. It either works or you get a look of horror. Oh well. Wouldn't try it sober.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #37 on:** July 27, 2007, 12:31:44 am »

I worked at the Denny's on Waikiki Beach on graveyard shift for about a year. One night a man tourist from Marin was ordering his breakfast.
Me: How would you like your eggs?
Guest: Fondled
Me: If I fucked every guy that comes on to me, I would be so wide you could park a transit bus in there and have room for a rental car beside... Now, how would you like your eggs prepared?
Have the best day
Michael

bear60 · « **Reply #38 on:** July 27, 2007, 10:37:48 am »

Michael...you crack me up...I love reading your posts. Sometimes a post like yours will lift my spirits ........have a nice day!

tester8888 · « **Reply #39 on:** July 28, 2007, 12:06:52 am »

The worst pick-up I have ever endured. My fruitflies convinced me to go to a str8 club with them for a couple of drinks before heading out for my night on the town.
This ditsy 21 y/o girl came up to me, seductively placed her finger on my chest and said, "How would you like to be able to tell your buddies that you spent the night with a girl that works the perfume counter at Dillards?"
I replied, "If I ever make the mistake of sleeping with a girl, I surely wont be telling my buddies about it."

milker · « **Reply #40 on:** July 28, 2007, 12:09:37 am »

Quote from: tester8888 on July 28, 2007, 12:06:52 am

The worst pick-up I have ever endured. My fruitflies convinced me to go to a str8 club with them for a couple of drinks before heading out for my night on the town.
This ditsy 21 y/o girl came up to me, seductively placed her finger on my chest and said, "How would you like to be able to tell your buddies that you spent the night with a girl that works the perfume counter at Dillards?"
I replied, "If I ever make the mistake of sleeping with a girl, I surely wont be telling my buddies about it."

lol

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #41 on:** July 28, 2007, 03:51:36 pm »

There has been an on again, off again game of "catch me, fuck me" going on for a couple of years between me and a nurse at the clinic (he started it). During labs, I put a piece of paper in his pocket with my phone number on it. I told him, because of privacy issues, I knew he could not pull my phone number from the medical file and call me with personal stuff.

I suggested he drop his pants in the nurse station, write H.I.P.P.A. on his cock with black ink. When he wakes up and it reads Health Information Patient Portability Act to come over to my house and we will work on it until we are both completely satisfied. Have the best day
Michael

knittygritty · « **Reply #42 on:** July 28, 2007, 07:36:15 pm »

him : Wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex?
me : Uh, no
him: What you don't like pizza?
OK that one's never really been used on me but it makes me laugh. I worked at a bar before and I did hear some winners:

I'm from (insert foreign country, or other state) and I'm leaving in the morning - will you give me a night to remember?
You have to tell me what you name is so I know what to scream out later.
That's a real nice dress, it'll look real good crumpled up in a ball on my bedroom floor.

OMG! I almost forgot the other day this guy says to me
"You look like a model - I would love to be your friend" Um, I guess that was supposed to charm the panties right off me just because he was foreign.

You know I have heard a million but I am drawing a blank right now.

mjmel · « **Reply #43 on:** July 29, 2007, 08:27:09 pm »

Sometimes one just wants to read some light stuff. To have a cackle, crack a smile and laugh a little.
Thanks for starting this thread milker.
Michael (sonomabeach) you are a gem, my friend.

to tester8888: a great comeback line! Ouch.

having a nice evening here, thank you.
Mike

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #44 on:** July 29, 2007, 08:56:43 pm »

Ok, here's another one...

I used to go out with a doctor from Balboa Island (Orange County) . He was a sweetheart and was very generous. He offered me $1000.00 to give him head (I accepted), then he said , "How about $1.00? I replied with... "What do you think I am?"

We have already established that, Now we are haggling price.

Have the best day
Michael

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #45 on:** July 29, 2007, 09:08:59 pm »

Quote

He offered me $1000.00 to give him head (I accepted), then he said , "How about $1.00? I replied with... "What do you think I am?"
We have already established that, Now we are haggling price.

That's taken from Winston Churchill, my dear.

Still funny though.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #46 on:** July 30, 2007, 04:51:10 am »

Winston Churchill?... I just don't know. I have worked in advertising for most of my life and naturally incorporate things from the popular press in most of my daily life situations. I think, I set it up from National Lampoon or an SNL skit, maybe. My BF while I lived in Hawaii was a MIS geek from Kaiser Permanente. David was fun in his own quiet way and left himself open on many ocassions for a good joke. I had 60,000 watts of FM transmission at my fingertips and developed a character called Mr. David of Beverly Hills. The clients loved it and were all asking for Mr. David spots and David never heard any of them.

One I did for the State Department of Health went like this...
Soft music background, playing, Must have been a beautiful baby, blah, blah, blah
Anncr: Coming down the runway we have Mr. David, the Fashion Trendsetter of Beverly Hills. Mr. David is sporting the latest in sleepware for men... It is form fitting, stylish and can save your life. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is as condom and if used properly will be effective in the reduction of STD's. Brought to you by this station and the Hawaii Department of Health.

Tomorrow is another day. One day, I will probably take "write H.I.P.P.A. on your cock" to the harbor in San Rafael, motor my sailboat past the channel entrance, hoist the sails and will probably get off with, "Well you know Friday, I have been stranded on this island for many years without the companionship of a female... If I gave you some coconuts?"

Then there was the CFO from a large shipping company... After an intense evening at Club San Jose (now Hamburger Mary's), he asked if we could go to his house and put on some dresses. After hearing I have never worn women's clothes and was not about to start, he dropped me off at my house and I never saw him again. Come hell or high water, I am going to have fun and people like me for it. Have the best day
Michael(who can't count the plagerism in the last 4 paragraphs)

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #47 on:** July 30, 2007, 04:58:01 am »

Then there was the man, woman couple at the supermarket checkout line...
She- He looks like a rock star!
He- What band do you play in?
Me- Oh, I can't sing, dance or tell jokes so they made me a clerk at Social Security Administration

Have the best day
Michael

pozattitude · « **Reply #48 on:** July 30, 2007, 06:08:41 pm »

I wish I was making this up, but it actually happen to me at a bar...

the pick up line was " I already had your bf, now I need to try you out"

No comment

Rich

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #49 on:** July 31, 2007, 12:13:03 am »

Quote from: pozattitude on July 30, 2007, 06:08:41 pm

I wish I was making this up, but it actually happen to me at a bar...

the pick up line was " I already had your bf, now I need to try you out"

and it was then, Your Honor, that I knocked his teeth out.

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Author Topic: The worst pickup line (Read 13146 times)

Dan J.

Dan J.