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Luc765 introduction - Dating & Disclosure of HIV status

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leatherman:
hell Luc765. interesting discussion

--- Quote from: luc765 on December 20, 2019, 06:16:25 am ---I believe HIV is a unique disease as it very quickly went from a death sentence to something that is more or less a chronic annoyance in the developed world,

--- End quote ---
I can't say that I agree with that. HIV was an epidemic for over a decade before any meds were developed. Then, while the number of deaths decreased, the side effects of those first drugs did a lot of damage to the health of those first survivors. That accounts for the first 20-30 years of the epidemic. As someone who lived through all that I don't know that "quickly" is a word I would use. As an advocate, it's probably only been in the last 5-7 years that we've been able to basically call it a "chronic manageable condition" in developed areas. "Mangeable" is actually a very recent change in the situation.

in the end however, untreated HIV is the exact same terminal viral infection as it's always been. nothing has changed about the disease itself (although strains have made subtle mutations). People in developed nations still die of HIV every year, often from simply waiting too long to get tested and treated, or by not remaining adherent to ARVs.


--- Quote from: luc765 on December 20, 2019, 06:16:25 am ---Had modern HAART been available in the 80's before it developed its reputation, the stigma wouldn't exist. This is why other chronic STDs like herpes aren't comparable in my opinion.

--- End quote ---
Though I haven't worked in the health care field, I have done years of volunteer work ranging from education to testing to quality oversight. The stigma against sex in general and the STIs of herpes, Hepatitis, Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and Syphilis is why all these diseases are still rampaging epidemics. In the US, much of the STI-treatment world has merged into the HIV-care field which makes sense as all are sexually transmitted and management of the disease is affected by getting people to be tested and diagnosed.

I would also point out that I think there is a huge difference in Stigma vs. discrimination. discrimination is the actual act of prejudism, while I think "stigma" is most often "self-stigma" and based on what is lacking for many people - good self-esteem. Personally, living with HIV for over 35 yrs, I've never been "stigmatized" by anyone for myself being HIV+. Have people made rude actions or remarks? Sure. But did any of those assholes pay any of my bills? hell no! so who cares what they think of me? :D Personally those people stigmatized themselves by exhibiting their ignorance and hatefulness. Have I ever been discriminated against? Nope. I had jobs, friends, bought a house, talked in public about being HIV+ but not once has anyone every blocked my legal rights.


--- Quote from: luc765 on December 20, 2019, 06:16:25 am ---What actually discourages testing is that in many EU countries you can't be accountable for infecing someone if you were unaware of your status. This is the truly harmful law that discourages testing and that should be fixed.

--- End quote ---
would you like to be imprisoned for spreading a cold to someone else this winter? LOL Criminalizing the spread of infectious diseases is just the opposite of how to solve these issues and does discourage testing.

luc765:

--- Quote from: Jim Allen on December 20, 2019, 07:17:10 am ---So you feel it's harmful by not criminalizing unintentional transmission i.e someone who is unaware of their status. Do you really think that? You would hold someone accountable for transmission during consensual sex whereby both parties by default agree to the possible risks that come from sex?

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Please keep in mind that "unaware" might not be the best term to describe what I'm meaning.
More like people who suspect they caught the virus but use this law as a loophole not to get tested and then go and have unprotected sex, spreading it knowing that without an official diagnosis they can't be prosecuted. But the reason they don't get tested in the first place is the stigma, which is in itself fueled by the expectation that once a person catches HIV he or she must change the way they approach dating and relationships. Non-mandatory disclosure laws help fighting this psychological problem.


--- Quote from: Jim Allen on December 20, 2019, 07:18:22 am ---Correct, in the section "someone I care about" you are free to post, including asking any questions you might have

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I see, thank you for clarifying.

As I mentioned in the first post we're thinking about having a baby soon and we're currently discussing on how to approach this (mainly natural conception vs sperm washing). Either way his doc told me I should be put on medication to minimize the chance of transimission even though undetectable VL alone should be enough of a safety net. Better safe than sorry I guess.

Either way I see people feel rather strongly here on this subject so I will drop it. Just know that I'm grateful to modern medicine and the law allowing us to be happy. I will be back for updates and potential questions once we'll have reached a decision about my pregnancy.
Best wishes to everyone.

Jim Allen:

--- Quote ---Either way I see people feel rather strongly here on this subject so I will drop it
--- End quote ---

So far the reactions have been very mild, but up to you of course.



--- Quote ---Please keep in mind that "unaware" might not be the best term to describe what I'm meaning.
More like people who suspect they caught the virus but use this law as a loophole not to get tested and then go and have unprotected sex, spreading it
--- End quote ---

If two people consent to unprotected sex, they also both accept the risks. Even safer sex is not 100% safe and comes with risk, that's part of life. I think it's unfair to hold one of the partners accountable either morally or legally.


--- Quote ---knowing that without an official diagnosis they can't be prosecuted. But the reason they don't get tested in the first place is the stigma, which is in itself fueled by the expectation that once a person catches HIV he or she must change the way they approach dating and relationships. Non-mandatory disclosure laws help fighting this psychological problem.
--- End quote ---

In part, yes only for a very few people. The answer though is not creating non-mandatory disclosure laws for undetectable people if you ask me.  It's simply getting rid of laws mandating disclosure in the first place that cause or trigger this issue.  Not sure I would call it a psychological problem, although, I might agree that some lawmakers might want to check with their therapists regarding signs of paranoia. ;) 


--- Quote ---As I mentioned in the first post we're thinking about having a baby soon and we're currently discussing on how to approach this (mainly natural conception vs sperm washing). Either way his doc told me I should be put on medication to minimize the chance of transimission even though undetectable VL alone should be enough of a safety net. Better safe than sorry I guess.
--- End quote ---

Sounds old-fashioned to me, if there is no risk of you acquiring HIV from your partner why the additional layer if the outcome is pregnancy?

I think a few of us parents did take additional steps in the past, although, know plenty who trusted TaSP (Treatment as prevention) and did not.

Anyhow, work with your doctor and do what makes you feel comfortable at the end of the day and good luck.

Jim


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